Cherry Soda Boy
by Sardonic Grin
Summary: COMPLETED. Cloud is a teenager, need I say more? Angsty, rebelious, rich. Hateful of his peers because they are what he hates about himself. Will he ever wake up to see the good in people? Watch out, Reno's coming to the rescue. CloudxReno
1. Introduction

Authors Note: Yes another new story. Maybe I should try to updated The Wilted Rose which is like 95 percent done, but eh I'm dumb.

Warning: This is **Shonen Ai**, meaning **Boy love**, meaning yes boys with me making out in this story. If you don't like it, you can shove it. If anyone saids "OMG Ew GAY!11" Once I will be forced to laugh at you. So please, keep your ignorant comments to yourself cause I don't want to hear it.

Also, _I have never played Final Fantasy 7. _I have been searching for this game since the summer, and no body sells it. When my boyfriend comes to visit in August, he promised to give me his. This is also why this story is AU, since I know jack shit about the actually story line, yet thanks to the many Fan Fictions I have read, and the bios I have looked up on the internet, I think I may have gotten a pretty good idea on what there personalities are. If someone is out of character, I apologize in advance. Also be mindful this is an Alternate Universe, so the characters personalities have to be changed for the sake of the story, again I apologize in advance.

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy 7(literally), its characters and what not. Also, this story takes place in Staten Island, New York. Some school names and neighborhoods haves been changed for my own safty (NO STALKING ME)

_Cherry Soda Boy_

_Chapter 1: Introduction_

Growing up in the richest part of the white trash borough of New York, Staten Island, is a frequent dream of half the population of my school. However for me, Cloud Strife, I'd rather live in the deepest part of hell than spend my life surrounded by the fascist close-minded people I call…my neighbors.

My dad works on Wall street in good old Manhattan making millions a day, while my ever attentive mother sits on her ass all day drinking. I hardly ever see my father, between working and screwing his secretary there really is no time is his ever changing schedule to actually talk to his son. There was once a time where he and I talked for hours and hours about girls and work and becoming a well rounded millionaire. That stopped when I turned two. My relationship with my mother is even worse. Her idea of "mother- son bonding" is to lecture me on how NOT to embarrass this family. We have a "reputation" to keep, and, allow me to quote her on this, "If you mess up just once, I will make sure you never see the light of day for as long as you live, Mister Cloud." Complete with the lethal alcohol breath and poison spit.

Despite having these "wonderful" parents, I did manage to come out with my own style and way of thinking. Instead of dressing in the mandatory uniform of Abercrombie and Aeropastle, I go towards the darker side of fashion. Can anyone say Hot Topic? The same goes for my crazy hairstyle. Blond hair with hints of brown, spiked up, down, everywhere for that matter. Every boy in my neighborhood plays a mindless sport like basketball, me however, I take sword lessons. And no one can prove that I am the one who attempted to stab Sephiroth last Tuesday, even though he maybe deserved it.

Unlike most of the kids in my neighborhood, I go to a public school in one of the most dangerous neighborhood in Staten Island. My parents, as most of you can all ready gather, where extremely P.Oed when I told them I wanted to go to Harbor View High. They thought I had gone completely insane, so much so that they sent me to a mental institution for the entire summer. My psychiatrist eventually told them that I suffer from, "Post Traumatic Stress" disorder, which was a result of being tortured for nine LOVELY years at the all boy Catholic Elementary school. And since my parents did not want me to embarrass them further, they let me go to public school.

I hang out with a very strange group of people I guess I can call my friends. My oldest friend, Vincent Valentine, is what I like to call a vampire. Now, I do not mean those freaks that run around at night sporting fake fangs biting each other, I mean a true dark angsty vampire that one would only encounter in Bram Stoker famous novel "Dracula." I thought he was a ghost the first time I met him in the 3rd grade; pale as now skin, dark, shiny black hair, and I swear he has crimson eyes. He is quiet, stoic and only talks when he feels the need to insult me or give me some advice. On the other side of the coin, there is Cid Highwind, who I met freshman year. He is loud, angry and sometimes just plain annoying. He stole my hair color, yes blond with brownish highlights only his is shorter; I should be payee for starting this trend. Barrett Wallace is the biggest guy I have ever seen in my life. Muscles everywhere, 6'4, just transferred from a Juvenile Facility in Brooklyn, so naturally I invited him to our lunch table. Him and Cid got into a cursing match right as he sat down. To this day I never saw the reason for Cid to start cursing him out, but who am I to judge.

As for girlfriends, non of us have any. Stalkers though, we got more than we which to talk about. Tifa Lockheat, Aeris Gainsborough and Yuffie Kisarigi are the three chicks that make my blood boil every time I am forced to look at them. Tifa is a whore with a boob job, who has done just about anyone with a penis in my school. Aeris is an ex-girlfriend of mine who lives down the block. Why I ever got involve with a spoiled brat like her is beyond me, and my hatred for her has NOTHING to do with the fact that she left me for Sephiroth. Finally there is Yuffie, who, in simplest terms, is the equivalent of nails on a chalkboard.

Other than the occasional detention and lecture, all in all my life was the dullest thing next an overused knife. I used to think it would always be this way, hell I would have bet my life that it would only get worse. That is, until the boy with the cherry colored hair decided to turn my seemingly perfect world upside down.


	2. My life as an Angsty Teenager

_Authors Note: I am happy so many people like this story Yes this is a RenoxCloud Shonen Ai/Yaoi and no I have not abandoned this fic. Just a warning to all you FF7 Catagorie people, I always take so long to update. Why? Brainstorming and getting everything down on paper, not to mention writers block. Since this is a new story, I may take a little longer to update, since I have to update my other stories. But my new Boyfriend, whom I am madly in love with, demanded I updated so he has something to read in during his Sociology class. Lol he is actually reading it now. Silly billy, reading Shonen Ai, I should worry about him then XD j/k Anyway here is Chapter Dos._

Oh and I know Tseng is the leader of Shinra, but, today Rufus is…so yeah.

Warning: SHONEN Ai! Yeah baby.

_Cherry Soda Boy_

_Chapter Two: My Life as an Angsty Teen. _

_Briiiinngggg_

I hate that alarm clock….

_BRIINNGGG_

That annoying alarm clock…

_BRRRIINNNGGGG_

Ugh..

_SLAM_

It did not take a lot to get me angry; even the wake up call I got every morning caused me to become a raging monster at six o'clock in the morning. Thus, the poor defenseless alarm clock, my horrid ex girlfriend got me last Christmas, had to be thrown, punched and slammed every morning on the dot. My accuracy was getting better to, I managed to break the glass this time. I knew why I kept this thing at my bedside, even after Aeris and I broke up-well more like she broke up with me and forgot to tell me but whatever- it was a constant reminder that you can not give your heart away, since it will only be spit on in the end. So, everyday I looked at the eyesore and remind myself who ever is to have your heart, Cloud, is not worth it. Needless to say, the break up left me shattered. I do not like to show my pain however, it only means they won…and trust me…no way I am going to let that slut and her evil boyfriend win this battle.

The morning activities goes as follows : Wake up at 6-Stare at the eyesore for 15 minutes-Have my demonic mother run in at 6:15 half dress to tell me to get my ass to school- Take a shower, brush my teeth, do my hair and get dressed in 15 minutes- Eat breakfast-Head to Vinny's house. Every single freaking day, is the same old thing and let me warn you, the afternoon is no better. Infact, lets just say the whole day is nothing but a huge bore. There is no much to do in this lovely borough called Staten Island (pronounce Stat Island ), where the ignorance runs high and the fun runs low. The occasional mall trip when we do not have enough money to get to the city is about the only fun thing we four sexy men could do. Though, I do not plan on staying in this place forever. Once I turn 18 I am out of here faster than a bat out of hell.

I arrived at Vincent's house a little late today (needed to get a donut) though it really did not matter since Vinny is always running late. I swear that kid is going to be late for his own funeral. I let myself into the old two bedroom one bathroom apartment Vin-boy shares with his old grandmother. Now, before I met Vincent, I thought my parents were completely insane, to the point where I tried running away when I was seven. However, I soon found out, that Vinny's grandma held the title of "Most Insane Guardian.". For Example, when Vincent was five, she used to wake him up in the middle of the night to kill the "spiders" in her room. Of course there were no spiders, but he still had to spend two hours whacking air while his grandmother laughed and cackled at him. I never formally met the sadistic women in the eight years him and I have been friends (good riddance too).

I took my usual seat on his old, stained flower couch that is older than my mother and father combined. This is usually the most boring and irritating part of my day. Waiting. I have waiting for him to do his hair, get dress and pack up his books for school. I usually end up doing something "creativity destructive" to pass the time. Last time I had to sit like this, I passed the time by throwing paper at the picture of him and his grandma on top of the TV. After my fifth try, I managed the hit the picture, knocking it over. The good news: Vincent came flying out and we were able to leave. The bad news: Vincent returned the favor by kicking my cute ass. Since I did not want my cute ass injured again, I decided to do my homework. Yes, gasp, I am actually doing my homework. Scary, but not as scary as Vincent mad.

I finish my evil math homework just as Vincent walks downstairs. His hair is still soaking wet, clinging to his clothing as if in fear of their life. He was wearing his usual red sweater and black slacks. Vincent always looked like he was going to some fancy Christmas party at the Hilton, which made me cringe a little. Bad memories at the Hilton, oh so bad.

"How long have you been here," he said coolly, walking over to his book bag.

"Uhh, about 15 minutes," I responded in an equally cold voice. I will just say that Vincent and I have a nasty little habit of always sounding either mad or sad when we talk. I never got why I talk like that, guess I was just born with a cold voice. I can see me saying "Dadda" in a cold chilling voice, which may explain why my parents never let me talk in public places.

We head out to school about ten minutes later (see I told you Vincent was slow). It is a freezing 40 degrees on this breezy October day. I hate the cold. I hate it so much, I refuse to even describe how bone chilling, teeth chattering, dead in two seconds after steeping out of the house, cold it his here in Staten Island. It is even worse since Vincent lives by South Beach, which is right by the ocean, which anyone with a little bit of common sense can realize that the closer you are to the ocean, the quicker your balls are going to freeze. I despise this freezing weather. How many days till spring?

Vincent and I board the bus a little later than usual (well its COLD I walk slower…sue me), which means I get to miss first period physics! I would truly like to smack the genius who decided I should get first period physics. Who the hell wants to learn physics at 7:30 in the morning? Show me someone you wants to learn physics at 7:30 in the morning, and I will show you a nerd. Just watch that nerd is going to be making a million dollars a week, while I am a gas station cashier. Karmas a bitch.

Second period is just as bad as first period. I have the fun fun fun American History, which I normally wouldn't mind since I actually like history, however I got stuck next to the overly hyperactive girl, Yuffie. She can talk all day and all night, non stop, to anyone that would actually listen to her. Not to mention the things she talks about is just so ridiculous. For example, a few weeks ago she decided to tell me all about her period. Yes, her period. Why do I, the wonderful Cloud Strife, need to know why a woman bleeds from her crotch. I do not need to do. All I need to know, is when she gets it so I can run to Canada, but other than that, I really do not care. Another day, sometime in September, she had to urge to just tell me all about her Barrett's dog, Red. I have met Barrett's dog Red, I know who he is, I had to get three stitches in my arm when he bit me. But, oh, do not tell Yuffie that, apparently Barrett's dog was big news that week. Insert annoyed smiley.

Vincent and I run like two mad man up the 3 flights of stairs to make it to history. If we are even one minute late, it is sudden death. I'm serious about sudden death. My history teacher is psycho, crazy, he…he is the spawn of satan. He was thrown out of hell because Satan knew he could take over. So, he might be funny and actually make the most boring subject in the history of subjects actually fun, but that does not outweigh the torture we poor juniors have to go through. You can see what I mean right about now…

_SLAM_

The door closes and poor Vincent and I are locked out. This can only mean one…very bad thing…

"Hello ladies," Mr.B, our history teacher said from within the holy fortress, "You guys are about 1 minute late. Did not eat your wheeties today I see."

"Come on," I growled, "Let us in already."

"No no no," He said shaking a finger, "You have to wait until truancy comes and gets you."

"Hn," Vincent said rolling his crimson, yes CRIMSON, eyes.

"However, since you both are my favorite and most well behave students," he said in a sneaky evil voice, which could never very be trusted, EVER, "I will let you in…if you sing…"I'm a little teapot."

See, did I not tell you how evil he is! I have seen this tactic before. He done this to poor poor Rufus. Hehe, of course Rufus did it since he is an ass kisser. "I'm a little teeea pot short and stout." Haha, it was priceless, I never laughed so hard in my life. I admired Mr. B's talent in making kids do the most embarrassing things. The worse part was, kids were coming out of Lunch when he was doing it. He even ran into the bathroom and cried! Cried his rich eyes out!

BUT, now the shoe is on the other foot. You guys can tell that he and I aren't the type to bow down in front of Satan, pa-lease.

"I'm a little teapot short and stout," I growled through my teeth, looking over at Vincent who to was mimicking the dreaded "Tea Pot" dance, "Here is my handle, here is my spout." The laughter from inside the classroom was getting louder and louder as we sang the evil child's tune, "When I get all steamed up here me SHOUT." If I actually cared about my social status, I would be peeing in my pants right now, "Tip me over and pour me out."

I could not see Mr. B anymore through the door window majig, I can only image him clutching his stomach, laughing his sick twisted ass off, that he finally got to two most quiet and most sadistic teenagers to actually do this.

"Well," Vincent shouted quietly, yes it is possibly, "May we enter now?"

The classroom door slowly opened and the laughter of 24 students filled the hallway. Not that Vincent and I really cared or anything, they could laugh all they wanted at us. Fuck them.

We walked in, swiftly, rolling our eyes at our currently amused history teacher, who was shaking his head and laughing. See, did I not tell you he was Satan.

"Okay okay," he said, "Time to get the class going, stop laughing children."

As he closed the door, evil door I might add, a hand blocked the doors closing. The class turned to the now half opened door, waiting for the owner of the hand to walk in…

-

That was when I first met that crazy boy. Well, I can not say "met" since we did not actually talk. But I was the first time I ever saw him. He was pretty scrawny looking, yet had that aura about him, that kind of aura that screams "don't be fooled by him", and I listened to auras like that. He had a pretty boy face, almost looked like a chicks face…and he had the hair to match. Long fire engine red hair, that was tide back in pony tail, and spiked at the top. He was well dressed, which screamed "I'm RICH!" Nice button down white shirt, black slacks and a black suit jacket. Do not ask me why he would wear that to a public school, but in the wise words of my friend Barrett, "Whatevers clever"

"Reno," I had heard my history teacher say. Looking back, that was all I heard for a second. A spilt second, I was lost in the green hypnotizing eyes, the red hair, that aura, that smell. Everything about him turned my senses off. My brain shut down and my heart had taken over. I never believed in love at first sight, and I had refused to believe that falling feeling I felt was actually me falling in love. Hn, but I was a stupid sixteen year old back then…do you actually believe I acted on those feelings.

-

I continued to walk to my desk, taking my dreaded seat next to Yuffie, who seemed to be to involved with Reno to even notice me. Good! That new kid is actually doing something good for me. Maybe today I will not have thoughts of shooting this girl.

"Okay newbie," Mr. B laughs, "Take a nice comfortable seat next to your cousin Rude."

My eye started to twitch when I heard that he was the cousin of RUDE. Rude, member of that rotten gang Rufus is in charge of. Now the whole outfit made sense. He was rich, richer than God. He was one of THEM, evil sons of bitches who got their kicks ruining people's lives, driving kids to an early grave at their own hands and the voices of the evil bastards of "Shinra." What a lame name to boot. I looked over at Vincent who was throwing a chilling death glare at Reno and his brute of a cousin Rude. If thoughts could kill, they would be dead already. I will not even get into the damage Shinra caused, for Vincent's sake. Take my word for it, compared to Shinra, George Bush is a Saint.


	3. The Secret Chronicles of Shinra: Part 1

_Authors Note: I would like to thank everyone for their wonderful support Between you guys here at and my buddies at I was write chapter three in only a few hours. I would also like to thank my lovely boyfriend who has been helping me with character personalities, names and proof reading._

_Chapter 3  
The Secret Chronicles of Shinra: Part 1_

Besides my boring day being ruined by the arrival of a new Shinra dog, everything went as smooth as ice cream. History was fine. Yuffie did not even talk to me, too busy staring all googly eyed at Reno, which means I actually got to take notes! Like I would actually use them in the near future, please. Then came third period, you guessed it, English. English was another good subject for me since writing was actually a very important thing in my life. My essays apparently, were extremely good in sophomore year, so they bumped me up to AP Writing. Fine with me, like I said, I love to write. However, these AP students I am surrounded with have to be the most idiotic people that ever graced this planet of hours. Every two seconds they complain about every essay they are assigned, every chapter they have to read and every homework assigned three times a week. If they hate writing so much, why did they even take AP Writing. It's in the name. WRITING! May I repeat it WRITING as in WRITING essays. To make matters worse, I am stuck in a class room with the three people I hate the most; Sephiroth, Rufus and Hojo.

It is impossible to explain this without mentioning some of Vincent's demons, so, without further hesitation, I will quickly and as painlessly as possible explain the plague of our school…Shinra. I do not know when it happened or why, it just happened, Shinra became a constant sore on our towns backside. And not just our town, a town in southern California, where no doubt Reno is from, also had to feel our pain. The whole point of Shinra? Simple. Ruining peoples lives. Why? Pure Enjoyment? Money? They are the spawn of Satan? I don't exactly know, nor do I care what the method to their madness is, all I know, is they have some kind of power, supernatural or whatever, that they are able to dig up dirt and use it to drive people to suicide. Okay, maybe it has not gone THAT far, but I do not know the that's going on in California so for all I know it has happen. I personally never felt their crazy wrath, since they know I would kill them (though I doubt that is what's stopping them). However, I have seen my best friend completely shatter at their hand.

Vincent, I hate to say it, was apart of Shinra. I do not know exactly what his job was, since he never told me, but apparently he was good at it. From the sixth grade to about freshman year of high school, he would roam the halls with those hoodlums looking for new victims, digging up dirt, posting them in their tabloid. Vincent was always getting praised from his little group every time another life was ruin. For those years, I can honestly say, I hated him.

Then, the perfect Shinra lap dog made an almost fatal mistake; he started going out with Hojo's eye candy. Lucretia, Shinra's first girl. (Elena came in later, but we will get back to that little ball of fire), a great scientist, extremely intelligent, and worse of all nice. Naturally, Vincent fell head over heels in love with this beauty. Wouldn't blame him either. But she was Hojo's, and you did not touch what was his.

Hojo, he is too smart for is own good. A genius in almost every subject offered in school. Of course, the smart ones are always the most dangerous. He became enraged when he caught Vincent swapping spit with his woman. However, Hojo was not the type to just run up and punch Vincent in the face. No, that was too easy. To painless. He wanted to make Vincent suffer, and he did.

Vincent never told me exactly what Hojo did, but it was obvious. The marks on his wrist and throat, his misshaped arm, why he went missing for three weeks. I knew very well, Hojo had something to do with what happened. But like I said, Shinra has money, power, the school wrapped around their finger. Who was going to believe a poor little boy when he pointed to finger at the son of the most power family in New York City. They would have called him crazy.

Oh and Lucretia's fate? She was sent over to California by Rufus…for her own safety.

Rufus, the leader. Not as crazy as Hojo, but then again you have to be some kind of insane to get this kind of gang going on. He doesn't do any of the dirty work. He is, lets just say, a representative. Instead he sends his little group called, 'The Turks'. Not an entirely big group of cadets, but they do have some memorable leaders. Elena and Rude are the two who come to mind. Not much to say about them. Rude never talks, just does his job and that is it. Elena is a little more sociable, and gets along with most people in our school, however she is extremely emotional…and well…like I have to tell you what happens when you piss off a chronically menstruating chick.

Now there is Reno. To my knowledge, actually to Vincent's knowledge since he did tell me, there has to be a balance of power between the California Shinra and the New York Shinra. Leader, Scientist and two Turk leaders. So, lets see, we got Rufus, Hojo, Elena, Rude and Reno. Last time I checked with Vincent, California had Tseng, some chick named Scarlet, Reno, and Lucretia. Rude and Elena had replaced Vincent and Lucrecia when, well, the drama happened.

"Hey," I catch up to Vincent between third period and forth period, just to pry into this a little more, "This new kid, Reno, he looks like one of those Turks right?"

Vincent eyes me, telling me silently not to get into the subject, but I am a Leo…stubborn as . "Yes." Small reply, but at least I got one out of him; lets try for two.

"And you said there has to be an even amount of people on both sides right? Four, so how come Reno is here?"

"Many things actually, however, non make sense," he says quietly, "If they were planning on switching members, Elena or Rude would have been gone by now." He stops and looks at me, sternly. I know exactly what he is going to say, and he is right. "Do not get involved." He walks away, leaving me in the hallway, not satisfied of course.

I walk to my forth period class…lab. Lab is not so bad, since I am missing a GRAND forty minutes of gym, however I now have to spend forty minutes working on physics related stuff. To make it even more fun, I am stuck with two complete morons as my lab partners since there is an odd number of kids in the class.

I stroll in, about a minute late, receiving a nice glare from my idiotic lab teacher, who points to my seat with her pen. I sit in the back, in the last lab table in the last seat closes to the window. Alone. Save for the two idiots facing me…they shall remain nameless.

Suddenly, a stern yell from my lab teacher broke me away from thoughts. I look up, and to my dismay see Reno, the newbie, standing in the front of the classroom.

"Mister Strife," she begins, me already knowing my fate, "Reno shall be your new lab partner. Reno, my dear, just take the seat next to Cloud…don't worry, he won't bite…most days." The little joke at the end received some laughter from the group of students. Reno rolled his beauti- his green eyes and walked over to MY table and takes a seat next to me.

" I am not good at physics," are the first words out of his mouth. I chuckle despite myself.

"Take a look around you," I say, "You think this group has any idea what we are doing?"

I eye him, as he looks at around the table. "Heh," he said, staring nonchalantly at the girl in front of him, "yeah well, can't have the best of both worlds." I look at the girl he is talking about, and chuckle again. He leans over to me he says, "You either get the big brains, or the big 'BRAINS'"

"Hmm, nice to know you are a boob guy," I say coldly, rolling my own blue eyes and looking away from him. He doe not seem fazed by my obviously cold aura.

"Actually, I hate boobs," he says laughing slightly, "in fact, everything about a girl scares me."

"Oh?"

"I'm sorry, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for seven days and doesn't die."

I look over at him, so damn happy to expose him for the fraud he is…

"You so ripped that from South Park," I say. "so" since when did I talk valley girl. Dammit I am getting gayer as the day goes on. I have to get laid.

"Ha, yes what of it?" Reno laughs, now turning his attention to the big breasted vixen in front of him, "Hey baby."

This girl, who shall not be named, looks up from her "work". Upon laying her eyes on the "sexiness" that is Reno, she seemed to have forgotten how to make coherent sentences. Oh who am I kidding…she could never make coherent sentences.

"Uh, hi," she says, suddenly becoming very seductive in her tone of voice, "Is there anything I could do for you."

"Yes ma'am," Reno says, a little to enthusiastically, "I need some help with this stuff. I am new to this school and well, I do not understand these directions, do you mine helping me?"

"Oh OH! Of course," she says, happily hopping from her seat and rushing next to him, "I am Tifa, by the way…eheh."

Gah, she had to say it.

"Tifa. That is such a beautiful name. I am Reno."

"Oh it is like so nice to meet you Reno…so…umm.."

I roll my eyes at the pair, looking away in fear I my IQ would suddenly drop as low as Jessica Simpson's. My eyes though, refuse to stay in one place…and sadly they drift to the angel in front of me. 'Aeris…'


	4. Hearsay Does Not Hold Up in Court

Authors Note: CHAPTER FOUR ALREADY? Haha yah I am on a role with this story. Lol Well Enjoy Chapter Four ;;

_Chapter Four_

_Hearsay Does Not Hold Up in Court._

I try to force my eyes away from the angelic devil sitting in front of me. She is so engrossed in her lab assignment, she does not even notice me staring at her…maybe that is for the best. I am suppose to be over her. Yeah right. Over her. That is a funny joke. To bad I am the punch line.

The whole year we were going out…that was a joke. The words, the poems, the presents, the hours wasted on her. The nights we stayed up talking on the phone, because she was afraid of the dark. Walking down the hallway, holding hands, kissing each other…the whole world jealous. We did not care about the rumors that surrounded us. The stupid children with their stupid imaginations. In those times the world was only inhabited by her and I.

How funny it is looking back on all the time we spent together, was just a lie. Even that night, were I let myself become completely vulnerable for her. Was that a joke? Was that a lie? When you told me you loved me? Was it just to keep me there. To use me was your motive. I meant nothing to you…I was nothing to you. I was just someone to spend money on you. Someone to make you feel better about yourself. To tell you "Oh your ass doesn't look big in those pants." Even though they did…god they did. Or, "Oh, she isn't as pretty as you." I was just another face in your long line of friends. I was nothing special. Was I? Even when you screamed my name, was that fake to! Cause I don't know anymore. Everything else was! What not that. Was that even my name! Or was it his…

SNAP

I look down at the pencil. Shattered in my fist. Shattered…like me…

"A little angry there?" Reno whispers.

"I…" I try to say something…but there was nothing more to say.

The entire class eyes were pasted on to me. "What's wrong with him?"

"I heard he is insane."

"I heard he is still clinging to Aeris."

"I heard she woke up one night and found him staring at her."

"Oh my god, what a psycho."

"Yeah…"

All it took was a broken pencil…and I was once again front page news in the gossip paper.

"So what happened?"

The four of us take our rightful seats in the library, about to discuss my sick obsession with killing pencils. Lunch was the only period that all four of share, so naturally we spend it away from the noisy cafeteria which smells like dead rats. The Library was quiet, hidden away from the rest of the school. The basement. The only light allowed was the ceiling lamps…which can be dark to me at times. Our only company, the endless rows of books and computers. Of course some students also use this place to escape the noise, but they do not bother me.

"Well?" Vincent stares at me, his crimson, YES CRIMSON, eyes burning into my soul…oh scary.

"You were staring at her again weren't you?" Cid joins in, his own eyes burning into me.

"So?"

"God fuckin' dammit Cloud," He hisses, "You know how you get."

"What?" That's my failed attempt to act innocent, when I know FULL well how I can get. I am so fuckin' emotional when it comes to her. Either I end up crying for no reason or I start breaking the closes thing to me. How many time have I been sent to the schools shrink? About, 6 times this semester. Mind you, it is only October.

"Cloud, do not play coy."

I look over at Vincent, who seemed to be way to calm. I do not like it when he is calm. He is scary, very scary. What, you never seen him calm…so STOP JUDGING ME. Uh sorry.

"Okay okay, I'm sorry but it is hard not to look at her when she is fuckin' sitting in front of me," I counter with a huff, "Look, lets just drop this. The entire school already thinks I am an escaped mental case, I do not need you guys to think the same."

"I thought you did not care what everyone though?" The ever quiet Barrett suddenly speaks!

"I don't," I growled, "I never cared."

"You are a walking contradiction Strife."

I slap my forehead at the intruder. "Reno…" I hiss between my teeth. He just had to come, like I really needed him. The grand five minutes we talked at Lab was enough for me. Now, he decides to stroll up here, nice.

I look behind me, and to my further dismay, see Rude and Elena standing next to him on either side. You know something, I think God I trying to kill me.

"What do you fucktards want," Cid growls.

"Fucktards?" Reno laughs, "Did it take you all year to think that one up?"

"Why you little…" Cid jumps up faster than Rufus's penis looking at gay porn.

"Whoa Whoa," Reno said putting up his hands, "I am not here to fight."

"Oh?" Vincent hisses quietly, "Then why are you here."

"Nothing." Rude jumps in.

"NO!" Elena shouts, "DO not START that. We are going to tell him whether you like it or NOT!"

Whoa someone get this girl a Midol.

"Vincent, I need to talk to you," Reno said shooting him a sincere look. "It has to do with Lucretia."

Everyone goes silent, and all eyes on Vincent. He stares at Reno for a bit, debating whether or not to trust the red haired Turk. I know he will go…he still loves her. The way things went down, they way she left…how she left….why she left, was always on Vincent's mind. He blames himself, to this day. Probably forever. He has a nasty little habit of blaming himself…idiot.

"Right." Was all he gave us, as he arises from his seat and follows Reno to the back of the Library. Our eyes then drift to Elena and Rude, who obviously know something.

"So," I said coldly, "What is going on?"

"Nothing." Yes you guessed it, Rude. Someone needs to give the boy a dictionary to expand his vocabulary.

Getting nothing out of Rude, we all direct our eyes to the hottest person in Shinra…besides, okay lets not get into that.

"What?" Elena gives us all a dirty look, "This is a Shinra related."

"Vincent is not a part of Shinra anymore," I counter blankly.

"It does not matter," Elena spats, "This has to do with him and him alone."

"Reno shouldn't be telling him," Rude said quietly.

"Vincent has the right. After everything that happened between them…he should know."

"Women," Rude huffs, leaving before the Elena unleashes a 100 pound jelly whoop ass on him.

It was only a moment later that Vincent flies past us, almost unnoticed if it wasn't for his last words, "Don't follow me."

No one said anything, no one had to because deep down we all know. Bad news flew to Vincent like moths to a flame. It is amazing he hasn't taken his own life, though I know he never will. He feels suicide is selfish and stupid…and that anything in your life can be fixed. Pretty optimistic for someone who is such a glass half empty guy.

I eye Cid who looks like he is about to kill Reno, as if Reno had anything to do with it…or…did he? It wasn't coincidence Reno was in New York. Hired to kill Lucretia, then flew to New York to escape suspicion. Not Shinra's MO…but you never know how far these guys would go.

"What did you tell him?" I sigh.

"It does not matter," Reno said.

"Yes…actually it does."

"Reno," Elena speaks up, "We have to go." She begins to leave, but Reno doesn't move.

"I'll meet you there," he calls back.

All eyes on Reno now. He flashes us an annoying smirk before speaking in his annoying voice, "Couldn't let her know I am going to tell you." He looks around, making sure no one from Shinra was watching…especially Hojo, since I can only imagine what he would do to Reno if he found out. Reno was spilling out information about Hojo's girl which is a Class A felony in Shinra's books. Either Reno really has a heart or he hates Shinra. Both seem a little far fetched.

"She…was m-" he stopped, choking on his own words, "She is dead."

"How?" Cid shouts.

"I do not know."

I could tell he was lying through his perfectly white teeth, though I knew why. I am not an idiot, non of us were. It was highly unlikely a healthy sixteen year old girl would suddenly drop dead. But if she was murdered by you-know-you, even I would keep my mouth shut. Reno did not want to suffer a fate worse than death.

"Well," he suddenly said, smiling, "I got to go."

"WAIT!" Cid follows him, grabbing his arm.

"You have questions to answer."

"Shut up," I hear Reno hiss. He turns a little, looking at Cid, "They are watching."

I look around with only my eyes, so not to grab attention in case someone was watching. Wouldn't you know it. My eyes lock on to a sneaky little raven-haired made scientist, peeking into the library. "Hojo," I hiss to Barrett, who merely nods his head.

"You can let me go now," Reno's voice catches my attention again, "Or…well…remember Vincent?"

Cid reluctantly releases Reno from his death grip. Reno quickly walks out of the library, trying to play it off as if nothing happened. Needless to say, the three of us were slightly worried that Hojo heard. I do not need the death of a newbie on my shoulders, non of us did.

"Hopefully he won't show up dead."

"Heh," Cid laughs, "That's nice Cloud."


	5. Stalking Is Another Name For Love

**Authors Note: FINALLY! Chapter Five, My best friend Sean (ex boyfriend ;-;) will truly be happy now that it has finally come. This chapter is kind of, how do I say it, confusing? Like you all already know, Cloud is a walking talking contradiction. He doesn't know where his feelings lie, who he trusts and who he doesn't. Maybe you all go through this, just not knowing yourself completely, well that's what Cloud is going though. Later on in the story he will be able to finally realize who he is.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own FFVii. Also, this is a yaoi…so….if you don't like it you can shove it.**

_Cherry Soda Boy_

_Chapter Five: Stalking Is Another Name For Love._

The rest of the day was not that eventful. Seriously, I think I may have almost killed my self with a dull pencil during math. You know, I think people should stop giving me pencils, me and pencils do not work well. To make matters worse, I had no way to get home…safely. Vincent seemed to have disappeared off the face of the earth, Cid decided to take a 4 hour lunch break (meaning he left after lunch and never returned) and finally Barrett had a football game at Tottenville High school, leaving me with out any method to get home. I refuse to take the bus alone, since my name seems to be on our neighboring High schools hit list. Now, normally I would not be afraid of this sorry excuses for mortals, but I am too tired to fight…really…I am. So lets look at the other possibilities.

A..Call car service and jump out of the car before he asks you for money.

B..Call mommy who is probably still drunk and will take her about an hour to find the car.

OR

C…which I haven't thought up yet….

"HEY STRIFE!" That annoying voice calls out to be for like the third freakin time today. Damn what I would do for a pencil right about now. I look in front of me only to see, Reno yelling from the driving side window of a BMW. And just when I thought I couldn't hate him anymore than I did…

"You seem a little, stranded." He says almost laughing. My my, how observant he is.

"No…" I say coldly. This only makes him laugh louder.

"Come on I'll drive you home."

I raise my eyebrow at the offer, and mentally note option C: Hitch a ride with a Shinra dog. This option is looking rather promising…

"No thank you," I murmur.

"Come on Strife, stop being a stubborn and get in my car," He snickers at the dirty thought of me in his car…oh wait…that's me snickering at the dirty though of being in his car. Damn…I got issues.

"Whatever," I say getting into the passenger side of his very attractive black BMW…oh…leather seats…

"So, tell me Strife," Reno finally speaks after about a minute of silence, "What's up with you and Aeris."

I sigh, not wanting to talk about HER. Jeez people, let the gossip go man.

"Nothing," I lie.

"Pffft, you are such a bad liar, now come on, tell Dr. Reno your problems."

I shoot him a death glare, which causes him to laugh yet again. Dammit, did this boy take happy pills…and if he did can I have some?

"I do not have problems."

"HA," he practically screams in my ear, rather annoying, "Please, I saw you staring at her in lab, do not give me your, 'Oh I have no problems balablabalabal. Come on, I want gossip."

"Why?"

There is a very long awkward silence, and I can tell he is trying to think up a good excuse…hn, probably doesn't want me to know that he REALLY wants gossip to use against me in the court of SHINRA! Yeah! I am on to him! Those forest green eyes that you could get lost in….for…hours…DON'T FOOL ME! The smart and cunning Cloud Strife knows all!

Yeah…I am only a little paranoid…

BUT ONLY A LIITLE!

Really….

"Well to be honest…"

See I told you…

"I just want to make conversation…I hate awkward silences…"

…

"And well…I guess I just wanted to talk to you."

Uh…it is still a trap!

"Why do you want to talk to me?" I say suspiciously, earning a sigh from the red heads soft…pink…lips.

"I don't know, maybe because there's no one really to talk to at school," he responds in a almost "hurt dog," tone.

"What about…your buddies?"

Besides me using the word "buddies", another thing disturbs me greatly. Reno's eyes drastically turned darker, more serious. Now, I haven't known the boy for very long, but I can tell already I wouldn't like the "serious Reno." He just looks so…how do I explain this so everyone in the audience can understand…a cross between Vincent and Sephiroth. And evil, sadistic vampire….yeah that's it.

Anyway, him looking all, evil sadistic vampire…ish…when I mentioned his "buddies," hints to be they were not exactly his "buddies" more like people he was supposed to hang around with because he could be severely tortured if he didn't. I could just be reading to much into it like I do everything…

"They aren't the kind of people you have a conversation with. Maybe Elena, but…she usually talks about boys and make up and other stupid things girls talk about."

"She probably gossips," I shrug.

"Hn, yeah, but it is never anything cool."

"So, Aeries and my private life is the "coolest" thing ever now?"

"That's not what I mean."

"Then what do you mean?"

There was another long pause coming from the red heads side. He allowed a smile to dance across his lips as he whispers with a slight chuckle, "I guess there really isn't a point…"

I am about to ask "point to what?" but I opted to keep my mouth shut. I spoke more in this short car ride than I have in my two years of high school…and it was kind of tiring. I lean back into the car, staring out the passenger window, watching the little kids play their little kid games. Wasn't life easier when we were kids…and we happy just playing with one another regardless of what level of the social ladder you were on. Now, its all about "who knows what people," and "who has the most money." God forbid you are a rich girl seen hanging out with a poor boy or visa versa. You're rep would be destroyed! And the sad thing is, people actually care about their rep…

That was probably the reason Aeries broke up with me. Sure I am richer than God, but my personality is not up to par with what is socially accepted. I am withdrawn, silent, mysterious, strange, weird, a loser. Aeries however is peppy, fun, popular, pretty. See, total opposites. Now I am not about to quote that horrible excuse for punk princess, Avril Lavinge, but she has a point. All her friends got all snotty because I don't dress in Abercrombie and Finch or whatever all the "cool kids are wearing,", and thanks to peer pressure she broke up with me. Well, she didn't exactly break up with me, more like she found someone better and "in style," and forgot to tell me. At least, that's what I think it was.

Finally the car stops at the hell hole I call, my house. My house is big, no doubt, big and white. That's about the only thing I want to say about my house. It is a liar and I do not like talking about liars. It sings "Welcome to a happy home." Happy home my white ass! Miserable home more like it. Dads never home, Moms never mentally home, and son has on many occasions tried to permanently run away from home. So tell me how this is a happy home, when no one wants to stay here? Oh sure, maybe at one time it was happy, we were all happy.

Or were we? I have no memory of this happiness my house implies is or was there. Maybe if try a little harder I could find the happiness that may have once existed in this dungeon, but as you can plainly see I am not even sure it ever existed…so what is the point of looking?

I swing the door of the black BMW open, still remaining the in seat dreading the thought of home.

"Heh," Reno laughs, "happy to be home?"

I don't bother to answer him since he probably meant it sarcastically…but it did get me thinking…how the hell did he know where I lived?

I turn and look at him suspiciously…even more than before, and ask him coldly, "How did you know where I lived?"

He looked at me, the first time in what seemed like forever, and returns the question with an obvious answer, "I live around the block. I saw you last weekend hanging out on the stoop of this house looking insanely bored. I would have said hi or something if I wasn't with Hojo."

"Oh…" was all I really could say. The boy has lived around the block from me, and I didn't even notice? I walk up and down that block every night looking for Sephiroth, and I didn't even notice him? Am I really that dense? IMPOSSIBLE!

"Okay…bye then."

I get out of the car, and slam the door before Reno could say anything. I know it seemed a little on the rude side not to thank the kid, but I really just wanted out of that car. Now I can possibly forget about the whole experience. Sure you may be saying I am overreacting since it was a short car ride and not much information was exchanged, however, I guarantee he would have had me talking all about Aeries in only a few more moments. Can't you tell, he has that aura about him. Despite your best efforts to keep your mouth shut about your problems, he makes you want to tell him because of some slight chance he would understand. Could he possibly understand what I had gone through with her? Or maybe this is just me wanting to tell someone. Even the strongest, most emotionless person can't hold their pain in together. And for a split second wanted to tell him, but when I turned around, the black BMW with the red head in it was just a memory on this street.

And I was sad…

But only for a second.


	6. I Want To Forget The Curses In My Life

**Authors Note: Yes Yes here is Chapter Six! Took me awhile to get this right…and inspiration came to me while working now that I have a major crush on my coworker lol. So enjoy this chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own FFVii. Also, this is a yaoi…so….if you don't like it you can shove it.**

_Cherry Soda Boy_

_Chapter Six: I Want To Forget The Curses In My Life…But The Voices Won't Let Me. _

People are always amazed at the things a they remembers from their youth. I, however, am more amazed at the things I don't remember. I don't remember the sweet kisses from a loving mother, the soft lullaby sang at bedtime, or the gently touch of someone who loves you so much they would die if to save you. The reason I don't remember is simple-it never happened in the first place.

I was unlucky enough to be blessed with a mother who cared more for her reputation than her young son. And like most of the mothers in my neighborhood, the only time she ever showed affection was when she was putting on a show for her hallow, self-centered friends. All the block parties, the picnics, and the "small" get-to-getters s were just a stage for her and her friends to perform on. They pretended to actually care- they faked love and emotion on this stage, while singing songs like "My daughter can sing like an angel," or "That's nothing, my son is the best pitcher on his team, and he is only four." They sang these songs as the rudely shoved their beliefs and wants down the innocent throats of the children bore purely for reputation points. How sad is it we were born into a show and not into a family.

As I got older, I began to see through the carefully decorated masks, only to see the hideous soul that was hidden behind the masks of all the "mothers" in my neighborhood. When I saw this, I realized my mother never loved me. I was only a prop to her, and if I would die tomorrow she wouldn't shed one honest tear for me. After this revelation, I grew to resent her, and in time…hate her. Well it isn't like the feeling isn't mutual.

So in time, I began to expect certain things from this woman. I expected her to yell when I did something not up to her standards, I expected her to drink to get happy and to make her forget that her son was a failure at life. Thus I expected this scene- her passed out on the couch, a martini dangling helplessly from her perfectly manicured hands, and mumbling obscenities to the God that, in her own words, "blessed her with a curse family." This is the scene I walked into today, after my little party in Reno's car. She was a mess, but I knew this when I was eight…and there is no point in helping someone who refuses to be helped (not to mention the fact she doesn't even care about me or herself to even care.) I assume she has always been this way…so I might as well let her continue down this road of self destruction. No skin off my nose.

I toss my sorry excuse for a school bag on the floor, and head upstairs to my very big…boring…black bedroom. I still had a lot of things to figure out, like where the hell Vincent went after he stormed out in a huff. I silently prayed to a God that wasn't there, that Vincent would be safe in his house writing some angst poetry or sulking in his own bedroom. If he wasn't home, he was somewhere he shouldn't be and like hell I am going to let him get himself killed. I grab my phone and start dialing the number to his home growing more and more nervous as each ring rang out. I didn't get the result I was hoping for, and my worry grew as his answering machine kicked in. 'He probably doesn't want anyone to bother him…I mean I wouldn't and we think alike.' That was what I kept saying in my head, but somehow I knew it was a lie.

I hang up the phone without leaving a message; he wouldn't call back anyway…I know him. The next best thing was getting a search party and looking for this angry vampire. The phone still in my hand, I dial Cids number. He, unlike Vincent, answered after the second ring.

"Yo," Cid answers.

"Did Vincent call you?" It was a stupid question, but I figure I'd ask it just to get the conversation in motion. I hate hello's.

"Hi Cloud, nice of you to call," Cid growls, "No I didn't actually…you worried about him?"

Yes…

"No, I just want to make sure he isn't getting himself in trouble."

"Yeah…I remember vaguely what happened last time Vincent challenged anyone…and it wasn't pretty."

No shit it wasn't pretty.

"Want to go look for him?"

"Yeah, why not…I'll pick you up."

I mumble an "okay" and hang up the phone without saying goodbye. I stare at the dead phone, realizing my rudeness today was probably going to earn a nice kick in the ass by Cid. He takes a lot of things personal…very emotional young lad for such an asshole in general. Now don't get me wrong, Cid is one of my best friends, but he can get on your last nerve pretty quickly with his emotional outburst and generally rude behavior. Yes, ironic…he can be rude to others but no one better be rude to him. Confusing boy.

I stand in my room for a few minutes, feeling the evil, lying walls of my house closing in on me. Its crazy how this house makes me feel, like a rat caught on some sticky paper, or a bird trapped in a cage. I am stuck in here…for another 2 years. The wait is almost not worth the prize…freedom. I have been stuck here since I was born, forced to listen to my parents as the try to mold me into a clone of themselves. Arrogant, greedy, ignorant people. Their dreams for my future were planned out since the moment my mother realized she was pregnant with me- I was to be a rich, successful lawyer…living in a nice large house somewhere New York City with a beautiful wife and 2.5 kids. I never wanted to be like that. My dreams are to become a writer, live somewhere where no one would bother me. I never liked kids, they annoy the hell out of me so I would choose not to reproduce. As for spouse? Heh, well at the rate I am going my only partner would be my left hand. That's sick even for me.

I decide, after a few seconds of pondering, to wait outside for my dear friend Cid. Maybe if my mom doesn't think I am home, she won't look for me to start her routine bitchfest about how I am such a fuckin' loser, and that she regrets having such a pitiful son like me. I don't quite feel like being suicidal today. Before I run out of the house, I steal some of my mothers cigarettes since I know, not for a fact, Cid stole mine…and I am NOT dishing out fuckin seven dollars for something that is going to kill me…so…I will just steal my mothers how's that?

I stand outside my big, obnoxious house, smoking my future murderer…waiting for Cid to drive up in is sorry excuse for a car. It is still cold out, getting colder by the second, but nothing is colder than the cold that is in my house. If you all haven't all ready figured out I hate my home and my family, I am not going to spell it out for you…I think I used enough metaphors and cute little phrases to express my HATRED for it. So, no more.

"You know cigarettes cause cancer right?" An annoyingly sweet voice echoes behind me. I knew exactly who the owner of the voice was…and I would have rather stayed in the house if I knew she was going to show up.

"Yeah…what of it?" I retort.

"Cloud…look at me when you talk please." I hate that about her, always trying to make me do what she wants. Even after we are long through she is still trying to force her mannerisms on me. Okay so yeah, it is polite to look in the eyes of the person you are talking to…but does she REALLY deserve it? She who decided to RUDELY go behind my back and do it HIM.

Alas, I turn around and face my capture anyway…just to show her the coldness and hatred that are evident in my eyes. She doesn't seem to flinch, she is already used to these cold blue eyes. She smiles at me, that beautiful smile of hers that would make the strongest and most prideful man bow down before her. She seems so innocent, so beautiful…but like everything in this neighborhood it is just a façade. She tosses her long brown hair out of her face, letting her fascinating green eyes shine so that they are the only things I am allowed to focus on.

"That's better," she giggles…that annoying giggle…THAT giggle, "I know it is a month in advance, but, I don't want anyone making plans on my birthday soooo here!" She practically shoves an ugly pink envelope at me with "Cloud Strife" written perfectly in script. Her birthday…November 15...like I could ever forget that date, though God knows I would love to.

"Okay." I respond apathetically, dragging my eyes away from hers…and staring at the pink envelope that held my fate.

"You are coming right?" She sounded like she was pleading with me to join her and her boyfriend at her party…with her asshole friends, getting drunk and high and having sex in mulitple places in the house cause I KNOW her parents are never home. That is why she can do whatever the hell she wants cause her parents were never their to tell her "NO, you can't do that!" In her head it was perfectly okay to sleep around, cause that's what her mother did…so she is just doing everything she has seen in her own cursed home. Who can blame her huh? Who…

Not even I can…

"I'll see."

Her face changed when I said that, her smile morphed into a sad frown while her eyes when from a beautiful green to angry color only seen in someone like Cid. Does she have the audacity to be mad at ME for acting cold to HER. I certainly hope I am just seeing things.

A rough honk from her boyfriends Mercedes breaks our standoff.

"Lets go Aeries!" Sephiroth screams, honking some more.

"I'm coming honey," she giggles again. Giggling at his abuse how absolutely romantic. I never yelled at her, I never honked at her…I never treated her like a whore…but yet she rather be with him than me. "Well I have to go! Seeya." With that she flies away, back into his car, back to him. I begin to ponder something as the speed away together…what happened that night that makes her think her and I could still be friends.


	7. We Are Not Virgins Cause Life Screws Us

Authors Note: Long time not see right? Lol, well he is a long chapter for you…enjoy.

_Chapter Seven_

_We Are Not Virgins…Cause Life Screws Us All. _

I'll never forget the day Lucretia left; it was the saddest day of our freshman year. If anyone knew Lucretia even a little, they would know how nice and beautiful she was to everyone. Though, sadly, she earned a lot of grief because of her involvement with Shinra, and her kindness was often mistaken for deception. Vincent once told me that she was so depressed despite the constant glow on her face and sparkle in her dark blue eyes. She couldn't be herself in that rotten gang; she had to hide herself from who she though were her friends. I can truly imagine how lonely that must have been.

Anyway, the day she left all her "friends" threw her a going away party. Everyone was invited, and to my surprise everyone showed up ( probably to evade the wrath of Shinra). That day everyone saw her for the happy, bubbly girl she was deep inside. The guests at the party realized that her kindness was real, and they felt guilty for being so cold towards her. However, everyone was selfish, and were only sad because they were losing the only person who could talk sense into Shinra. Their "get out of jail free card: was being sent away, now what were THEY going to do?

Wait…pause for a second.

Bet you are all wondering how everyone came to the conclusion that Lucretia was actually a nice person. Well, this is were we welcome the beautiful, the ugly, the biggest big mouth in the history of big mouths…Elena Clerkson. Dear, sweet, Elena had been Lucretias only girl friend, so naturally she confided in Elena and showed her what laid behind the mask. And being the good friend she was, when Elena heard that people dared thought ill of the oh holy Lucretia…she decided to take matters into her own hands. For five fuckin' hours, Elena went up to every guest and in a loud obnoxious voice told them they were, "Oh so totally screwed," and continued to explain why.

Rufus Shinra (yes, the egotistical asshole named his club after him) actually liked Elena's spunk and determination (yeah right), so he asked her to join he ranks of the "turks." This promotion had nothing to do with the fact Elena looks freakin' hot in a skirt…which is the standard "uniform" for the females in Shinra.

Okay…back on track.

I was at this said party, a representative for Vincent who was missing at the time, as well as Cid…who I met just five minutes before arriving. We were conversing about school and his lack of friends, since he was coming from a Catholic School, when Lucretia confronted me. She had never talked to me before, hell she never even made eye contact with me before today, so I knew this had to do with Vincent. She took me behind the huge mansion, owned by Rufus Shinra no doubt, were we could be alone to discuss the matter at hand; my best friend was missing…for two weeks.

However, she never mentioned anything about Vincent's whereabouts in that conversation we had, but I will never forget the wise words she spoke that day.

"You are so different from the guys I know," she began, as she tossed her long brown hair over her shoulder, "Vincent as told me a lot about you. Unfortunately, he has never spoken to you about us, and how we work. I know you think we are just a bunch of thugs that bully everyone around…it didn't start out that way. We were just friends getting together, playing games like normal kids. All kids have clubs…innocent clubs. But then…Rufus thought we were better than some petty game, that we could be a great organization like his fathers company. We had the smarts, the brute force, and a noble leader. He was my friend, so I followed him, thinking nothing drastic was going to change. I was so wrong.

"We were so young! Eleven-year-olds playing an adults game. For what though? To leave a mark on minds of our peers, who would forget about us ten years down the line anyway. They are so stupid, our classmates…they care so much about their reputation they allowed this to happened, even though it will all end as soon as we graduate. All the torture we put this kids through only 'cause they think their reputation is all that they have; they care to much about what the world thinks of them. And we did this whole for power? Greed? Acknowledgement? Are we just children crying for our parents to notice us? Yes…yes we are."

I stood before her, stunned at her speech…not expecting such words to exit the mouth of a Shinra scientist. However, she was right.

After her speech, she left me in our secret meeting place to register what she said. It was that last time I ever saw her alive; the next day she was on her way to California to the Shinra group there.

A week later, the cops found Vincent laying half dead at the corner of her old neighborhood. We all think, that when he escaped from Hojo, he tried to look for her…only to see that her house was empty and she was gone. Vincent was never the same after that day; he became a lost soul at the age of fourteen.

I don't think I can honestly say whether or not Vincent and Lucretia were really in love. I am not Vincent, I do not know what they did together…if they got along all right. All I know, is she had his phone number…she could have made the effort…she could have called him and told him that she was safe and he need not to worry about her. She never did, she never gave him the closure he needed to get on with his life and live like a normal teenage boy. I was very angry at her for that…until now of course.

I remember the look on Reno's face when he told us Lucretia was dead, it was mix of fright and anger. He wasn't telling us the whole story and probably to save his own ass. The same fear the Reno had earlier today, could be the fear Lucretia had every time she thought about calling Vincent. Hojo…

"Uhh, Cloud….you alive?"

Cid's voice shattered my thoughts and woke me up from, what seemed like, a dream. We are in his broken down car that he insist on trying to fix up, on our way to Vincent's broken down home.

"Uhh, yeah," I mumble, "Just thinking."

"Thinking about this whole Vincent this?"

No shit Sherlock….

"Yeah…I tried calling his house and their was no answer…so I can only imagine what he is doing."

"Maybe he is sitting at home writing that angst-y poetry he loves so much and just didn't want to talk to you or anyone," he says as he honks his horn and begins to curse the hell out of some old people who just cut him off.

I sigh, knowing Cid was probably right about Vincent…which freaked me out because usually I am always right. Cid is stealing my brain I can tell…he needs to make up for all the brain cells he is killing with his drinking.

"Want to go over to his house then?" I offer.

"I was just thinking that buddy." OH god, I hate it when he calls me that.

Moments later, we arrive at Vincent's sorry excuse of a house. We exit the car, me almost breaking already broken passenger door, and walking up to an unwelcoming front door. I am about to ring the door bell like a normal human, but evidently Cid has another plan.

"You stupid vampire, open this god damn door before I break it down!" He screams, banging on the door like a beast.

"Cid…he won't open the door if you act like a crazy person," I sigh.

"Vincent Valentine! You fuckin' loser, I know you are in there! Open this door!" Clearly my weak attempt to calm down the boy was in vain; he was screaming to loud to hear me anyway. I stand their, waiting for A. Cid to calm down or B. For Vincent to answer the door, and at this point neither seemed possible. I decide to take matters into my own hands, since his screaming has reached another octave in this last two seconds-people were starting to stare. I flip open my uber cool cell phone and dial Vincent's number. Once Cid notices what I am doing, he calms down and waits for the result. We could hear the phone ring…once…twice…three times. We were about to lose hope when I heard him pick up the phone.

"If Cid wants to get my attention," a cold voice echoes in my ear, "tell him to cease his childish behavior."

"Are you going to let us in?" I sigh, "I don't want the fifteen minutes I spent in Cid's car to be in vain."

"HEY!" he shouts, "my drivin' ain't that bad!"

"Well, since you did risk your life to get here…."

"You guys are making fun of me aren't you! You are a bunch of pricks! After I hauled my ass to pick you up…."

"I will allow you two to grace me with your presence."

Without a goodbye, which I expected from him, he hung up the phone. I laugh a little at Cid, who was looking for a cigarette to either smoke or use to inflict harm on me.

"You drive like you act; a beast," I say coldly.

"Oh yeah," he growls, "Well…nice hair fucktard."

I roll my cold blue eyes at the even more frustrated Cid, as he grabbed a cigarette from his back pocket and proceeded to smoke the sweet death. Cid is such a strange character; he acts like a child but is more of a father figure to Vincent and I. From the first day I met this clown, he always tried to protect me from whatever evils followed me or Vincent around. Infact, the day he and I went to the hospital to visit Vincent (at the time Cid did not know Vinny, and visa versa), Cid quickly jumped down his throat, calling him a "reckless, hormone driven, ignorant teenager." Vincent's just mumbled a "Who the hell are you," before Cid continued the verbal assault you would expect a father to give. I can give credit to Cid's dad for his cooky behavior. Mr. Highwind is probably the most successful New York detective in a long time; solving more cases than anyone else I can think of. He is a strict, no-nonsense, stubborn as heck kind of guy- and the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Therefore, being that Vincent lacks and father figure, and my father figure is almost non-existent, mister Cid has taken it upon himself to make sure we don't end up dead. All I can say…he has his hands full.

"My hair is better than yours; are you starting to bald?"

"Why you little punk-"

Suddenly, the half broken door slowly creeps open, making horrid cracking noises as it does. Vincent peeks his head out, crimson orbs eyeing us almost suspiciously.

"Cid…I thought I said stop acting like a child," he said smoothly.

Cid waste no time bursting through the front door, almost knocking Vincent to the floor, and beginning a verbal assault on the poor unsuspecting boy.

"Where the hell have you been? You leave in a huff, you don't call, you don't explain what the hell happened. Cloud here was worried sick about you! Called me in a panic-"

"Umm…if I remember correctly, I was perfectly calm-"

"Shut the fuck up Strife," he points at me as if trying to scold me for misbehaving or something, and returns to Vincent, "What happened? Where did you go? I demand answers now!"

"I do not respond to demands," Vincent counters almost unnaturally cold like, which even made me raise an eyebrow,

"How can you be so calm!"

"Sorry, I am not as emotional as you, Cid, maybe you should try chilling out a bit. Would you like a soda?"

I could see the steam coming out of Cid's ears, and whole body turning a nice tomato color from the frustration. Through gritted teeth, the walking time bomb hisses, "No, I do not want a soda, you crazy boy, I want answers!"

Vincent sighs and looks down at his cracked wooden floor, as if it suddenly became fascinating to him. I could tell he was trying to dodge our eyes, as if knowing we could see the truth he dare not speak in the red orbs. Either he was afraid to tell us, which was doubtful, or he just wanted to keep this chapter of his sad story with him to the grave. Vincent was always the secret type…but he always liked to surprise us.

"My grandmother will be home in a few minutes, come to my room and I will explain everything."

Without waiting for us to respond (or argue) he swiftly walks pass us and into the room furthest down the hall. Cid and I exchange glances, and follow suit; this had to be important if he was going to tell us.

Vincent's room looks like the inside of a coffin; black walls, black carpet, and a twin bed with a red comforter. There is a small window that looks out to a nice view of a dumpster, the expressway, and a suspicious black garbage bag. The room is bear, nothing but a dresses that holds his black and red clothing, and (as mentioned before) a small bed. He was dirt poor, no parents, no real use of his left arm. He never deserved the bad luck he was given; but that is the only luck he got and he accepts it willingly. He never complains about it- either from pride or stupidity.

Cid and I took a seat on his bed, as Vincent stared out the window…

"You may only tell Barrett about this," he spoke softly. We both nodded and waited for him to continue. I could sense the internal struggle within him, whether to tell or not to tell. He came this far…no use turning back…

"Reno took me to the back of the library…

-

He was very calm, though I could sense the kind of cautiousness only a Turk would practice. Already I could tell he was going to tell me something that would end up in a worse condition than I; he already held the scars of such an encounter. You may not have noticed it, but at the corners of his eyes there are scars. Hojo was giving him a warning; "You should have been blind." I could see him saying that.

Anyway, we stood facing each other, completely silent before he summoned up the courage to speak the first word.

"I heard a lot about you," he said, "Rufus acts as if you are a legend. You were good at what you did; he models Rude and Elena after you."

"What is it you have to say, Reno?" He was trying to avoid the conversation, but I was not going to allow him.

"You must be wondering why I am here? There has to be a balance of power in California and in New York-if not, everything will get out of hand. Well it did. There is no one left on the California team."

He paused; trying to hide the sadness in his eyes-he lost someone he loved and that is why he needed to tell me what really happened.

"Tseng and Lucretia are dead." Reno's voice was hollow and dead, it didn't match the seriousness of the matter. I guess I was hoping he would soften the blow a bit, being that he knew what I was feeling.

"How?"

"Hojo…shot her and made it look like a suicide…" he looked away for me, "I walked in to late. She was already dead and he was standing over her; blood over his clothing and on his glasses." He sighed, trying to calm himself down it seemed, "I knew he was coming after her next…but I was to busy worrying about Tseng and myself that I ignored the obvious."

"What happened to Tseng?"

"I found him the night before Lucretia's death. He hung himself."

"Why….why did this happen Reno?" I didn't know how to respond to any of this; Lucretia was dead, Tseng was dead…had Hojo's insanity reached a level so high he now committed a double murder? And why were they chosen? Lucretia, sadly, I could see…she loved me not him. However, there was no reason to kill Tseng.

"I don't know…he just went crazy."

"You have to give me something better than that!"

"…I don't have anything."

The news hit me, and I stormed out without another word…

-

"…that's it."

Cid and I were silent, allowing the horrible news to register. Hojo was only our age and already he was a serial killer. Imagine this kid when he gets older? He could be the most deadly killers New York has seen in a long time; he is smart, calculated, and lacks remorse. Even after it has set in, we can't find the words to tell Vincent how sorry we are for his lost. I don't even there are enough words in the dictionary to express our sympathizes, and using one cent words would be insulting to her and to Vincent. So, we sat in silence, letting the aura surrounding us express what words could not say.

We sit in silence for a few more minutes in silence, before Vincent kicks us out. Cid and I don't feel offended by Vincent's, "get the fuck out," he was hiding his emotions pretty well up 'til now. It is best we leave him alone to mourn completely. On my way out, he tells me he won't be going to school for the next couple of days. I don't much like the idea of Vincent staying home without supervision…but I don't have a choice in the matter. He would kick my ass if I tried anything.

The car ride home was silent save for the rickety sound of Cid's almost dead car. What could you really say in this kind of situation? Nothing. So we sat in silence, watching the cars pass us by as quickly as the memories of Lucretia. Cid felt robbed of such memories, coming in so late, so all he had were they stories Vincent would occasionally tell us and the rumors from the rest of the student body. I to was robbed, but because of my own ignorance. I never wanted to get to know her, even though Vincent pushed us to meet on several occasions. I was an idiot….maybe I still am.

Maybe I should give that red-head a chance. He seems interested in being my friend; talked to me in lab, offer me a ride home. I judge people to quickly…plus there really isn't any reason why he would try to use me. I may have money, but not as much as Rufus or Hojo, so they wouldn't want money from me…and I am not trying to stop whatever business they are in (even though I hate it), so they wouldn't need to shut me up. HOWEVER, I am not going to drop my guard to much- you never know with people, one minute they are your best friend and the next they are you worse enemy. I guess, I just want to talk to someone knew for a change. Sorry…didn't mean to trail off.

It is probably fate I had a dream about Aeries tonight. Vincent lost the love of his life around the same time I did. It was August, there was a "back to school" type party going on at some kids house. Aeries and I were invited, but I hate parties and she told me she had to go to her grandmas house. Nothing seemed weird about that day; we hung out at her house, made out for like twenty some odd minutes, did some other questionable things. At around five, she told me she had to get ready to head to her grandmas. I gave her a kiss goodbye and walked home. Then at eight, Cid calls me and tells me he is picking me up to head over to the party. Usually I would tell him to shove the party up his ass, but something told me to join him. We arrived at the party as it was hitting its peak, the whole school seemed to be there…and I was starting to regret coming.

I was making my way through the crowd or teenagers grinding each other, as if it was some kind of orgy. The music blasted Atreyu, "Right Side of the Bed," which was odd because usually you don't grind to metal songs. Or perhaps that was just what I thought was playing- it seemed to fit the occasion. To get away from the crowd of people, I made my way upstairs. I went from one hell to another, because the first two rooms I could hear the sex cries of some lucky girls and guys….and that is something you don't really want to hear. However it was an omen to what was going to happen next. As I made my way down the hall I heard a familiar moan and cry, but the name at the end was not mine.

I walked up to the door, and placed my ear to it, to see if I was hearing this correctly. I was….that voice was Aeries…no doubt….but the name was…

_Sephiroth!_

I fly out of my bed, landing very gracefully on my ass. I hated that nightmare; this is the second time since her and I broke up. I never dreamt about real situations before this happened, but I guess walking in on your girlfriend having her brains screwed by someone who clearly isn't you, would defiantly leave a scar. I look over at my curse clock, only to see I have to get up in ten minutes anyway. I need to get these images out of my head…I guess starting the day early wouldn't hurt.


	8. I'm Melting In Your Eyes

Authors Note: UGH FINALLY! OMG! THIS TOOK ME SO LONG! Oh thank god!

_Chapter Eight_

_I'm melting in your eyes. _

I think waking up ten minutes before the evil alarm clock rang wasn't such a bad idea. I was about 20 minutes ahead of the game…so no mother running in to call me a worthless piece of shit- she is still nursing the hangover. I jump in the shower, washing my hair this time (it was starting to smell icky…), and getting dressed in the traditional black clothing. Grabbing some the oh so holy beeswax, I proceeded to spike up my hair; it was starting to seem impossible since my hair has gotten so long…I smell a hair appointment in the near future. I step out of the bathroom and check the clock; it told me 6:10 am.

"Its to early…" I mumble, scratching my hair, "Then again, it is gonna take me forever to get to school…"

The sooner I headed out to school, the sooner I could be out of this place. I had five minutes to get out before my mom walks in half naked (ew) and tells me to hurry my ass up. It maybe a sign of a good day if I don't have her hounding me as usual. So, without further hesitation…I run out of my house quicker than a bat out of hell. I think I may have heard her loud pitch scream as I exited the jail.

It seems impossible, but it got even colder from yesterday. Once I walk outside I could feel my cheeks flush and my balls freeze. It didn't help that I am not exactly dressed for the occasion; a button down shirt and black pants aren't exactly a good choice for winter clothes. Not to mention I look like a member from a bad EMO band.

I walk down the block of my obnoxiously rich neighborhood; the million dollar Halloween decorations dressed the properties for a fake competition. A crisp, cool breeze traveled through my street, picking up the autumn leaves and swirling them into a mini tornado. The trees whispered back when the wind spoke to them, as the wind chimes on my neighbors porches sang a relaxing tune. The whole neighborhood save for the sound of my feet against the hard pavement. Everyone was either well on their way to work or school, or still in a dreamy sleep. I like how autumn bring the silence after a noisy summer; if only it wasn't so damn cold.

It wasn't long before I made it to the bus stop. I fondle through my pockets for any quarters to get on the bus; sadly I only have enough to get to school but am stranded after that. Seems I am going to have to hitchhike home. I sigh and look at the bus stop- the bus wasn't there, but a certain red head was. Now, I know Reno has a car, I was in that said car and no kid from this neighborhood (save for me) would willingly take public transportation so naturally I was curious. I slowly approach the boy, as he stood there kicking small rocks onto the road.

"I though you had a car?" I ask a little to suspiciously.

He looks at me and smiles that crooked annoying smile, as he says, "Why yes, yes I do."

"Well? Were is it? Or do you like taking the bus?"

"My my, aren't we suspicious of the new guy?" He laughs right in my face; asshole.

"I am not suspicious," ha! Not even I believe that, "I am just curious."

"Heh, my dad has it," he acts like he was stating the obvious, "Usually he drives a Lexus, but it is in the shop so he took mine into work today."

A likely answer.

"Plus," he continues, "as you can see I am not in my Shinra "uniform" so I am not on the job."

This was actually true; instead of wearing the standard issue white button down shit, black dress jacket and slacks, he was in a black shirt, denim jacket, and jeans. Looks pretty snazzy.

"Why don't you just hitch a ride with your friends?" I inquire.

"Eh, Rufus is sleeping, Elena doesn't have a car, Rude leaves too damn early, and who in their right mind would hitch a ride with Hojo?"

Well I can't blame him there.

"And I can't ask my mom to drive me because she is having a baby, and she is anal….thus I am stuck here taking the bus…with you it seems." He smiles a tad wider as he speaks "with you it seems." Which kind of creeps me out…okay maybe it was cute but…creepy. What are you thinking? Think I swing that way? Well! You may almost slightly possibly be wrong!

"Yeah…whatever." I guess I disappointed him with my cold response because his smile quickly disappears and he looks away. I feel bad now; what happened to me being nice to him. "Maybe sharing the ride with you will make it bearable."

"Heh, I thought you already figured out I was annoying as hell," he jokes, but still refuses to look at me with his pretty green eyes.

"You aren't as annoying as others that I know," I respond.

"Well compared to Yuffie, I am a saint," he laughs softly.

From his body language and almost fake laugh, I could tell he was upset over something. It didn't take a genius, or someone who knew him for a long time, to read him; he wore his emotions on his sleeve. Now, I am thinking I have caused this, what's the word, EMO moment; which sucks cause I hate causing EMO moments…they get old pretty fast.

"Did I say something to offend you?" I ask.

He looks up, a confuse look plastered on his face, "No…you didn't say anything."

"You seemed upset about something, I thought I did something to offend you," I continue.

He smirks at me again, placing his hands on his hip. He had a strange look, almost like he was laughing at something- a joke that I wasn't a part of.

"You wear a mask don't you?" It is more of a statement than a question, but it was true either way, "You talk as if you are trying to impress someone; like you are at an interview. You are trying to look professional in front of an authority figure, so he doesn't suspect that in your free time you look at porn or something. You are hiding something from everyone, you are probably even hiding it from yourself. That is why you act cold and distant, that is why you talk without passion; you don't want anyone to know. So, Strife, what are you hiding?"

I could very well say I don't know what he is talking about, but the boy already has proven he can see through my mask dressed in lies and fear. Like the neighbors, I wear a mask to keep them from seeing what I am really like- It isn't like they would understand. I don't even understand it…I try to push it in the back of my mind, I try to suppress it as much as one boy can. I don't want to admit it…not again…it's pointless.

"What are you hiding Reno?" I try desperately to turn the tables, but I know already he can see right through it; hopefully he will lay off.

"I don't hide it…much," and that sly smirk gave it away, but that was not what I was hinting to. Though, needless to say it caught me off guard, and I raised an eyebrow in half confusion, half curiosity.

"Hide what?" Weak attempt to act dumb, but whatever…I do not function well early in the morning.

"You like playing the dumb blond I see," he laughs, "is that another mask? Think everyone will think you are to naïve and stupid to be-"

Don't say it…

"What's with those scars!"

I shout loudly to drown out the taboo word, but in the process managed to unleash some of Reno's demons. I could tell, when his face when pale, and his eye changed to the serious deep green eyes that I hated. Regret…isn't a very nice feeling.

"I guess I deserved that," he sighs, looking away again, touching one of the crescent moon scar that tainted his face. "This is what happens when you see something you shouldn't…"

There is nothing I could say to him; nothing good that is. Half of me felt like he deserved it-he was trying to unleash demons I didn't want to live wit again- and half felt as if we should both wake up and acknowledge what we dare not say.

"It was after Tseng's funereal…" his soft voice catches me off guard and I stare almost in disbelief, "I knew already Hojo was in town and Scarlet had her suspicions, so when Lucretia didn't show up for the funereal we knew something was up. I barged into Lucretia's house like a maniac- I already knew what was going to happen…but I prayed that I would get their in time. But God never liked me much-maybe because according to his so-called sacred doctrine I am a sinner- he made sure I witnessed evil in its fullest form. I saw Hojo, he had the gun to her head and he was laughing while she was begging for her life. It happened to fast and I couldn't respond in time. The gun shot was loud and almost shattered my eardrums…

"Then he saw me. I was in shock so I couldn't move an inch. He grabbed me but the collar and took out the pocket knife he got at boy scouts. 'You always had good eyes Reno, that was your blessing…should your curse.' He said. He brought up the knife, and slapped me in the face with it. I thought he was trying to fuckin' make me blind…until he said, 'But I won't let you block out this memory. Every time you look in the mirror, or some fags cute baby face, you shall always see this…your mistake.' Then he slapped me with the knife on the other side. Lucky for me, the knife was kind of dull, so it just left little scars…and not much blood was shed."

He looks at me, almost angry, as if I held a gun to his head and forced him to tell me…okay not a good choice of words. "Now its your turn."

Just then, the bus pulled up (finally) and opens its cursed doors to suck us into the one way bus to hell. He flashes me smile and says, "I guess luck is one your side Strife…but don't think you are getting off that easily."

"So, I am guessing you won't let me rest until I tell you, correct?" I smile besides myself; dammit, why does this boy have this affect on me…it isn't very cool!

"Oh, I will make sure you suffer greatly," he laughs.

We board the bus- he swipes his cool metro card (school issue one no doubt), while I look like a sped dumping my two dollars in quarters down the void. It must have been destiny, or evil forces working against me, but the only seats available on this bus was the two seats all the way in the back. Reno smirks at me, "Well well, how convenient." This is going to be a long bus trip.

Once comfortably seated in our rather uncomfortable seats, Reno wasted no time in grilling me.

"So, what are you hiding from the world," he says, smiling a tad to happy for my taste.

"If you know, why do I have to tell you?" I counter. He laughs and slaps my arm to damn hard.

"Come on, remember I am Dr. Reno and I am here to help."

Help? Clearly he isn't helping the situation, more like making it even more unbearable. Why oh why does shit like this happen to me- why do crazy people flock to me!

"Were is your degree is psychology?" I joke, "I am not going to spill my guts to someone who doesn't understand the situation."

"Oh Cloud, I think I understand the situation more that anyone else," He says winking at me. Just because he went through something similar, doesn't mean he understands MY situation. He is right, I can't go out and tell everyone I may have some kind of infatuation with guys. Ugh, even admitting that makes me cringe. I can't come to terms with it because I no one, not even my friends, would understand…hell I don't even understand it. So do I hide my feelings forever? Just be any other closet case out there? Or to I just admit it? And tell everyone who has a problem with it to go fuck themselves.

"Are you a closet case, Reno?" I just have to ask that- he seemed to have no problem implying to it…but he never told me flat out if he was gay.

"Sort a…" he begins, "Everyone my parents know, my grandparents know, all my friends and enemies knew back in California. No one messed around with me, however, cause they knew I could kick their ass. However here, I am keeping it on the down low. The only people who know are Rude and Elena- Hojo thinks I "grew out of it" and Rufus has no idea. OH yeah and you know now."

He seems very content with that; having one foot in the closet and one foot out. All the open homosexuals I know would rather jump off a cliff before going back into that dark cold closet of their soul. Reno must have had a good reason to hide again when he came here.

"So, you aren't going to tell anyone else?"

"Don't ask, don't tell…that's my motto. But…I think at this point, if someone asked me…I would lie and say I was straight. I know it sounds stupid-I mean once you are out, your are out- but I would rather Hojo and Rufus not know…and word travels fast in this school."

No argument there- not a second after Aeries and I broke up everyone knew, and that was during the summer. I understand why he wouldn't want the two biggest homophobes to know, not to mention if everyone found out the new leader of the turks was screwing guys in his spare time…it would give Shinra a bad reputation. Unfortunately, a reputation is more important than relieving the tormented soul of a fragile teenage boy.

"I take it you are to," he smooth voice shatters my thoughts, and I almost forget what we are talking about.

"Oh, yeah…I am. I am so far in the closet I don't even know what I am."

"Dare I quote Family Guy? You are so far in the closet, you are finding Christmas presents."

We both laugh and shake our heads at our own stupidity. It seems strange, but I am warming up to the new boy. I mean, sure he is a complete asshole sometimes, and he has this "I know everything attitude", but I have some qualities that I am sure annoys people so why should I hate him for his.

I have to admit, I am starting to feel comfortable around this Reno. I began to notice this relaxation around him during our car ride-even though it was mostly spent arguing about the whole Aeris and I drama, I felt the urge to just tell him. I could sense he would understand. Then again why repeat what he probably already knew.

The rest of the bus ride was spent getting to know each other better. I told myself I'd give him a chance, and what a chance I was giving him. I even surprised myself with how out of character I was. Then again, now that I mention it, I can remember acting this way when I was trying to get involved with Aeris and…a person who shall remain nameless. It scares me to think I am finally moving on, it scares me more I am moving on and into the arms of a man. I would try to stop myself, but I am having too much fun.

But this fifteen minutes of fun had to end when the doors of the bus open to reveal another kind of hell. It is a silent agreement, but non the lees, we agree that during school we wouldn't act like we could tolerate each other. I can tell our friends wouldn't like it so much.

"I'll see you in physics Strife," is Reno's rush goodbye as he bolted from his seat to the company of his so called friends. I don't think about his final words much as I to slowly exit the bus. Then it hit me- we also share physics together. Yes, I know, it isn't rocket science…he told me five seconds ago…but I am having a blond day…STOP MOCKING ME!

Physics is hell plain and simple. You are combining math (worse.subject.ever) with science (second worse subject ever) to form the number two cause of death among high school juniors and seniors. For some sick reason my guidance consular thought I was smart enough to handle physics. I haven't passed a single test this term so the only thing that is going to save my ass is my ability to copy my classmates homework. See…Cloud + Black belt + Scrawny nerd 100 for homework! See I am smart!

However the fact that I won't use any of this shit in the future isn't the only thing that makes physics first period unbearable…it's my teacher.

"OH…MY…GOD!" The chunky Mr. S shouts in a goofy tone, "are my eyes deceiving me or is the ever attentive Cloud Strife gracing us with his presence?"

I scowl at his obnoxiously loud voice and his clear attempt to embarrass me in front of everyone (not that I care). OH how I want to curse him out…

"Whatever, " is what I manage to push pass the line of "Fuck you". He cackles like a freakin hyena. Apparently I am extremely funny.

I ignore his laughter and make my way to my lonely seat. We sit in pairs (since you need a partner for experiments and crap) and sadly I was not blessed with a partner, so I have a table meant for two all to myself (and it's in the back too….score).

The late bell rings angrily telling the delinquent students to get to class A.S.A.P. The sound of the annoying bell also signifies the beginning of this cursed class- a class I didn't do homework for. I knew from the way Mr. S eyes me he is going to purposely call on me to do a problem. I can smell him plotting my demise as he goes to shut the door.

"Okay class take out you-" Before he could finish his sentence a hand appears blocking the door from slamming shut. Reno peeks his head into the classroom with a rather confuse look plastered his face.

"Am I late or something?" He asks innocently.

"Why yes you are!" Mr. S shouts dramatically, causing everyone to cringe. Someone never taught him how to use an "inside voice" it seems. "BUT, since you are new, I'll let it slide!"

Reno nods and swiftly makes his way to his seat…which …oh my fuckin' god is next to me. I swear the heavens are against me! What did I ever do to god? I mean sure, putting all the bibles in the fiction section at Walden Books wasn't exactly a very nice thing to do…but give me a break!

"Fuck that guy is insane," Reno whispers to me. I laugh slightly and continue to "do" the do now, now that Mr. S seems to be off my back (and the new kid saves Clouds ass yet again!). "You should have seen him yesterday; he danced! I mean have you ever seen a fat man dance? Now I lived in California but the earthquakes there pale in comparison to this crazy asshole dancing!"

I snort a tad to loudly which causes the entire class to look at me like I am insane. Then again, I am laughing like a buffoon and I never laugh, especially like a buffoon. But it was so true! I can imagine Mr. S dancing, everything shaking and the windows and door rattling uncontrollably. And the way Reno said it adds to its funny factor- shaking his head violently, a slight tremble in his smooth voice…as if he never seen something like that. Oh good times.

Finally, I manage to compose myself enough to notice the shock faces of my classmates and teacher. I glance over at Reno who was holding back his own laughter.

"Um, Cloud, are you alright?" Mr.S says as he inches his way towards the phone to call the guidance consular. I push forth a small yes and return to my do now, completely flushed. I never showed that kind of emotion before in front of anyone…even my family. This Reno guy is defiantly someone strange.

But if you think he is nice, well just forget it! Gym rolls around a view periods later and of course he is in my class (god forbid he isn't) along with his gang mates Rufus and Hojo. The stand over by the corner, conversing about god knows what and glancing over at the gym teacher every view seconds. I would have probably gone insane with curiosity if Cid and Barrett weren't in my class…and having a cursing match while this was going on. I eye Reno suspiciously as he makes his way to the gym teacher; little do I know what treason is going on behind my back.

Then the sound of the gym teachers whistle breaks up the cursing match and any other conversations ceased. Mr. Blanchard- the fifty something year old who doesn't know he is white- announces which much enthusiasm "Dodge ball."

Everyone with a y chromosome (which is everyone in the class) began to cheer and job around, making other obscene noises. I, however, hate that stupid game and always have since Sephiroth broke my arm in the eighth grade. You know, I think he purposely did it that scoundrel…just wait until next week when I get my sword back you…

"Captians," Mr. Blanchard begins, "Rufus Shinra and Cloud Strife."

Oh beautiful! Not only are we playing the single worse "sport" in the history of sports, but I get to be a captain. Oh goody goody gum drops, hot diddly damn! Good thing I already know who is going to be on my team; Cid and Barrett no doubt. I look over at Rufus, he to has his top two players; Reno and Hojo. This wasn't going to end well.

With the teams made up, the balls in place (tee hee), the whistle was blown and the game begins! The ten years I have spent playing Nintendo have really improve my hand eye coordination as I dodge every ball thrown at me, and aim just precisely to inflict damage. Luckily my brainless teacher was too busy shooting the breeze with some basketball players who snuck in to care who was getting hurt.

I didn't care until I look over to see Cid getting bashed in the arm by Hojo, but not before hitting prissy boots Rufus on his fragile leg. Barrett made sure he got Hojo back on Cid's behalf by getting Hojo in the stomach-nice! To bad only seconds later Barrett was also out due to a awful hit to the back. (ow).

It seemed like forever by in 10 minutes there was only Reno and I standing untouched by the balls that had threaten us.

"My my," Reno began, "Guess I should have known you were good at dodging balls…you have been doing it all your life."

Oh a gay joke, how nice…

"You are a good catch, though I wouldn't expect any less from California's biggest man whore."

And Thank you Vincent.

"Sorry I am so irresistible!"

"I beg to differ."

We exchange sly grins and rush to any ball that were closest. I grab the ball nearest to me and in a swift second…

We end up in the nurses office…which a nice cold icepack on our bruise heads.

"Nice going Strife," Reno laugh, "got us out of the gym!"

I roll my blue eyes, "I would have rather done without the pain."

He laughs gently as he quietly puts his hand on my shoulder. I look down on the alien hand with no apprehension, which was something I wouldn't have done if the circumstances were different.

"I'm sorry," he says, "I didn't mean that crack about dodging balls. I had to put on a show of course."

"Yeah…I know. I am…." say it Cloud, "Sorry to…because I meant that crack about being a man whore." Okay, not ask sincere as Reno probably would have liked but, I refuse to take that back.

"Ha, seems Vincent is still good at his job," Reno laughs again, this time it was forced. "I guess I deserved that. I wasn't exactly very understanding earlier today with my drilling. If anyone should know what you are going through its me…I was a huge closet case."

I peeked over at the nurse who seems to busy tending to another victim to care about mine and Reno's conversation…so I went on. "So you to hid behind a mask…"

"If you knew my parents you would understand," he says in the grimmest tone I ever heard escape from his lips, "They wanted me to be perfect and I am not. I remember when I told them, my mom broke down to the point where she threw up all over herself. My dad instead locked himself in his room for a couple of hours."

Reno sighs, taking his hand that laid on my shoulder and moves it to my own hand. I see his eyes no longer laid upon me, but the absence of the nurse and her patient. I narrow my eyes at the cute red head suspiciously- something about his motives this entire day made me wonder…

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were hitting on me," I accuse. To my displeasure the boy just laughs, his eyes never leaving the empty space, as he dances his fingers into the spaces between my fingers.

"Oh Strife," he cackles, "You would know if I was hitting on you…"

"Oh and how would I know?"

"Because…I would do something like this.."

It happens so fast I barely had time to prepare for his advance, though it didn't change how amazing it felt. His warm lips collided with my apprehensive ones into a soft, pleasant, kiss. I knew if this was a different person, I know if it was anyone else, I would have violently pushed them away and proceed to kick their ass. But this boy, Reno, he was different, he was special. I knew from the first time we talked he knew…

Oh shit I am starting to sound sappy as hell.

But it was good…it was right.

We pull away only an inch and stare at each other, my lips still tingling from their encounter with his heavenly ones.

"You were afraid he said," he says with a hint of embarrassment hidden in his soft, trembling voice.

"I was shocked…"I correct, "But it's okay."

"Will it always be okay…?"

Will I let myself be dragged into another relationship with a man?

Will I let myself be tortured by the burning eyes of disapproving people?

Will I be afraid, happy, sad, scared, excited all at the same time?

Will I dive into a relationship with someone I have only known for a day?

Will I accept all the risk involved?

Am I going completely insane?

"Yes…"


	9. I Will Throw It All Away

_Chapter Nine_

_I Will Throw It All Away, For One Night With You_

_My hope are so high that your kiss might kill me  
so why don't you kill me  
so I die Happy._

Despite my strongest efforts, my attempt to ignore the kiss I received from that BUM Reno was a failure. The rest of the school day was spent trying to, not only figure out his motives, but get my mind in check. I said yes to wanting to dive into another relationship with a guy, but now thinking more and more about it that might just be the death of me. People apart of Shinra, unfortunately, can not be trusted at all. They will stab you in the back as soon as your guard is down and take you for all you are. Ruining people's lives and knocking out the competition is Shinras specialty. Thus, this is my plight- though I doubt Shinra would go as far as to pull someone down who poses no threat to them by seducing them with a rather sexy male, I can't help but have a little resistance towards my good friend Reno. Are his intentions real? Is he truly different than those other Shinra dogs? Will I ever answer these mind numbing questions? I guess I have to wait to find out.

But I hate waiting...

I manage to fine Reno away from his pack of stupid monkeys (sorry monkeys), in our schools library "doing homework" on the computer. I should actually be catching a ride with that crazy boy, Cid, but I want to ask a few questions first. I creep into the library, throwing my program card on the librarian's desk, and make my way towards the computer next to the red heads.

"So...You like staying in the library when you should be catching a bus home." Nice opening line Strife! Knock out a few words and you get, "So, you come here often." Are you trying to grill him or ask him on a date?

The red heads eyes never leave the hypnotic glow of the computer, but do allow a small, almost sinister, grin dance across his face. "No," he begins, "I just rather stay here than go home and have my mom whine and cry about how painful it is to carry a baby. I know I may sound insensitive...but I'd rather experience a root canal than be at home at this moment."

"Well that is insensitive," I say, almost too coldly for my liking...not trying to scare him away stupid brain! "But, I guess I see your point."

"Good! So then, want to stop the retarded small talk and get on to business."

The comment did catch me off guard, though I had expected him to know why I just suddenly show up at the library for no apparent reason. These Shinra kids are getting way to smart for their own good...I may just have to do something about it. Insert shifty eyes here.

"You are down here because I kissed you, in the nurse's office, without warning," He begins, finally directing his sight to me instead of that cursed computer, "and so, being the prude you are, you're all bent out of shape and unable to concentrate. Am I correct?"

Should I be surprise he knew all of that, without being a mid reader...to my knowledge? Of course not! If he was honest about what he had told me earlier today, he also went through that awkward first kiss, that strange alien emotion that fills your gut every time you see that man you always wanted, and that unexplained desire to just through away the fairy tale books that say a boy and girl fall madly in love. Instead, you opt for a more unacceptable lifestyle. You take the abuse, you ignore the words disappointment, and you move passed the dreadful stare of your parents every time you bring home a boy for dinner. Why would anyone choose such a lifestyle, where your parents and friends abandoned you and society condemns you? I mean, no one just wakes up today and say, "I want to be gay!" That's just ridiculous. So what is it that makes us choose the less acceptable lifestyle? Maybe there is no gay and straight, maybe there is just a guy who falls in love with another guy because he is everything he ever wanted, because they understand each other, communicate better than they could with any women. It's just a feeling, and we choose to go with it...we are condemned for being happy.

Reno went through all of that; had the same thoughts, spent endless nights wondering if he was a disease, if he was stupid and wrong. That's why he could practically read my mind. Then again...so did...

"You had a boyfriend," his voice shatters my thoughts, "what was he like. I mean you act like you just came out of the closet."

I knew the question of my previous love interest was going to pop up sometime, I just hoped it would have been when I was dead and buried.  
"I don't want to talk about him," I say, quickly finding the tiles on the floor very interesting...is that blood?  
"Hey come on now! I told you about Tseng! And that was pretty damn private. So yeah!"

I shot him a warning glare, but Reno is ruthless when he wants information. Vincent was the same way when he was in Shinra. One time he wanted to know this deep dark secret I had so badly, he dislocated my arm. Turns out that so called "deep dark secret" were that I cheated on my English test in the 2nd grade. Bet he felt pretty stupid after that one!

"Come on Strife!" Reno begins to poke my arm really hard, digging his nail in my flesh.

"What are you four!" I shout quietly so that the librarian doesn't start her wailing. Reno gave me a lost puppy look that, though adorable, didn't faze me one bit.

"You are such an asshole!" He gives up, returning to the glowing drug that lay before him. I felt kind of bad...for like a nano second. I may be acting out of character around him, but I certainly have not gone insane! I have yet to see that monkey that follows me...yes...monkey.

"So whatcha looking at," I ask as I slide my chair behind him.

"Its a motorcycle website," he replies flatly, "I want a new one for my birthday, since my other one is a hand-me-down from pops."

"You know...I have a motorcycle."

-

Well to think of all things to spark a gay mans interest, its motorcycles!

I guess you would say I found out the hard way that motorcycles were among Reno's "OH MY GOD WHAT THE ORGASM" turn ones. Once I mentioned I had one of these sexy modes of transportation, he grabbed my hair and forced me onto a bus, all the while screaming, "Why the Fk didn't you tell me!"

Sp, here we are, in my garage staring at the hot, black Harley Davidson my dad got me last Christmas. I know, "what kind of father buys his fifteen year old son a motorcycle." Well ladies and gentleman, let me enlighten you.

"Son you don't seem cool enough, here is a motorcycle to increase your coolness."

Well, he didn't say it exactly like that, but that's what he was hinting to. Normally I would have let the poor thing rot in my garage, never touching it in fear I would become my fathers clone. However, this gift was way to cool to pass up. Therefore, like the understanding boy I am, I ignored my father completely and kept the gift. And to spite him, I ride at night so that no one can see my uber coolness.

"I am impressed Strife," Reno finally speaks up after as moment of silence, "I thought of all people you would rather die than own something this expensive."

""You take me too seriously," I sigh, "I may hate having all this money, since money equals greed, but I am not going to be a brat and throw a hissy fit every time I get something nice."

"Hey by any chance, were you the guy on the motorcycle who almost chopped off Sephiroth's head last Tuesday?"

"Of course not!" I laugh weakly, "I wouldn't try to chop someone's head off."

I was actually aiming for his penis, but whatever works for you.

"So, can I give it a spin?"

"Over my dead body."

-

Ugh, this is terrible. NO! Beyond terrible! This is the beginning of the end of my life. I don't even know what possessed me to say yes to this thing. I should have said no; she would have understood. Oh man, now I am stuck going to this stupid party. No, this stupid SWEET SIXTEEN! People dressed all fancy, DJs playing horrid rap and hop hop, the entire football and cheerleading teams, and worse of all...the dreaded candle ceremony! I know for sure she is going to call me up to help her light one of those annoying, obnoxious candles. WHY GOD WHY!

"Uh Cloud, you okay there?" Reno's voice suddenly snaps me out of my subconscious panic attack.

It is the night of Aeries Sweet Sixteen, and I was the only fool outside pacing. Cid and Barrett went in long before, so walking in now, all alone, is out of the question. Now that I think it would hurt my fine reputation. I just really...REALLY...want to avoid these little cheerleaders and their "Oh my God-a, are you still in love with Aeries?" questions. And unfortunately, there is no open bar. Oh God, please just kill me now.

"Earth to Cloud?" His voicing is ringing in my head like that annoying alarm clock Aeries got me...please make it stop.

"I'm fine," I snap, clutching my poor head in pain, "I just have a headache."

"You want some pills? I got some in my car." I look over at him, a nervous expression plastered on his face; that a-- really is worried.

""No, I'm fine. Thanks anyway."

"So, are you going to go in, or are you going to stand out here like an idiot?" He crosses his arms over his chest and shoots me a sinister smile.

Reno and the rest of Shinra were invited; apparently everyone in our junior class was, saving for the delinquents (unless you count Shinra.) To make matters worse I got the pleasure of sitting at the same table as them. I swear, Aeries I trying to murder me.

"You really should go in," Reno urges, "I mean, I would be rude if you didn't. She has a candle for you and everything. You can't leave her stranded."

Oh, like how she left me stranded?

"Besides that, their really isn't any other reason for me to go in," I sigh, scratching up my neck nervously.

"Yeah I guess you are right. I was just in there, and trust me, you ain't missing anything. All the girls are acting like s, the DJ is playing horrible music, and the food tastes like ."

Well those are the top three things that will kill any party for me. Then I guess it is decided; I am going to be a jerk and just not show up. I guess it is morally wrong…but so is screwing your boyfriend's rival.

"Hey!" Reno shouts, "How about you and I do something cool"

I eye him suspiciously; shooting my ocean like eyes into his forest like ones, searching for a motive. Yes, he and I have been getting somewhat close…but that doesn't mean I trust him and his eyes. His eyes are LIARS!

They are…

Trust me…

"What do you mean," I hiss between my teeth.

"Oh geez, Strife, just trust me for once," he laughs, "It isn't like I am trying to kill you."

Well this now is a very strange predicament. Do I go home and do nothing all night except for…doing some geeky stuff I refuse to admit to here OR do I go with the strange red head who may be trying to have me killed. Hmm…home or death…home…or death. I choose

"Death, I mean yeah sure, lets go!"

-

Oh my lord, home is actually looking good right about now! I can't believe he had not only the balls but the courage himself to take me to a gay nightclub (cleverly named Willies I may add).

"You….I am not going in there!" I shriek, looking into the door. I saw all the horrid images- Pink walls! Who the hell paints the walls pink in a gay club! Oh I mean, boys dancing…with each other…ooh.

"Oh Cloud, stop being such a prude," Reno cackles evilly, "Lets just go in and have fun."

"Me…go in there!" I shriek again, this time getting a strange glare from the bouncer, "I can't go in there. I…I…hate to dance!"

SO true…so true…

"Fine, then you and I can just sit down and get drunk."

I stop and look at the boy, who seemed way to calm to be doing this. He had to have known someone from Shinra would see us together in there. Right? RIGHT!

But after the night I was having so far, getting smashed wouldn't be so bad. I have a fake ID I might as well use it. Plus, it isn't like I am with bad company…right?

"Okay…I'll go," I sigh, regaining my smooth composer, "But I swear to god if I wake up in your bed tomorrow with no clothes on…I will be forced to murder you."

"What about if you have clothes on," he giggles gently. I shoot him a warning glare, narrowing my eyes at the smartass.

"Then I will just injure you to the point of hospitalization."

"Sounds good to me!" He snatched my hand violently and dragged me into the nightclub like the beast he is!

The walls, as I shrieked before, were painted a horrid hot pink with matching curtains, furniture…etc etc. I had to look at all the boys dancing against each other just to remember I was in a gay club and not a girl's bedroom. We made our way quickly through the crowd when I suddenly got the feeling I was here before. The gold tables and pink table clothes (ew) sparked an image of me as a freshman, sitting there all alone with a soda (god I was lame) trying to figure out this mess. It wasn't the same club, I know, they must have changed the name.

Now that I remember…this is where I met him…

"Reno where did you fine this specific club?" I inquire as we come up to a booth hidden all the way in the back, where no one could see us (thank god!)

"Uhh, I had looked it up someplace," Reno said talking a seat, "Why?"

"I don't know, I just have the feeling I have been here before."'

I take a seat next to the red head, who know seemed way to busy looking for a waiting to get us some strong alcohol. Lord knows I need it!

"HEY YOU! Guy in the tacky blue shirt!" Reno screams, causing me to cringe. Man, now that headache is back again.

The rather handsome ravened haired waiter, in the tacky blue shirt, strolled to our table with an aggravated look plastered on his face. Hmm I wonder why?

"May I help you sirs?

"Yeah you can," Reno snaps, "Yo, get me a, hmm, Smirnoff. YES a bottle of Smirnoff, tacky."

"Woah woah," The waiter snaps back, "Let me see some ID."

Reno stands up with a rather appalled look on his face. "How you implying that I don't look over 21. Genius…we had to show our IDs to get in! Clearly I am of age skippy. So please fetch me a Smirnoff and the goofy looking blond over here a…"

Reno looks over at me for my order...

"Uh," oh god I sound like an idiot, "get me a Budweiser."

"Yes, get me a Smirnoff, and goofy over here a Budweiser. Run along little one."

The waiter huffed and stomped over to the bar with our order. I laughed slightly at Reno, who had calmly returned to his seat laughing his ass off.

"Ha, I pissed off that guy so much!"

"Well, I see you have a strange sense of humor," I mumble, smiling gently at the boy.

"Meh, pissing off waiters are fun," he said casually, leaning against his seat.

"Yeah, its all fun and games until they spit in your drink."

Reno forces a laugh, "Yeah, been their done that."

We sat in silence for a few seconds, though it felt like an eternity. I knew why he dragged me to this place; he wanted to know more about...him. Most of my senses, save for my brain, was telling me to trust him; there wasn't any evidence saying that he would stab me in the back. Plus, who is he going to tell? Who the hell cares anyway?

"So," he finally says, "You want to tell me about your old boyfriend?" See, didn't I tell you.

I could feel my features darken, and I unwilling started to shut down my emotions. This always happens when someone mentions him, even if they don't suspect he was my boyfriend, just the idea of him draws me into darkness.

"I see," he whispers, "first boyfriends are the hardest. I can tell from the way you act every time I bring him up, he hurt you pretty good. Most first boyfriends do; they have already forgotten what it was like venturing into this world, and just expect you to automatically feel as comfortable as they are.

"Let me see, did he at you for not telling your friends?"

Yes.

"Wonder why you didn't want to hold his hand in public?"

Yes...

"Get aggravated when you flitch at his touch, or when you pushed him away?"

"That's what caused him to go insane," I finally speak, twiddling my thumbs nervously, "I was very jumpy and I thought he understood that. Then one night he wanted...to take our relationship to the next level. Part of me wanted to, so I went along with it until he headed for my pants. That's when I freaked out and jumped about five feet into the air.

"He couldn't take my coldness told him, so basically he gave me a choice...

-

"You sleep with me tonight Cloud, or it's over," he yelled. He was two years older than me, two years more experienced, and I was a newly "Out of the closet" freshman. Clearly he thought he could take advantage at my naivety.

"You ass! How dare you demand that!" I countered with more force, "I'm sorry I am not as experienced as you or as comfortable as you, but I am not going to have you f--k me because you are just some sick horny bastard."

"You know you want, Cloud, so why don't you just give in already!"

I stopped completely at that time, and just stared into his dark eyes. He was angry, but I was the one who felt betrayed. I always just assumed, from the first day we met, that he would ease me into this new world and protect me from the horrors of it. He proved me wrong there, but he did prove that all men are just horny and looking for sex.

"Sorry, I am just not a like you."

I stormed out of the little apartment he shared with his parents, and never spoke or saw him again.

-

"His name was Zack, by the way.."

Reno flashed me a sneaky crooked smile, "We aren't all horny, some of us are actually looking to fall in love."

"Are you one of the latter?"

From Vincent's research I'd say he was the former- a freakin man . Apparently Reno likes to splurge in expensive night clubs and entertains young women. Er…well I guess Vincent's research isn't always right.

"I already have my heart away to someone, Strife. So, I guess you can say I am neither."

"How's that working for you?"

"Right now, you are making it hard."

Our eyes were having a different conversation than our brains where. The forest green orbs of his were being seduced by my blue ocean waves, and subconsciously I knew it…and continued to flirt. How powerful eyes are; they allowed what we didn't want to say to be heard, and draw us closer to each other. Before I knew it, I really was sliding closer to him, snaking my arm around his waist, and pulling him to meet me in the center. This time, I wasn't taken by surprise when he pushed his lips gently on my mouth, melting the ice that surrounded them and my heart. And like before, I felt that ecstasy flow into me, getting me higher than I have ever been.

I felt his warm tongue dance across my lips, asking for entry into my mouth (tee hee). I almost freaked out at the alien feeling, but never the less I allowed him to explore my…Do I really have to finish explaining this?

We made out in front of the world (or the gay world..) and to my surprise the world didn't end. This strong kiss of his made me blind and deaf, to a point were I barely heard the waiter return with our drinks, and disappear within seconds. I was so blind I forgot to worry if he was going to destroy me later on, I was so blind I didn't see if he was true or not, if he cared or not. And to my surprise, I didn't really care anymore.

When we pull away, I can see he isn't looking at me…he is looking through me, to the entrance door. I slowly drift away from the red head, still half high from that drug.

"I'll be right back," he said quickly, shuffling out of the booth and to the object of his gaze. I realize how insane this is getting; he is inches away from being my full time boyfriend. I had said yes to all the questions posed to me, and dismissed all the doubts. All that was left was taking the final plunge. Was I brave enough for that?

I guess I will have to find out.

-

About three beers later (woo party party party!) Reno finally re-appeared looking quite disturbed.

"Cloud, lets go," he says coldly, while his eyes sang a sad tune.

"What's wrong?" I ask with a nice slur to my voice. I need to build up a resistance to alcohol, this is ridiculous. He takes my hand, and slowly drags me out of the booth, his eyes dodging my gaze in fear I would find out his secret.

"Lets just go home…"

I dance my fingers across his face, feeling the wetness on his cheeks. The boy has been crying.

"Why were you..."

"I wasn't crying you dope!" Reno laughed, smacking my hand away, "I tried hitting on some guy and he threw his drink in my face."

I laugh despite the fact I knew he was lying through his teeth. His eyes are his greatest enemy- they give him away.

"I see, you are hitting on guys while you are with me. You sure aren't a man ." I say jokingly. Reno flashes be an innocent look, save for the crooked smile dangling from his fine face.

"Oh so NOW you want me to be with you," Reno says, "Well then, I guess that means no more whoring myself."

It must have been the alcohol, mixed with that high feeling that lingered after our kiss, because I took of my clothes and took the plunge! ...Okay I didn't actually take off my clothes but...you know what I mean!

"Yeah, and I guess I will have to stop lying to myself."

We kiss again, for the final time tonight; that high feeling returns with more force, but was mixed with a hazy feeling of regret. I could sense this feeling was coming from the red heads side.

What aren't you telling me Reno?

_That I'm afraid..._


	10. I Guess Stupid Is My Middle Name

_Authors Note: OMGWTF I know I am obessed with this story. _

_Chapter Ten  
I Guess Stupid Is My Middle Name_

I rarely drink...Hell I never drink. I have no resistance to that bloody demon called alcohol. I saw what it does to my mother, so I make it a point to stay away from it unless I am really in a partying mood. Well I wasn't really partying yesterday, and yet I had three Budweisers, and Reno's drink! So here I am, lying in my bed, with a killer hangover! I am on the verge of death here, and of course no one is here to nurse me back to health, but ANYWAY…more importantly, I threw up five times in my bathroom. Where is that maid to clean it! Huh!

Bedtime….

-

Poke...

What the hell?

Poke Poke…

Am I dreaming again?

SLAP!

I feel sharp pain throughout my entire body- some bastard is trying to get himself killed I see. Since my senses are off, thanks to that wonderful drink, I do not react at first.

"Oh come on you big baby!" Ugh that beautiful voice again…

"Leave me 'lone," I mumble, attempting and failing a throwing the covers over my head. I open on eye to see that red head sitting on my dead, fully dressed in that hideous Shinra uniform. He probably just got back from a meeting… "Go away!"

"Aww," Reno flashes me a sad puppy dog look, "is that anyway to treat your new boyfriend."

"Under the circumstances, yes!" I close my eye again and attempt to fall back asleep. However, Reno was ruthless today and continued his annoying poking. He is acting like a child again…and like a child he will eventually get tired of this game and leave me alone. Right! Of course, because I know all.

But what I didn't know, he was going to stop but only to put his arms around my waist and lay on top of me. Nice come on.

"What are you doing?" I mumble.

"Well you know, if you aren't going to get up, I am going to crush you until you do! Ha!"

"Crush me? I laugh at you," though I am not laughing, "you are a stick- I can barely feel you." The truth is, I can feel him...but not on a bad way. I feel his body heat on my chest, his breath against my neck, I feel those butterflies I hate so much swell up in my stomach. I instinctively wrapped my arm around his waist, pulling him as close as he could possibly get. Just by this simple jester, I fell victim to him.

"Fine," I hiss, "what do you want to do?"

The red head perked up and said two words, "The city!"

Spend my Saturday in a crowded city, with a tourist?

"Fine you bum."

-

We board the x1 by my house, and take a nice comfortable seat in the back of the bus- this was going to be a long trip.

"So, why are you in your uniform?" I ask suspiciously, earning a nice, yes alien, glare from Reno.

"So suspicious are we today," he says with a hint of anger lingering in his voice, "We had a meeting doofy."

"About what?" I continue my interrogation, which isn't earning many points with my new boyfriend.

"About how sexy you are," he spats, "now can we drop this?"

I merely shrug my shoulders and pretend I didn't care. Already I can see this thing is going to be a problem for me; him dining with the enemy. Despite his implications that he dislikes Shinra, he is still a member, and they still do terrible things- thus I can't just accept it.

"Listen Cloud," Reno begins after a long silence, "You just have to do me a favor and not mention Shinra when we are together. I know you hate it, and I am not about to start a fight with you about it. I am in it, I can't get out, so just get over it already."

Despite his cold words, I can sense he was just trying to compromise, which is something I myself am not very good at. "Whatever," was all said to him. I hear him sigh dramatically, but I continued my silence. I wasn't going to give him a silent treatment, but something close to it. Tee hee, I am so deliciously evil!

"What are we going to do in Manhattan?" he asks.

"Well have you ever been to the city?"

"No…"

"Fine, then we will go to midtown."

Midtown was the only logical part of the city I could think of going to. I mean…unless he wants to go downtown, which he could very well do by himself- I refuse to stay more than five minute in that place…it's boring. And to be honest, I never exactly been uptown, eheh…so…unless he wants to get horribly lost we shall stay in midtown. You know, I have lived in New York all my life and I have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building. I'm a horrible New Yorker.

"What's in midtown?" Reno asks curiously.

"OH well, we can stop by the Manhattan Mall and shop…for stuff…or we could go to the movies, I am pretty sure Time Square is around there. Whatever, we will see when we get there." Damn seriously, I live here and I have no idea what I am doing. This is why I have to stop relying on Cid and Barrett to lead the way…but I is lazy.

"You don't know were the hell we are going do you?" Reno snipps.

"Nope, but that's the New Yorker way!" Well no, New Yorkers would know where the hell they were going in the city they live in…I am just an idiot. See I admit it! I am an idiot! So there!

"Why can't we look at monuments?"

"Because, I said so."

-

Hoho! So we didn't get lost! Nope…we got rained on!

Yes folks, after a few moments of walking around aimlessly on…I think 34th Street, dark clouds covered the sky, rumbling and cursing at the silly humans below. They must have been sad about something, maybe the horrid pollution, because they cried angrily. I decided then we might as well see a movie- I wasn't going to waste the five dollars spent on the trip just to get rained on a go home. I am not a witch! I will not melt!

…

EEP my HAIR!

"So what movie you want to see?" Reno asks, trying desperately to fix his hair.

"Well, lets see…it looks like Corpse Bride is still on here…lets see that?"

"Okay, just don't tell anyone I am seeing a cartoon."

I shoot Reno a questioning glare, and snicker a little at the boy, "Umm trust me Reno, half of our class saw this movie the day it came out…I doubt they will look at you any differently."

"You never know! I mean, I have a reputation to keep up- I can't blow it seeing a cartoon!"

"Hun, I think what would destroy your reputation is seeing this cartoon with a guy."

He laughed despite the sad truth, that people would judge us horribly if seen together. I try not to care about it, or think about it for that matter. I made my choice already, I can't just say "Forget it, I like you but I don't want people to get the wrong idea." I wouldn't put someone through that, and I hope he feels the same.

Then I remember that kiss from last night- how much regret he felt. I know you all may think it is impossibly to read someone while their tongue is down your throat, but I stand by it- he was hiding something from me…

"Are you okay," I find myself blurting out.

"Yeah…why wouldn't I be," he made it sound like I was the one going crazy…hey I am not that one emitting super sonic regret filled kisses boy! Ha! Yeah…

"I was just curious…you know…uhh…HEY lets buy the ticket!"

"Nice change of subject…" he laughs- at least he isn't psycho like Aeries, who, if it was her, wouldn't drop it until I had a mental breakdown. And you all wonder why I am gay.

The theater was empty- it was the last night they were showing Corpse Bride so everyone, except for us losers, saw it. Not that I am complaining...

We sit all the way in the back, away from any other souls that decided to walk in- I knew I didn't want anyone giving us weird looks. People have a nasty habit of taking something out of context and blowing it up into a big thing...I really wish they would mind their own business.

"I wish our friends didn't care..." it wasn't directed to him, but he answers...

"That's the bad thing about wishes," his voice cold with a hint of malice, "they never come true."

Sometimes Reno could be the happiest guy, and other times he is so cold it even scares me. And I know cold!

You know it's bad when it freaks me out...

But then again, he watched his boyfriend die.

-

To be honest I didn't really pay much attention to the movie- I mean the parts that I saw were good, but I was more preoccupied by that demon sitting next to me. A demonic angel, Reno was…he could be such an a$$ sometimes I want to harm him, then other times –like right now- he is calm, sweet, and actually nice.

We sat there in the lonely theater, with only the light from the movie shining on us. I half heartedly listened to the movie as I was still tired from last nights activities. As I was about to shut my eyes and fall into a nice nap, I felt cold, skinny hands brush against mine. I instinctively clasped my hand to his, linking our fingers together. Then something pushed me to take my free hand, cup his chin, and bring him an inch away from my face. We lingered there a bit, our eyes communicating the things we would not say. Then, I somehow got the okay from him, I pushed my lips on his, taking them over. Like a choreographed danced, our tongues moved to the speed of our quickening breath. I could feel that regret coming him his side again, not as strong as yesterday, but its aura was still around us. I wanted to pull away and ask him if he was alright with this, but my body wouldn't let me.

He pulled away, his eyes looking down at our linked hands. "Would you leave me like he did?"

The question played over and over again in my ears- Would I ever kill myself?

"No, I'll never leave you," and even those words felt so alien to me, that I almost choked on them. Was I lying to him already? Would I ever kill myself? Not…if he was around- I guess he is the reason why I get up in the morning.

"Would you leave me like she did?"

His hand tighten, and I felt him tremble a little…his eyes never left our hands. "No, Strife…I won't"

"Do you promise?"

"…Yes."

I take it, we are lying to each other…or are we lying to ourselves?

-

For some reason he wanted to take the ferry home; he said he never took one and it would be interesting. Yeah, a smelly, bird bathroom, rat home, boat majigger is extremely interesting- note the sarcasm. However, he managed to convince me he was trying to be a tourist and wanted to experience all of New York. Because smelly boats are soo New York…wait it is!

"Woah, you can see the view of the city from out here," Reno said, clearly amazed by the bright lights and tall buildings that reached the sky. I have to admit I love New York- I mean, its better that New Jersey!

I shivered from the intense cold that hung in the night air- I again wasn't wearing weather friendly clothing... I refuse to conform!

"You cold there princess?" Reno laughs.

I scoff at his new nickname for me (god knows where he got it) and ignore him.

"You want me to hold ya?" He continues to push. I shoot him a soft glare (as oppose to my normal evil death glare. grrr) and allow him to wrap his arms around my waist.

There wasn't a cloud in the sky tonight, and for once I could see more than two stars in the sky. This was a rare occasion considering I live in the city, where you can only dream of a night full of stars. I look out to the harbor, taking in the amazing night view of New York City. The entire city was lite up, creating its own see of stars that anyone could appreciate.

"Whoa..." I hear Reno whisper, "and I thought California was nice at night...this is sweet."

"The best thing is, the lights never turn off," I say softly.

"Hey Cloud..."

"Wh-"

Before I can continue, I find his lips clasp against mine, locking me into the most beautiful kiss I have ever shared with anyone. He was random, emotional, passionate- I loved that about him. And in time I will grow to love the bad side of him, I knew I would...well...

I hope I would.

-

"You want to play a game?"

I eye the red head suspiciously as he unlocked the door to his enormous house. And when I say enormous, I MEAN enormous- four bedrooms, five bathrooms, a finished basement, living room bigger than most houses, dining room, kitchen, in ground Olympic pool with Jacuzzi, etc etc...need I go on?

"What kind of game," I inquire coolly, earning a laugh from my boyfriend.

"Trust me for once Strife," he responds almost sadly, "I am not trying to kill you...today."

Haha very funny.

We walk into the dark, empty house- his parents were at a party flaunting the future blessing to the Sinclair family. I could sense venom leaking from his voice as he told me about his parents incisive partying.

"Nanny's," he told me, "those were the parents I knew."

The living room, like I mentioned, was bigger than most I have seen in this neighborhood, so you can imagine it had a lot of useless in it. Huge plasma screen TV, 10 CD changer stereo, selves and bookcases filled with pictures and memories. Like most pictures, they hid the truth behind the smiling faces.

"Lets go upstairs," he says, already halfway up the stairs, "I have a mini fridge were I keep my game." He winks at me, and scrambles up the stairs like a psycho.

Fridge...game...he is taking advantage of me I know it.

His room looks in better shape than mine- it was a nice light blue with white carpet, a full wood bed set with normal blue sheets and shit. He had a nice flat screen TV with PS2, Xbox, and Gamecube, as well as a nice Gateway computer...complete with a website for illegal downloading. Nice work.

"So, what are we playing?" I mumble examining the posters that hang in the room. Oooh The Used…I like that.

"Oh hold your booty! I am getting it." he was folding though the fridge, the soft sound of glasses hitting each other echoed though out the silent room. It became clear what this boy wanted to play…

"Drinking game!" He reveals with a sloppy grin on his face, holding Corona six packs. Oh I can already tell this won't end well. "Okay, Strife, this is what is going down; we each drink a six pack of this lovely drink over here, and whoever barfs first has to get either their tongue or penis pierced."

"You have got to be kidding me," I groan, remembering how nasty that hangover was this morning…and that wasn't even a real hangover! This was going to leave me immobile for like a week; not to mention a new hole in my body.

"Come on baby, it'd be fun."

No, no it won't…okay it kind of would…sort of…

"Fine, but if I wake up with you naked next to me, I am going to kill you." Reno merely chuckled at my threat and sat on the floor.

One things, if by some crazy messed up reason I lose, I have to get my tongue pierced. Reno jr already has some nice bling bling."

Oh no he didn't.

"Ew, you pierced your penis!" I shriek…painfully.

"Yeah I got a prince Albert, want a looky?"

"No!" I say quickly, shaking my head a little too violently, "Uhh I mean, no thank. Keep Reno jr in his house please."

Reno snickers at my spastic behavior and hands me a sex pack, "Drink up Strify boy."

-

Now I would defiantly explain what happened after the first Corona, but I don't remember…anything. All I remember is wearing up to the bright morning light, in a strange bed, with strange bright blue paint, and ugh a very very strange smell of puke escaping the bathroom. Oh man I am going to barf.

"Look who decided to wake up." A strangely familiar voice bangs in my head over and over again. "You really owe me babe. I spent half the night next to you by the toilet, and the rest of the night cleaning up the puke all over the bathroom."

Oh eww.

"This light is bothering you huh?" I heard the swift footsteps of the mysterious boy travel past me to an unknown location. Then that annoying bright light ceased to exist in this place, and slowly my eye began to open. I scan the area for the source of that voice, and saw my angel crawl into the strange bed with me.

"You really owe me; I had to borrow my dads pajamas because you puked all over your clothes, then I had to brush your teeth cause your breath skank of a dead rat, and finally I had to clean up the mess we made. Seriously dude, you can't hold your beer in for shit."

"Stop, making…fun of me," I slurred, a splitting headache appearing as my own words pierced my fragile head. "How long did I last?"

"Three," He said softly, running his fingers through my apparently wet hair.

"Did you bathe me to?" I moaned. This is not my proudest moment.

"Yes, Yes I did," he laughed, "And dare I say it, you sure are packing."

I groaned, rolling away from my boyfriend, clutching my head in both embarrassment and pain. I don't even remember why I said yes to that stupid game; every time Cid tried that with me I said "umm no fucktard." But here, now, I am completely sick, half drunk, stupid stupid stupid!

What's worse is…

Did I say anything?

"Reno," I whisper (loud noises makes Cloudy's head hurt), "Did reveal any deep dark secrets last night?"

There was a lengthy pause, and I couldn't tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Oh shit, what could I have said…

"Nah, you just said, 'gurgle gurgle blarg."

"Oh don't make me throw up!"

He laughs at my expense, that asshole, "Don't worry I won't…it wasn't very pleasant."

I turn onto my back, my eyes slowly closing- am tired sue me! Before the conscious world became a memory, I felt that boy with cherry like hair lay his head on my chest and his arm on my waist.

"What time is it?" I murmur.

"Does it really matter?"

No…it didn't.


	11. Just A Little Room For Angels

Chapter 11

Just A Little Room For Angels

(Not In Clouds Point of View)

_Imagine this, not many people could, a girl barely legal walking down the projects of Staten Island wearing nothing but a skirt up to her ass, and a shirt that reveals everything. Why is she here you ask, and not at home with mommy and daddy having a nice home cooked meal and doing her physics homework? She has no home; she has a house, a shelter, nothing more. This house has one bedroom, one bathroom, and a living room/dining room/kitchen all jumbled together. There is a TV with no cable, no computer to do research for school, no video games like all her friends have, no nice things just the basics. Sometimes the basics aren't enough though; you need clothing, NICE clothing, not just the Salvation Army crap your mother digs through once a month, especially if your friends are shallow people demand you look as great as them. You don't understand the pain it is to have people call you names for not wearing Guess or Gucci. You don't understand the loneliness to have no one to talk to, no one to listen, and no one to help. That's why I did it, that's why I at the age of fourteen I became a prostitute. _

_Sure it sounds like I should be condemned because I am a "whore", but if you knew why I did it, you would know why this was the only way out for me. I can't afford nice things, hell my mom has barely enough to buy food after my dad decided to shoot himself in the head. I can't remember the last nice meal my mom cooked for me, I can only remember the TV dinners she slapped together before work. Don't get me wrong, she tried her hardest, but a waitress by day and a bartender at night doesn't help pay the bills and put food on the table. I tried getting a "real job", but it isn't as easy as you think. You can't walk into a store and say "here is an application hire me now!" No you have to wait, weeks…weeks I didn't have. So I did the only thing I could do, I started to sell my body. It wasn't worth much either, I wasn't a virgin when I went into this business…no…mothers second boyfriend took care of that when I was four. I also took up stripping if you wanted to know…it isn't as bad as having sex with a forty year old. _

_Maybe dad had the right idea…_

_-_

"The diner Reno?" I groan as my crazy boyfriend lead me into the rather nice, but sorry excuse for a date, diner. "Come on, we have like a million dollars, can't we go to like…I don't know…someplace NICE!"

Reno shoots me an evil death glare that could compete with mine, if it wasn't for the fact he was just to adorable to look mean. "Shut up Strife, this is the only place we can go today."

"I don't see why, a lot of fancy places serve lunch."

"Well, good for them, but I have the urge to stuff down a nice BLT," he grins.

"Whatever." Haha the whatever of doom, that's what I inflict on you for bringing me to this place…

Oooo pancakes.

"So Strifanator," what is with this boy and his nicknames, "Umm, could you tell me about that little girl Tifa you always call a whore?"

I raise an eyebrow; what could he possibly want to know about Tifa. "Why?"

"I don't know curiosity," he says, shrugging his shoulders, "She always flirts with me so I figure I should know a little about her. Not that I want her! I told you, boobies scare me."

He flashes me a reassuring smile, which only adds to my suspicion. I would narrow my eyes suspiciously, but he throws a hissy fit when I do, and I rather not ignite his anger.

"She and I used to be friends when we were younger, back when we were like six or seven. Her dad killed himself when she was like two or three; she never really seemed phased by it. When she turned thirteen she changed, she had an attitude problem, and she started drift towards a bad crowd. Eventually, we just lost touch; rumor is she is the biggest whore."

"Literally?" Reno asks calmly.

"Uhh well, I hear she slept around with the entire football team so yeah I guess."

"Oh...okay."

I wasn't satisfied with that "Oh okay" he gave me; it was almost like he was taking notes...as if he was on one of Shinra's stupid cases. I can't see what they would want from Tifa; she is poorer than dirt so, she couldn't give them money, and I doubt she is smart enough to be a threat to a gang like Shinra. I was about to give Reno the third degree when the overly happy waitress frolics to our table.

"May I take your order boys?" She asks eagerly; maybe two eager for someone serving people for a living. Ah well, at least she isn't whoring herself.

"Yeah," Reno begins, "I will like a BLT and a Coke...not Pepsi, Pepsi sucks."

"Oh don't worry, we only serve the best here," she winks and turns to me. Hmm pancakes are really looking good.

"Uhh can I have uhh," no no what am I thinking? I can't have pancakes at noon. No, thats stupid. "Umm..."

"He will have what I am having," Reno interjects with a smile. Yeah well, BLTs aren't si bad.

"Yeah only I will have a Cherry Coke."

"Okay boys, let me take your menus and your food will be out shortly."

With a smile she takes our menus and frolics back to the kitchen like a happy little waitress. I would love to be that happy.

"Sorry," Reno mumbles, "I usually did what with Tseng; order his food for him when he didn't know what he wanted. Usually we liked the same things." He laughs despite the sadness in his voice; it was painful seeing that smile on his face...so fake.

"It's okay," I say, trying to be reassuring, "I like BLTs."

"You know...you remind me of a BLT." He laughs a little harder, the sadness slowly flying away.

"How the Hell do I remind you of a BLT?"

"Well, out the outside you are hard-"

"What do you mean hard!" I shriek...oooh my dirty mind is getting out of control.

"I mean, if you would let me finish," he growls, "You are like, I don't know, hard to get to know...and like...just like toast!"

"The bread on the BLT isn't always toasted," I counter with a smile."

"Geez I am trying to be fuckin' romantic and you are being a bitch about it! Fine forget it."

"No no, come on tell me how I remind you of a BLT."

No answer, he sits across from me trying to look as if he was mad; dodging my lingering stare for as long as he could. "Oh come on, don't be like that. I'm sorry, "I'll listen."

He shakes his head, a smile trying to creep onto his face, "No, the moment has past."

I smile despite his fake anger; it is scary that he is kind of acting like a girl...but at least he isn't throwing a hissy fit and tossing random sharp object at me. At least he isn't being annoying.

The drink came out first; I stared at my Cherry Coke, which I loved so much, then at Reno, then at my drink, then at Reno.

"You remind me of Cherry Soda," I say suddenly. He raises an eyebrow and waits for me to explain. "Well, you're hair is the color of cherries..."

"That's gay," he counters. Oooh, using gay as an insult nice one gay boy.

I toss him a death glare, and he smiles a sneaky smile and allows me to continue. "You have hair like cherries, and I like cherries...(maybe to much) and...you...have gas like soda?"

He shoots me the most horrific death glare I have ever seen grace his perfect face. "Gas? What the hell is wrong with you Strife," he shrieks. I can't help but laugh at his fit, but that doesn't seem to make the situation any better. Tee hee.

"Oh simmer down," I laugh.

"If that was your best attempt at being romantic, I'm screwed right?"

I shrug, twirling the glorious drink with my straw making a tornado of liquid and ice. "I guess. You weren't being so romantic before either."

"That was your fault," he shrieks again. Now the high pitched yell is getting to me…ow my head.

I pause staring that the drink, "You remind me of Cherry Soda, and I love my cherry soda."

Woah did I just say love?

My eyes widen and I look over at Reno who was holding back a cackle. "Hehe," he laughs, "So are you telling me, you love me."

Uhhhh

"I don't know." Nice save Strife!

"What do you mean you don't know," he states calmly, "you either know or you don't know."

Well, I don't know.

"I mean I could, eventually, but…"

"But…" he repeats waiting for an answer, an answer that I didn't have.

"Can't I love Cherry Soda without there being a whole big thing about it," I was a tad frustrated now; Love has always been a small issue for me.

"Well, I think Cherry Soda thinks that if you love someone there has to be a whole big thing."

"Well then, how about I strongly like Cherry Soda."

"Don't you strongly like your friends?"

"Sometimes."

"Then it doesn't count."

I sigh, I don't want to go into a long detailed explanation on why I don't want to admit I love him or admit I don't. If I say I don't I will be lying, but the same goes if I say I do, and both would be wrong to tell him. I mean I just broke up with Aeries like two minutes ago and already I am jumping on to the bandwagon again, this time with a overly sensitive, immature, clumsily, little boy. I have to face it, he is unique, maybe that part I love. Zack was controlling, and treated me like I was a child and needed to be guided in the right direction. Aeries spent half our relationship trying to mold me into an upstanding, socially acceptable citizen and the other half screwing around with the bane of my existence. Reno is the only one not out to control me, sure it may look like I am him b!tch, but I really wear the pants. Yeah you will see it eventually, I am the man and he is the woman. ANYWAY, damn where was I going with this.

"I could possibly love Cherry soda if we stay together and he doesn't go flat on me," nice save!  
Reno leaned back into the both, evidently happy with that answer, "You know as much as I do. Nothing."

Or he could see right through me….

Well, at least he agrees with me.

"Whatever."

Apparently I offended him with my whatever, which in my defense slipped out uncontrollably…my mouth has a mind of its own, because he sat up straight, shooting me an offended look. Then he does something strange- he takes a sip of the soda. Now what the hell would he do that…

SPIT

Ohh…so he could spit it in my face…

I open one eye after I was attacked by Reno's soda spit of doom, to see him laughing so hard he wasn't making any coherent sounds.

"That's not funny," I hiss through my teeth, but the crazy boy continues his laughter. I sigh, taking the white napkin from eh table and wiping away the soda that clung to my face.

"You mad?" his voice tried hiding the chuckles that tried to escape, "I see what you mean Strife."

I look up, into the glowing green eyes that seem so confused, and flash him a very faint smile. "What are you doing later that is so important."

I saw his face change from the happy face I am used to, to the serious face I fear more than anything. Every time he goes serious on me, I see a little more of his soul through his eyes that were never meant to be seen. Horrific images played over and over again in those eyes, without wanting to stop. He chooses to remember those days that almost killed him…or he just doesn't have a choice.

"Have you ever taken time to notice Tifa?" His voice was cool, alien, and most of all serious with a hint of malice. "I mean, ever take time to look at her? Talk to her?"

The question took me back; it was so out of place, so random, and so didn't answer my question. Or maybe it did. Tifa was his business, why is a good question.

"Why do you care?"

His famous lopsided grin danced along his face, "Answer the question Cloud."

The truth was no, I never took the time out of my "busy" like to talk to Tifa after the incident that drew us apart. Mostly because I didn't give a damn about her, her life, or how she chooses to life it. If she likes being a stupid whore, then let her be a stupid whore. What are you going to do? Smack her and say "This is the wrong direction!" No, you can't. I wouldn't because it was pointless, jus like if I wasted my time telling my mother to sober up. People do what they want.

"No," I spat coldly.

"Is it because you are selfish?" Reno countered.

"I am not selfish, she can do whatever she wants if he makes her happy."

Reno just stares at me in disbelief; as if me not caring automatically made me a heartless monster. And so what if I was a heartless monster, if it makes me happy I can do it right? RIGHT? Exactly. Not like I am hurting anyone…a lot.

"Ah, so you really don't know," he chuckled, "Next time you see her Strife, look at her eyes…and you will see how dead she really is."

I raise a blonde eyebrow, looking for the words to respond. There really was nothing in my dictionary of sarcastic comebacks, or my dictionary of smart ass comments. So, I searched the dictionary of sincere phrases that I rarely ever use only to find out that not only am I not ever compassionate or sincere, I am also lack in the vocabulary department. There was nothing to say to this. Why? How? What? They all seemed so over used, overrated. I really don't care.

Fuck, maybe I do.

"Don't hurt her," I hiss and started on my BLT.

Reno chuckles again, "You mean, like you hurt her?"

-

The rest of the afternoon was spent giving my asshole of a boyfriend the silent treatment. After he spoke his final words, called him something along the line of "You fuckin fuck face," and ate my food in silence. He didn't bother to say he was sorry, or explain why he said it, instead he offered a "whatever asshole," and further ignored my anger. Then the bill came, and things went from bad to worse.

I wasn't going to pay or even help pay for the bill after that rude comment of his. I could see in his devilish green eyes he was going to find a way to make me pay, (or make me help pay since I doubt he wants to imply he is the woman in this relationship…even if he is). So being me normal cold, nasty self, I simple walk out of the diner.

"You aren't fuckin' leaving me with the bill," he screams, but his words fall on deaf ears. I just walk out, leaving him to decided on whether or not he is going to pay or wash dishes.

I knew what he meant by his first comment-which if we were in the privacy of our homes I would have killed him- Tifa, I hurt her, or I guess it was that I was supposed to save her from some evil that stalked her. I didn't, nor did I try…but it wasn't my fault everything went downhill after that night.

Tifa and I used to be friends, best friends even. As you remember me saying, I went to an all boys Catholic High school with a bunch or snotty rich kids who has an ego problem and a trust fund at the age of six. Vincent wasn't in my school until the third grade, so from pre-school to second grade, I was truly, utterly alone. No friends, no allies, no one would stand up and take a hit for me back then. It seemed even the teachers didn't like my "attitude" problem, and even attempted to label me a deviant (so I stole Rufus's cupcake in the first grade, it wasn't like he was going to eat it right? He was a chunker back then…I was doing him a favor!).

Around that same time, my mother was taking up the fine art of drinking. When she was sober, she would take me to the park so I could run around for a good two hours like a sped while she read one of her fashion magazines. I was six, and curious, so I decided to stray away from my mothers less-than-attentive eye. I ended up at the beach next to the park. South Beach it is still called; my mom likes to go really far away for some reason…I once heard her say I wouldn't embarrass her over there because no one knew us. At six she was already making me feel miserable.

I walked around for a couple of minuets in the deep sand, pretty damn happy about it last time I checked, when a little girl with long dark hair ran up to me. Her hair ran down her knees and was tired up with a loose scrunchy at the end- giving her split ends the look of a dolphin tail-she had dark faded eyes, that seemed so…dead for a sex year old, and she was short, shorter than most six year olds that I can remember. She was cute though, she was cute and nice, which was what I liked about her.

"Hello what's your name?" Her voice was so high pitched it could break a window, and the fact that she practically screamed in my ear didn't make it any better.

"Cloud," I said nonchalantly, "what's yours?"

"Oh I am Tifa! Tifa Lockheart!"

"That's a funny name," I say coldly; let's just say I didn't know how to talk to girl back then.

"Well it isn't as silly as Cloud," she counters, "I mean, clouds are up in the sky! Not a person."

"Oh…" I looked at the cute little stuffed animal she was holding- a cat with a crown on its head, "What's that?" I pointed at the strange little animal, which apparently was rude of me.

"Don't point its bad!" She hissed, then returned to her happy self, "his name is Cait sith, and he is my bestest friend!"

"How can you be friends with something that isn't real?" Imagination wasn't exactly my thing back then at six; along with lacking friends I lacked the schools to conjure up stories that only existed in my head, and using the inanimate objects little children had to act them out. I was too busy playing baseball back then to have time for such games.

"He is real," she countered with a huff, "Don't you have a bestest friend?"

I paused and looked at the animal, a small hint of sadness stabbed at my young heart, "No…No one likes me."

Tifa's face was overrun by concern as she took my small hand in hers, "It's okay, no one likes me either."

And there it was, the one thing we six year olds had in common back then- the knowledge that no one liked us. Pretty damn morbid for a six year old to think, let alone know something like that. I knew why no one liked me, and it wasn't until Tifa was well grown that I found out why she wasn't liked.

-

Then she and I grew up some, and at thirteen everything started to crumble around us. Vincent's career as a Shinra lap dog was drastically coming to an end, Sephiroth who had been our friend started going all weird on me-to the point were I swear he tried to have be killed-and the dreaded sexual tension between Tifa and I started to show it's ugly head.

I wouldn't consider Tifa my first girlfriend, my first love, but she was my first kiss. I was like yesterday. It was three weeks before school was going to start, Sephiroth was expressing his unexplainable hate me for, and Vincent was starting to disappear on us. Tifa and I were hit extremely hard by the events, and found ourselves hanging out more and more. Unfortunately, Tifa thought this meant more than it did.

We were lying on my bed that day, staring at my white ceiling, just admiring the one moment of silence we had.

"Cloud," she said slowly, "I love you."

"I love you to, Tif," I said with no feeling, no emotion; we had been friends long enough to say it and mean it in just a friendly way.

"No, I mean, I really really love you." She sat on the bed, looking down on me, waiting for an answer, looking for an answer in my swirls of blues in my eyes. She wasn't satisfied when my eyes told her to "run away, I'm not what you need." So she tried my lips. Very slowly she bent down, until our lips met in a slow, emotionless kiss. When she pulled away I looked at her coldly, so cold I could sense the tears welling up in her eyes.

"Why did you do that," I hissed. I don't remember why I was so angry at her…I regretted that. She didn't answer me, just laid back on the bed, her back towards me. I was getting frustrated by the minute; I had to get her to leave me alone…forever. I shoved her gently, "Go away."

Tifa looked back, horrified by the behavior I never dared show her, "What…why?"

I stared at her for a minute, a long minute, burning into her dead brown eyes I guess trying to scare her with my gaze. She didn't faltered, she didn't move and inch, she wanted to know why her best friend-the one she trusted most of all-was treating her as if she was the plague.

And I knew what came next was wrong, and I knew the moment I said it I wanted to take it back. "Because you are an fucking whore and everyone knows it."

-

Now that I think back to it, as I lay on the hood of my boyfriend's car, I was scared. That was the same time I was starting realizing my sexuality, and the fact that I didn't much care for girls as I did for guys. When she kissed me I freaked out, I got all confused and worried, to the point were my evil side just took over and called the one word that could shatter her into a million and one pieces.

We have never talked after that day. And I know I am a bastard, I still call her all those names, I still treat her as if she is some stupid piece of shit. I of all people should know she was never that, or would ever be that. But still I keep at it- my first kiss was turned into something horrible because I couldn't take it. I am so screwed up. I am so fucking screwed up.

"Oh I know my EX- boyfriend isn't sitting on the hood of my car!" Reno screams as he walks of the diner. I glance over at him, and even though I knew he was joking I still let a hint of sadness escape into my eyes. He caught that, and took back his statement, "well no Ex, but you are in the dog house mister."

"Oh?" I act innocent.

"How the hell could you leave me with the bill you big ass!"

"It was your own damn fault," I counter without a hint of emotion. 

Reno throws his hands in the air; but defeated he had to have to last word, "Whatever, I don't have time to baby sit a child, I have work to do."

"Shinra work," I huff, not moving from the comfort of the BMW.

"For your f—ckin' information Strife, what I am doing tonight doesn't have sh!t to do with Shinra, so just shut the f—k up already!" Well, it wouldn't have taken a genius to know Reno was being a freakin pansy- okay yeah so every time the name "Shinra" is brought up I get all pissy, but I have a reason! Shinra is the bane of my existence since the Vincent joined them in the sixth grade. I explained this to everyone a thousand times, but it seems the only person who should understand, doesn't. I can already see this, above all things, will be the reason we break up. Yes, I am psychic.

"Whatever," I retort.

"Fine, fuck you to," he shouts again, "and get off my f—kin' car, and I hope you have money for the bus, because I ain't drivin' your sorry ass home."

"Three months and already you got the New York accent down," I change the subject before he has any chance to enforce that threat. I don't have money for the bus, and Cid has been on edge lately, so calling him for help is well…detrimental to my health and existence.

"Cloud I am dead effin' serious," he hisses, "get off."

I shoot him a sinister look, "What are you going to do lady man?"

Well maybe that was a stupid thing to say to guy who is not only my boyfriend but who also is supposed to give me a ride him. Reno lungs at me and shoves me off the car. I fall on my ass and look at him with an equally pissed off look plastered on my face.

That's when I thought about it; what a stupid ass fight I managed to once again drag our selves into. As usually I make a big deal about everything, and I know it, and I harp on it until he backs down, or we both go home mad. This time it looks like only one of us is going home, while the other sits on their ass like a moron, wondering how the hell he got there.

I always do this,

I always did this,

I guess I will always be the bad guy.

"Ow," I say dryly.

"Serves you effin right," he counters his voice still in angry mode, "you probably dented my car with your fat ass."

"Thanks," I mumble sarcastically as I arise from the dirty parking lot of the diner, dusting myself off. I decide being in a car with him was going to piss me off even more, so I start to walk away when the red head grabs my arm.

"What are you going to do huh?" he mocks, "walk?"

I merely nod as I yank my arm away from him.

"Fine walk," he continues, "see if I care."

Reno was angry, very angry, and I had an ego that could choke an elephant- it was stupid…we were stupid. He gets in his car and speeds off, leaving me behind a trail of dust. Maybe it was my fault, everything else seems to be. If only if only, i could say, if only he wasn't in Shinra, I wouldn't be treating him like a prisoner. If only he understood why I hated the fact he was in there, maybe then he wouldn't get defensive. If only we could just put our pride and egos aside and just act as normal as boyfriends can possibly be in this world, THEN MAYBE just MAYBE there wouldn't be this scene.

Me, standing in the cold, in the middle of Hylan.

I turn around to begin the long walk home, when the familiar black BMW pulls up next to me, the still ticked off red-head in the drivers seat.

"Get the car Cloud," he says softly, a hint of anger traced in his words.

I look into the open window of the passenger side door; he wasn't looking at me, he was looking ahead of him, trying to ignore yet acknowledge me at the same time.

"Stop," I say coolly.

"Stop what?" he asks defensively.

"Just stop acting like you are angry at me, I won't get in the car if you are still pissed." Reason: I like to avoid uncomfortable car rides.

"Well say you are sorry and I will," he counters.

"Why do I have to say I'm sorry, you started this shit."

"Why the hell did I come back." He tries to drive away again, but I wouldn't let him. I grabbed the door and shouted "wait." And he did…which was good because if he had driven off…hehe I would be a dead Cloud.

"This isn't working out is it?" I mumble. For the first time Reno actually looks at my eyes, his green orbs filled with shock and a hint of that blasted regret.

"You want to break up or something," he says cooly. I could tell he didn't want to, and I felt the same way...but the fighting was just stupid.

"I hate the fights we have," I sigh, "it doesn't matter who starts it, they are just stupid and happen almost every time we are together. We do so well when aren't fighting, but once we fight it's like we want to beat the living shit out of each other, and we can't have that."

There is a lengthy pause, and Reno seems to be thinking hard about it...maybe to hard. His eyes had pulled away from mine, and were now centered on the fine carpet of his car. 

"I'm sorry," he starts biting his thumb nail; a nervous reaction I see.

I get in the car, my eyes never leaving him, scared that he would suddenly drive away again. I've noticed something about him- he gets scared so easily around me. I don't mean scared as "OH MY GOD A SPIDER!" no I mean scared like...I was. He told me he had a boyfriend, and from Vincent's research (oh I love that boy) he was quite the seducer among the gay crowd. But here, now, he seems like a virgin to this world, even worse than me. Does he wants this? Does he care? Is he really this afraid? or is he just upset we had another one of our fights. Could it be something more, something even I could be frighten of.

Are you lying to me Reno? Are you lying like Zack and Aeris? Are you just the same as everyone else? Like my parents, my teachers, my neighbors, my family? Are you going to hurt me Reno?

Please answer.

Please tell me I am an idiot, a paranoid idiot. Please just tell me I am thinking to much, or I have serious issues. I'd take anything, I just want an answer...

"I love you."

And those three words made everything right again. All the questions were answered. Or, at least I hoped.

"I love you too."

"Like cherry soda?"

I laugh gently, "Even more than cherry soda."

-

We are in front of my house, in his car, making out like two rapid, hormone driven, teenagers. Well we are, what you expect? Of course it was kind of stupid since anyone from the neighborhood could have walked pass and be all "Oh em gee, two boys making out in the car, call the army!" But I guess he is just way to sexy to keep my hands off.

We finally pull away after about twenty minutes of tongue dancing.

"I've got to go babe."

"F--K you," I yank his long pony tail to emphasis my discontentment.

"I am going to assume that means 'I love you' and be on my way." He leans over to plant one more soft kiss on my lips. I clearly wasn't happy.

"Why did you want to know about Tifa?" This seems to be the perfect time to ask, but clearly Reno wasn't giving in and shot me the most evil death glare one of his cuteness could muster up.

"I have to go bye bye now."

"Come on were going out, who can you trust if you can trust your boyfriend."

"I don't want you involved."

"I won't be, I am just naturally curious."

He opened his mouth as if he was going to tell me but, stupid boy, decides not to and flashes me his prize winning smirks. Ohhh he is up to no good that one!

But he's so cute.

Oh I suck.

-

I am unusually bored tonight, which sucks because I hate being bored- thus why I hate school. Every video game I seem to pick up doesn't interest me, every time I try to write in one of my stories the inspiration doesn't come, and finally every time I try to look for Sephiroth to kill….some time, he isn't out. Ugh where is he! He should be out by now! Stupid little monkey.

Okay let's try my so-called best friends.

Vincent- is apparently "busy" at home entertaining some "guest." Which means he is playing bridge with his sadistic grandmother and her friends.

Cid- Saids he is "patrolling" which means he steals one of his dad's portable sirens and roams around Staten Island scaring children. You would think the son of a cop would know it is illegal to impersonate an officer.

Barret- He just said, "I have my hands tied" with a slight laugh, so I defiantly do NOT want to know what he is doing.

There wasn't really anything legal to do, so somehow I manage to find myself roaming around a neighborhood that I have never been to. Yes, despite the fact Staten Island is small, I haven't explored every single inch of it- not like this place is that interesting to waste time exploring. Well anyway, the neighborhood didn't look so different from mine, saved it looked more middle class than rich snobby tight ass class. So you could suspect my surprise when I saw a familiar black BMW parked across the street from a suspicious building, almost hidden thanks to its color.

I decide to be bold and daring, and made my way to the passenger side of the red heads car. I peer in and see my boyfriend in his Shinra attire, his sunglasses sitting gracefully on his perfect nose, looking as if he was waiting for someone to appear. Well I certainly doubt he was expecting his boyfriend- so I knock on the window, causing the boy to jump around like a fish out of water.

"Strife," he blurted out, staring at me with his classes falling of his face, "Wh-What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question," I mock.

"Just….get in the car."

-

"Did you hear, she is a whore?"

"Oh my god, yeah! I heard she did it with the principal she he wouldn't kick her out!"

"Ew! He is a married man!"

"Yeah, with two kids!"

"I heard she had an abortion freshman year!

"She probably has aids!"

-

(Now Playing Just a Little by The Used.)

_Surprise me I'm looking out looking out_

"Rude heard it first."

The sound of guitars and drums sang in the car as Reno stared out into the darkness, staring at the building, looking out for someone. I looked out with him, curious to see the being that caused him to leave my side in favor of a fake Shinra job. Whoever it was, had to be important to someone.

"Rude has liked her since second grade, God knows why, so he felt he should protect her when he heard those nasty rumors."

_Surprise me you jump back up on to your feet somehow_

"He told me he has been watching her here…not every night, but often he comes here…waits for her…and then waits for a customer. When he sees them, he plays a fake siren and chases them away."

"Does she know it's him?"

"No, and he won't tell her."

"Why?"

"Because she loves someone else."

_Surprise me I'm looking out looking out  
Surprise me you jump back up on to your..._

I face him, a darken feeling rose in my chest- not me right? Not me.

-

"You know whose really really cute?" her long black locks whipped violently in the wind as we all walked down the South Beach boardwalk.

"I know I am!" a ten year old Sephiroth boasted, running his fingers through his soft silver hair allowing a cocky smile make his way across his face. We were friends back then, best friends…what happened to us?

"NO! Silly," she giggled violently, "Cloud is!"

My blue eyes widen, and I remember a small blush paint my pale face. Sephiroth's evil cackle echoed throughout the beach and boardwalk, causing the four of us to stop midway. Vincent, being quiet as ever, smiled half heartily but kept his mouth shut for the most part.

"I'm not cute," I mumble modestly, causing little Tifa to practically to jump on top of me and squeeze me to about an inch of my life.

"Yes you are!"

-

_Things appear gone…things appear gone_

We both continue to stare at the building decorated with the graffiti of gangs and wanna-be big shots. The flicking street lamps gave off little light to shine upon the fallen angels that walked this path every night waiting for someone to rescue them, but always getting the villain. She was here, that's why he was here, that's why Rude came every night. He wanted to protect her, he wanted Reno to help, and here I was stuck in the middle. I could have left by now, but now I feel obligated…after I hurt her…after that night.

"She doesn't want to do this."

_Where'd you go?  
seems like your better half said it all  
you're wonderful  
seems like your better half said it all _

"She wants to be free."

-

Tifa's POV

If I could go back and time and change my life, I would in a heartbeat. I haven't learnt a valuable lesson in my life, and I doubt I ever will. The only thing I ever learnt from my job was that I am just a piece of meat to men, and that my body and my sex is all they would ever want out of me. To them, my brain, my wishes, my hopes, my dreams, are just excess baggage that they don't even want to see in the eyes of the woman they are fucking. They just want that moment of pleasure…and that's why I am here.

-

_Surprise me I'm looking out looking out  
Surprise me you jump back up on to your feet somehow_

back to Clouds

"We just wait then?" my voice cracks upon seeing her, dressed like a whore, not like the peppy cheerleader she is at school. A skirt, hiked up so far you can barely make out her butt cheeks, a metallic fitted tank top shaped her body and allowed her enormous breast to peep out. She is wearing the boots she wore for her Halloween costume, everyone likes them, I doubt anyone know what else they were used for. Her hair was lose, a tad messy, but let out a luminous glow when she walks under a street lap. She looked dead, but I doubt her customers would care, as long as she lets them take advantage of her…they don't care. 

_Surprise me I'm looking out looking out  
Surprise me you jump back up on to your..._

"Yeah, we wait for some sick married pig, probably from out neighborhood, drive up in his pretty Mercedes and call her over," you could lick the venom and malice off his words it was so thick. Never seen him mad like this before, never thought he had a bone in his body that resembled complete and utter hate. He sounds almost like me…heh, guess I am rubbing off.

My eyes lock on to a old beat down white Honda pulling up next to her- that's not something a rich married fellow from our neighborhood would drive. In fact, that's something…

"Cid," I gasp.

"So he finally got the balls to do it," Reno snickered, "it seems like she isn't the only own from your group with secrets."

"He isn't picking her up! His dad works for the Special Victims Unit, I doubt he would do something like this!"

"Your right," Reno leans back, watching with a small smile on his face, "he is here to save her."

_Things appear gone…things appear gone_

Tifa

I am shocked when I see him emerge from his dirty car, his normally pissed off look escalated to something I couldn't even explain. He was mad, no, he was angry, betrayed. My biggest mistake was letting him go- but I had to, I couldn't drag him into this hell hole. But here he is anyway, of his own free will, to ask me…

"Why?"

His voice was calm despite the anger that continued to linger in his face. I wanted to tell him why, god knows I did, I wanted to spill my guts…I wanted him to be my night in shining armor. He has other things to worry about, though, that don't include some little hussy who grew up to fast.

"Like I have to fuckin' answer to you," I shout, turning my back on him like I did a year ago. But unlike a year ago, he grabs my hand, stopping me in my tracks. I try not to look in his direction, I shut my eyes to block his face out- just go away Cid, I am not worth it.

"Don't give me that bullshit again Tif. I have to know why you are doing this to yourself.

"Just go away Cid."

"No!" He shouts, squeezing my hand and pulling me closer to him. "Tell me for once, stop running away from me, I am not your enemy!"

"Why the fuck do you even care," I counter as I hold back the tears that have been threatening to fall since last year- I never cry for a man…or…I try not to.

"Because…someone have to care right?"

"No."

He lets go of my hand, and I let it drop to my side without remorse. I didn't need this drama, this "love", it will only get in the way of what I need to do- get money for my family, and keep up this so called social status I have at school, without it I am nothing…I am useless, worthless. And what was love anyway? Some stupid illusion created by the hallmark company to make money. It's an excuse for teenage girls to get into bed with their boyfriends after one month. It causes murder, sadness, depression, and suicide. It never lasts, it isn't even real.

_Where'd you go?  
where'd you go?  
you're wonderful  
seems like your better half said it all  
_

He glided behind me, putting him mouth right next to my ear and his hands against my waist. If I had one ounce of strength left in me, I would shove him away and kick him in the balls. All to protect him….All to protect him. But part of me doesn't want that, part of me wants to listen to him…

"The first time I saw it…" his voice would be alien to his "friends", a soft, sweet voice he only used on me. I always felt special because of that…because he didn't treat me like a daughter…he treated me like a

_wonderful wonderful wonderful wonderful_

"You looked like one of those snooty cheerleaders, like Aeris. I thought you were rich- dressed from head to toe in Bebe. It was the first day of school, it was a litter warmer than most September days, so you were in a black shirt and white tank top. Your hair was up in a high pony tail, and you were flirting with those white 'gangsters'. It took me a year to talk to you…"

"We had Chemistry together," I continue dreamily, "you sat next to me…I knew who your father was- he booked me a few times. I saw the pictures of his family on his desk…a happy family. A mom and dad holding hands on their wedding, two little twin girls flashing a toothy smile, and then his sons eighth grade graduation picture. 'He's a fire cracker that one, about your age, but he's a good boy,' that's what your father always said. So when I saw you, I was afraid to ask you the simplest of questions…"

"My dad had told me who you were- he told me to watch you. At first I didn't know what he meant, and I didn't really care. I was to caught up in my own life to bother. But there was something about you that wanted me to know more…and my boy 'father like attitude,' started to cloud my judgment. I asked for your chemistry homework…those were the first words I ever said to you."

I push myself away from him and stare into his cold blue eyes, "So? Then what happened, everything went down hill. You wanted to control everything, and I just wanted to be free for once."

"And this is free," he counters loudly, "standing on a corner!"

"And you think you can save me from this? When I can't even save myself!"

_angels can fly  
motivation...motivation_

"You can save yourself, just let me help you."

Can you argue with someone with the soft angry eyes, telling you he wants to pick you up off the floor and teach your to walk again? Can you argue with someone who threw you away and almost forgot about you entirely? Can you argue with him? I know he is right…

_Things appear gone..things appear gone..things appear gone_

"I won't let you go this time, I promise…"

_Where'd you go? where'd you go?  
you're wonderful  
seems like your better half said it all  
you're wonderful you're wonderful  
seems like your better half said it all  
where'd you go?  
seems like your better half said it all  
you're wonderful  
seems like your better half said it_

-

"Looks like our work here is done."

I smile at the red head as we witness the beautiful site before us- Tifa and Cid kissing under the dull moonlight, acting as if no one in the world existed in that moment, but themselves and the passion that had long awaited to be re-awakened. I would have never thought, of all people, Cid would be the one to pick up a broken girl like Tifa and put her back together- I didn't even think he knew her on a level like that. Goes to show you how many secrets we keep to ourselves in this foursome of ours. Cid, broken hearted by a girl shattered by her own mistakes. Vincent, well he is and probably forever will be a box filled with the most horrendous secrets one could ever imagine. I dare not think of what he hides behind the cold, blood like eyes -the entrance way to his soul- for I fear the horror would drag me into the darkest pit of his mind…along with him. And then there is I, who is one leg in, one leg out of the closet, and is practically falling for a dog of Shinra. But I think the greatest secret of all I hold, is that I am weak…

But don't tell anyone…

It's our little secret.

-

"Did you know…" we sat in the car, in front of my house, dreading the pull of our houses to walk in and be forever caught in the web spun of lies and fake love and empty words. I think, Reno has it worse; he has to face the disapproving eye of his high class parents, as the cradle his new baby brother in there arms, silently saying "He will not disappoint us like you."

"Did I know what," my eyes scan my house for life- non, mom was passed out on her bed, and dad was at a party with his lover. Does he even live in the same house that man?

"Did you know, they are forcing me to spend Christmas vacation in California." His voice is dead- are you remembering? "Next week before I leave, we can exchange our gifts…"

I got you the entire Axe line tee hee

"I have a couple of surprises for you to."

"Oh?"

"There's a Christmas party at some jocks house the night before I leave, you are going…and I will show you my surprise there."

I groan, slapping my forehead- I HATE PARTIES! "Is it detrimental to my health if I

don't go?"

He snickers, flashing me his trademark smile, "I'll cut your balls off how's that?"

"Do what you will," I laugh softly. He still looks dead to me…I hated it, hated this look most of all. "Reno…what's wrong?"

He wants to tell me I know, but his own voice holds him back from the words that threaten to spill out. Reno, the regret, the held back words, the dark green eyes that try to spill the secrets of the mouth, but it's thoughts are killed in a instant.

"I just don't want to go back, kay?"

That's not what you wanted to say.

"Okay. I will come to the party, but the surprise better be worth it!"

"…Trust me, it will."

Just smile, that's all I need.


	12. Cloud's Mindless Ramblings Pt 1

-1Authors Note: DON'T KILL ME! PLEASE! Okay sorry about the delay, I lost inspiration for a little while and have been way to preoccupied with two new stories in the works x.x If any of you like The Used, and want to read A Million Broken words, Email me and I would be happy to send you the first chapter. ANYWAY, bad news for my fans, I have been barred to post my stories there until I officially turn eighteen, (even though that is in only 7 months and the legal age in NYC is 17 anyway, but whatever.) If you guys are go to AFF and know my fans, please inform them that Cherry Soda Boy, and any other FF7 related works will be posted here for the time being.

WARNING: I made a very weak attempt at a sex scene. It isn't really graphic but…well…defiantly a sex scene. And there an implied sex scene in the beginning that I dodged with a song XD so be prepared. So enjoy!

Thanks for the wait…sorry for the delay.

_Chapter 12_

_Cloud's Mindless Ramblings Pt 1_

"I've never seen snow…"

His calm voice broke my sleep deprived induced trance and I followed his everlasting gaze to the frosted window. I moved closer to him as a weak attempt to savor the bit of warmth in between our bodies as my fingers flutter against his cold cheek.

"It isn't that amazing, " I murmur, " Snow is snow, and it gets in the way of every life."

He sighs, his deep green eyes returning to my blue ones, locking us in a calm stare. We cut school for this- just laying in his bed together as the crystal write flakes engulf us in our own lonely heaven.

"I leave tomorrow."

"Fuck California, stay here."

He laughs sadly, "God knows I want to."

I press my lips against his, letting my idle hand travel inside his shirt, feeling every inch of flesh. I push him on his back so I was hovering over him, never allowing my lips to leave his. I felt his tongue glide along my bottom lop, instantly causing my mouth to open, letting him tango with my tongue for a few minutes because I move my mouth his jaw line. He pressed his hips against the hardness throbbing my pants, causing me to moan in his ear, despite my weak attempt to act all macho.

My hand (which was mis behaving…bad hand!) danced to the fly of his jeans, slowly unzipping one of the obstacles when a cold hand clasped around my wrist, halting anymore attempt to undo those awful pants. I look at him, his green eyes were a horrible mix of confusion and fright, and now having a second to think about it, I was also afraid. What am I doing?

"Sorry," I gasped, "I got carried away."

He shakes his head, "Shut up, I'm fine, your great…it's just this was part of something…I was going to do later on and…"

I pressed my lips against his again, hushing his stuttering words. His surprise….it was…

Oh well then..

"Okay we'll stop."

I roll off his body, the beautiful hear once there grew cold and I started to wonder when was the last time I had this much self control. He flung his arms around my waist, inching closer so his head was on my shoulder.

I slowly closed my eyes trying to imagine this scene- me laying on his bed, his body so close to me I can almost make out the soft pumping of his heart. Six month ago, when Aeris and I were stile head over heals in love with each other, I would have swear on my life this scene would never happen- not after Zack, not after that disaster. Call it fear, call it my own personal homophobia, I guess what I thought back then was that I wasn't gay…

_Dear Cloud_

_I see you walking hand in hand with that green eyed princess- no I am not stalking you- and I just have to comment on what an idiot you are. You need to stop pretending you are some straight guy with your high school sweetheart, in a perfect relationship, because you are just going to destroy yourself and that innocent little girl. Don't let confusion be mistaken for love…_

_Zack_

My eyes shoot open- the third time that blasted letter popped into my head. "Don't let confusion be mistaken for love.: I pushed my gaze to focus on the sleeping red head, so oblivious to my conflicted mind and body…

Or was he?

He is as confused as I. Are we in love? Are we "just confused"? Is this pure lust?

No…I remember last year I didn't believe a word that letter threw at me. "There is always confusion in love," that's what I said, "That's what makes it last."

Heh…but what else did he said?

I was going to hurt Aeris…

Well, someone was hurt.

Maybe Zack was right about something. I am confused…I am fuckin confused. I feel like I am only proving that damn blonde stereotype. Stupid! Stupid! Look at me, I get all bent out of shape over a stupid letter my stupid ex boyfriend sent me a year ago.

Issues Cloud…SERIOUS issues.

I need a smoke bad. But my slight attempt to sneak away from my boyfriend half awakens Reno, his green eyes tainted with the red blood of sleep.

"Where are you going?" He asked for the sake of asking; he eased himself back on the pillow, looking as if he was read for another cat nap.

"I am just dieing for a cigarette."

"You got any cigarettes?"

I dramatically slap my pockets, and realize that thief stole them yet again. "Cid," I hiss under my breath; the urge to strangle the cop's son was rising rather quickly.

"You need a God damn alarm on your cigs yo." He reaches over to his night table and throws me a full pack of Marlboros (Oh God my favorite!) "Since my moms out, you can smoke in my room…just remind me to spray that fruity scented shit so she doesn't have a heart attack."

His green eyes slowly drift closed, and in a second he was a memory to the conscious world. I sit on his bed, watching his chest slowly rise and fall with every intake and exhale- and I think this was the first time I was able to acknowledge he was real (and I don't mean just physically.) I am going to allow him to catch me this time; being caught in his web maybe fun, exciting, everything I never felt before with a guy. Maybe finally I can stop being so EMO….

Yeah…cause you EMO people suck! (Just Kidding, Emo kids just have insane hormones that are messing up their brain activity. Insert the "More You know" logo.)

I lean over and place a gentle kiss on his forehead, "I love you, Reno."

"Ilove…ishbfuckiggs." Well isn't that an attractive response! I am going to assume that means, "I love you too Cloud, and I am your slave for life." Hehe, oh the things I could do to him right now…

Yes I am horny…you got a problem with that?

I put the cigarette out (Meh a waste) and wrap my arms around his small waist, pulling his as close as I could. He stirs, a single green eye opening and laying its longing gaze on me. "God forbid you aren't touching me," he laughs, pulling his body into a sitting position.

"Sorry, you are just so irresistible," I retort sarcastically.

"Tell me something I don't know."

A devilish little smirk dared to form on my face, as a sexy possible retort flashed in my head over…and over…and over again. I'm horny get over it. So, I leaned in closer, feeling his confused eyes on me as I place my lips against his. "I want you, bet you didn't know that smart ass."

He smiled against my lips, "Damn, you got me there Strife."

Our lips crashed together again, tongues darting out to play each other as our hands touched each others skin desperate for the feel of naked flesh. I yanked his "Taking Back Sunday" shirt off, almost ripping it, and tossed it into some unknown abyss. He pulls me down on the bed with him, pulling away to gasp for breath, "You want this? Are you sure?"

"Reno…I have never been more sure about anything in my fuckin life…"

"Good…because I can't turn back now even if I want to."

I smiled down at him, "Same here."

-

_Come down and waste away with me_

_down with me_

_Slow out you wanted it to be_

_over my head, out of my head he sang_

_and I wonder_

_when I sing along with you_

_If everything could ever feel this real forever_

_If anything could ever be this good again_

_the only thing I'll ever ask of you_

_you've got to promise not to stop when I say when_

-

OH…my….fuckin'….God…

Did I just have sex with a guy? No No, did I just have sex with a guy, and was one TOP?

Well if I was a compulsive liar (which I have been accused of.), I would have said "Of course not! We just had a hard workout naked!" Yes, see brilliant lie right? So brilliant even I am fooled by my own genius. But this isn't a lie…no this is real…this entire thing happened. No I am not regretting it, per say, I am just shocked I did it. I mean, it just seemed so weird that I would throw away all self control and logic out the window just to share one special and alien moment with this boy that I have been dating for only four months. It took me close to a year to get the courage to make love to Aeris, and we all know where that got me a few months later. I could spend a good three hours trying to figure out why I did this…but lets think about it; does it matter why?

He laid his head on my chest and linked our fingers together, keeping us connected. I ran my fingers threw his semi wet hair, our breathing reaching a normal pace but feeling of our passion still ran wild inside us. I would do it again in a heart beat, I know he would to, and that's what made this moment so special…

We both want this forever…

-

I kissed him goodbye with my eyes because his mother was watching us like a hawk watching her enemies. I saw the hatred and curiosity in her metallic gray eyes as she gently rocked her son, Reeve, in the rocking chair. I could tell all attempts for us to convince Ellen Sinclair that I was straight was all in vain…and I don't think the hickies on my neck helped.

"Your mother doesn't like me," I whisper half way out of his house. A smile danced across his face as he leans into me, and in a soft voice responded…

"I couldn't care less."

"I'll call you later.." And it took every bone of self control in my body not to touch his face and kiss him one last time…but I didn't want to ignite the rage in his mothers soft eyes.

I began the short, yet long, walk home, the snow still gently falling from the dark, foreshadowing clouds. The whole block was blanketed with a soft powdery glow, giving a false sense of innocence to the corrupted block. It was the physically form of the mask that we all wore in this hell hole. I can't wait to escape from this place; I want to get as far as I possibly can from my family, from the destiny thrown at me for living in this dingy habitant called Staten Island (famous for our wonderful dump!). Where could I go is the question…I don't really like many places. I am never really happy in any one place. I am sure I will hate Florida because it is to hot, Canada because it too cold, California because it is too hazy, England because it is to wet, or Chicago because it is too windy…

But I will always love the uniqueness and beauty of New York City…Manhattan mostly. The bright lights, tall buildings that make you feel so small, the strange people that grace the tiny, narrow sidewalks and streets. I guess I was always destined to live there in my own little apartment, high up in heaven and away from the sins of man, writing my stories about theories of humanity and hated with magical characters who make you forget that I am basically ranting about how much I hate life here (every great American writers is like this so shut up). I could do that…

I look back at the snow covering the dirty street…hiding the muck and stench that is just waiting to capture someone…and I think to myself, "Is that me?" I am just as guilty as everyone else, and my mask is so beautiful that it lies even to me.

I make it to my over decorated house (complete with rainbow lights…little do they know tee hee) when my frosted eyes lay upon the mighty form of Barret sitting on my stoup, and a mysterious little snow angel making a snow man on my front yard.

" 'Bout time you got home," his gruff voice called out to me, "We've been waiting for sometime…no one is home."

"Typical." I take a seat next to him on my stairs, "Why are you here? South Beach is a long ass bus ride to this shit place."

"I really need your help." His voice was soft, something Barret wasn't, and serious. I knew he wouldn't have came here unless he needed me desperately; he is to proud to ask for help.

"Okay but," I nod my hair over to the caramel colored princess in the puffy pink snow attire (still desperately trying to roll snow into a big enough ball for the middle part of her snow man), "whose she?"

Barret sighed loudly, catching the little girls attention. She abandoned her task and sloppily ran towards Barret, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Daddy daddy, what's wrong?"

My eyes go wide as she utters those words, in her beautiful girly voice. Barret, a father? The thought never crossed my mind in the few months that I have know him- I mean I have been to his house, I met his dog, but I never saw any evidence a girl, let alone a three year old girl, lived there.

I watch as he reassures his daughter that he is okay, and beckon her to finish up her little creation. I was numb of all hearing, but all I could see was the love he had for her…the true fatherly love. Now I realized why he swallowed his pride and came here- he needs something for her.

"I'll do anything to help you Barret."

He looks as if he wants to smile, but I doubt whatever pride he has left won't allow him to, so in regular Barret form he tells me everything. "I was stupidly in love with a girl of your class…"

"Fuck classes we are all people Barrett," I just had to interrupt…I fuckin hate being reminded that I am rich.

"Maybe to you and me, but not the people that surrounds us. Anyway, her name was Jesse, she was beautiful, smart, funny…but white and rich. She didn't care, and neither did I. We were some modern version of Romeo and Juliet…and it was horrible. If she was with me in the slums and projects, I had to hear from the idiots 'Hey nice white girl, care to share her?' or if I was with her in the Garden of Eden, her friends and peers would look at me as if I was some kind of walking disease. But when we were alone it was wonderful every minute.

"Then she got pregnant. We were both young…fourteen. She didn't want to abort despite her parents demands. They took her away from me. The moved away to evade the 'shame'. I never got to see my baby girl until October. That's when I found out everything- Jesse died while giving birth, and Marlene's immune system is fucked up and she has a hard time fighting off illness, but that wasn't why they gave her to me. No…the gave her to me because she was, 'too black.'"

He pauses, staring at the angel trying to catch snow in her mouth, smiling as the little flakes tickled her tongue. "I hate doing this, you know that…" His voice was distant, lost in some other realm. I wanted to see what he saw, what he was thinking. Barret was a mystery even now when he seemed to open up the curtains that darken his life. He must've felt guilty about Jesse, that's why he is doing everything in his power to make Marlene happy.

"How much you need?" Money, despite my whole "anti money" campaign I know some people need it…badly. Sadly, money is the end all and be all of human society, we are people of greed, lust, and wrath. Oh yeah, we are totally not going to hell. BUT despite that, I know Barret wouldn't be asking, unless he needed it.

"Her hospital bills drain both mine and my mother's paycheck…so I have nothing to give her for Christmas. I just want enough to get her this Barbie house she has been asking for. She even wrote a note to Santa Clause to get it for her so I wouldn't have to pay for it…the house is about sixty I think, that's enough."

"Fuckin 60?" I hissed, "I'll give you five hundred, and you damn well like it."

The expression on his normally stone face…was…fuckin…priceless! Eyes wide, jaw down to the floor, the mixed expression of hope and "you are fuckin insane Strife." He looked like a deranged cartoon character! Haha…where is my camera when I need it.

"Fi…five hundred! I can't pay that back!"

"Who said you had to? Merry fuckin Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and all that jazz."

"Dude, that's a shitload of money."

Uh, not when you have close to ten thousand dollars in the bank...hey I could buy a house and move out of this hell hole. I am now intrigued….

"I have more money than I know what to do with; it just sits in a dirty ass Staten Island Bank waiting to be used. So why not do some good with it? Plus I mean, do you see how expensive shit is now…give her a nice Christmas."

Barret's face remains still- confused on whether or not to cry, smile, or both, but I know him…he won't do either. But I have to admit, the staring is starting to freak me out…do something! Give me some signs of life!

"Thanks man," he said coolly, the doubt still lingering in his face, " You're cool, I knew I liked you for a reason."

He slapped my back…heeeve….and knocked the wind out of me. Damn him and his muscles…why can't I be that strong? All I can do is fancy sword tricks…how's that going to help me in a fight? Hmm? It's not, exactly! Cause who the hell uses swords?

"Anytime," I smile weakly, rubbing the growing bruise on my back.

"Daddy daddy!" The soft voice of the angel shattered our moment, and we turned to look at her creation. A sloppy snow man with rocks for eyes and a mouth, and fallen branches for arms, stood very heroically on my font lawn…laughing at the passer-bys. Marlene seemed proud of her snowman, "His name is Sonny!"

"Why Sonny?" I ask. The little girl laughs and looks at her father…

"Sonny is my middle name," Barret sighed rubbing the back of his neck nervously, "Yeah…I wanted to keep that a secret, but Marlene seems to like it."

"Sonny like the sun!" She squeals, jumping up and down like a freakin' maniac. Did she has happy pills for breakfast or something? Jesus Christ she is more hyper than the time Reno decided to eat twenty pixy sticks….

Cut to…

"LETS GO STREAKING?"

"LETS NOT!"

Oh yeah, that was an interesting night…now all of Staten Island knows how big my wang is. Anyway! Back to the scene- Marlene running around the snowman singing "Jingle Bells," on the top of her little lungs. Barret smiled approvingly…when most father in this neighborhood would have dragged their child in, and proceed to beat the living crap out of them. Yes, happiness isn't allowed here, didn't you get the memo?

"I like seeing her happy, usually she sits in her room drawing pictures. She looks happy, but I can tell…she feels alone without her mother; and lets face it…I feel alone without her to."

His huge body arose from my stoop, towering over me while his eyes linger on his daughter. "We better get going."

I nod and whip out the check book I never use, scribbling the necessary information.

Payment in the Order to: Barret Wallace for the sum of: Five hundred dollars and zero cents. Note: MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Or Happy Holidays for all you left winged atheist (get a job!).

"Now, are you sure this is a gift? I don't want to end up on Judge Judy three months from now for not paying you."

"Yeah sure, " I laugh, earning a weird look from Barret. Oh yeah…I never laugh…shit.

"Did you get laid or something?"

I laugh against, trying oh so hard to hide the nervous tone that was trying to creep into my voice. Yeah, I don't quite want to give my friends any sick ideas of me- not to mention, I mean, I don't want to tell them I got laid by a dude. I can't even believe it myself. Plus I know what they would say"

Vincent would walk away and mumble something along the lines of, "Good for you."

Barrett would give me a weird look and try to get the image of me with a guy out of his head.

Cid would yell and scream about STDs and Aids, ask if I used a condom, and ask God why! OH WHY! Because he is a drama queen like that.

And dear innocent little Tifa…she would…well…she would ask to join. Oh now that's sick!

But my greatest fear would be if they were homophobic about it-Cid would be the best candidate for that-and I don't think emotionally I am ready to face that rejection from the only people who probably get me. So I will just lock myself in this little closet for now. Oooh spooky.

"No, I'm not- Uhh I man, I didn't get laid you crazy person."

"Right," he sounded like he didn't believe me, but that glint in his eye told me he wouldn't press the issue- yeah that's right keep thinking it's a girl…yes…excellent mwahaha!

No I am not crazy…

STOP JUDGING ME!

"Okay, let's go Marlene."

The little angel ran to her father, clutching his hand as if her life depended on it, and smiles at me as if she had any knowledge of my good deed.

"What's your name?" she asked loudly as if she was so tiny her voice wouldn't reach me.

"Cloud Strife."

"I'm Marlene Wallace! Are you daddy's friend?"

Yes I am. Do you still have your doggie." Demon dog I should say! I still have the scar dammit.

"Yeah! He is the bestest."

I narrow my eyes at Barret, who was trying to suppress the laughter that threaten to explode. "Yeah red SURE is nice."

"Red is nice!" Barret chuckled, "He just don't like you."

"Yeah, yeah," I rolled my eyes dramatically.

"Well, though I love this quality time we share," he adds a nice SLAP to my back…ow now that's going to bruise, "We have to catch the bus."

"you can't take her on a bus," I shout…like a drama queen, oh god my gayness is hitting a new level, "It's fucking freezing."

Barret shrugged sadly, "can't afford a car.:

The thought of the little girl trudging in the heavy snow for twenty minutes after the bus drops them off, actually tugged at my heart and made me brain dead for a second.

"I have a friend that can drive you!" And that friend? Reno, yes see, this is what happens when you have a conscience-makes you stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

"Oh really?" He seems a little to intrigue for my liking.

"Yeah, I'll just call him…" and the stupidity continues!

Reno, to my surprise, didn't object to being chauffeur for the day. I tried to come up with a good explanation to why a Shinra dog was going to help me out; "friends?" how could I say that to Barret's face when he knew and sympathized with Vincent. Not to mention he on a few occasions got into fights with Rude, and has grown to dispise the boy and anyone associated with him. What would Vincent think? Vincent who was brutally tortured by Hojo as his "friends" watch on without batting an eye. What would he think if he knew I was playing Russian roulette with Reno- "Top Class Turk."

And lets not get into what I will have to deal with when Cid finds out…I wouldn't hear the end of it.

But alas, this is the only option I had…really it was…

Reno pulled up in his black BMW. I glance at Barret who was flashing me a confused look…this was going to prove to be a most interesting car ride. Reno got out of the car and beckoned me over…

"Strife," he whispers so only he and I could hear, "why are you risking everything?"

I swallowed hard, avoiding my boyfriends judging green eyes, "I couldn't honestly let the little girl walk home in this cold."

"I see," his eyes secretly traveled to the Marlene throwing a snow ball at her, currently, aggressive looking father. "Well I guess I should have guess under all that shit, you are a softy."

"Babe look, he doesn't know we are going out-"

"That's not what I am worried about," his eyes smack mine, piercing into me…lecturing me without words but with the thoughts that seemed to travel through the barriers I so expertly placed around my mine…

"This is about fuckin' Shinra, right?"

"You could say that…I am risking our well being going out with you. If I mess up just once, and they know about you…trust me they will come try to hurt you to hurt me. That's what the did to Tseng…"

He stops and looks away, tears stinging his eyes and begging for release. "I just don't want to risk any more lives that's all."

"I know," despite all logic, I grab hand, linking our fingers together, "but you don't have to worry about that…"

He looks down at his worn out converse sneakers, a long sigh escapes his perfect lips. "But I do have to worry…"

The sound of someone clearing their throat caught our attention. The sound wasn't unwelcome, for if this conversation had gone on any longer I would have destroyed any secrecy in my relationship with Reno. My eyes dance to the form of Barret, checking out Reno's car. "He's our ride?" His voice was lace with an alien malice, as his eyes shot daggers at the red head.

I nodded grimly, the dread of the car ride started to over power me, and I really REALLY didn't want to be in the middle of the inevitable awkward conversation. I untangled my fingers from my boyfriends, walking to Barret. He ushered his daughter into the car, her little eyes lit up with curiosity and "what's that's" flooding the car. I glance at Reno who offered me a brief, sympathetic smile before getting in the car, leaving Barret and I to exchange pre-ride words.

"Shinra?"

"Yes…"

"What about Vincent?"

His eyes burned into my sound, torturing me for the pure pleasure of doing so. I wanted to say, "I don't care," just to shut him up- but I would be lying. I did care about Vincent's objections to this union, but I also knew…if he knew Reno and what we shared…he would understand.

He would wouldn't he?

"I know," I sigh, "Renos different though."

"What do you mean?" He crosses his hulking arms across his chest, a perplexed look forever tattooed to his face.

"I…uhh…I…" I scratch the back of my neck nervously. My plan to NOT BE TO OBVIOUS, clearly wasn't going as plan, and every second out here was another clue to my secret.

"Cloud, " his voice changes dramatically, from an aggressive lion to the mew of a cat, "You're in over your head."

He followed his daughter into the car, leaving me to decode the meaning of his last line, "You're in over your head." I know that. I was treading on a very thin line between safety and utter destruction. Maybe that was the beauty of my relationship with the red head- the constant threat of the world finding out our dirty little secret. The dark beauty of having no one understand you, but one person, could be the most dangerous high (and we humans love danger.).

But…

I look over at Barret buckling his daughter safely into the care, all concern of our previous conversation gone with the wind.

Did he know?

Did he care?

Should I stop wondering and get my frozen ass in the car?

Yeah lets do that.

-

The harsh words that threaten to fall from Barret's mouth was kept at bay by the open brown orbs of his daughter. However, his eyes were not bound by the same lock, and frequently shot venom in Reno's direction.

Oh shit…

Don't three year olds need naps?

I secretly glanced at the back of the car, to lay eyes upon the soon to be passed out Marlene. Her eyes grew heavy and unwillingly tried to close- and every inch to precious lids close, the larger the smirk on her fathers lips grew.

Her eyes closed…

That's it…

"So, Reno, ruin anyone's life this week?"

The sweet boy in question let out a long sigh, looking towards me for a second with a look of both pity and confliction. I knew this was my fault- this unwarranted interrogation could have been completely avoided if I had the balls to steal my parents car- but…when Barret wanted to say something, he was going to say it.

"Barret, chill," was my weak attempt at getting him to stop.

"Just let the boy answer- it's an honest question."

We weren't even half way to our destination…this is going to get ugly.

-

Reno answered every question with a hint a poison laced in his cool words. Barret as relentless, going as far as asking Reno if he got off at the suicide notes of the victims they so coldly take advantage of, and took every venomous answer shot back at him with some kind of sick pride. But despite this ruthless attack on my boyfriend, part of me understood he needed to get all this shit off his chest before he internally (or externally) exploded all over the damn place. I never knew why Barret hated Shinra as much as me did, except for the fact he hated what they did to Vincent- though from the way he was acting, it HAD to be something much more personal.

"We're here," Barret paused his stabs at Reno's conscience to point to the big brown buildings of the South Beach Projects. "It was a pleasure, thank you so much."

I couldn't help but cringe at the words he spat at my boyfriend- it was like stabbing him with a cork on the sharp tip. Barret scooped up his daughter and exited the car, giving me a final, and genuine, "thank you," before becoming a memory in the back seat of the car. Reno and I sat there for a awhile, watching the prime example of "Anti Shinra" walk into one of the large, ominous, brick buildings- his little daughter innocently sleeping in the protection of his arms.

"I know why he hate us."

I turn to the owner of the sweet voice-Reno-who was looking at his dull finger nails, "We told his girls parents she was pregnant…by him."

"Why would you do that?" I asked coolly.

"I don't know, I was in California at the time. Tseng just mentioned it casually…well…not exactly casually more like, 'Those mother fuckers have gone to far with this shit now. Where do they fuckin get off telling people's secrets like that. How they fuck did they even know!' Yeah he wasn't too happy; I think it was cause someone could easily do that with him…tell his parents he was gay and I was his boyfriend. Guess he felt that chicks pain."

I sat back in my seat, sighing loudly as some sort of sorry rebuttal. This explained A LOT. His aggression towards Reno, his hatred for Shinra, his sympathizing with Vincent…even though he only heard of this story a few months ago. Why didn't I figure this out before? Oh well because…well it wasn't that obvious…sue me! Sue.Me! Okay don't I have no money…

Oh wait I do…

Okay sorry, I'll shut up now.

"Way to defend me, back there," he said sarcastically. I rolled my eyes but didn't respond- I didn't want to fight with him…I was still to high from when he and I…a hem…and I didn't want to ruin it, no I loved feeling this…love.

I linked my fingers with his, "Reno…" I looked into his eyes, his beautiful green eyes, "I fuckin love you baby."

I watched the shy smile start to spread across his face, a pink blush gracing his perfect cheeks…oh he looked like a little school girl talking to his school yard crush. Damn, didn't think I had this affect on men. He looked adorable- with a glint in his eyes that mimic my words and forgave me for anything I did that hurt him…if we weren't in a really bad part of Staten Island, I would so take him right here….right NOW.

"I love you to Strife…" Then his shy smile morphed into a very sneaky smirk…that caused that fear in the pit of my stomach to jump to my throat-he was thinking up something bad, "So, just remember that…after I make you do this…"

He slammed on the gas like a fuckin crazy person, causing us to zoom down a really nasty and crowded part of Staten Island- Hylan Blv, at god damn rush hour. Dammit, I'm going to die! That means I'm going to hell and have pineapples shoved up my ass for all eternity- well…it's not like that would have been the first thing shoved up my ass! Ha ha! Yeah I'm here all night. So I don't know what's worse, going to hell, or finding out why my boyfriend had that sadistic look on his pleasant face- that sadistic look that had, 'Make Cloud suffer,' attached to it…

"Okay crazy lady," I finally managed to speak after the initial shock of pulling 80 down Hylan settled in, "Where are we going?"

"Okay, you remember that bet we made…well you are holding up your end of the bargain."

I raised a blonde eyebrow, "Come again?"

"Oh Jesus fuckin Christ! You remember, that bet we made, who can hold their alcohol the longest- you lost!"

The determined look on my boyfriends face caused all attempts to reason with him fly out the window- I was going to get my mother fuckin tongue pierced. Okay Okay, yes I admit, I could easily argue my way out of this- that or I could kick him in the nuts and run away…but I need those. Part of me always wanted to get a piercing…just to piss my mother off even more, but I didn't have the time nor the energy to drive to New Jersey to get it done.

"Fine, whatever," I mock huffed, relaxing into the…ooohhhh leather, seat.

"Okay, you have your fake ID right?"

"Of course."

"Goody! This is going to be fun!"

-

Oh…my…fuckin…God.

Is that a needle? Or is that a torturing device! That's, that's going into my tongue. Okay, I don't care how much I hate my mother, this isn't worth it.

"Fuck this!" I tried getting up, but my surprisingly strong boyfriend pushed me back on the chair.

"Strify, you have to do this…it's either the tongue or the wang." He laughed his evil laugh, taking no pity on me for my fear of REALLY BIG THINGS BY MY MOUTH.

"I hate you…" I hissed, only making him laugh harder.

"Sure you do."

I look over at my executioner, a fat man with a goatee and different shades of red dyed into his hair. His harms were covered into a mess of tattoos and piercing marred his eyebrows, lips, and nose. He looked evil, piercing yellowish eyes looked apathetically at the large instrument that will soon be in my tongue, but then would dance over to me and laugh at my fear.

"Calm down boy," he said gruffly, "It only hurts for a second. Ever cut yourself? I know some of you rocker kids do."

"No, can't say I have…" I spat out aggressively, finding my balls that seemed to have escaped before.

"Okay there rich boy, it's something like that. It only hurts for a second…so I don't want to see any tears," he looked towards Reno, "You, hold your boyfriends hand."

Reno and I exchanged worried glances, "We aren't gay." It felt dirty hearing that fall from our mouths in unison, but it was a necessary evil…and hopefully a short lived one (if I ever get the strength to come out of the closet.). The man laughed at us, a loud obnoxious laugh that makes you want to smack someone, and returned to his instruments of torture. We weren't fooling anyone, that's what he was thinking. Maybe he was right. I looked over at my boyfriend, who lacked an extremely worried expression, and coolly said, "What's keeping you in?"

"Shinra…what's keeping you in?"

His eyes softly burned into mine, and I could only offer him an arrogant smile, "Myself."

I linked my fingers with his, preparing myself for the upcoming pain that was either going to make me stronger physically, or make me cry like a little girl whose dolly just broke. The fat man rolled next to me, thongs in one hand, and a smile plastered on his face. He was going to enjoy this to much…

"Now don't worry princess…it's like dieing, it only hurts for a second.

-

It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would, maybe it was because my boyfriend kept whispering very very dirty things in my ear as the whole process was going on. They say the brain can only focus on one source of pain at the time…and it choose the pain between my legs over the pain in my tongue. Yeah, so you could imagine how hard it was the walk out of there, wobbling like an idiot and the fat, evil, man laughing as I did so. I could barely talk, the tongue was swollen…but that was normal, though it didn't help every time I tried to say something, Reno would laugh like a maniac.

I leaned my head against the passenger window, watching the cloud in the sky threaten New York with snow that will never fall, the cold glass massaging the migraine that came from this whole ordeal. The sweet voice of Jewel filled the car (yes very weird soundtrack to be listening to, but we are both too lazy to change the station.), and I could hear Reno humming along to the soft lyrics….

_Dreams last for so long_

_Even after your gone._

_I know, you love me_

_And soon you will see_

_You were meant for me,_

_And I was meant for you._

"Reno," I found myself saying..

"Hehe, yeah baby…"

"Do you love me?"

"Yes."

"Are you IN love with me?"

There was a long pause in the car, the song ended as well as his beautiful humming. I waited for him to say no, I waited for him to say "shut up strife," I waited for him to say every possibly negative answer in the book. I waited for him to break my heart, I had been waiting for that for a long time. It's natural for us to expect the worse, and I went about my day with that stick poking in the back of my head. That today would be the last day we held hands, this would be the last day…

Of the rest of my life…

If that makes any sense.

I knew it was stupid to be so in love with something, especially so quickly, but I don't know…we clicked…we were so perfect in our imperfection. I was setting myself up for destruction. Oh GOODY! I love internally killing myself!

"That's a stupid question," he laughed, "Of course I am in love with you Strife. If I wasn't I wouldn't have slept with you. Are you in love with me?"

"Of course…" I laughed nervously. Well I wasn't expecting that…but still, made me love him even more.

"Dude, like, sex is a big deal, I don't just slept with every mofo. I don't care what Vincent's fuckin research said. Homey don't play that."

I laughed harder and more genuine, a kind of release washed over me blocking out the naughty voices in my head for a second. Everything seemed okay right now, so…seemingly perfect…

Me with a swollen tongue, my boyfriend erratically driving, and now listening to "Total Eclipse of the Heart."

Yeah…perfect.

-

I hovered over him, drenched in my own sweat, using every muscle I knew my body had just to keep myself from collapsing on him- I don't know why it was taking me so long this time, but I could barely even finish what I started. My lips lingered on his, catching every breath that escaped his mouth. Then he dug his fingers into my hips, whimpering as he did so, in an attempt to tell me to keep going. I closed my eyes and searched for the strength to finish this…so I could heard the prize of hearing my name escape from his lips.

I thrust into him, hitting his prostate, causing him to gasp my name…but that wasn't good enough. I needed him to scream my name…so I pushed myself into him again, and again, finding some unknown strength that laid in my to perform this.

"C…Cloud…" he moaned. I could feel him shaking below me…he was almost there. So I put all my strength into one final push, one final attempt to finish this, and grunt made my final thrust. I was weak, and came inside him first, his name tumbling from my mouth, echoing in my quiet room. I collapsed on top of him, feeling his release as I did so…

Hearing him scream my name was the best sound ever.

I rolled off him, laying on my back out of breath, hair clinging desperately to my sweaty face. "Fuckin A Cloud, for only your second time doing this you're pretty damn good." He scooted next to me, his arm flung across my chest, and his head delicately placed at the crook of my next. I kissed his wet forehead, allowing an "I love you," escape as I did so.

I looked over at the clock Aeris gave me last Christmas…3 am.

"What about the party you demanded I go to?"

"Fuck the party, this is the fuckin party."

I couldn't help but against his forehead as he linked our hands together. He was so beautiful…this is a dream…this type of love is something people make millions off of. This illusion that was as real as snow on the ground…

"When you wake up I'll be gone…on a plane to California."

"Don't remind me."

"Open your present."

I took the wrapped box off my night table, laying it on my chest…looking for the will to fight off sleep and open the damn thing. I took a breath and unwrapped the Snow man wrapping paper, lifting up the black cover when I discarded the paper. I stared in disbelief at the object that stared back at me. A beautiful silver Rolex, with crystals around the face of the watch, catching the moonlight and sending rainbows around the dark room. I looked a little closer, in the middle of the numbers said: "I meant every word I said…"

-

I felt him untangle himself from me, and yet I didn't wake up to say good bye…my body wouldn't allow me the pleasure. He ran his fingers through my hair, mumbling an "I love you so much," in my ear. I could feel the sadness flood the once happy room as he walked out of that door, and left me alone to face this holiday.

But the words on my new watch rang in my head over and over again…

"I meant every word I said…"

That is how I will survive this week and a half with out him…

_Maybe light a candle  
Don't say a prayer for me  
Feel alone  
Cause I'm gone  
I left you  
Make Christmas your own _

You throw the thought of us away  
You'll be alone this holiday

Said, It's cold in this town  
And there's snow on the ground  
Far from home  
Not alone  
I left you with nothing  
And that's what you own

You throw the thought of us away  
You'll be alone this holiday

Maybe light a candle  
Don't say a prayer for me  
Feel alone  
I left you the best time  
Make Christmas your own

You throw the thought of us away  
You'll be alone this holiday

Then the door to my room flung open and the vicious words of my mother further chased out any bit of passion left in the cold fortress, "Cloud get your ass up!" My eyes flung open as she slammed the door, shaking every thing in my room as if it was an earthquake. I checked my watched, it was one in the fuckin afternoon on Christmas eve. Dammit…this is going to be a long vacation._  
_


	13. My Chemical Christmas

-1_A/N: And here my pretties, is the belated Christmas episode XD_

_Chapter 13_

_My Chemical Christmas_

I laid in my bed, fiddling with my present with the slight hope Reno didn't leave me behind. I hate the holidays, it means I am forced to spend time with the entire shithole family. If you thought I hated my parents, well then allow me to indulge you in the full story of my sadistic family.

My dad's side is probably the sanest, being there is only one surviving member left (besides dad). Grandma Rose is a sweet, pudgy, typical Italian woman, who loves to do two things- singing and cooking. She's a little lonely though, every since Grandpa Anthony died five years ago, so any time she is here, she craves my attention they entire time. Now you maybe saying, "What's so bad about that you heartless bastard?" Well it wouldn't be so bad if she didn't continuously mention my apparent homosexuality in front of…everyone, (no one believes her; the first five years of my life she thought I was a girl…she's senile.) I really can't complain though, she is the only one in this messed up family that doesn't attack me ruthlessly.

Which bring me to my mothers crazy ass family, The Michaels. Grandma Dorothy is probably the most insane member of the family, and the source of my mothers drinking problem. She is all about appearance, reputation, and plastic surgery- she's fuckin a million years old and looks twenty. Now if that wasn't bad enough, she's a total bitch to me, my mom, and my dad- frequently insulting my parents way of raising me, and my choice of anti-socialism. Grandpa Mark couldn't care less about his family; the only things on his mind the entire day are his two yachts, billion dollar bank account, and how he swayed the 2000 election. He is the man behind the demonic bitch, usually ignoring her sassy behaving by drowning himself in whiskey and a Cuban cigar. If she is guilty of pride, this man is guilty of being a normal white, Anglo-Saxon, rich male- greed.

Oh, and lets not forget the "perfect" older brother Mark Jr; the man who could do no wrong…he is probably Jesus himself! He married a beautiful ex-model who weighs as much as my pinky toe even after giving birth to the two spawns of Satan I am forced to call my cousins. Little Mark the third and Rebecca may seem like innocent, blonde hair and blue eyed children, but alas, they aren't. See, they think they are better than me because they can play every instrument known to man, speak five languages, and could probably kick my ass in physics. They are well behaved, listen to everything their parents say, and their minds have bee replaced with Catholism. They are only seven and five and already they are clay zombies of their perfect parents.

I sigh and drag my naked ass out of bed, and head for the call of the scorching shower to wash away the last reminder of Reno. Yeah, I missed him already, just thinking about the week and a half without his hand in mine was almost chasing away my sanity. I probably have it better though- I can hang with Vinny, Cid, Barret, and Tifa, and avoid my family completely, while Reno is stuck in his own personal with his parents right beside him, poking endlessly at the fire that scorches his wounds. So I have no right to complain.

I untangle myself from the beautiful we shower, staring into my room at the sheets that held our sin. Had to dispose of those fast. I quickly threw on some blue jeans, a My Chemical Romance shirt, and my leather jacket (I got CHILLS….okay I'll stop), and tossed my dirty sheets down the laundry chute for the cleaning lady to take care of. I sat on the now empty bed, watching the watch tick the final minutes of two pm- my family comes at four, an hour to myself. "Write." I said to myself, "That would keep you sane." I laugh at the irony; most American writers are insane. I picked myself up and glided to the computer, and that's when the clock Aeris gave me caught my eye.

It read 8:16...

That's when I first laid eyes on Reno…

-

_Shattered mirror stained with blood, like my hands stained with yours. _

_One quick motion, and life was a memory like yesterdays news; _

_forgotten but lingering. In the back of my head, poking, poking. _

_The vision, the ghost, lunging at me, grabbing and tearing at my skin and clothes. _

_Your tears of blood stained my soul, and my blood stained the last reflection of me. _

_No one will carry the guilt, _

_the cycle is over. _

_Those hurt will move on. _

_My stain will be wiped clean; _

_I never existed. _

_This wasn't the first on my list. _

_I numbed the pain against the metal that helped destroy you. _

_I pushed your memory aside with the poison that stung my throat every night, _

_like sweet masochistic pain, _

_without the scars that told the story. _

_But it came back, like always, _

_the pain followed the angel of death that held the essence of life as he erased you- _

_he lives in my soul,_

_for as long as I live. _

_Shattered mirror stained with blood, _

_like my hand stained with yours. _

_One quick motion, now I am just a lifeless memory _

_against a shattered reflection. _

_-_

I stared at the poem I wrote, about a boy who kills himself by running into a mirror because he couldn't save his friend. I am starting to wonder if I am suicidal…

Nah, I think I'll spite my mother by living.

Speaking of the bitch. No sooner than I wrote my last line, she burst into my room, blue eyes ablaze with frustration. She looked attractive in her short red skirt and long sleeve white tope, her brown hair iron straight with make up covering the dark circles around her eyes. If I was drunk, I would think she was my sister.

"Grandma call you fat again?" I dared to ask, and to my surprise the frustration in her eyes disappeared and were replaced by bitter knowledge.

"She would have been fat is it wasn't for the fuckin a million surgeries she had."

I swirled around and stared in disbelief at my…SOBER mother.

"You aren't drunk yet?"

She cocked a brown eyebrow at me, advancing menacingly towards her prey. "I don't drink that much." She said smoothly.

I cracked an inappropriate smile and retorted with am, "I had never seen you sober."

"Oh…" she looked sad, I was surprised yet again that she could display any emotion on that stone cold face of hers, let alone such an emotion as sadness. She always looked like a drunken angry person, replacing her once unmatchable beauty with that monster, but now it seemed that some of the mask has been cracked.

"Get the fuck downstairs before I smack you."

Okay…scratch that.

I jogged downstairs, laying eyes on the two perfect children singing Christmas carols in my living room. Their hallow voices echoed with the scratchy piano their father played- a dead smile plastered on his face, approving the sorry scene he directed. They were dressed like ornaments- Rebecca in a red fluffy dress decorated with lace and puffs, while her brother was in a black tux complete with fashionable bow tie- and they were treated and acted like the sharp objects.

The singing ceased, the air grew colder as the disapproving eyes of my family pierced into me.

"Well, well," Mark jr began, arising from he piano stool, "Cloud, In less than perfect attire…again." The sadistic children giggled at their father, whispering child obscenities about me.

"My Chemical Romance is Christmassy," I mocked.

"What's 'My Chemical Romance'?" Rebecca hissed, her voice lacking the child like innocence little Marlene was famous for.

"It's a band," I countered.

"A band about Satan," Rebecca's mother snapped, "promoting homosexuality, sex, and anti-religion."

I rolled my angst-y blue eyes, silently giving them the hint to shut up (Before I go MCR fan bay on their asses.), and attempted to head for the kitchen when grandma Dorothy spoke up in her raspy, smoke induced, voice, "Cloud dear, come here." She patted the empty seat next to her evilly.

I sighed, and reluctantly took my rightful seat next to Satan in the flesh. My eyes met those of Grandmas Rose, sitting across from me, in a rocking chair, knitting something.

"So Cloud dear," Satan began, "What do you plan on doing with your life."

"He is going to be a writer," Grandma Rose interjected sweetly, "When he used to visit me, he would sit at Anthony's desk and scribble little fairy tales. Ant and I loved reading them!" She smiled at me, comforting me in the hell I was stuck in- it's funny the crazy eighty year old who thought I was a girl for the first five years of my life, is the only one that understand me.

"Oh heaven forbid!" Grandma Dorothy shrieked, causing Grandma Mark to jerk in his sleep, "He is going to be a Millionaire like his father."

"That's if he could stop acting so immature," of course Mark Jr had to throw in his two cents; the world would end if he didn't have something to say.

And that's how it went for two whole hours. Everyone- save for my parents and Grandma Rose- gladly took stabs at my writing…

"That's a stupid hobby."

My choice of clothing…

"A woman dancing with a skeleton! That's horrible! You are scaring my children."

My friends…or lack of…

"Are you antisocial?

And finally, my whole bad attitude…

Why are you so depressed?"

"Don't you smile?"

"I have a great number for a psychologist."

"Maybe you should take some meds boy."

Suddenly a slam dragged everyone's attention from me, to my rather angry mother who was holding a fire poker.

"Will you leave my son alone!"

Her loud voice echoed throughout the house, drowning the walls in silence. Everyone looked at the rage in her eyes with such fear one would think they were facing death himself, and quickly silence any further attack on me. Then out of the kitchen, my invisible father appeared behind the psychotic woman.

"Dinner is served," he said coldly, ripping the pick from the grip of my mother. Satan and her minions sprinted to the dining room at some alien part of the house.

Grandma rose smiled, slowly rising from her seat, "There, there Cloud," she said as she patted my knee, "Don't let those fools make you feel bad." With that, she followed the rest of the pack, leaving my parents and I alone in the cold room.

"Cloud," My dad said smoothly, "Don't let them get to your….you're a good boy."

I half heard him, my eyes ran to the family pictures- my mom, my dad, and I at 12 looking as happy as any normal family. Then I looked at the scene now, a unhappy mother, an oblivious father, and an unhappy son- a sad pathetic, lying, f1uckin family.

"Shut up," I snapped, "What do you know? You're too busy screwing your secretary."  
My parents didn't do anything, because the left, they went to enjoy their Christmas dinner, I love fake sympathy…especially from them.

-

I laid on my bed, staring blankly at my My Chemical Romance poster, wondering desperately what went wrong in my life. Then I realized- those fuckin in that poster were staring at me…of them. Their burning eyes smiled disapprovingly at me, taunting me, laughing at me…what right did they have to laugh- Gerard Way was a loser in high school!

HA! HA!

Yes, I am insane…I am personifying a picture…fuckin A.

I grounded as a stabbing hunger pain began to multiply in my empty stomach. I haven't had the time nor the effort to eat. Dammit. I am going to turn into one of those anoereix girls in fuckin xanga. I could very easily go downstairs and eat with my evil family, as they sit there and continue to badger me. OR I could stay up here, wait for the assholes to leave, and possibly die in my room. Hmm…quite a problem I have here…

I choose death.

I turn my back on the power, and began the everlasting glare at the door. The soft sounds of the piano music danced through the cracks in the wood, followed by the shallow voices of my cousins. This was getting ridiculous. I grabbed my Ipod (I sold out…) and blasted, "Thank You For The Venom." allowing the cryptic sounds of the guitar and sadistic voice of Gerard Way murder my eye drums. I would my my ears bleed just to rid myself of the horrible sounds of my family…

_Love is the red on the rose on your coffin door_

_What's life like bleeding on the floor._

Amazing how I am bitching about this…I have everything. Money, Power, not a real worry, and here I am still complaining about something. Is that what I based my life on, complaining about every little thing...I am worse than then people I complain about. Why can't I be happy hmm?

_Give me all your poison_

_And give me all your pills_

_And give me all your hopeless hearts and_

_Make me ill. _

_Your running after something that you'll never kill_

_If this is what you want then fire at will. _

The soft hand running through my hair woke me up from my sleep. I dragged my eyes to the gray, dull, orbs of my grandmother.

"You look sick deary," she said sweetly, "sick in the heart."

I pulled the earphones out of my ears, "Yeah, mema."

"What boy broke your heart," she tapped my chest twice, and then the watch on my left wrist, "is it the boy who have you this?" I laughed despite myself, causing mema to frown, "Don't laugh. I'm right."

I looked away, staring at the dents in the ceiling from the many times I throw random objects at it, "Yeah," I said absently mindly, "Yeah mema."

"What did he do baby?"

"He left me here."

"Will he come back?"

"Yes…I hope."

She smiled a happy old woman smile, "I see that look baby; that's the look your grandpa have me when we first met."

I mimic her smile, blushing slightly at the way my eyes twinkled every time they find their way to the warm, green, eyes. Grandma Rose wasn't the first to notice this twinkle, Reno mentioned it once…mocked me about it…but I could tell he didn't care, cause he looked at me the same way.

"Don't forget what this watch says baby, that's a declaration of his love for you."

"Yes mema," I said, the overwhelming loneliness catching in my throat, almost causing me gag thanks to the sappiness.

She tapped my shoulder, grabbing me attention to the large plate of food on my desk, "Eat up," she demanded and wobbled out of my room. Woo hoo, I don't have to die."

-

I remained in my room, talking to Cid on the internet…apparently he had a good time introducing Tifa to the family. His dad, though had on numerous occasions tried to help her, almost threw a hissy fit when Cid brought the girl home for dinner- but didn't utter a word to his Cid's mom about Tifa's old profession. Which was good because Cid's mother has this this time with germs and STDs, would have chased poor Tifa out of the house in a fit of rage. He continued to brag about how great Tifa was tonight; from the way she helped his mother cook dinner, to being able to play with his sisters. He was madly in love with this girl, I could tell that night when he saved her from that rotten profession. Seems funny, out of all my friends, I thought Cid was going to be the pimp of the group…he had the looks and the girls went all "Oh em gee Cid," every time he walked by. Yeah, he was a mini- celebrity.

So, every Christmas day, my friends and I hang out and have a "horror" movie day I guess you could say. Just our way of going against the norm of watching A Christmas Carol, and eating leftovers with the family. It all started when we were freshman, Vinny, Cid, and I all came to the conclusion we were alone on Christmas day- Vincent's grandma would go play bingo with her friends, Cid's parent's deemed Christmas Day as "the day of rest" and had no will to do anything, and my parents hang out at some rich couples house the entire day. Since my house was the biggest, and I have the huge big screen TV, they both came over here and we watched any horror movie we could get our hands on, eat a shit load of candy, order pizza, and play violent video games. Yes, it is actually pretty fun.

Except this time we have a new guest joining us. I was really pushing for Barret to come but, he has a daughter and can't leave her Christmas day, so I understand why he could come, though this meant Vincent and I were stuck with Romeo and Juliet. Cid, being Cid, managed to convince us to allow Tifa to join us. Tifa is a girl; she is going to scream like a maniac during the horror movies, stay away from the candy because it is going to make her "fat", and whine and groan when we start playing Grand Thief Auto, and other such games. And no I am not stereotyping girls, I just know she is going to do this.

The house became silent; everyone was long gone without a simple goodbye. They all forgot me…maybe better off. Why ruin their holiday with my presence- clearly they hate it, and I can't stand them…so it's a win win situation I guess.

I look at my watch, didn't matter what time it was? It was late, I was alone, time didn't mean a thing in this place. It was just a nasty reminder how long I had left without…you…know…who.

_At the end of the world  
Or the last thing I see  
You are, never coming home, never coming home._

My phone yelled and vibrated on my night table, begging me to answer and cease the annoying ring (okay, it wasn't really annoying but…I am tired a cranky). I grabbed the phone, not bothering to check who it was, and snapped, "What."

"My my, that's no way to answer the phone."

That voice wrapped around my mind, pushing me to sit on my bed at the surprise he actually called, "Hey…"

"That's better," he laughed, "How are you?"

"Emo…"

"Are you going to cut your wrist and black your eyes?"

I smiled despite my utter hatred for that pussy band, Hawthorne Heights. "No loser."

There was a loud pause, a forbidden phrase lingering on our lips, but we seemed to proud…or too scare to say it. Maybe if we said it, the distance between us would seem more real than it should.

"Dude, I'm going to see Brokeback Mountain here!" He laughed

"Ew…now who am I supposed to see it with."

"Umm, your friends maybe?"

"Yeah the fuck right, crazy lady."

We paused again, the sounds of children playing was heard through the phone- large family I expected. "How you holding up," I finally asked.

"…fine…"

No he isn't.

"Are you okay?"

"…yes…"

Liar.

"Are you O'fuckin kay?"

"Yes!"

Nah.

"Do I…wear you out?"

"Come again?"

"Remember when you broke your foot…"

"You are so fucking gay."

"…from jumping out the second floor."

"You stupid My Chemical Romance fan girl."

I laughed at my insanity…and no I am NOT a fucking My Chemical Romance fan girl. I mean yeah, I can think Gerard Way is sexy without it being wrong!

Yeah…so there.

"Despite how much of loser you are," he said, most likely rolling his green eyes, "I love you, I mean that."

"Yeah baby, I love you to."

"I have to go now; I'll see when I can escape my family to call you again…bye…"

"Yeah bye."

But he never called back; for the rest of the Christmas vacation, his beautiful voice didn't echo through my ears and mind, keeping me up at night and yet comforting me when I was awake. Now looking back on it…I know why he never called…

He wanted me to forget why I loved him._  
_


	14. Cry Me A River of Blood

-1Authors Note: Okay, I am reposting this chapter to get rid of the grammar errors. This is an emotional chapter, and I don' want anyone being distracted by the my own stupidity x.x

_Chapter 14_

_Cry Me A River of Blood_

He didn't call…

The special ring tone, made only for him, never echoed through the room, or at the mall, or in the restaurant. For ten days, ten drawn out days, his voice never ran through my head, and his name became alien to my lips.

I was mad… 

No…

I was fuckin' pissed.

I held my phone tightly in my hand, almost daring him to call so he could be welcomed with a shit load of angst. He could have called. It wasn't as if his family was up his butt the entire vacation right? If he really wanted to talk to me…if he really wanted to call, he would have found a way. I know him, I know him to well. That's what hurt the most, the fact he didn't really want to talk to me.

I wondered if he missed me as much as I missed him. Maybe I am just some stupid love struck teen with some one sided love afraid, and this whole time he wasn't who he seemed. He wasn't "gay." That was my worse fear…for him to become as I was.

_Never coming home  
Never coming home_

I jumped, practically right off my bed, at the sound of the "special" ring tone. I almost didn't want to answer, just to spite him…but when I saw his name on the ID…

"Hey."

But the voice on the other line wasn't his- it wasn't my Reno's soft voice. 

"Mister Strife."

I knew that voice…

"I'm sorry to call you so late, and on a school night, but we at Shinra request your presence."

"Why should I," I snapped, only growing more angry when the voice on the other line cackled at me. 

"Well, we will hurt him."

I cursed myself for the love that jumbled sickly in my stomach. I knew they would hurt him badly, and if they did, I would I never forgive myself. Worse of all, I knew what they would do, how brutal they would be to their "friend." An image of Vincent, crawling down the street, covered in crimson blood, flashed angrily in my head…

"Where…" 

"South Beach."

The line went dead, not time for me to even argue the distance. That idiot Rufus wasn't as much as an idiot as I thought- then again he was a pro. He wanted me out of my safety zone. Cunning. And I love the calling from Reno's cell phone touch. Touché Rufus.

Now the only thing to answer was…Why?

-

I zoomed down Staten Island, on my motorcycle, in the middle of the cold night, only earning a million hallow stares from the people that occupied the night with me. I stopped at the red light, briefly looked at the surprisingly pitch black sky- the bright moon was hidden be the uninvited clouds, offering no sign of hope. Hope…hope that Reno will be okay, hope that this is just a joke…

Hope that I will be okay.

The light changed to green, and I continued on my adventure. I zoomed down San Lane, past the sports bar, then the library, and down the boulevard where the gaudy semi attached houses that hatefully stood next to the noisy street. I went through the entrance of the beach, the one by the silent Dolphin Fountain, and parked my ride where it wouldn't be stolen. I paused for a second, and examined my scenery- absolute, untouched, unnatural darkness.

I remember everything from this point. I remember the sound of my feet against the boardwalk, the smell of trash that seemed to flock here like the hungry seagulls in the summer, and the nauseated feeling of inevitable doom.

I found myself in the middle of South Beach, hands safely shoved in my jean pockets, with the hypnotic view of the lights of Brooklyn, Queens, and Manhattan, surrounding me in a false haven.

"Glad to see you care," Rufus voice echoed through the quiet beach, carried off by the hint of venom laced in his words, "But Reno was never in any danger. " The sound of my boyfriend's name pulled me to turn around and face my second greatest rival.. 

"It's cold here, so I won't keep you long," he advance towards me, like a predator stalking it's prey, the wind violently whipping his traditional white jacket...as if to stop him, "Cloud Strife, it seems you were the object of someone's revenge. I don't know what you did, sir, but someone wanted to hurt you very badly."

"Who?" I narrowed my eyes at the villain before me.

"He was anonymous, but he left a large sum of money...and a note."

"...and?" I crossed my arms over my chest, trying to act as if I was better than him (and I was!)- I wanted him to get it through his head, I didn't care who hated me.

Really, I didn't.

"Reno, the boy you seem to be smitten with," that boy who...hasn't called in forever... "We sent him here to help us out with our plan..." 

I felt my eyes go wide despite my every attempt to keep some kind of normal composer- it wasn't working. I clutched my hands into a fist, my nails digging into my skin...all to keep myself from screaming.

He's lying though...

"His job was to seduce you..."

No, that's impossible, not my Reno. He was different. He wasn't like them, he wasn't a monster, and I knew that. I knew him to well...or did I. Where was he? Did he know? Was...he...no...

"And out you."

And the world stopped...

I don't know how long I was zoned out, but I went through every single moment I spent with Reno, since the first day I laid my eyes on this angel, looking for some kind of clue...or...an explanation? What was I looking for?

"Why..." 

"Because," I felt that slender finger guide my face to his cold green eyes, "you made someone very angry." I searched those eyes for the answer to the mysterious question, only to be met with the eyes of a complete stranger. A stranger whose soul was shattered in a million sharp pieces.

"Cloud," Rufus called for me, but my eyes stayed locked on Reno's, "We have pictures. We will be showing them to everyone...family, friends, teachers. The whole school will know."

"Was it all a lie," I asked Reno, desperately hoping, this was still just some crazy joke. No no, this is a dream, I am sleeping right now. This isn't real...

"I will give you three weeks to tell your parents your secret. When the three weeks are up, the pictures will be released."

I heard the rustle of disturbed sand- Rufus left- and now stood Reno and I, staring darkly into each others eyes. He let the finger that held my head drop down to his side in a defeated manner.

"Cloud," his voice didn't sound like...HIS...voice, it sounded like the cliché voice of a Shinra lap dog, "I'm sorry."

Sorry...he's...SORRY. 

That's when I snapped. In a second my angry fist made contact with his face, making that...what is that...a popping sound that echoed through the pathetic beach. But, no, it sounded more like shattered glass that cut my hand and made it cry crimson, beautiful, blood that stained us. It was the glass that created that wonderfully put together mask he bought when he came to this cursed city. He was like everyone in this place, he was a fake...no he is worse...he actually fooled me.

He stumbled back a little, shocked from the blow at first, but he regained his composer. His eyes wilted to the ground, unable to look me in the face, to see and accept the pain he caused me. Silence took the beach- not even the sounds from the street crept into this cold place.

What was there to say? All it was all beautiful lies chained together to form a perfect person. Was this even the Reno I fell in love it? This cold shell of a boy, with the black and blue forming on his cheek. This disturbed, disgusting person...

The sad thing was...the horrible tragic thing was

Yes, that was the boy I fell in love with.

"I don't want to see you," I hissed, trying to stop my body from giving way, "and I don't want to talk to you...I want you to stay away from me forever."

Not a word escaped his lips, just a slight huff and a shrug of the shoulders was all he would give me in this time of great depression- depression he caused. I refused to let him see how he shattered me- since he didn't care- so I left him on this dirty beach, to live with the sin that matched the cold sea, and went to my motorcycle.

I stared at the contraption with weary eyes, as the memories of the boy flooded my every thought, almost crippling me. I sat on the floor like a buffoon, the whole world spinning beneath me. I saw every moment, every beautiful memory, turn sour before me. Every line, touch, kiss, he ever gave me was all in an attempt- a successful attempt- to drag me into this web of deceit.

I realized where I was…Vincent lived up the block in those apartments. I stumbled, almost drunkly, to his apartment. No one stopped me as I walked through the door and into the elevator, but I did earn suspicious glances from the other habitants.

I banged on his door, "Vince open up!" He was going to be pissed, "I swear I'll break this shit open!" The banging got louder, with no avail. I was about to kick when the door flew open, and a very tired Vincent greeted me with vampire eyes..

Then I lost it and did something I hadn't done since I was seven. I cried. I collapsed into a ball on the floor, and cried like a baby whose toy was taken away. The tears streamed freely down my face in painful waterfalls, as if they were being ripped out of my body. A warm hand ran through my matted hair, hushing me softly like a mother would.

"He…he fuckin…"

"Shh, Cloud, com on," his voice was unnaturally soft, not like the Vincent I knew. I felt him pick me up, his strong arms wrapped tightly around my waist, dragging me into his bed. I looked up at him, through teary eyes, and saw an angel with black wings…I never seen that image of him before, and an overwhelming feeling of guilt washed over me."

"Vinny," I choked, "I'm sorry."

He gently forced my head on the pillow, "Go to sleep, we'll talk in the morning."

I don't think he understood, I was apologizing for betraying him. I chose a lying Shinra dog over my best friend. I could have lost him. I don't think, at this point it hit me…I didn't lose some stupid bastard…I lost my wonderful boyfriend.

Vincent laid down next to me, rubbing my back to sooth the flood of tears. I turned to face him, the cool red eyes of my most trusted friend mimic the pain that was evident in my tears- as if he understood every single surge of emotional pain that rushed through my body. But did he know?

"Vinny," I laid my head on his strong chest, closing the between our bodies- I held on to him, begging him slightly never to leave me, "I'm so sorry Vincent."

Cold lips brushed against my forehead, "I forgave you, before it even happened."

-

I pressed my phone to my ear…and heard the sultry voice run through my head, awakening all the beautiful memories of the boy with those lying forest green eyes.

_Cloud, I am sorry! If I had known what I could have felt being with you…I would never have agreed to this. You have to believe me. I love you more than life itself. I meant everything I said- I did and I do. Please forgive me. _

I paused, trying to fight off the tears that never stopped falling since last night. I could hear his frantic breathing…his silent begging.

_**Reno…**_

The phone looked like it was going to shatter, I was clutching it so hard as if I was holding on for my life.

_Cloud, I love you._

I sat on Vincent's bed, a nauseous feeling washed over me. I felt physically ill thanks to this- I wanted...to just die.

_**I hate you.**_

And I hung up the phone, letting it fall so painfully from my hand. It crashed on the floor, breaking like me. I was shattered glass…rough, dangerous, and broken. Broken…not even Aeris left me broken, destroyed, unfixable. I dropped down, even more, into this lowly pit of darkness that surrounded me.

The brain could only focus on one surge of pain.

I took out that knife I got when I went on that camping trip with my dad, back when I was five. That knife…I only ever used it to…

I rolled up my sleeve- the scars have faded into my skin. I wiped the annoying tears from my eyes…it will all be over soon. I dragged the sharp knife down my arm, opening a sea of beautiful crimson blood. I laid on the cold wood floor, my while body jerking from the emotional pain. The tears of blood mixed with the water that sprung from broken eyes.

I just wanted it all to go away…

I caught the image of myself in the mirror across from me. A shattered boy bathed in blood…

And all I could think about was…

_I needed to escape from this place…_

_I took out the razor blade from my pocket, glancing once more to make sure my parents where, in fact, home. I took a breath, and sliced my wrist…The blood squirted violently, as if trying to punish for this. It wasn't going fast enough. I tried to cut my other wrist but I could move. I got dizzy, and stumbled back, slamming against the wall. I heard my mothers voice- cold like this blood. I dropped to my knees…and smiled when I saw the horrible look of pain on my mothers face…_

Him.


	15. You Meant Every Word You Said

-1A/N: Heres FIFTEEN!

Chapter 15

You Meant Every Word You Said

I wanted to dream, about something other than pain and sadness. I would even take the painfully beautiful dreams of the boy who left me broken on the floor- but I wasn't so lucky. Maybe I just created a fantasy, maybe Reno never existed and that is why I can't see him. It was all a dream…a beautiful dream, every moment with him; I was high on some drug that left me wanting more of him. But he is gone now, and I have to wake up, and face the cruel evil world in the weeks to come, before I die a tragic social death at the hands of the people in my city. I couldn't wrap my mind around this…why would someone want to do this to me? Who hated me that much? And if they truly hated me, with the rage of a thousand burning suns, why didn't they just come over and kill me…

I stared out the window of Vincent's room, my eyes completely dead to the world. I didn't see anything in this gray world…usually I could find something, some harsh thing out in this place, to compare to what I was feeling. Maybe then I could make sense of this all…these lies and secrets this boy presented to me. But I couldn't, nothing in this world was this cold hearted. I still thought about a lot of things in this moment, why's and how's, but none could be answered.

He was beautiful, Reno Sinclair, he was the most beautiful boy I have ever met. He was deep, passionate, emotional…everything rolled up into one perfect body. I wanted to believe he was still like that, still the boy I fell in love with. I don't know why, heh, no, that wouldn't make it easier would it? I don't even know anymore…

I heard Vincent call my name, in a sad way, like he knew exactly what happened. I think I acknowledged him…because he continued. I think he told me to tell everyone I was gay.

"What…" I mumbled.

"You know Cid, he gets worked up over everything, I think you should tell them."

"How do you know what they plan to do…"

"Reno called."

I looked at Vincent for a second, then back at the window…I saw a beautiful Robin sitting on a snowy branch to a tree. Robins…you never see those around Staten Island, they probably don't like the pollution around these parts. Their beautiful though, so when you see one, you get all happy right? I smiled at the robin…

"Cloud?"

It flew away again…and my smile disappeared…

"What did he say…"

"Told me everything…said he missed you Cloud."

I miss him…no, I miss who I thought he was. I miss the boy who sat at my lab table that first day, and made references to Tifa's breast. I miss that boy in the black BMW who wanted someone to talk to, the boy who kissed me in the nurses office, and that boy…who made me scream his name.

I wanted him back…more than I wanted anything in this messed up, crazy world.

"Cloud, Barret knows already, he doesn't care. Just tell Cid so he doesn't throw a hissy fit like he usually does when we don't tell him something."

Barret knows…he probably thinks I am disgusting for loving another man. A lot of people will be, when they see these pictures Rufus has…they will all hate me. I know it, I have seen it before. They will jump me after school, throw shit at me…look at me with disgust in their dead eyes as I walk into the classroom.

"I don't know if I can."

My voice, didn't even sound like my voice. Sounded dead…like someone took out a piece of my brain, and left me like a talking zombie.

"You can."

No I couldn't. I could barely admit it to myself. I was gay…I was gay…What does gay mean anyway, it's supposed to mean happy but it's exactly the opposite. I feel miserable, I want to just jump out of this window and end my pathetic excuse for a life before it all tumbles down and crushes me. I want to go away, far, far, away.

I felt his arms around my waist, but my eyes never left the window…the branch…where that robin was.

"I'm not mad at you for dating Reno. I have some secrets I should tell you…and I'll tell them to you and to our friends. Look, we will do it together, you and me. Well admit it to everyone, your gay…"

"and you?" I looked into his crimson eyes.

"You know who bandaged your arm up?" He asked, brushing some strands of hair away from my face. "Elena did."

I collapsed to my knees, almost dragging Vincent down with me. My brain lost it, oh my brain was gone.

"He….Reno was here wasn't he…oh my God I feel him here. You let him in here, you let him see me destroyed didn't you? You let him come in…you let him see me…you let him know how much he hurt me…"

"Cloud," he bent down next to me, "If you saw him, if you looked into that boys eyes, you would know…he is unfixable. At least, we-me, Cid, Barret, and Tifa- can put your broken heart back together. We will hold you until you can walk, we will wipe your tears away as you cry, Cloud, we will hurt ourselves if it means you won't. But Reno, has no one. No one is going to help him…all he had was you."

I didn't want to believe that…it would be so much more easier to get over this, if I just thought he was a jerk with no emotion.

"I don't want to forgive him," I said.

"You don't have to."

I looked back outside, at the robin who returned to the tree. He pecked around, as if looking for something. Just then a blue jay appeared, on the same branch. They looked at each other with their beedy black eyes…and flew away together.

Two different birds…but they looked so beautiful together.

-

"What did you want to tell me now?"

Cid looked at me worried. He saw the redness that stained my eyes from crying, the way my hair was knotty and wet…he saw I looked like I was hit by a bus repeatedly. I felt like I was hit by a freakin' train.

"I've been keeping a secret from you awhile now." My voice was raspy and forced, something I could tell he picked up on by the way his eyes went wide. I never spoke with this much emotion, not even when Aeris left.

"Yeah, what's up?"

"I'm gay," I looked away from him, so it would be less painful when he walked away disgusted.

"Yeah okay, so are you going to tell me who the bastard is that did this to you."

Umm, wait..

I looked at him, perplexed at his behavior, "Did you hear me?"

"Hell yeah I heard you! This is great, now I can actually punch out the guy," He smile cracking his knuckles, "Now where's the bastard, let me at him!"

Well one could imagine my surprise as I stood there, watching my seemingly homophobic friend Cid getting ready to beat up the boy that broke my heart. I guess you could say, I was stunned for a moment.

"You okay?" He said finally, waving his hand in my face annoyingly.

"Yeah," I said dumbly, "Just thought…you would hate me."

He laughed and smacked me on the shoulder, "Nah man, I kind of figured it out a while a go. I mean, it isn't obvious at first, but when you get to know you well enough, you kind of figure it out….and I found those gay porn mags under your bed."

He started laughing like a hyena, as if this was funny. Okay so in a sense it was, I mean, I could imagine the poor look on his face when he saw my lots-o-dicks magazines under my head…but I just wasn't in the mood to laugh.

"Yeah right," I said, walking back into Vincent's room and flopping on his messy bed- did I mention I don't want to go home either?

He followed me into the room, "Cloud, I'm sorry." He ran his fingers through his messy hair nervously, "I will admit though, I don't agree with it…don't think men loving men is natural and all-"

"Well it fuckin happens," I shouted. I didn't need his "what is right," lecture…not when I am feeling like this.

"Sorry…" he mumbled, "Come on, though, what guy could make you feel this miserable. You look like death man!"

I didn't say a word to him; if he wasn't going to hate me for being insane, he was going to hate me for who I fell in love with. Reno. He hated Reno's guts like you wouldn't believe…

"Cloud, who was it?"

"No one…" I mumbled.

For once the boy got the hint, and walked out of the room, but not without slamming the door to emphasis his anger at me. I just didn't want to deal with this anymore…facing my friends, this pain, being alone now.

Then I remember school- I have to face the boy that broke my heart, the first two periods of school. I wasn't ready…I couldn't do it…no…

But I had to, I knew that.

-

"Are you going to be okay?" Vincent asked. I stood in the corridor, looking out into the hallway at the children playing cops and robbers…reminded me of a simpler time.

"That depends. If you are asking if I am going to try and cut myself…no I am not, but if you are asking if I am going to go home and lay my bed like a mush, then yes I am. You don't have to worry…" I looked at him, "I'll be here tomorrow, same time…with bells on."

I could tell he still wasn't comfortable with me being alone…I wasn't comfortable, but I have to be strong. Or at least I had to pretend to be strong.

-

I passed his house on my way home, either on purpose or on accident, and stared at the big lying piece of junk. I wanted to go in there, and see for myself if Vincent was right- if Reno was shattered like me…heh who am I kidding? I want to go in there and forgive him. I continued on my way home before I started to break down again; I was tired of crying.

My parent's weren't home as usual; doubt they even realize I was gone the entire night. I stumbled to my bedroom in a daze, kicking off my shoes as I entered. I looked around for a second, remembering that last night I held Reno in my arms, in that bed…

Was that real? That moment we shared in that bed…why do I believe it was? I do believe you meant it when you said you loved. Heh, you meant everything you said right? Was that a code, you were trying to warn me. You wanted me to forget all about you, about everything that we had, because you wanted me to go through this easier…you wanted me to think, it was a lie. Oh God, Reno, you are confusing me, what do you want me to do now? Love you or hate you?

Or just forget? No, I can't ever forget about you.

I crawled into that bed, growing even more sad when I didn't smell his tacky axe spray on the sheets. He really was gone wasn't he…that just wasn't fair!

Whoever wanted this revenge, knew exactly how to deliver it…

Whoever it was, was trying to kill me.


	16. Ex Marks The Spot

-1_Authors Note: HEY I'M BACK WITH AN UPDATE YAY!_

_Chapter 16_

_EX Marks the Spot_

I dragged the razor a short distance across my arm, letting the blood flow from the small cut, as freely as a violent river. I leaned against the headboard of my bed, my tears drying up thanks to the beautiful stinging pain from my arm. I knew I promised everyone I would stop this…this stupid cry for attention…but there's nothing else in this world that could numb this kind of horrible pain. I could feel my world start to crumple, and bury me under and weight a boy my age should never have to suffer with.

I was in high school. Only high school. I could easily say, that was being a pathetic little boy, crying over something so stupid as a high school love. There will be more boys right? Coming and going…and eventually I will find that special someone who I have been looking for- and it won't be a red headed Californian who works for a stupid high school gang. Yes this is high school, who cares about "reputation"? Whatever "reputation" you had in high school goes out the window once you hit College, right? Who the heck is going to care about who was the home coming queen, or who was gay, straight, bi, or just plain horny. Who? No one? So why should I sit here, in the dark, crying over a boy I won't remember in two years…

I look back down at the small cut that was covered with my crimson blood….

Because this wasn't just some high school love affair. Because this wasn't just some boy who broke my heart. This boy…I was going to be with forever.

How do I know?

Who the hell else would put up with me!

Reno and I were perfect, like two peas in a freaking gay pod. I am cold, angry, stupid, quiet…I never say the right things, I always use violence to solve my problems, I don't want to talk, I don't like anything. I am a freaking mess! Zack left me because I wasn't easy enough, Aeris left me because I wasn't cool enough, no one else threw a single, solitary, glance at me…Only Reno…only Reno seemed interested. He was like me in some ways- violent…stupid, your cliché asshole. But he was different…he was nice, and wonderful, and easy to get along with for some reason. We balanced each other out somehow.

But that was all a fuckin lie!

He only talked to me because he had some stupid mission to complete. He only drove me home that day because he was supposed to get to know me better. He only kissed me in the nurses office so he could corner me…

He knew how to play me…and he did it so beautifully.

_Take take take take take take it away._

_Take my hand, take my life._

It wasn't his ring tone…no…he wouldn't call me again, that was the ring tone for strangers who didn't deserve to hear my voice. I grab the phone angrily just so I could see the number that dared disturbed me in this moment…and to my surprised didn't see a strange jumble of random numbers.

I decided to answer the phone…almost regretting it when I heard that voice on the other end.

"Cloud Strife…it's been a long time hasn't it?"

-

I was never comfortable with being a homosexual, but deep down…in some black pit of my soul, I knew what I really was. When Tifa kissed me that day, that day I ended my friendship with her, I figured something serious was wrong with me…because I had a crush on her. I think I freaked out because it didn't feel right to kiss her…to kiss a girl.

I remember it like it was yesterday. I walked into that same bar Reno took me into…only it was two years ago and owned by a company who didn't think pink was the new black. I remember how nervous I was walking in to that place- seeing all the men making out, dancing, and doing unmentionable things with each other. Hate to say it, but this probably wasn't my best place to research the "gay world."

I started to feel sick thanks to the mix of bad alcohol, stale smoke, and the sight of grown men giving each other blowjobs. I ran into one of the bathrooms and puked my guts out for, what seemed like an eternity…when someone I sadly knew walked in.

"Are you okay?" he peeked his head into the stall, "Need some help?"

I tried to send him away with my hand, as my head was shoved in the toilet- but he was persistent. "Want me to call you a cab or something?"

The bile finally stopped and I was able to take a gander at the boy who chose to witness this pathetic display. I almost threw up again, when I took in the site of the most popular boy in the entire school…Zachary Thomas.

All the girls loved him…worshiped him like he was some kind of demi God. The guys in our school wanted to be like him- to be that handsome, smart, athletic, and an all around drop dead gorgeous guy. God he was beautiful…and here he was in a gay bar, watching me die.

"Zack…" I managed to blurt out. He flashed me a comforting smile, walking into the stall and bending down to my level.

"I know you…Cloud Strife right?" he laughed at me…a very beautiful laugh.

"Yeah…what are you doing here?" Wow…that was a stupid question to ask at the time. What would the soccer star of our school be doing in a freakin gay bar? Huh? Scouting for potential players? Well…actually yes yes he would.

"I am here to research the spread of Aids for science class," he looked dead serious for a second…which only made me more nervous, except he let a sneaky smile grace his perfect face, "I'm gay, isn't it obvious?"

Uh no…

"Oh…I didn't know."

"Eh, not your fault. Only the junior IB class really knows…and my team, but they don't care. I wouldn't expect a little freshman like you to know anyway."

I guess I was to love struck to notice he sort of insulted me right there, so I laughed along with him. He helped me clean myself up and gave me a ride back to my hell hole house. I remember sitting in the car with him, staring up at the beast…my parents probably didn't even realized it was three am and I wasn't tucked away safely in my bed. Not like it would matter if they did know…what would they say? Nothing.

"You want to drive around for a little bit?" Zack said suddenly, breaking me away from my thoughts. I shrugged my shoulders, which he took for a yes, and we drove off. "You want to go anywhere in particular?"

Yes, there was one place. It was a beautiful place, far away from this hell hole of a neighborhood. It was a lonely, dark, place, but it was beautiful and comforting. I went there when I was little, with Aeris, all the time. I wanted to go there… "You know what abandoned church that's like falling apart? Can we go there?"

He did one of his sideways smiles, "Yeah, I know that place…sure, I'll take you there."

It was once a very tall, white church, were people from a forgotten time would come here and worship a God that may or may not be there to listen. I think it was abandoned sometime in the 1940's when World War 2 was going one. Seemed kind of stupid to abandoned a place of faith during a very troubled time in American history, but who am I to judge the ways of the 40's high class men and women. The church now, lost its beautiful luster, and became a gray heap of wood, with broken pews and no tiles on the floor- but there was hope in that church. Beautiful wild flowers managed to grow in that barren place…adding color to the once dull world, and the most fascinating thing that managed to arise from that dead building was a pond. Yes, very weird, but there was a pond all the way in the back by the broken wall- perhaps man made, but still beautiful.

We walked in to the church, almost breaking off the rusted double doors as we did. It was a full moon tonight, which only added to the wonder and mysteriousness of the still pond that reflected the blue light in its waters. We stood at the edge of the said pond, just looking at it with dull eyes…I don't remember what I was thinking about in that moment…but I am guessing it had to do with the situation that was presented before me. Here I was, with the star of my school…alone.

"You come here to think?" he broke the silence with his majestic voice.

"Yeah…or just to be alone. I come here with my friend sometimes to play with the flowers. Sounds dorky I know.."

"Nonsense, I think it's very nice place to think…I am glad you are letting me share this with you."

Oh…that fluttering feeling in my stomach erupted, sending a million little butterflies in a frenzy. I was so young back then, to think a boy could me feel this vulnerable…not even Reno or Aeris gave me butterflies the first time I laid eyes on them (okay maybe Reno but I am mad at him right now…so screw you)…heh I guess that is what happens when you meet your first love- you get all giggly and stupid.

We sat on the wet grass, looking up at starry sky, everything perfect…when he said, "You ever been kissed?"

"No.."

Then he did something…that surprisingly didn't freak me out. He pressed his lips against mine…he kissed me. And not just a small peck, no no, this is Zack we are talking about…when he does something, he does it right and good. He glided his tongue along my bottom lip, practically forcing me to open my mouth…which I must say, I happily obeyed.

He was my first boyfriend…

And when he broke my heart I vowed never to get involved with men again….

-

I was surprised when he called…I was more surprised when he asked me to meet him after school at his apartment in the Queens. The last time I heard from Zack was when I received that damned letter from him…and I swore never to speak to him again. I guess I was feeling not like myself when I agreed to see him. Heh, I'd be lying if I said…it was going to be torture seeing this boy again.

It also gave me a good excuse to not go to school. Yes I did take the long, agonizing, silent bus ride with Vincent…just so he knew I was okay.

"I won't be around for second period…or any other period today.." I said slowly, "I have to go to Queens, there's someone I have to see."

"Are you running away Cloud?" He asked in a hollow voice.

"No," I mumbled, "In fact, I think I am doing the opposite."

I don't know if he believed me or not…but he let me go without to much of a fight- he just made me promise to call him when I got back…and then again before I went to bed…and you guessed it, again when I woke up. Without actually saying it, he was making me promise not to die. Heh, how hard it is to keep that kind of promise.

-

I like to remember the bad in things, you know? Makes it much easier to move on from a past love, or walk away from an oppressive family- just look at them through a black veil, and you will only see the horrible darkness that inhabits their once perfect soul. I always do this- walk around with a black veil over my eyes- and it's a habit I should kick to the curb before it takes over my entire outlook on the world. And this is what ran through my head, when my long lost ex revealed himself to me, after two years of hiding.

To walk away from Zack, as easily as I did, I just told myself he was horrible- just representing the stigma most people place on the unsuspecting gay men. Most of all, I just viewed him as this one time thing…a fling if you will, so he wasn't really important.

He was important to me, more than anyone would ever know. He wasn't like Reno, though…no one could affect me the way Reno did, but he left a mark on me –a positive one- that I choose to ignore. What I chose to ignore about my first boyfriend, Zack Thomas, was how amazing and patient he was with me, up to that night where we ended it all.

Even though I had silently forgiven myself for thinking so bad of him, and forgave him for what he did to me that night, I was afraid to knock on him apartment door. What was I going to say to him? After two years of never talking to him, and rarely allowing him to come into my thoughts, how to face this person who you have convinced your mind you hated? I don't even know hot to act in front of him.

I gathered up what little courage I still had, and rapidly knocked on the door, half hoping he wasn't home to answer my weak call. Well…like I said God seriously has some kind of hatred for me…and Zack opened the door a smidge, poking his head out to see who disturbed him at this early hour.

"Cloud…?" He smiled, "Thought we said after school…"

"Didn't feel like going…thought I'd come a little earlier." I shoved my hand into my jean pockets, suddenly becoming nervous around him.

"Well, you hate hellos, from what I can remember," he began, slowly, "So lets just get on with in."

He pulled opened the door entirely, letting the dim light from his house flood into the hallway, dragging me into its mysterious web. His apartment was big- It had a living room, kitchen, and then a door that lead possibly to a bedroom. No surprise it was well decorated, with art and sculptures from all over the world gracing the poor brick walls with its presence, adding class to a classless neighborhood. This place was ironically comforting to me…

"How have you been?" Zack walked over to his brown, probably imitation leather couch, patting the spot next to him, "We should catch up."

I tentatively sat down next to him, staring into the now dull eyes of the soccer star at my school. "A lot has change," I said, drinking in the rather sad sight of him- he wasn't the same muscle man, with vibrant eyes, and long, spiky, jet black hair- he was thinner now, maybe to thin, and his beautiful locks were now a memory, leaving only a dull buzz cut in it's place. It was a scary sight…

"Yes it has, you aren't short and twiggy anymore," he cackled at me. Ow, that hurt…

I shot him a mock angry glare, "Leave me alone, I was still growing back then."

"Ah," he flicks my nose, "and though you look taller, and buffer, you still whine a lot, don't you?"

"Did you invite me here to be your run on joke?"

He smiled softly, playing with my hair, "No, no I didn't…but can a man like me have a laugh every now and then?"

Despite the beautiful smile, elegantly placed on his lips, I sensed from his aura…this wasn't going to be a happy reunion. His eyes wilted to the floor, as his hand fell from my hair, and tangled itself in my own hand, but that smile never left… "What's wrong?" I said.

"Just as I remember," a small chuckle escaped his lips, "Always straight to business."

Zack looked away from me, his eyes locked themselves on an imitation "Starry Night" painting, as if begging the blues and grays to spell out the words he dare not say. "You were the smart one," he began slowly, "You wanted to wait, you said no…I could never say no…

"I thought if I acted the way that I did-having sex with any one that moved- I could make friends in this new world, and I did…until…"

He fiddled with his thumbs a bit…I remember that habit when we were going out…I took his hand into mine, linking our fingers together, "What happened Zack?"

"All the years of unprotected sex with men whose names I didn't even know…I was naïve…thought I was invincible you know? When we are young, we think nothing can hurt us, we say… 'it can't happen to me…that would never happen…'" He squeezed my hand, begging me with his eyes not to leave.. "I have Aids, Cloud, full blown Aids…I don't have that long to live…"

-

Besides the fact your now ex boyfriend was leading you on for three months… now your other ex boyfriend is dieing at the hands of an unstoppable villain. This was turning out to be a very trying month…as if that God that supposedly lives in heaven was trying to see…how many fuckin things he can shot at me before I crack and jump off the Verazano Bridge. The bastard in heaven was doing a damn good job at it to.

God I am selfish…

I paced around his apartment in silence, trying to let the news of Zack's upcoming death set in…it wasn't that easy to wrap my mind around this…this tragedy. Zack may have been a lot of things in the past, but no one…especially him…deserves to suffer a fall like this.

I didn't know what to say…what do you say to something like this?

"Cloud," his voice crack my thoughts, but didn't cease my pacing, "You okay?"

"I should be asking you that…" I mumbled, "I should be helping you, not pacing here like a moron."

"I understand…you are the only one who I have told, who hasn't run out that door in fear," he dropped his head, "You and my sister, the only ones, but she lives in Oregon with her husband now…she doesn't have time for me…"

"What about the rest of your family?" Stupid question…if they found out he was gay…

"They disowned me." They would do just that.

"…Why did you call me?" I brought my blue eyes to lay upon the raven haired boy, who sat there…with so many invisible blows to his body, they were killing him faster than the disease that ran through his veins.

He arose from his seat, walking over to the kitchen, "because I didn't have anyone else to call…"

I watched him with soft eyes, as he opened up his pills…the pills he took to numb the pain of this disease. He had every reason to look this sad, he was dieing alone. But out of all the people he could have called…he called me, this little insignificant boy who walked in and out of his life as fast as the men that took him every night after. And here I was, beating myself up over Reno…

I walked behind, wrapping my arms around his waist as I did so, "I'm sorry Zack…" I pulled him closer, and laying my head on his back…wrapping myself in an alien warmth that comforted me…but at the same time left me empty…

Because it still wasn't…him…

Zack turned around, his dark eyes piercing into my blues ones, as if searching for the answer to a silent question. He traced his finger around my face…smiling at the fact I didn't flight at his touch- probably unlike the million other people he had tried to touch. I wasn't stupid, we have Sex Ed at school….I know something as innocent as a touch couldn't give me AIDS; and something told me, he hasn't had human contact in a long time…

So I did the only thing I knew I could do, without going to far…

I pressed my lips against his…

I kissed my sick ex boyfriend…

And I fuckin enjoyed it.

He trailed his tongue along my bottom lip, trying to open my mouth…to taste me…something he hadn't done in a long time. I opened my mouth, but I wouldn't give him the opportunity to be on top…oh no…this is my show, and I slipped my tongue into his mouth, dancing a forbidden tango with his own muscle.

After a few minutes of frozen bliss, Zack painfully pulled away from my lips…just staring at me with his old eyes-the eyes I remember. "Why did you do that?" He gasped.

I could only smile at him, "Because you let me…"

"You shouldn't have done that," he stroked my hair, "I would never forgive-"

I silenced him with another peck on the lips, "Shut up…you can't get AIDS from a kiss…you know that as well as I do."

"I love you…." Crap, "I loved you then you know…"

"I…" I couldn't say it back, and that killed me, "Zack…"

"You don't have to say it back…I know there is probably someone else by now, I can see it in your eyes…just…" he kissed my forehead, "Don't leave me…"

-

Zack and I were tired- him from the pills, me from not sleeping for two nights. We laid on his soft bed, covering our bodies with the soft blankets that decorated his bed. I felt him wrap his arms around my, pulling me closer so I could hear his strained breathing, as I linked our fingers together…it was nice…but it wasn't right.

We didn't fit well, like Reno and I did…

But I wasn't about to leave Zack.

-

And maybe this time it was fate I dreamt about him…

I was walking down the hallway of Zack's apartment complex, heading for the elevator that smelled suspiciously like dead carcasses. I stood in front of the metal contraption, waiting for it to come up…when my eyes locked on two little children playing freeze tag in the hall way. They looked no more than six, one with fire engine red hair, the other with dull blond locks…they were cute, laughing and running around like maniacs. Heh, I always thought I hated kids but these two…there was something innocent about them…

Then someone had to interrupt their fun- reminds me of the old days- an older man, whose face I couldn't see, stomped over like a beast, and snatched the red headed boy from his game; grabbing his wrist and dragging him, scolding words raining from his lips. I couldn't make them out…but from the look on the boys faces it had to have been…

_Get back in the house you little shit!_

Woah, started to feel a little dizzy there. I grabbed my head, trying to chase away the thoughts rising like bile in my mind. My eyes focused on the little blond boy left stranded…I saw me in him…lost little boy…

He stared at me for a good ten seconds because scampering to the safety of his apartment, slamming the door…

_How many times do I have to tell you to stay the fuck inside!_

The elevator finally arrived…must have been coming from fuckin' hell it took so long. I walked into the safety of the four walled piece of metal, happy I was finally away from those two little kids…

God the reminded me of…

"Strife…" my eyes went wide when his voice ran through my head, "You remember me now?"

I didn't want to look at him…No…it was to scary…

"You know I never meant to hurt you right?" Don't look at him, "You know I love you right? You know I never wanted to leave you right? But they made me…they forced me…they stuck a gun to my heart and pulled the trigger, and your name was carved into the bullet."

Without being controlled…my eyes focused on Reno…leaning against the far right part of the elevator…in his Shinra attire, and his head hanging down in defeat. "I wasn't in love with Tseng, like I was in love with you. I fuckin crashed head first in love when I met you."

"Reno…"

"Don't talk, just watch…"

We stood in frozen silence for eternity…when he pulled out a gun…and placed the nozzle to his heart. "Reno…don't…" I started shaking uncontrollably…tears threatening to spring from my eyes…and jump to their death. "Reno, put the gun down baby…"

"The first time I lost someone I loved, I numbed it with a cut to the wrist…and made sure I survived. You were ripped away from me…now all I can do…" his finger trembled against the trigger… "is die."

It sounded as if the whole world just ended…a loud bang erupted in the small elevator…shaking its worn doors. He slide down the wall…a crimson trail following him…

There he laid on the ground, a bloody heap of a boy…

Oh dear God…he just died…

-

"Reno!" I shot up from the bed, my whole body shaking like a leaf caught in a deadly wind, tears, like waterfalls, streaming down my face. I just watched my boyfriend kill himself…oh god all the blood, everywhere, his blood on my hands…

I grabbed my cell phone, frantically punching in his phone number- my mind was numb to all logic…what the hell was I going to say to him…

It rang once….I'll check if he is alive..

It rang twice…. I'll just listen to his voice…

It rang a third time… I'll tell him…

It rang a forth time… That I love him…

Then he finally picked it up… "Hello…?"

I didn't utter a word…just listened to the dead air that was passing through our hears, maybe in some sense waiting for him to say something, other than a hallow hello.

"Cloud…I know it's you," he said slowly, "….I probably don't deserve this call…"

He's alive…that's all I wanted to know right? I just wanted to make sure, my dream was just a nightmare and…that he was okay…that's all I wanted.

"I miss you," he mumbled.

Who am I kidding?

"I…" But I told him I hated him…I used it so strongly, like I actually believed it for a second, "I love you."

I quickly hung up the phone, before he could say anything…I couldn't forgive him just yet, not until I know why someone would go to these lengths; to go so far as drag some kid from California to seduce me…just so they can get enough evidence that I am gay…

God someone doesn't like me at all.

"Cloud, you okay?"

I looked at Zack through teary eyes… "I'm o fucking kay…" heh, that sounded so fuckin fake even to me.

-

"Are you going to be okay?" Heh, where have I heard that one before? Do I really look that messed up?

"Is should be asking you that," I laughed bitterly, as I leaned against the door frame, "yeah…I'll be fine." I looked down the hallway for the two little children that suspiciously looked like Reno and I, only to find the whole place dead empty, "You going to be okay?"

"Yeah, I'll live…well I won't….but I will live through the night," he chuckled despite the seriousness of the matter…

"Don't joke like that," I spat, "I'll call you tomorrow to check up on you, and then I'll come by on Saturday to help you around the house, okay?"

"You don't gave to do that…I-"

I silenced any further objections by pressing my lips against his, "Shut up I want to…"

We said our goodbyes and see you laters, and I made my way to the elevator, half hoping to see Reno. I wanted to see the red head…just so I could tell him how much I love him…and maybe see with my own eyes, if the green orbs I fell in love with matched the hollowness in his voice. But the metal doors opened, and he wasn't there…no one was there- only tacky wallpaper and bad music.

I sighed and walked in, letting the rickety metal doors to lock me into this future death trap. No sooner did the doors close, did my phone that screaming angrily for me to pick up. I didn't bother to look at the caller ID- it was probably Vincent calling to match sure I was alive,- so I answered it…only instead of hearing the accusing voice of a vampire…I heard..

"I love you to, you jerk." and then dead silence.

Then I did something a little crazy….

I started laughing like a maniac…either at the hopelessness of the situation, or the fact that I honestly believed him..

Or maybe I am just going insane.

-

It took three busses and three hours to get home…I swear if I knew it was going to take that long, I would have just called car service. Lucky for me, note the sarcasm, each bus had annoying children screaming bloody murder- "Mommy I want to go to McDonalds"- swear I was about to open a window and throw myself out just to silence the racket…but I wasn't feeling that suicidal today. Surprisingly. I was beat though, and all I wanted to do was walk through the obnoxious doors of my house, crash on my bed, and take another three hour nap.

However, like I mentioned a thousand times before, God hates me with a fiery rage, so even before I can make to the doors, I see on my stoop…Aeris. Out of all the people in the world, I really didn't want to deal with her today.

"What are you doing here," I snapped, walking up to her, "Where's your perfect boyfriend? You should probably go to him before he gets his panties in a bunch. You know he doesn't like me, and I can't say the feeling isn't mutual. Plus, you have a history with philandering with peoples enemies. You should probably get your cute little ass over to him before he destroys something…." My voice trailed off at the end… "Unless…he already did."

She was looking down at her pink converses I hate so much, as if trying to cover up the disgusting purple bruise that marred her once perfect cheek. I picked her head up…the festering wound glisten thanks to the tears that cascaded down her face.

"He's crazy," her voice, so soft, dragged my eyes away from the bruise to her painful green eyes, "I don't know what to do anymore…I tried to stop him…I really did…"

"Aeris, what did he do?"

"I don't know what's wrong with him…" she linked her fingers together, as if she was going to pray… "I honestly tried to stop him…"

Then her eyes pierced mine… and she said through choking on her tears… "I never seen someone hate another person…like this… I never thought, he could hate you this much…"

Hate me…

"_I don't know what you did, sir, but someone wanted to hurt you very badly."_

_"Because…you made someone very angry."_

_Whoever wanted this revenge, knew exactly how to deliver it…_

But out of all the people…

_Whoever it was, was trying to kill me._

"Sephiroth…" But…he…he was the one that ended the friendship- he was the one who tried to kill…

He was the one who tried to kill me when we were fourteen…he was the one during our sword class…he was the one who was trying to beat the living shit out of me with the damn wooden swords.

"Why," I said sternly, "Why does Sephiroth want to hurt me?"

She shook her head, "I…I don't know…but he doesn't want to hurt you, Cloud…"

"_he wants to kill you…"_


	17. Demolition Lovers

-1_Authors Note: WARNING LEMON SCENE TOWARDS THE END. And Enjoy._

_Chapter 17_

_Demolition Lovers_

I could lay here on my bed, staring at the pure white ceiling, cursing myself for not seeing it before- but who am I kidding? Sephiroth…he wasn't like Reno, who allowed the simplest emotion escape through he eyes, his mask was a cleverer designed, perfect, to the point where not even I could see the full blown hatred he had for me. The hatred I did see, the tiniest bit that would sometimes (perhaps purposely) escape to his vile eyes, I took for a common high school drama- I had the girl he wanted…and in a sense, still have her…

-

"You can't…" she struggled to speak, all logic she still held within her fragile mind, tried to block the truthful words that wanted to escape, "don't let this get to you- walk away from it…don't give in."

"Aeris, I can't-"

"Throw away your pride for once Cloud!"

-

But did I have any to throw away? No…I wasn't a man, I was a mouse…I was a scared little mouse. I threw away my pride the first time I succumbed to her advances, in a failed attempt to abandoned the knowledge…that I never truly in love with her. The threw it away again, when I mourned her lost…because I spent an obscene number of days cursing her out to myself, beating myself up, and even crying like a sad, pathetic child. And the little bit of pride I had left, the speck that was still existent, I threw it away the moment I allowed that knife to connect with my skin…

I lost it all after that.

-

I stared her down, my blue eyes hitting a new kind of rage…not directed at her, but at the monster that left the bruise on her perfect face.

"Why, why does he hate me? What did he do? Aeris, why did he hurt you?" I never heard my voice grow so low, and cold, than it did in that moment. She gave me a frighten look…flinching as if I had struck her myself.

"I can't answer that…"

"Bull, Aeris, you know something!"

I didn't mean to yell at her, but the damage was done. She pushed herself away from me, holding her arms around herself, as if to protect her from some strange enemy- to protect her from me, perhaps.

"I shouldn't have come," she gasped, "if he finds out…he will…I have to go…"

-

I don't think I want to believe Sephiroth was man behind this little plan- that would force me to accept the fact, that he-of all the people in the world- knew that I was gay. But he was, and he knew it, my worse enemy, and this little secret would be the jackpot for him. I didn't want to admit it though…I was still in this closet I built for myself. These four walls of darkness was starting to bear down on me, crushing me under its vile weight.

I close my eyes, throwing myself into a depressing darkness, surrounding my soul-as much as my sight- into a pleasant abyss. Random colors attempted to break through the darkness, only to die in bloody fury…the main color being red.

Beautiful cherry soda…

_You remind me of Cherry Soda…_

And I love cherry soda.

-

Before she left, she took one more look at me, "Did you ever love me…?"

I searching my soul, my heart, my entire f—ked up brain for the answer…but it was the wrong question. I did love her…that was easy enough…the question was, how did I love her?

"Yes," I said coldly, "but not how you wished I did."

-

Maybe she thought there was hope for us- that's why she tried to get close to me, even after the break up. The truth was, the painful truth, all hope was lost for Aeris and I…it was probably over before it began.

I saw the look in her eyes, when the truth hit her-anger mixed with sadness- for the chapter of Cloud and Aeris finally came to a sad close.

This moment marked the true beginning of the Cloud and Reno tragedy.

-

Sleeping away the pain like I had plan wasn't going to work today. Cid and Vincent were starting to worry about my health and sanity, and personally dragged my a-s to school (literally) – kicking and screaming. Today was the day, I was going to face those green eyes, those green eyes that knew too much of my pain.

I sat in my rightful seat in physics, watching the sub attempt to teach the rowdy class- it was turning out to be a tragic blow to the crazy woman's ego. To savor what little sanity she had left, for the other four periods she had to go through, she gave up, and let us do whatever the heck we wanted- short of leaving the class…which was a tragic blow to my own sanity.

However, ten minutes into the period, Reno still had been missing in action; for a brief moment, relief washed over me…I won't be haunted by him.

Breaking through the heavy barrier of random conversations, the need to write spring up from that pit of my soul…where it laid dormant for so long. I allowed the thoughts that demanded to be revealed, fall from my conflicted mind, to the striped loose-leaf paper…ignoring all the meanings the words held. I knew what it was about…it was about….

_I hate how skinny you are. I am afraid that if I hold you, you will break under my sincerest of touches. I can see the bones that keep you standing peak out from under the "Taking Back Sunday," shirt that seems to have become part of your skin. You're not girly-heavens no- but the few defined muscles that manage to grace your frame are over powered by the frailty of your body. _

I heard the chair next to me move, and the stench of Ace cologne filled my nose…he finally decided to show up. I tried not to look at him…I couldn't bare the thought. He knew how weak I was...there I was the night he broke up with me-ended in all in a _hail of bullets_, lying in a small pool of my own blood. Then, not even a week later, I called him to tell him _just how much _he _means to me_. But would it have hurt any less…the just ignore the pain, and let it fester within my worn body, only to kill me later?

"Hey…you uhh….look good…" He said slowly, nervously, as if I was going to bite his head off- which the thought has passed my mind.

"You look innocent…oh look now we're both lying." I made the mistake of allowing my eyes to take a small glance at him….all I saw…was the boy Vincent told me about.

"Nice one fucker," he retorted nastily, though his eyes only screamed sadness.

_I hate how loud you are. Your voice travels through my head and pounds against my brain like a drum. Your voice could be heard oceans away, to the most far away city, in an unknown country not yet marred by the curse of man. What you say is loud. When you curse the disapproving eye of your parents, I can hear it a mile away, or when you weep for the lose of your loved one, I could hear it light-years away. _

"I like how you think you can talk to me as if nothing happened."

"That wasn't how I wanted to talk to you Strife." He leaned against the chair, focusing his mock angry eyes at the board that held the failed Do now.

"Then how do you want to talk to me?" What would be the smart thing to do huh? Do what I did to Aeris right? Ignore her…or try to…but no now…I wanted him to come back- god I never wanted anyone this bad, and it was pathetic. Look what he did, he fooled me so beautifully. It was a lie…he was a lie. The most wonderful lie anyone could be.

Reno's eyes kept losing their edge- every few seconds reverting to the sadness they actually felt…he was losing his composure, as much as I was losing my mind.

"Cloud…I can't talk to you," he choked, "the way I want to talk to you- the way I've always talked to you."

"It was all a lie…a big ugly lie…"

He gave me the pleasure of staring into his eyes…and with a crooked smile said, "I meant every word I ever said to you- from the first…to the very last."

And he was right….

He was horrible at physics…

And he…

"No you don't, if you did….if you fuckin did-"

"I know," his green eyes lost all will to fight back the sad blanket around them, "and you think I never tried to stop it? Even though I knew Hojo would kill me in a heart beat…I wanted to end it all without you knowing why I really talked to you that day. But honestly Cloud….I think it was the greatest thing that ever happened to me…"

I pound the desk with fury, only to have the echo lost in the sea of loud, random words…but he got it- his body seemed to jump and his eyes went wide. "How could you even say that," I hissed through clenched teeth. My life was about to be ruined…and he was enjoying it?

"I was so messed up," he mumbled, "I watched Hojo kill my best friend…I witnessed my boyfriends dead body, swinging in his bathroom…I held his cold body in my arms for what seemed like an eternity. If it wasn't for the fact Hojo held a gun to my head; I could have never gotten the courage, or the will, to speak to you that day…

"and I don't think I could have survived this long, without having you here…"

Maybe I would have just been better off never talking to him again.

I wanted to cry, because I couldn't believe him, and I wanted to…more than I ever wanted anything in this world. He could say all these pretty things, get down on his knees, and beg for my forgiveness…but in the back of my mind, I will always force myself to know…

It was all based on a big lie.

_I hate how long your hair is. The way it stands up in a million little flaps and flips like your personality. And how, when it is wet, it falls over your precious green eyes, sadly covering my entrance to your soul. Your hair leaves me lost in a forest of red. Lost…I hate being lost._

"You…uhh…cut your hair…Reno?" That long pony tail, the one I loved to grab when he was annoying me, was missing from his sea of cherry red. All that was left, were the flips and flaps that grace the top of his head.

"…" He felt the back of his head tentatively, "I loved my hair…"

Yeah, he was such a prissy boots about it- when he would spend the night, he spent close to forty getting his hair to look presentable…for fuckin bed. He wouldn't cut it without having a gun put to his head.

Heh, knowing his friends, that doesn't seem to out there now.

"…I watch too much anime," he laughed bitterly, "My hair for your love…it seems so corny now, God I suck."

And I think the saddest thing was…I knew exactly where he got it from, "Marmalade from," I mumbled," stupid show."

"Yeah, my friend Scarlet made me read the manga and crap, yo. You know, now that I remember it, it didn't even work! Whatever the chicks name, ends up with her step brother anyway, and the poor schmuck who chopped his hair off for her…ends up with some stalker chick. Why did I read that stupid comic!"

I didn't want to smile…I didn't want to show any other emotion towards him besides passive anger…but that was impossible, because I knew how fucked up in love I was with him. A small smile managed to escape the stone cold wall I tried to build, to trap my emotions, and I could tell how it affected him…

"I love it when I make you smile…"

_I hate how arrogant you are. The way you walk as if you are God's gift to mankind. You demand we all bow down to you like servant to a king. And then, how you run your fingers through your mysterious locks, acting as if you are so suave and sexy we should all attach ourselves to your body, and never let go. Maybe you feel abandoned inside, maybe you need someone to pick you up. _

I had to drag my eyes away from the hypnotic stare of my boyfriend…no ex boyfriend…

See, how crazy he makes me- I reverted back to the love struck little boy I was when we first met. I was back to being that boy…in the nurses office, at the bar, in New York City, in his bed…my bed…the boy who had everything in one beautiful package…

He was everything, how many times did I scream it? No, he was MY everything. I know that sounds so corny once you think about it…heh…but its so stupid, its beautiful.

"Cloud…please don't cry…"

I touched my face, only to find that daring tears sprung from the wounds.

"Fuck," I wiped away the wetness from my face, forcing the others that threaten to fall back into their hideout.

"I'm sorry for everything I did to you…you know I love you more than life itself…right."

I knew he did…

"Just shut the fuck up Reno," I snapped, "just please, shut up."

_Oh, and I hate how you always complain. About how much you hate how big I am compared to you, or how quiet I am, how my hair is too spiky, or how self conscious I am. You push and nag for me to show you how I feel. Nag. Nag. Nag. With that annoying voice! You wear me out, chasing me around this closet I built for myself. Oh God I hate it!_

"No," I saw the water swell up in his eyes, "I need to know, there's hope for us…"

Hope? That's all I have been hearing for the last couple of fuckin days. Hope for Zack, hope for Aeris, hope for fuckin Reno. All this fuckin hope…and hope is nothing. It's like wishing on a stupid shooting star…it won't come true! All those dreams I had when I was little, wasted them all on a stupid ball of fire! And look, none of them came dream.

Now look where hope has gotten us?

Zack is going to die…

Aeris is being smacked around…

And Reno…

And Reno and I…

"I…don't know, Reno," I clenched my fist, "I don't know…"

"You told me you loved me!" He slammed his fist on the desk this time, "You told me all this shit, about how you never wanted to leave-"

"Oh don't start this shit! You were the one who blew it! You were the one who wasted it all on a fuckin 'mission.' That's what I was to you, right? A mission, a worthless mission!"

"If you were JUST a mission, Cloud, I wouldn't be sitting here right now, fuckin begging you to love me again!"

_But I love you. I love everything about you. I would do the impossible to show you, how much I actually I need you. I would ask God to turn down the wind so you won't blow away, I would go brain dead before I tune our your amazing voice, I would sooner cut off my hair before I give up a strand of yours, and every time you fall I would carry you until you can stand again and ignore your foolish complaints on how are "fine." I will do this all and more, because I know you would do the same for me._

And maybe he did mean every word he said…

"Who said," I swallowed back the annoying tears again, "I ever stopped loving you."

The shriek of the bell shattered our momentary heaven, calling us to our dreaded second period class. We stood up, staring hopelessly at each other, as the class and sub shuffled out of the class room…leaving us alone.

"I need you," he said finally.

"I know," and despite my greatest effort to restrain my body, I grabbed his hand, feeling the warmth I had long for, fill my body for a painful moment, "but I'm not ready to forgive you yet…"

"Then I just need you to know…" he took a step closer, disregarding the possibility that the whole school would see, "I would walk through hell for you…"

_And that is the meaning of love. _

-

"I have a confession."

We all focused our eyes on the ever mysterious Vincent, who decided to just show up out of no where seventh period, with eyes filled with worry. Well this had to be good…I needed something to brighten up my day.

"Well?" Cid mumbled, linking his fingers with Tifa's.

Vincent quickly took his rightful seat, looking at the carving on the almost broken library table, probably debating whether or not to tell us this little, "confession…" Vincent didn't really have many secrets to hide…I doubt it was going to be very big…unless he is coming out of the god damn closet, then…well then I could finally ask him out.

Argh, I am on the rebound now aren't I? I hate this part of the break up.

"There's someone I have been hiding from you guys," he said coldly, "because you wouldn't understand her, and well, wouldn't understand why I was with her. And yeah, Cid, you can probably call me stupid for going out with her, and Barret, you could throw a fuckin fit, and Cloud…you can go ahead and give me that dirty stare you gave me, and break down like a little baby again…"

Ohhh Burn, what the fuck did I ever do to him?

"But the point is, I don't fuckin care what you guys think, so you can shove whatever you are planning to say up your fuckin asses."

"Well fuckin get on with it, so I know what to shove!" Cid shouted, earning a rough shush from the annoying librarian.

Vincent took a deep breath, "Elena and I have been going out for the last six months…"

I guess I should have seen it coming…she was the one that bandaged my arm when I had a little "accident…" and he seemed to know a great deal about what happened between Reno and I. I guess I could see it coming, because she was the one who comforted him when Lucretia left…and when she dies, Elena was the one who forced Reno to spill the beans about her. I looked away from Vincent, back at whatever crap I was trying to write; trying to imagine the looks on Cid and Barret's face…surprise? Anger? Shock?

"Elena?" Cid said slowly, "from Shinra?"

"Yes," Vincent snapped, "from Shinra."

Silence over took the library again…a cold, unnatural silence. I almost felt Cid get ready to bust open a can of whoop ass on Vincent…and knowing Vincent, he wasn't going take it sitting down on his ass. So I did the only thing I could do…

"I dated Reno Sinclair from Shinra," I said, not bothering to look into the eyes of Cid.

"Well that was fuckin obvious," Barret laughed, "I saw you too hold hands."

"You…" Cid's voice trembled with anger, "You and Sinclair! But, you idiot don't you know he is a bum. A Fuckin bum! Is he the asshole who broke you little heart. He is isn't he! I am going to fuckin kick his ass. That bum!"

"He isn't a bum," I hissed, looking dead on into the fiery blondes green eyes, "He is just a beautiful liar." I looked over at Vincent, "Congrats on you and Elena bud."

"Thank Cloud…"

I looked on angrily at the pen that was in my hand, wishing…it would just fuckin break in my hands so I could get over this. If it just cracked, splinted, just shattered in my hand, I could just move on from all of this, and know…it was over, it was really fuckin over between us…

It wouldn't break…no matter how hard I wished it…

I ignored the conversation my friends were having about Vincent's new love interest, and instead focused on one of the little windows in the dank basement. I saw the two birds, the robin and the blue jay, land right in front of the window, pecking around each other for food…the looked so amazing together. Then they flew away, leaving me empty again…

A crow, suddenly appeared, landing in the same spot as the robin and the blue jay. It stared at me with its beedy little eyes…spitting fire at me.

_Sephiroth_

He was death, death of everything. Destruction of everything beautiful. I saw fire in that birds eyes, fire…fire from the deepest pit of hell, rising up and burning everyone in it's violent flames.

_Sephiroth_

I saw the silver haired boy looking at me, flames surrounding him, with hell and demons grabbing at his feet. He smiled a devious smile…and disappeared into the flames, untouched but the scarring heat. He was the devil…Satan in the flesh…what did he want with me?

What did I do to him?

The crow flew away…snapping me back to the real world. I looked over at Vincent, who was staring at me…

"Are you okay?"

I shook my head, "No…this whole fuckin world isn't okay."

-

The sky…it was beautiful today, sunny and clear, despite the frigid cold that plagued Staten Island this day in January. I shoved my hands in my pockets, to protect them from the biting frost, but allowed my eyes to the safeness, and mystery of the blue sky…and I could only think of him.

In the classes we shared, I stared at him…just drinking up all his wonderful features, and in the classes where he was absent from my site, his face, body, hair, attached themselves to my thoughts, making his almost real. He was everywhere it seemed, I wanted him everywhere, and it hurt when he was gone…but it hurt more when he was around. I guess this is what love is, a painfully, beautiful feeling.

It was forbidden…maybe that was what drew me closer and closer to him, no matter how much I wanted to run away. I wanted the danger, the mystery, the fuckin orgasmic feeling of being with someone who you aren't supposed to have.

But can I forgive him yet? Can I honestly walk up to him and say, "forget about what happened, forget about how you shattered my heart into a million little, unfixable pieces, forget the lies you said…forget it all…because I love you and that's all that matter." No, that was too easy, it would be like last time. It would be like walking into his car when I had only none him for five minutes…I would be like letting him kiss me in the nurses office, or letting him drag me to that club…or even…

No, I will not taint that moment with the lies that fell from his lips so freely before, because that moment we were perfect…it was right…

I looked back at the earth I had grown to hate most days, staring at the millions of students exiting the educational jail…I leaned against Cid's sorry excuse car, waiting for him to come out with the rest of our little "gang." Finally got a ride home this time…no more shoving into a smelly New York City bus, filled with kids who either hate me because of my attitude problem, or hate me because they don't even know me.

A familiar click of a car caught my attention. I caught Reno's eyes as he opened the door to his BMW, green mixing with blue for a few brief moments. I saw something in his eyes, I saw that regret that seemed to follow him around…and that's when I finally realized…

He meant every word he said.

Then he life, his car become nothing but a memory in front of this school, and I was sad, because I never got the chance to tell him…

"_I forgive you."_

_-_

Everyone asked me if I was okay….I guess I must have looked like hell. Vincent sat next to me in the car ride home, just watching me…waiting for me to snap perhaps? Snap like a fuckin pencil. Yeah, that's right, they were all ready for me to just fuckin shatter into a million broken pieces again. Oh why? Because that's expected of me now…because I just break so fuckin easily. I am weak piece of shit!

"Cloud, are you okay," Tifa turned her head to the back…her brown, innocent eyes just emitting nothing but concern for my welfare.

"I'm okay," I said coldly, "I mean it, trust me."

She didn't, no one in that car did. I was losing my fuckin mind, and it was a show…everyone just watched as I slowly began to snap.

Because the only one who could ever keep be sane, is gone! He left in a _hail of bullets, hail of bullets, in this pool of blood, in a hail of bullets, and we're touching hands…in this pool of blood…_

Why was I going insane? This wasn't logical! Non of this was. Why am I so weak and powerless again these feelings that keep boiling inside of me, wanting to just explode? Why, do I want to cry, and smile, and laugh, and beg, and fuckin die all in one day? Why do I feel so lost…

"Cloud," Vincent touched my hand, "Cloud…I know what you are going through…"

Why does this feel deeper than just a high school romance…why does it feel like this isn't the end, but only the beginning of all the _blood, all the fuckin blood…all over me. Dead, their all dead now._

"And you're right…"

I looked into his blood….his red eyes, "What did you just say?"

"I said you're going to be alright."

Something is seriously wrong with me.

-

I glided my finger over my cell phone, battling with my self, a question burning in my had, "Call him or not call him." I was not ready to get back together with him, but at the same time I wanted talk to him…he was probably the only one in the entire world right now would could help me. Oh the irony of the entire situation.

Two hours and the question still burned in my mind, with nothing to show for it. I still had his number programmed on my cell…I could just click the talk button and be connected to him. Maybe even just to hear his voice…I miss his voice. Nah, I miss much more than just his voice…I missed the way his flesh felt against mine, I miss his hair, I miss the way he would look at me…like he honestly loved me more than anything. I missed the fear, the confusion, I just fuckin missed HIM.

But it would be to easy just to say that to him…because then he would know I was just weak. Look what him and his friends did, just walking back to him as if nothing happened…no I can't do that.

I flopped on my bed, continuing the mental fight I had with my ceiling earlier today, my phone still clutched in my right hand…just incase he called me..

He would call right?

Damn, I need sleep…I am thinking the impossible now, HA.

-

I liked the way I touched him that last night. My fingers traveled up and down his tone chest, feeling every inch of flesh offered to me. I pulled myself on top of him, our lips never leaving the comfort of one another's mouth, our tongues dancing that forbidden tango they love so much. I played with the hem of his pants, the heat of his turn on hitting my hands…I just wanted to touch him more. I moved my lips to his neck, sucking and biting at all the right places, earning nothing my moans from my boyfriend. I unblocked his belt with on hand, my other arm supporting me over him. He lift up his hips, making it easier for me to slip his jeans and boxers off him. I wrapped my fingers around his length…

"_I hate it when you do that," he moaned, "god…dammit…"_

I pumped faster biting down on his shoulder…I think drawing a little blood. I wonder if he still has that scar…

I felt him shake under me…his orgasm growing nearer…so I decided to be the bitch, and stop.

"_Jerk off, don't do that!" he shouted, "I hate it when you fuckin do that."_

I kissed him on his lips, "_Don't lie…you love it."_

And he knew it, and he hated that I knew his weakness was me. I sat up, unblocking my jeans, discarding them, and my boxers, as quickly as possible. I hovered over him, clutching the bed sheets, "_Get me that crap on my night table." _He tossed me the lube, giving the "hurry up" eye…he was as impatient as me, but I didn't want to hurt him. I squeezed the lube on my fingers, coaxing my length in the warm liquid.

I positioned myself, looking deeply into his eyes, "_I love you Reno…"_

"_I love you more than you know Cloud…"_

I squeezed my eyes shut, and thrust myself into him…

-

My eyes shot opened, my breath was loud and strained…and I was covered in a familiar sweat, with that annoying pain throbbing between my legs. For the love of all things beautiful...of all the things to dream about at a time like this…dammit. This wasn't turning out to be as easy as I had hoped. All I want to do is be able to move on, and away from Reno…

Oh who the fuck am I kidding! I ain't even kidding myself anymore. I want Reno more than I want tickets to see My Chemical Romance, god dammit. I love him more than I loved anything else, and I need him more than I need fuckin air to live. This was truly pathetic…but I am a sixteen year old boy with fuckin raging hormones, and masturbation has lost its fun!

Ugh, why can't I just call Reno and have like a casual fuck with no strings attached?

I looked at the phone still clutched in my hand…kinky…

No no, can't call him for that, what am I thinking? See, that's it, I am thinking with my dick, not my brain like I should be. Holy hell.

But I want to hear his voice. He seemed out of it today, not himself. I wonder…

So I got up the courage and dialed him number finally…he was going to be pissed, it's three o clock in the morning, and here I am calling him for no real reason.

"What the fuck do you want Strife?" See, didn't I tell you, he was never a morning person.

"Hey…I just wanted to see how you were doing?"

-

Reno's POV

I pulled the gun away from my chest; dammit why does he call right when I am about to end all of this stupid misery- it's like he is psychic or something.

"I'm just peachy," I snapped.

"Don't sound like it."

I tossed the gun back in my night table…I think I might as well just give up on killing myself, it never works out to my advantage anyway. It just causes more pain…more people get hurt, and I have to live with watching their disappointed eyes bare down on me. I hate it, why can't God just kill me already.

"I was thinking about you," he said softly, like he didn't want to admit it.

"Yeah, I've been thinking about you a lot to, Cloud."

"I think I am going insane…"

I smiled, "Yeah me to…" despite how close I was to missing this moment where I got to hear his voice.

"What's your view on casual sex?"

What the…oh so that's what he meant by thinking about me, out of character for mister Cloud Strife. "I would love to pleasure you mister, but I don't think that would be healthy for our relationship."

"Oh…yeah…that thing."

Silence over took our conversation, all shred of hope I had for this so called affair was drowning…and I couldn't do a thing to save it. It was up to Cloud to choose whether or not I was worthy of a second chance now, I can't pled and beg anymore…I'm too tired to do that. But as it stands now, after everything I have done to him, getting back together didn't seem in our destiny….

"Where you supposed to have sex with me that night?"

"No…in fact, Rufus made it a point to tell me not to."

"They why did yo-"

"Don't ask stupid question Cloud…you know why…"

-

Clouds POV

I stared at the watch, gliding my thumb over the crystals, "I believe you…"

"You…do?"

"Yes, against my better judgment, I do, I know you meant everything you said to me, and I know that you wouldn't have done this without a gun pressed against your head. Maybe I am stupid for saying this, I forgive you Reno…I forgive you for breaking me heart the way you did. But I need you, I have no one to talk to anymore…there's no one who gets me like you do, and I'd rather risk my sanity with you, than destroy myself being stubborn…but on the other hand Reno," the face of the watch burned into me…everything that happened that night on the bridge came flooding back to me, "I don't think we should get back together, yet…if at all."

"What…" oh shit…it sounded like I just broke him even more.

"No, baby," fuck I am just digging a bigger whole for myself and him aren't I? "There is hope for us…just I don't think I m ready…and I don't think you are to. Maybe we should just start over, be friends and see where it goes."

"Whatever Cloud."

He hung up the selfish bastard. Thought I would just call up and beg him to come back to me. No, I am that easy, but I am willing to start over, slowly get back to the way we were. I don't want to jump back into this relationship, we will just fall on our faces again.

But if he can't do that much for me then…

I guess this is the end of us right?


	18. Reno

_Chapter 18_

_Reno_

I decided to take a gander at myself in the mirror…only to find a monster in the reflection. Hair a mess, red eyes, dark circles, I looked like I crawled out of a bad horror movie. I blamed lack of sleep, the nightmares, and even the failed dreams that he and I would be together again, for this horrible looking beast. I didn't want to do anything today. Today was just a waste like every other fuckin day, a worthless piece of crap day. Sure, yeah, it was finally "Friday," time to break out the fuckin jello shots, cigarettes and cheap whores, and get the mother fuckin party started.

Ha, what a fuckin joke.

I stayed up all night- well the rest of the night- staring at nothing; at a ghost, a shell, a blue screen reflecting nothing but lies at me. Oh yes, the meaning of love…the drabble of shit I wrote during physics. What did it all mean? Nothing, it was bullshit! It was lies, all fuckin lies! Like he was….I wish I never met him! Hell, I wish I wasn't even alive to see his eyes, his hair, his beautiful, untouchable face, because what good would that do? Knowing I could never feel him under me, hold him as he cries, sit in his car….feel his lips against mine. It was all a joke, a fuckin joke. And here I was…once again, the punch line. Didn't I warn myself? How many times did I say it? A Million. Don't fuckin give your heart away Cloud, someone is bound to break it. Well, looky fuckin here, someone not only broke it, but the stomped on it and spat at the shattered pieces.

I looked at the blank document, thinking up all the beautiful words that could fall from my mind, down to my finger tips…all the words of how I felt, how he made me feel, and how I just wanted to leave…forever. I started typing…everything I thought. It all came out like incoherent jumble- words that didn't make sense unless you were me.

"I hate him."

"I love him."

"I want him"

"I can't have him."

"He is all I got."

"He is all I need."

"I can't live with out him."

"I don't want to live without him."

"I won't live with out him."

"Why can't I be with him! Why can't I stay with him! Why won't he come back! Why don't I let him…why do I push him away….why do I even want him…why? God, why!"

I wiped away the tears in angry disgust…looking up at the drabble I wrote. This stupid, pathetic display of affection. This misplaced love I was giving this stupid, ugly boy! Why was I doing this! Why do I care. Maybe the bastard should fuckin shoot himself, and do all of us a favor and FUCKIN DIE ALREADY!

And I snapped…I snapped worse than that night, than any other night. I grabbed the razor in my bathroom, and just sliced my skin and random directions, laughing as the beautiful blood cried from my broken hand…and then…

I saw that it wasn't random…oh no it wasn't. It was quite the opposite of random…for I carved something into my arm that night- I carved his name into my arm…

Everything became a blur after that. For two weeks I was nothing but a wreck- a wreck that wore long sleeves to hide that embarrassing scar. I never paid attention in school, didn't really see the need to anyway. What was the point of it all? Nothing…it was all shit. My friends tried talking to me, I tuned them out…Aeris tried helping me, I told her to get lost…my eyes wanted to look at Reno, and I told them no…I told them never look at him again.

I told love to go away, I told life to leave me, I told myself I was done. Over. Done with. I was nothing before, and I am nothing now. I haven't contributed anything in this life except whiny, arrogant moments. I am selfish, disgusting, amazingly pathetic. I owe myself nothing, and I owe the world so much more.

I had seven, seven lonely days left before the world ended for me- before everyone found out I was gay. I refuse to look into their horrible contorted eyes when they find out. I'll die before I put myself through that pain.

I wanted to write a note, to say goodbye to everyone, but after an hour of staring at a blank piece of paper, I realized I had nothing to say. No apologize, no makeshift will…nothing. No one would really care if I died anyway…

I traced my finger along Reno's name that was forever in my skin. It stung….but it was pleasant. If pain was this beautiful, I can only imagine what death is like.

-

"You look like shit," Zack said, laying upon his death bed. He was dieing, the Aids was taking him quicker than he thought, but he refused to let me take him to a hospital, or to call his friends and family. He told me he didn't want to die alone, in some cold hospital room.

"Like you should talk," I countered- he just painfully laughed.

"You haven't been yourself lately- more depressed. What's got your panties in a bunch?"

I couldn't tell him- didn't have the heart. Why should I burden him with something so selfish as he dies here. I faked a smile, shook my head, and linked our fingers together, trying to get him to believe me, "I am fine." I didn't even believe myself.

"Right…" He squeezed my hand. I almost felt the pain he was feeling pass through his hand. I knew this was the last time I was ever going to see Zack alive; and I hated knowing that. There was no hope- all of it was gone now- and I couldn't make up any little lie to make me feel better. I was losing him, forever.

"I don't want to leave you alone," I sighed, "let me stay."

He shook his head, smiling despite the pain, "No, it's okay. My sister will be here in a couple of minutes to take care of me. You should go soon, be happy."

But I'm not happy- you're dieing and I can't do anything to save you. I can't stop this sickness from eating away from you, I can't turn back time to the moment, the exact moment, where the bastard infected you with death. I couldn't tell him that though.

"Yeah, yeah…" I looked away, relentlessly trying to fight back the tears that demanded to spring from my eyes. I couldn't let him see me cry for him; I didn't want him to be burdened with my own depression.

"You're going to be okay Cloud," he spoke softly, "you're going to be happy, a very happy boy. You're going to live a long time, and be successful. You're going to find love…and you will live beautifully. Like you deserve."

I heard his sister walk in, rambling on about something.

"Whatever you say Zack, whatever you say." I released his cold hand…and looked into his eyes, for the last time. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yes, we'll go see a movie." He laughed pitifully, because he knew as well as I knew, this was the last time we will see eachother.

I kissed his lips, "Bye Zack."

"Goodbye Cloud."

-

I wanted to re-evaluated my life, as I walked home from the bus stop, but I honestly couldn't remember. All I could think about, is Zack dieing. I never encountered death like this…and I was confused. Why did people have to die? Where do they go…? Why is there so much death, and pain, and crying in this world? Life is supposed to be happy….and it just isn't. I shoved my hands in my pockets, as the wind whipped around, smacking me in the face…as if trying to wake me up from this annoying funk I was in.

"Cloud."

I stopped in my tracks; that voice seemed vaguely familiar. Soft, yet harsh at the same time…kind of sounded like mind.

"Earth to Cloud," the voice called out again, "Don't ignore your mother like that."

The hell? I turned, and there, leaning against the family Mercedes, was my completely sober mother, looking at my through her Chanel sunglasses. "Finally! Don't look at me like you don't know me. Didn't spend five fuckin' hours in labor to have a sun that ignores me! Now get in the car, we are taking a drive."

Wow….wow. My mother, psycho, drunk, spaz, was ordering me around like I was her best friend or something. This was really turning into a wonderful say I can see. "Okay…" I said, despite myself. I should have just flipped her off and ran off in the opposite direction- but maybe for once I just wanted to spend some time with my mommy….

Ha! Got you! I just wanted the ride home.

I got into the red Mercedes, and we drove off in the exact opposite of our house. I didn't say anything though- maybe home wasn't the best place to go anyway- but I was still curious to my mothers motives…she didn't look smart enough to kill me, so there has to be another method to her madness.

We drove for about an hour, by the mall, the expressway, and the tacky semi attach houses that are popping around Staten Island like a plague. Yes, I took in all the mechanical, man made sites of this crappy borough I live in…as the millions of lights from the bridges and houses added some comfort from the darkness that cascaded over the city.

We suddenly pulled over…

"Roll up your sleeves." She said coldly, looking at me.

"What?" Crap…she knows…or at least has a suspicion I am doing something other than shaving with that razor.

"Cloud Adam Strife," she hissed- she means business when she throws in my whole fuckin name, "Roll up your goddamn sleeve."

"Fuck this, I don't need you to start acting like a mom now; you never cared about me for the fifteen fuckin years I was begging for attention…and now? Now, you fuckin want to be a mother? A care? Oh I get it, I am not doing what your stupid friends want me to do. Well, screw you mom!" I was about to get out of the car, leave her to fuckin cry over what I said (yeah right, like she would cry) when she grabbed my wrist, and in a split second, had my sleeve rolled up…

She tighten her grip around my wrist, when she saw what I did to my arm- the horrible carving that I scarred myself with. Her eyes were frozen on the name, the bleeding name that dripped with all the venom and malice that was hidden within me…

"Reno…" she said slowly, "Reno Sinclair…"

She turned away from me, as if looking at me was so fuckin hard. I pulled down the sleeve, defeated, now my mom was going to call the little men in the white jackets to wheel me away to the looney bin. She drove away from the spot…her eyes were a frighten mix of confusion and self-hate…blaming herself? Not my mother. But once again we didn't go to the direction of my house…

Within ten minutes, she pulled into the parking lot of a grocery store called "The Met," which was right up the street from Barret's apartment.

"I…I have to go, get something from here. Come with me." She was shaking from head to toe.

"This is far from our house mom-"

"Just…come." She didn't look at me, but I could tell from her body language she was frustrated at me. Great…like I needed another reason for her to hate me.

-

We walked around the tiny grocery store, looking for nothing it seemed…just a way to get out of an awkward situation. My mother, she was just rambling on about nonsense…incoherent words falling from her lips…I'm sorry for what I did to her, but I always fuck things up, that's just who I am.

It was late, almost closing time, so most of the employees were already checked out…as well as the customers. Our footsteps echoed through the back of the store, my mothers rushed ones, and my soft…depressed ones. She eventually lost me…probably need sometime to think about what a fuck up her son was.

"Hand in mine into your icy blues…"

I stopped….now that voice I knew.

"And then I say to you, we could take to the highway."

He was singing that song…that song he deemed our song a long time ago. Demolition lovers by My Chemical Romance- it fit us so beautifully. I looked down the aisle, where the hypnotic voice was coming from. There he was…stocking some crap, with the "Met food," uniform on his body, instead of his normal Shinra uniform. He had a job…wow…he never told me he had a job.

"With this gun of ammunition to…I'll end my days with you in a hail of bullets…" He spotted me, our eyes meeting in an awkwardly. I hadn't spoke a single word to him in two weeks…and there he was, just begging me to say something.

"Hi…" Was all I could muster up. He dropped what he was doing- literally- and walked over to me; his hand shoved in his pockets.

"Hey…" he mumbled, "still not talking to me?"

Well, asshole, I kind of said hi to you, CLEALY I am talking to you. "No…No I guess not."

"I don't like it when you don't talk to me," he looked at the floor, "but I guess I deserved it."

"Yeah, well, you kind of played with my heart, let me have sex with you, even when you knew it was all a lie."

"I know…I know. I wasn't supposed to let it get that far."

"Then why did you?"

"Because I thought…I thought…I don't know. I was being selfish, you know that. I wanted to be with you, and do my job, and some how come out okay. And look, I fucked everything up…I lost the most important person in my life, because I should just stand up and tell them to back off. Now what do I have? Nothing…I should have just shot myself what I had the chance…"

Shot…himself? Fuckin dreams. "You can't try to kill yourself, you stupid ass." Okay, so maybe I am not really good with talking to suicidal people…but if I say anything more than that, I'd be a fuckin hypocrite. I cupped his chin and forced him to look into my eyes, "what's dieing going to solve?"

His pleasant green eyes were tainted with a venomous poison, that shot its deadly liquid into my eyes. "You're arm is bleeding." I looked down, never letting go of his chin, and saw some blood trickle down my left arm…shit. My mom must of irritated it…dammit. "Let me see." I took the injured arm carefully in his hand, and I let him…I think I wanted him to know. He slowly pushed up my sleeve, revealing his name…festering and throbbing with pain.

He tentatively touched the scar, his cold hand bringing some momentary comfort to the burning pain. "Take me back…" he said suddenly, "take me back, and well end this stupid drama. I want you back, you want me back; hell we fuckin love each other, so lets just get it over with!"

Doesn't that sound pretty…oh so fuckin romantic. Now what are we supposed to do? Confess how much we need each other to breath, make out in the middle of a public place, and live happily ever after! Oh yes, how beautiful that would be, if we lived in fairy gumdrop land with dogs that piss champagne! Who the hell would let that happen? Those bastards he works for won't let that happen; over Reno's cold dead body, would they let that happen.

I forced him to look into my eyes, and as painful as it was to tell him, I knew I had to, "Reno, as long as you work for Shinra, you and I will never be together."

I killed us both a little more that day, because we both knew…

Reno would be dead before he could left Shinra.


	19. Find The Words To Say You're Sorry

Authors Note: AmarulenceEmbodie- Duh, why did you think I said, "can anyone say Hot topic?" in that context. He was being sarcastic. That's what he does

And I love Hot Topic, only fuckin place that sells band shirts in god damn Staten Island.

Also, This chapter was supposed to me longer buttttt...I figured 12 pages was enough...

_Chapter 19_

_Find The Words To Say You're Sorry_

I learned how to put on a tie thanks to catholic school…never thought I would need to use this forgotten trait again, but sadly, I had to dig through my memory-and my draws- to prepare for an dark event, that called for such fancy workmanship. I finished with the tie, the final piece to this puzzle, and took a look at myself in the mirror. I was decorated in black dress pants, a button down white shirt, a suit jacket-button- and a tie. I looked so much like those guys from Shinra, except I was more cleaned up, instead of sloppy and unorganized. I got a hair cut for the occasion, so no more tall spikes, just short…wispy kind of, it fell an inch or two above my eyes…yeah.

"You need a ride?" My mother asked, leaning against the door frame.

"No…" I mumbled, "No, I'll take the-"

"Not like that…you will get jumped in too seconds. I will be waiting in the car, take your time."

She's been unusually nice to me, after she found Reno's name carved into my skin. It wasn't like her to be nice…and I doubted she would show any kindness to me if she ever found out I was a cutter- I thought she would give me a lecture, on how stupid I was. She didn't do anything spiteful though…just looked at me with concern, not hate, in her eyes. I don't know why she felt bad, why she even cared…she pretty much just found out I was gay.

I looked at myself in the mirror again…I could almost feel him next to me. His sister called me…told me he was dead, and that they were burying him the next day. So here I was, dressed grimly to say my final good bye to Zachary Thomas. He was dead…dead…I don't get it.

-

We drove over the bridge, heading towards one of he cemeteries in Queens were the body was going to be laid…his sister didn't bother paying for a wake, since "he doesn't have any friends or family." Bullshit…he still deserved something…he was still a fuckin human being, he deserved the same honor any other man, woman, child, got when they died. I was angry, but there was nothing I could do…

"Was he your boyfriend?" My mother finally spoke. The question, though caught me off guard, didn't phase me…I just didn't fuckin care who knew I was gay anymore.

"Ex," I said, looking out the window…there was a lot of water down there…it was kind of pretty.

"Oh…how did he die?"

"Aids…" Imagine if I fell into that water from this height…I would die, crushed by the impact of the water, my bones breaking, blood gushing from my throat…stain the cloudy greenish blue water with crimson blood. Oh wouldn't that be a beautiful death.

"Oh…did you-"

"Did I fuck him? No." I snapped bitterly.

"Oh…" I brought my gaze from the water to her…she was staring at the road of head, but her mind seemed only half interested in driving. "Have you ever?"

How should I answer that? What would she do? "Yes…I've slept with a guy, and a girl," I smiled sinisterly, "but not at the same time of course."

"Did you use protection?"

"They were both virgins…" Lie, Reno wasn't…but I doubt he was infected with anything. Oh well, at least I hope…

"Still," she gripped the steering wheel, her knuckles turning white, as if trying to force herself not to smack me. "I don't want you to get sick."

"Since when did you ever care?"

She didn't answer this time…her face grew sad though, but she didn't say anything…what could she say? I was right…she never showed me that she cared, that was just something I was used to. I don't care, she never cared, why should I? Yeah…

"I love you Cloud, more than you know…and I am sorry I was never there, but if you knew…if you just knew…"

"Knew what?"

Now she was just acting weird, and not drunk weird, weird like she was holding some secret. That look she had plastered on her face, was the same look Reno would have when he was staring off into space- like they are remembering something they aren't supposed to remember. They are supposed to forget something, but it keeps popping up in their head, taunting them…depressing them, giving that that horrific look of sadness mixed with fright. I wanted know…no, I needed to know.

"Mom, I am asking you a question, knew what?" I growled, but she didn't move. "Mom…fuckin tel-"

"Where here!" She pulled over in front of a cemetery, THE cemetery. "Go say good bye to your friend."

Fuck it, why was I even bothering with her? For my whole pathetic excuse of a life, she's been nothing but a fuckin lush…she was never anything close to a mother- sometimes I doubt she even is my mom.

I walk along the muddy path, looking at the many gray tombstones that laid bare…and uncared for- tombstones that seemed to have forgotten what man looked life. I feared this was the fate of Zack's memorial….only I would come to keep him company in this dead place. His family abandoned him a long time ago…I guess he had it worse off that me.

I finally came upon his tombstone with freshly dug dirt piled up carelessly in front of it...he was already buried. He was gone, his body six feet under, and I never even got to say goodbye…a proper goodbye. Zack's body was now doomed to become earth, and his soul…I only hope his soul was in a place where he could finally be happy- he deserved that much, no matter what his parents though of him.

"You look upset we buried him," his sister, Carolyn, walked next to me, her eyes fixated on her brother's tombstone, "You were the only one who was going to show up, so I figured this was enough."

"…He was your brother," I choked at her the lack of emotion in her voice, as if her brother wasn't anything more than a piece of trash on the street. Heh, I should have known she would treat the situation like this, from the creamed colored attire…she wasn't in mourning like me. No, this was burdening her…sorry I doubt her brother fu-kin choose to die painfully, and alone. This was her blood, her family, and she didn't even shed a tear for his departed soul.

"He may have been my brother, but he chose a path of sin, and this was his punishment. I will not glorify his wrong doing."

A frigid win ran through the cemetery, the tears of those long past whispered in the trees and grass…that woman was heartless, and the spirits that mourned the death of Zack along with me, cried for her damned soul. But could I place all the blame on her This tiny woman, with her brothers raven locks….no. No, see, she was brainwashed by her "holier than thou," family, who hypocritical views and voices of contradictory molded this prime example of a clay puppet. It wasn't her fault she turned out this way, not entirely anyway, but the fault of the atmosphere of bigotry she was raised in.

"Doesn't your religion reach forgiveness? Not to judge? To hate the sin not the sinner?" I knew once the words left my mouth, they were wasted breath. I couldn't argue with her…she had her views and I had my more open minded liberal views…it could get ugly here. But I knew I was right in this- Zack deserved more than just some gray stone that had his name on it, with brown, worm invested dirt, polluting his body.

She merely shrugged it off, "What do you know? You're a sinner like him…and you will burn in hell." That was it…that's all she needed to say anyway…and with it she walked off, down the muddy path, past the stones that shot annoyed gazes at her, and away from her brothers memory.

The stone that held Zack's name seemed to weep, for the last member of his family finally abandoned him. I looked around-no one- I was the only one who loved him now, and it was depressing just to think that. How could everyone just run away in his time of need? Everyone but an insignificant little boy he dated two years ago…why was he the only one who gave a damn.

Maybe I left a bigger impact on his life than I thought- perhaps that's why he called me in the middle of the night, to ask me to come say goodbye. I wish I could have asked him what made him call…his real motives…

_I love you… _

Maybe he did…

-

_"Cloud Adam Thomas…that sounds nice, right?" His fingers danced through my hair, comforting me… _

"Nah, that's stupid." I laid my head on his chest, allowing myself to be wrapped in his strong arms.

"Okay then," he laughed, his whole body rocked it seemed, "Zachary Joeseph Strife?"

"Better!"

"I thought I was the man…"

'Screw the formalities, my name last name just sounds better than yours."

His lips, warm, brushed against my forehead, "You're right, once again. For someone so young, you are very smart." I knew he was mocking me, but I didn't care…no I was happy for once.

"Do you care about me?" I asked nervously.

"I care, of course…but I feel much more than that…"

"Feel? How do you feel?"

"…Hush up, little one, you need to go to bed."

"Ugh, I hate it when you treat me like a kid!"

"You are…but…"

"But what?"

"Nothing, forget I said anything."

-

What if he had told me he loved me back then…what would have changed, I wonder? Would I have ended up with Zack…would this whole Shinra, Aeris, Reno thing cease to exist. I could analyze the "what if" moments, and see what would happen if I took another path….but what good would that do- it would just make this moment more agonizing.

"Zachary…" a voice whispered next to me. I looked over to see my mother, who had made nearly no noise until, standing right next to me. "I've always liked that name- we were going to name you that, but your father liked 'Cloud' better."

"Oh…" I mumbled, returning my gaze to the stone once again.

"This is a mess…his family is a bunch of asses," she kicked some dirt away with her priceless shoes, "I have to come here with your grandmother, she likes to garden…we will put stones, flowers…maybe even a wreath. Your mema love doing crap like that. We'll make this place pretty."

"You shouldn't bother, only I will ever come here-"

"Oh hush up, even he deserves something better than this."

"You never knew him…"

"Well maybe if you introduced me to your boyfriends-"

"Mom," god she was persistent, "just stop please."

She crossed her arms over her chest, pouting like a child-but she just had to have the last word, "Well, I'll spruce this up a bit with your mema…it will be something nice we can do for the spring time."

I never though she, of all people, would care enough to give me a moment of comfort. But she seemed sincere…and caring, like a mother- a real mother. And for a moment there I forgot everything that happened over the years where she was trapped in a haze of alcohol and hate…for a moment there, I loved my mother.

She gently took my hand into hers, tugging me a bit, "I think you've been through enough for today, Cloud, you need some rest."

I nodded my head, and reluctantly walked with my mother, back to that obnoxiously red Mercedes that seemed to stick out like a sore thumb in this gray exterior. I looked back once more though, and swore I saw Zack sitting on his tombstone, twirling a soccer ball in his hand. He looked okay…happy…free…

His eyes dance to mind, they were full of life again…he was alive for a couple of minutes. Then he smiled, and said, "You're going to be okay now…"

And I swear for the first time…I smiled.

On the way home, my mind only wandered to one person; Reno Sinclair. No surprise there, he was always in my thoughts and dreams, taunting me with his obnoxiously loud voice, and arrogant behavior. I loved that…God I loved him. I was slowly decided to stop this stupid charade we were playing, and just take him back already. I didn't care anymore about Shinra, and my own stupid homophobia…I would never forgive myself if something happened to Reno, and I never told him I needed him more than I needed air. And I can't take comfort in, "he would never die," because we can die at any moment, at any age, for any stupid reason- not to mention the fact that Reno has a history with staring death in the face. It would be a beautiful ending to just run up to that spicy red head and love him for the rest of my life…of course this is only a dream, and reality won't allow something so cliché happen.

No, see, because something called "Shinra," was still on our asses (and not in a good way), whether or not I choose to believe they have any power over my relationship with Reno. They exploited his homosexuality to get what they wanted- hell, they killed two innocent people over nothing- so what's to say they wouldn't just turn around and shoot Reno in the head? Hojo would do it in a heartbeat, and before Reno had any time to react. Maybe it would be better idea to keep as far away from Reno as I possibly could, for his sake.

Now, I am posed with a lovely question- love him regardless of the warnings, or leave him to keep him safe. Argh, both seem good on paper…but what's good for out sanity? Neither.

The church, were Zack and I shared our first beautiful kiss, caught my eye...shattering my thoughts. The door was slightly ajar, and I got the sad feeling someone had discovered my hiding spot.

"Mom, pull over please."

Without a word, and rather aggressively, she pulled up right in front of the monstrous church, "Church Cloud? You wouldn't strike me as someone who enjoyed chilling in a church."

"It isn't the idea behind the church…it's what's inside why I want to go in…I just need some time to think…"

She smiled weakly, "Okay honey, take your time…I have to get home, and talk to your father, call me when you want me to get you. Okay?"

Why the hell was this woman…acting like a mother? This wasn't the woman I grew up with- the one who would sooner drink herself drunk, than pick up her son from preschool. She was sober, she was kind…she was fuckin' understanding.

"Mom…why did you take me to that super market, after you saw what I did to my arm."

She looked away from me, focusing only on the street that laid ahead of her, and the neighborhood we were cursed to have lived in. She never lost that smile though, but I could tell some sadness was hidden within her eyes…disappointment maybe, with a pitch of acceptance. Like is said before, very out of character for my mother…

"Sometimes Cloud, you have to know when your kids have grown up. I missed out everything in your life for some stupid reason…I figured the lease I could do, was let you go…maybe that was the best thing for you."

"So you don't care that I'm gay?" Damn, and I thought that was really gonna send her over the edge.

"Yes I care…any parent would, but I won't stop you for loving who you love. If you love Reno Sinclair, then love him. Just be careful….I don't want you to get hurt."

Too late…he already hurt me, on levels that far surpassed physical- but I guess it was nice my mother cared…oh god I smell a hallmark moment coming up, I have to get out of this car before my gayness reaches a new level.

-

Once upon a time, when the world wasn't so dark and depressing…and the kids that roamed this neighborhood were innocent and sweet, I had a different group of friends- friends who would later abandoned me. One of these friends, was Aeris Gainsborough…and her beautiful green eyes. She moved to this upscale shit whole when she was ten, and was shyer than most girls that age- it surprised me to say the least. For the entire summer, she did nothing but sit by her window, looking out sadly at the world her parents cursed her to live in.

One day her form left the safety of her window…and for some reason, I was afraid of what might have happened to her. I never spoke to her, not once, but her eyes mimicked mine so well, it felt like I knew her.

It was on that day, I took a walk to that church, to look at the pond…and try to figure out where in my life I had took a wrong turn- my mother was home drunk, my father was no where to be scene, and it seemed my friends were so far away I couldn't reach them for help. I walked into the church, and saw the little girl with long brown locks, sitting casually among the colorful flowers. She looked so beautiful sitting there, with a soft smile on her face as she picked one of the flowers.

It was that scene I walked into today…

"Aeris…" I gasped.

Her green eyes danced towards me, her smile only growing wider when they locked on to my form. She looked…almost innocent among the flowers and dull midday light. She wasn't dressed like a whore…she didn't have makeup covering her beautiful features. She looked much like that day, when I told her I loved her.

And for a second, I forgot what she did…

"Cloud," she said softly, "you went to a funeral or something?"

"Yeah, a friend of mine passed away."

"I'm sorry…"

A heavy silence surrounded us, thick words threaten to fall from our lips- whys and hows…- but I tried to restrained myself the best I could…I didn't feel like arguing with her about her motives for that night.

I walked over to her, taking a seat next to her in the flower patch. I scanned the many flowers, so many yellows and oranges, with the pitch of greens from the stem and leaves…it was honestly beautiful..

"Reno…" she suddenly said, "You, love him don't you?"

I picked one of the orange flowers, "Yes…"

"Then why aren't you with him?"

Why aren't I? That was an easy question- I was running away, to keep him safe right. Maybe part of me also can't forgive him for what he did to me, and maybe another part of me just didn't want to look at him anymore, or talk to him, or love him, because every time I will look into though green eyes I will remember what he did to me that night…

How he stood there and did nothing…

How he shrugged when he saw me cry…

How he…

-

"_Oh god it's my fault!"_

"_Reno, calm down!"_

_-_

"You hate yourself…that's why you aren't with him."

What did she know anyway? Was she there? Did she know what he did? No, she is just assuming things like she always does- she just thinks she knows, because she likes having control over the situation. She wanted control that night when she ran after me! When she told me she loved me! When it was all a fuckin lie…

"You hate what you were, Cloud, and you hate what you've become…"

She was right…I hate everything about me…

"And because of that, you think you are no good for anyone."

I finally got the courage to look at her, that angelic face of hers was soft- non judgmental- and her eyes was focused only on me. She brought her hand to my face, and caressed my worn out skin, "I'm sorry for what happened that night. I should have just ended it with you, maybe then this wouldn't have happened." And then…she kissed me, firm on the lips, awaking all the lost memories that laid dormant until now. All the pleasant thoughts I had of her, that I cursed with darkness when I found her in such a sinful position, flooded my mind…

I finally realized in that moment….

I pulled away from her, staring into her green orbs, "I feel nothing."

I'm gay.

"I figured…" she smiled despite the sadness in her eyes, "it's okay…I have come to terms with it already."

"Okay." I looked ahead at the glistening pond, with the fallen leaves, and flowers decorating it's blue liquid…it was calming. For the first time this year, I felt content with my self- a false sense of safety washed over me…nothing else could go wrong in this life of mine. The gentle waves of the man made pond, caused the flowers to dance within its comforting grasp…as the light from the sun, created a spotlight for the dancers…

-

"_Cloud…"_

"_Reno…"_

"_It's funny, you know how California has crystal clear water, I always hated it."_

"_Oh?"_

"_Yeah, I like this water, New York Habor water."_

"_It's a toxic dump, Sinclair!"_

"_But it's life…"_

"_How-"_

"_Water is so calm, sometimes you get lost in it, and think everything is perfect. This water maybe calm from afar, but once you look closer…you see it is murky, and dirty, and disappointing…just like life."_

"_Reno…where you bashed in California? For being gay?"_

_Silence over power the red head, and he buried his face in my chest. I watched the water turn into violent wave as our ferry boat passed over them…and I remember hearing in the wind, the word I dare not say, travel through the dense night air. I wanted to pretend, that all was well with the world…_

_That life resembled the beautiful mask of the California sea. _

"_Cloud…"_

"_Reno…?"_

"_They died because of me-"_

_-_

"Cloud?"

I snapped back to reality, back to the sweet innocence of this garden church, and back to the green eyes of Aeris- not the green eyes of Reno. She cocked her head to the side, examining the perplexed look plastered on my face…as if she actually new the answers to all the question that haunted my mind.

"Cloud Strife," she took my hand, tightly, "Why aren't you with Reno right now?"

"Reno…why do you ask?"

She looked surprised at my coldness towards the boy…and I was a taken aback by her own sympathy towards the red head.

"Didn't you hear?"

-

"_Reno! No! Run Away!"_

-

"Hear what?"

-

"_Cousin…let me go you assholes! Reno, don't go in!"_

_-_

"You honestly didn't hear what happened."

Happened? Something happened to my Reno? What…my eyes went wide with panic…that some son of a bitch hurt him, or…killed him. Oh god, I couldn't care burying someone else I loved…not again, not so soon. Who…why…and why would she know…

"What, what happened…how do you know," my voice hit a frantic level, that even frightened the stone cold girl sitting in front of me.

"No wonder…you are here."

"Aeris, stop-"

She placed a single finger upon my lips, hushing my words of desperation, and looked at with pity, and fright- Aerith was starting to seriously scare me.

"Cloud…you say you know everything about the flaws of human kind, and yet you are so ignorant to the damage man can actually cause. You think that just because you ran away, you could protect the people you love? It isn't that easy…especially when he knows your weakness, are the people you cherish. They won't let you get off that easy. They view you as not only a threat to their way of life, but a sin…you aren't a sin, and running away will only prove their ignorance correct. Cloud, you are up against two very strong, very evil, companies…"

I pushed her finger away from my mouth, "And what do I do?"

A heavy silence draped our haven in gross darkness. Her dainty fingers brushed against my cheek, awaking the rose color that had long since abandoned my cheeks, as a soft smile placed itself on her face.

"You stop running…and you stand up, and you fight Cloud."

Fight?

She wants me to fight?

I'm weak…I can't fight, I could never fight. I'm just a liar, hypocrite…weakling.

She stood up, her fingers leaving my face, but her eyes were locked on to my broken, worn down form- non judgmental, just love. "I regret not fighting for you Cloud…don't make the same mistake I did."

The raven that had been stalking me, perched itself on a near by tree and crowed angrily at Aeris and I. It was an omen…

"Go to him," she whispered… "before you lose him forever."


	20. If Only, If Only, The Little Boy Sighed

-1_Chapter 20: If Only, If Only, The Little Boy Sighed. _

**Reno's POV **

I knew when Rufus called, he wasn't invited me over to "hang out" or even attend one of our tedious meetings. No, see, I could tell by the gentle tremor in his normally collected voice, this was going to be my sentencing.

Growing up in the richest part of California wasn't a frequent dream of half the population in my school- it was a reality. Much like the rich folks here, in Staten Island, my city oozed the same ignorance and homophobia, the most ooze coming from my own house. No one accepted homosexuals, even if San Francisco allowed gay marriage, we were still considered a wart on their perfect life, and a threat to their way of living. "Think of the children!" They screamed- because homosexuality is more dangerous than the violence and drugs they witness everyday in their "normal" lives.

So when everyone found out I was gay…it wasn't pretty. The only friends I managed to keep were my "Shinra," friends, everyone else abandoned me. I was kicked off the lacrosse team…which to be honest, didn't bother me much since I didn't really like sports- I joined it to shut my dad up- and my entire family glared at me as if I had just killed a group of school children.

If my family didn't understand, if my teammates didn't understand, and if my friends since the second grade didn't understand….I expected Hojo and Rufus to react the same way- panic, freak out, kick the leaving crap out of me. What scared me was, the fact that they didn't do anything…

Well…technically, they didn't do anything.

To get into the story here, would be pointless- everyone can pretty much imagine what happened from then to now to get me into this position, where I am standing before the same wooden door Vincent Valentine stood before two years ago. Two years ago? It doesn't seem that long ago now that I think about it. Only two years…and I found out I was gay, I was disowned by my family, I watched my boyfriend die, I moved to the other side of the states, met the love of my life…and lost him. Heh, at the rate I am going, I will be dead in six years…pleasant thought.

"Reno! No! Run Away!" I looked sadly at Elena, who struggled to break free from the grasp of one of Shinra's guards.

"Cousin…" There was Rude, on my other side, hiding behind his dark sunglasses. He tried advancing towards me, but another guard clutched his arm, "Let me go!" he looked at me…looks of fear managing to push past his stone cold face. "No! Reno!"

Their faces were plagued with fear, something that I myself lacked. I prepared myself for this moment when I first realized that Cloud was more than just a mission- he was my life support. I know it sounds cheesy as heck, but it's true...but I should have known love is such a fickle girl, and refuses to be easy. Love has to be hard and painful and crimson-not red- and causes us all into a frenzy of depression when with lose her. Love was amazing, and I wish I could keep it.

I knew my fate when I walked through the door, and I would take it like a man. That's all I have left, is my dignity...or is that gone to. What kind of gay man am I? So easily persuaded to exploit my homosexuality to destroy a man for no reason, but money? I no man, I'm no gay man; I'm just a sad, pathetic little boy.

I looked behind me, my eyes locking on Rufus sitting at a table, his chin resting in his hand. He looked confused...Rufus Shinra was never confused. He knew what he was doing, and he thought he was right in doing it...

"Rufus," I called out. He looked at me, his perplexed eyes changing to pity, "You could have stopped this all...you could have ended this a long time ago. Saying you couldn't, and saying you had to, are just lies to yourself- you're stronger than your father, and you are stronger than that man in that room...you just have to realize it's...

"It's your life Rufus, not theirs."

I don't know why I said it. Rufus and I were never close enough, for me to give a damn about his life- not to mention, right now, it was my a$$ on the line, not his. It was probably just a Freudian slip that I hope got though that thick head of is.

It was his life...

Damn, it was my life.

I could have said no...but I didn't...I just didn't care at that point.

Maybe my punishment here, is not for being gay, but for being a selfish asshole.

-

**Cloud's POV **

I didn't walk, I didn't think, I just ran as fast as my legs could take me, past the judgmental houses of my neighbors that scoffed at my motivation.

It was pointless to sit at home and wonder what would happen if I do this, that, or the other thing. No matter what I do, he is getting hurt, he is being broken, and God dammit, I love him way to effin much to let him sit in that house that hates him, and suffer alone. If I'm there, at least, I could save him, love him, and that's that matters. Even if this is just a high school romance doomed to fail, I will fight for him, for as long as I have to (forever.)

And that is the meaning of love.

**Reno's POV **

The meaning of love is, I'll suffer and die before I denounce you.

"Say you hat him," Hojo brought the whip down on my bare stomach, adding to the array of disgusting slashes, "Say it was all a ruse, say that you are straight, and not an embarrassment to this group. Say you are a man, not a fag!"

I swallowed back the pain that rose like bile in my stomach, "I am a man..." I attempted to pick myself up from the floor, only to fall back on my ass again. I leaned against the cold brick wall, which gave painful comfort to the burning gashes on my back, and watched him advance towards me...a devilish smile expertly placed on his face. He was enjoying every minute of this...and why wouldn't he? He was playing God...

The whip came down sharp on my shoulder, so hard I thought it managed to dislocated it...but it was fine, only blood and skin dripped from that wound. I looked up at him, with my half dead eyes...I was tired, and sweaty, and bloody- and the sweat was mixing in with the wounds, causing stingy, unbearable pain, every second. "I love...Cloud...Strife..." But despite the pain, and the blood, and the sweat and tears...I wouldn't just give him the words he wanted to hear. No, I am done lying.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Reno."

And again, and again, and again, that bloody whip bit, and ripped off my skin...cursing the unfinished basement floors with my crimson blood...I tried getting up...I couldn't take this. I leaned against the wall, trying to move...slowly, towards the door. It seemed too far-

It came down on my back, hard, long...I felt the gash open up, from my neck to the small of my back, throbbing and festering. I wouldn't fall...so he smacked me again with it, on my legs, and knees, and arms...hitting the old wounds, adding more...I was losing blood...I was nothing but blood.

He grabbed my hair, keeping my in place...that's when I felt him dig his nails into the wound on my back. I finally screamed out in pain...it was horrible. The pain shot through my body, as his nails dug deeper and deeper. Finally my feet gave way, and I collapsed on the floor. I tried to move, but I was too weak...I felt like I was dieing again.

"Just say it, and I'll stop."

"Fuck...You..."

"That's too bad."

Hojo walked away... to the middle of the room...

I couldn't see what he was doing, for my eyes were glassy from the painful tears that wanted to fall. It felt like someone was stabbing me over, and over, and over again...ripping and gutting out my organs, tissue and muscles, slowly...taking time to examine the organs. It felt like he literally grabbed my heart, and dug his disgusting nails into it...feeling it pump with fear...licking off the blood that oozed out of it...I could almost feel him rip it out...

But he wasn't breaking any bones...no...That would be too easy see. Bones heal, and they hurt for a second- this will hurt forever.

"Reno, Reno, Reno." He was standing over me... "It's a damn shame you can't just say you're sorry, and agree to become normal. Now you have to live with it for the rest of your life. Now...my dear Reno, when any fag fucks you from behind, he will know exactly when you are..."

"And what am I?"

"You'll see."

I felt heat hit my back softly, like something hot was hovering over the stinging wound…and in some messed up way, it was comforting the burning gash on my back. Or…maybe it just felt like it was pleasant, because I was slowly losing consiouness from the hell I was in. There were no windows in this place, no form of oxygen seemed to live in here- how Hojo was so immune to the lack of air, is beyond me. The heat traveled up and down my back, soothing me into a lucid sleep…where all those memories of Cloud seemed to dwell…

_Reno…I fuckin love you… _

God, that was those where the most beautiful words I ever heard spoken to me.

_You remind me of Cherry Soda… _

Cherry soda…that became my new favorite drink after that day, and not just because I am an egotistical moron, but because he said it.

_Would you leave me like she did? _

No, no I wouldn't- I would hurt you more than she ever could.

_I see, you are hitting on guys while you are with me.. _

No, I wasn't hitting on guys. I was trying to stop Rude from taking that damned picture of you and I making out…only to have Rufus show up, and nearly kick my ass for trying to interrupt his damn mission. I should have killed the bastard when I had the chance..

And that's how the memories flooded through my head, in a million random, broken pieces; just like the boy I saw that first…moment.

When I walked into that history classroom, I was expecting him there…I was just going to study him, and dismiss him as just some easy, whiny, emo boy, who wasn't even worth the fuckin mission. Then I saw him…and our eyes met for a brief second, and I knew I was getting into something…something bad. It wasn't just the fact he was drop dead sexy, and it wasn't just the fact, that he would seriously be someone I would want to day, it was the fact I was going to torture and lead on someone who was already broken inside. You know that old saying, "don't do to others what you don't want done to you,"- I knew if some asshole lead me on for three months, I would kill him…

I didn't want to do this shit to him, he didn't deserve it. Cloud Strife didn't do anything to-

That heat…was gone.

I woke up from the so called nap I was taking…everything was a big blur from the tears…I couldn't even see the damn walls anymore, just a disgusting honey tint surrounding me.

"This is going to hurt you, more than it's going to hurt me."

Metal, mixed with flames hotter than hell, crashed onto my back, burning my skin, and sending my whole body into convulsions of never ending, torturous pain. I can't even describe the agonizing pain…because I blacked out with the metal was removed from my scorched skin.

I woke up a day and a half later, in my bed, and with the concerned eyes of Elena and Rude plastered on me. I don't know what happened after everything went black, all I know is…the word "fag" is branded on my back.

-

**Clouds PoV **

I lingered outside his front door like a moron, as if waiting for him to open it. I didn't even knock on the damn thing, I didn't even know what I was going to say to him. I told him so many things, hurtful things, and even though it was justified…I still thought they were too harsh for just a normal apology. I knew he didn't want to do what he did, and I knew if he didn't, he would be severely hurt, and I came to terms with that. He was forced to…yes he was.

I took a deep breath, and knocked on the door. I was waiting for the owner of the house to answer me call, when my eyes danced towards the site of a little girl, in a big dress. She was cute…I've seen her around- parties and stuff- she was Reno's next-door neighbor I see. She stood next to a Mercedes, her hair in perfect girls, dressed in a long white dress…she was so pale and perfect, almost like a dream. She was the kind of image that gave you a sense of comfort- that there is still innocence in this world. Then I heard the crash of falling glass echo from her perfect house. Shouts and obscenities followed the broken glass- "I hate you." "You're worthless."- and the perfect picture of the girl, was stained with the crystal tears that fell from her green eyes.

And that was the neighborhood we lived in- a perfect flood of tears.

"Can I help you?"

I looked back to the door, and laid my eyes upon a woman- a nanny- holding Reno's bubbly little brother in her arms. She had a soft face, cursed with the look of aged thanks to her stressful job of raising children that aren't hers, but her eyes were tainted with malice…like I was some kind of walking disease.

"I'm looking for Reno," I said smoothly, not in anyway phased by the obvious cold aura that hung in her eyes.

"He isn't allowed to have guest right now," she snapped.

"I don't care," I snapped back, "I want to see him."

"He isn't having any visitors today."

She attempted to shut the door in my face, but I stopped the closing door with my hand, staring into her eyes with some kind of hidden rage. "Listen lady-"

"He isn't allowed to have boys over," her tone grew softer.

Figured his parents where going to be bitches about him being gay- especially since they kind of have it figured out him and I were an item.

"I have to see him," I opened the door fully, "and you can't stop me."

I walked into house…my eyes scanning for any sight my Reno- nothing downstairs. I went for the stairs when I heard the woman's voice call for me..

"He isn't upstairs," she said, casually, "he is in his basement."

"Basement?"

She pointed down a hallway, that was hidden by some indoor planets, and a speaker. I walked towards the hall, and saw the ugly green door with the words, "don't come in," carved into the wood. The many thoughts I had outside, found their way back into my mind- what was I going to say to him…?

Anything would be good at this point…I just hope he is happy to see me.

I walked down the steep stair case, the house creaking with every step- so attempt at a surprise was just shot out the window. The basement looked unfinished, dirty, dark, despite the holiness and glamour of the rest of the house. For anti- Sinclair family…

A small light coming from the other side of the basement, caught my eye, and I was pulled towards the mysteriousness of it. On my way towards the light, I saw something rather strange if you will.

Artwork, paintings, unfinished black and white drawing, cluttered the basement. There were millions of them, scattered carelessly against walls, and on the dirty floor. Despite their abandonment, they were beautiful…dark, angry almost. I am no art expect, so I couldn't even begin to tell you the meanings behind these paintings…but whoever did them, was very angry.

There was one, though, that I spotted hanging up on the wall. It was in the point of view of someone looking down from the ferry boat, at the green water of New York Habor. There, painted, was the dirty water, the white foam that followed the ferry…and what looked like, bodies under the water…dismembered bodies…

"You like it?"

The lifeless voice startled me, and I swung around to see the culprit.

"It's new, ya know, just painted today."

Reno sat on a bench not to far, his back towards me, looking rather disheveled- his hair wasn't gelled up, dark circles surrounded his eyes as if he hadn't slept in a week. He looked scary…scary as in dead.

"It's…nice," I said, taking a seat next to him on the barely standing bench. "You…feeling alright?"

He looked at me for a second, a small, fake, smile gracing his face, "I feel…like I look." His eyes when back to the painting before him. This one was more pleasant…just a building with a million windows, all with the shades drawn, save for the middle one. The middle window, it's light was on, and there staring at each other…were the shadows of two men.

"Everyone's hiding," he said suddenly, "hiding from who they are. We keep the shades drawn on our lives so no one can see, except the one brave person who faces the world with his lights on. It's all about lights and shadows, Cloud, lights and shadows. Lights can be good, but lights can be bad, you get what I am saying?"

To be honest, I didn't know what the fuck he was getting at…but I didn't want to tell him that. Clearly, my love has snapped like one of those pencils. He laughed at his own lunacy, as if he actually knew what he was saying didn't make sense to anyone but him. I don't know what happened to him…I don't even think I want to know. I just want him to be better…

"Reno…" I clutched his hand, "I think you need some sleep-"

"Fuck sleep!" He cackled, "Who needs sleep? If we sleep, if I sleep…it will get dark, and they will come for me. See Cloud, darkness can be good, and darkness can be bad. I don't want to be in the dark right now, you understand right? You don't like it either, it scares you."

"You aren't making any-"

"Sense? Sense? This whole fuckin thing doesn't make sense!"

He looked up me, finally, his eyes threatening tears, with a horrible mix of fear and pain stinging his face. "Why? Why did this have to happen?"

"What happened?"

He looked at our hands tightly laced together, "Why did Tseng have to die?"

The tears fell from his eyes in buckets. I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him as close as if fuckin could to my body, running my fingers through his hair to sooth his sobs. He clutched to my shirt, as if someone was going to take him away…he completely broke down in my arms.

"Reno, what happened baby?"

"He…called me…Hojo, he called me and taunted me. He called me and said… 'why don't you call your little boyfriend.' I knew…something went wrong, something happened to Tseng.

"I ran to his house like a maniac, praying to fuckin God that he would be okay. That if anything, he would just be roughed up a bit, but nothing to bad…no no…Tseng was strong and ruthless to his advantage, no, he would be fine. No one can hurt him see, because we are just little kids and nothing can happen to us. No one can destroy us. So I busted through his door knowing that nothing was wrong, and that he would look at me with his 'what the fuck Reno?' look, and call me stupid or something. See, everything was going to be okay."

He sighed heavily, the sobs coming to a halt, "but everything wasn't okay. I walked into his room, and it was a fuckin mess. Papers everywhere, clothes on the floor, his posters ripped from the walls, and laid discarded on the floor…God it was bad. I called for him…but no one answer. I saw his bathroom light one…which was fucked up because, why would his bathroom light be on? Heh. So like an asshole…I swung open the door…and there he was…his body dangling from a rope tied around his neck.

"I laughed, kind a, nervously. Told him to 'Get down from there.' But he didn't…he just ignored me, he acted if I wasn't even fuckin there! But I was…I was begging him to come down, and call me an idiot. But he wouldn't listen to me! So I cut the rope, and brought him to floor…and looked into his eyes. They were still…they didn't move at all. Then…I fuckin smacked him! And just…I just yelled at him, called him anything I could think of…but he didn't wake up…dead…he was dead.

"There was a note taped to his chest…it read

**Dear Reno Sinclair, **

**You have been recruited to the Staten Island, New York Shinra base for a very important mission, in which you must use your skill as a California fag to seduce some fairy boy into some questionable positions. You better be in your new house on Staten Island by September, October the latest. Rufus's father has everything set up for the transition. **

Be there…or, well, I am sure Rude would look nice six feet under…next to your unborn baby sibling.

Signed,

Hojo.

He finally went silent.

And I just sat there, shocked…scared…sad…

I looked at him, shaking in my arms…this is what happened to Reno…he was forced to grow up. I moved a couple of strands of his unruly locks away from his face, looking into his eyes plagued with guilt.

"I love you," I said.

"Don't say that…I don't deserve it." He broke from my arms, sitting arms length away from me- trying to run away from me…I see. He was afraid. "It doesn't matter what happens now, Cloud…we could break up, or get back together, it still means more pain. If not from Shinra, but from the world."

"So, you'd rather lay down and die? Give up? The battle hasn't even started."

"I don't want it to start."

"But it will…and you have to face it."

"Haven't I faced enough?"

He got me there…he had to watch two people he loved die…I can't just tell him to get over that, and move on. Now, on top of it, he has to face his parents, his friends, his community with the "gay" stigma…and suffer for loving someone.

I scooted closer to him, until I could practically feel his breath leave his mouth. I reached up, and touched his face… "Wouldn't you rather, go through all the pain with someone who you love?"

"Yes…"

"Wouldn't you want to travel that road, with me?"

"Yes," he whimpered.

"Then lets go, Reno, lets throw away all the bullshit, all the missions, all the frustrated, and just be together again."

"It isn't that easy-"

"Fuck easy. Of course it is going to be hard, of course there is going to be a bunch of shit in this relationship, but we knew that the first time. So screw everyone!"

"You act like it's so fuckin simple." He laid his head on my shoulder, "I like your little fantasy better than my harsh reality."

I pulled him back into my arms, a feeling of utter comfort washed over me…this was where he was supposed to be. We sat with our arms around each other for, what seemed like an eternity, in the cold, damp basement, listening to the frantic sounds of footsteps what ran above us. The entire world seemed to disappear, for a second, and there was only us- Reno and I.

I closed my eyes to intensively this feeling of comfort, and wrapped myself in my own little dream world, where nothing bad could ever touch us, where we we're happy, and everyone magically accepted us, and our love, into their everyday life. I liked this world, and I wanted to stay in it forever…

But the simple touch of his lips on mine, dragged me from my pleasant dream…to a much better reality. I pushed my tongue into his mouth, feeling his insides as if it was the first time I ever kissed him. We didn't stop the motion…we didn't stop when we fell to the floor, and we didn't stop when our clothes magically flew off our bodies…

No we didn't stop that night…even when we heard his parents walk through the door, and when we heard their mock concern voices of his whereabouts. All I cared about in those sixty minutes of bliss, was making him forget about all the troubles that haunted his life and stabbed at his soul.

He never told me about the scar on his back though, even when I saw his face contort in pain in the middle of our love making. It wasn't until we were done, and I collapsed next to him on the cold floor, did I see his eyes sting with pain..

"Did I hurt you?" I pushed his sweaty hair away from his eyes.

"No…it wasn't you. It was Hojo."

That's when he showed me the word that festered in his back. I almost wished he hadn't, because it killed my little fantasy of "everything is going to be okay," and tossed me back into the world he and I lived in- a world I wish I could have hide from a little while longer.

He laid his head I the crook of my next, with his arm carelessly flung on my chest. I felt his once harsh breathing grow soft, as sleep seemed to finally take over his body. I dragged a Mexican blanket on top of our naked bodies- just incase any curious adults wanted to sneak a peak- and settled myself into a much wanted sleep.

"Tell me a story," he mumbled.

I laughed at his childish innocence, but I didn't want to disappoint my little boyfriend. So I decided to tell him a story, the most amazing story I could think up at such short notice. I decided to tell him the only story that seemed to matter in this moment…

I told him the story of us…

"Growing up in the richest part of the white trash borough of New York, Staten Island, is a frequent dream of half the population of my school. However for me, Cloud Strife, I'd rather live in the deepest part of hell than spend my life surrounded by the fascist close-minded people I call…my neighbors."

"Nice," he laughed, "White trash."

"Hey, shut up, it's about us."

"Well get to the damn good part! This is boring, tell me about that time we had sex!"

I would have liked to say, this is where the story ended- a nice, easy happy ending. As cliché as it would have been, I would have taken normalcy over the pain that followed mine and Reno's reunion. Despite how painful it was, however, it's worth retelling…I need everyone to hear this story…

This story is not about the love two young men shared…

This is a story about how the love between these two teenagers, saved their young lives.


	21. Like a Bed of Flowers

BAH! Sorry for the wait, I had a bit of writers block >. 

-1_Chapter 21  
Like A Bed of Rainbow Flowers...our Hope was a Lie.  _

I was laying in the patch of rainbow flowers, sleeping, feeling the soft petals caress my worn out skin. The sun shone dimly through the broken ceiling, setting the spotlight right on me. You know how light represents truth?

Light is good, and light is bad…

Well I saw the truth- I saw that all this time, I was more than just a lost little boy…I was a scared little boy. The world was always so unbearable to face…the dark eyes of my peers glaring at me because I was somehow different, or the demonic faces of the adults, that contorted with every sin I committed…was so overpowering, that I choose to just run away. I stood in darkness all this time, and welcomed the shadows of my own fears, wrap themselves around me, and drag me into a world of self pity.

Now, I was finally facing my own demons that I had been hiding from since I was only a little boy…and it was horrible. I saw how selfish, and stupid, and pitiful I had been over the years- how I cut myself, how I fuckin scared myself because back then it seemed so much easier to watch the blood, than to feel it. I saw my parents…I saw how they tried so hard with me…I saw the days at the park with my mom, where she swung me on the swing, and we were smiling. I saw when my dad tried to play baseball with me, but I kept throwing it like a girl. I saw myself push them away…I saw myself shut down…and all because some asshole sixth grader called me a f-

It doesn't matter what he called me…the effect of the word is the important part. I chased my dad away, and my mom drowned herself in her own self pity, because she though she failed as a mother- I just failed as a son.

I opened my blue eyes, and watched the mysterious flowers- that seemed to grow thanks only to will- sway in the cold wind. I could hear the rustle of disturbed grass…if I was the boy I was before, I would have ran away- god forbid anyone sees me happy- but I didn't even flinch; not even when the mysterious stranger sat next to me.

"How come you never take me here?"

I smiled, "You never asked me to…"

"So? I'm your boyfriend, we are supposed to share things."

"True…but you are here now right? And that's all that matters."

I turn on my back, so I could get the perfect view of his forest green eyes- still plagued with the shadows of his own hell. He smirked at me, his trademark smirk, and laid next to me…his head on my shoulder. He was still dressed in his Shinra uniform, his constant curse, but his face lacked the same kind of roughness it had before the revelation on the beach. He was happy, in one way…

I linked our fingers together… "Is this the last thing?"

"I think we have made it past the worst…"

Oh, oh how wrong we were-  
-

My eyes snapped open, the calm scenery of the flowers and sun morphed into the dingy basement hidden in Reno's "glorious house. I could feel the darkness creep up on me again…that dream was just that, an illusion. Ha, how stupid I was to think it was over, done with, finished. We still had to face everyone upstairs, and everyone at school, and our friends. Yeah, this isn't over.

"'bout time you woke up sleepy head."

"Yeah," I whispered absent mindedly.

"You don't look so good…"

I didn't feel so good, suddenly, to be honest. I felt as if every little bit of hope I had, was once again ripped out of my finger tips, cutting and scraping my hand till it bled pretty crimson blood. It seemed to be a routine here, give me something to hold on to, give me a tiny bit of faith in happiness, and watch me crumple when it runs away. Sure, nothing happened…yet, but look at my scenario…

I am lying naked in my boyfriends basement, with his parents very much alive upstairs.

I think we all know what would happen if they found us like this…

"Are you sure this isn't infected?"

I watched Reno tentatively take my marred arm, and trace a slim finger around his bloody name. "Dammit, Strife, why did you do this to yourself?"

"I don't…know." I sat up, "It was stupid, I know…"

"I should yell at you…but I can't; I'd be a hypocrite." He stared at the multiple sliver of lines that graced his wrist, "It seemed like the only logical thing to do at the time- a win win situation. I can slit my wrist, and if I don't die I would still be taken far away from Tseng's grave, and if I died, I wouldn't have to think about him anymore. My parent's really wouldn't have cared either way, I don't think…I over heard them talking about sending me away anyway because I was, 'devious.' But if I had died, what would have happened to you?"

"Maybe-"

"Maybe they would have left you alone."

The dim basement light cast a deep shadow over Reno's depressed face, emphasizing the dark circles and aged look that claimed his once soft features. He was allowing the shadows that hide in his eyes, to claim his entire soul, because he blames himself…and that- though I can be called a hypocrite for saying it- was my fault. Look back on it, how did I treat him after a blinding light exposed our love for the lies it was…I acted like he was the enemy, as if it was his idea. Me, of all people, should have known the hold Shinra held against it's members, and the consequences of disobeying an order. After all Reno lost already…why would I think he would risk mine, his, or his friend's lives for a little secret I was hiding- even if it meant betraying the one he loved. I can justify what he did now…I don't blame him anymore, not at all, not a bit.

"Reno," I whispered, caressing his now damp face, "honey, nothing you could have done could have stopped this."

"But-"

"No buts, Sinclair. Forget the past…it's over, Reno…"

The flapping of vile wings echoed a mechanical laughter through our the stone basement- whispering words only I seemed to hear. The stench of charred bodies, half eaten by the worms of decay, found their way into my air, forcing the bile to dance in my stomach. My mind was trying to tell me something again- all the blood stained her dress- I can see the images fly by me, every time I lie- and because of your lies, they have to die.

Why do I see it? Why is there metal cutting through innocent flesh, as if it was nothing but a piece of paper? There's blood on the walls, and my hands, and then glass…Everything is going to shatter into a million pieces again.

"Over…" his voice was harsh, sharp like the said dancing in my dreams, "Over…?"

"You don't believe me?"

"You don't believe yourself."

I laid on my head on his shoulder, pathetically collapsing in his strong arms. He tighten his grip around my waist, pulling me closer so our bare bodies touched in a calm sex. I gently placed my lips again his neck, sending shiver down my boyfriends body…I loved when I did that to him.

For a moment, the flower returned to this cold place, and we were safe from…

"Reno Sinclair! Upstairs now!" The deep, sharp voice shattered the my imaginary heaven…I could tell from the sound, he knew….

I pulled away from Reno, and stared at the ceiling, as if waiting for it to come down on us. His breathing against my body became rapid, no…frantic…as if someone had put a pillowed over his head; maybe that's what it feels like when they find out…why am I not scared.

"…what's going to happen…" he whispered.

"Well…" There was nothing else we could do; I could feel flames destroy the sanity of the basement, his one little haven, the only place where he probably ever felt safe. It was gone now; all the walls had disappeared, exposing everything that was once secret. No where to hide now. "We get dress…and we face them."

He shut his green eyes, in a weak attempt to savor the little protection he had left. He told me his parents already knew…what was there to fear? There was something more to this- I can tell from the anger in his fathers voice, to he slight tremor in his frail little body..

I would walk through hell with you.

"Reno…"

"When they found out about us the first time," he began frantically, "it was that day…before I left for California, when my mom was in the living feeding Reeve. They knew what we did…they claimed they saw it in my eyes that; I was 'fucked by fag,' they said. My dad…he did something bad to me when we got to California…something I can't tell you yet. But he said…he said…that if he caught me with you again, he would tell everyone that you are gay…including your parents."

If it wasn't my stupid peers, it was the adults in my neighborhood…I was going to be shoved out of this closet no matter what, and I couldn't do a thing about it. My parents were probably already called…I would have to face them first. Then who? My classmates, teachers, family? I didn't even had time to prepare for this…

"And to think…I thought hell would have been…a bit more flashier."

-

I touched the wooden step with my hand, pressing against the wood as if trying to shatter it into a million pieces. I don't know why I did it…I think I just wanted to make sure I could feel something other than emptiness- I was trying to make sure I wasn't dead yet. Once Reno said we were in hell, everything shut down. I had dreaded this moment since I started going out with Zack…where everyone would know this deep dark secret I was holding in, and I would be forced to acknowledge that I am gay. I really wish I had died.

But I guess I had no choice, I couldn't run away from this forever. I just wish…I was able to come out when I was ready, not be forced out with a gun to my head. Now I had the face the hatful eyes of people who I didn't even know, and allow them to bash and torment me however which way they pleased. What was I supposed to do? Punch them in the face and tell them to kiss my big gay ass?

Well, that would be cool, but I couldn't do that.

The red hands expert fingers found their way into my short blonde locks, "Ready?"

I laughed inwardly; I'm about to face my greatest fears, of course I am not okay, "Yeah…though the fact that my button down shirt is opened…thanks to some vicious animal who ripped the fucker open-sending buttons everywhere- won't score me any point with your parental."

Reno didn't say anything- I don't even think he cracked a smile- he just started up the long staircase to hell, without me. He was broken, just from the rough sound of his fathers voice…I never knew this boy was so fragile, and it killed me that I couldn't protect him. I was turning out to be a real ass of a boyfriend, huh?

"Hey! Baby!" I shouted. He swung around, his eyes narrowed…with a vicious look plaguing his face.

"Not so l-"

"I love you okay…and I won't run away, I promise."

It was weak…just eleven little words. You can't hold on to words…words just fly away into the air a second after you speak them; no anchors to hold them down. What else could I do? Even if it was a little jester, I meant it.

He tried to keep his tough composer- keeping his eyes as narrow as they could be- but I saw a bit of that mask crack, when a small smile danced across his face. "I love you too, Strife." He faced the cursed wooden door once again- the door the mocked us with its burning red eyes- with a new found sense of courage running throughout this body. However, the fear wasn't gone…that was evident from the slight tremble in his worn body. We continued out accent to the door- me only a step behind him. The broken staircase creaked taunts and insults, trying to break us down a bit more before we had to face the evil eyes of our parents. It seemed the whole world was against us…

Before we could reach the door, it swung open, revealing a very angry Mr. Sinclair wearing the mask of the devil. He glared at his son, as if he was some kind of lowly rat shifting through his garbage. Never have a seen a parent give their child that look- not even my mother on her worst days would give me that glare…

"What took you so long?" Mr. Sinclair sneered, causing his son to jump just a bit.

"We…had to talk some things through." Reno didn't even look into his fathers eyes…he couldn't….what lied in those green orbs was too painful to look at head on. It would shatter the last bit of strength this boy had.

I could hear the broken echo's of a conversation coming from living room. My moms voice seemed to be the strongest out of the three- "what have you done to my son," I think she said. The tone was alien for her though…a mix of confusion and hatred…I could only imagine what kind of lies they told her- they must be painting a really horrific picture of me.

Mr. Sinclair didn't say another word to us, just point in the direction of the living room where the sentencing was sure to occur. Reno and I walked passed his father, the hatful aura slapping up in the face as we walked into the living area of the Sinclair house. There sitting on the love seat was my mother, and to my surprise, my father. My dad, naturally was very confused, not even lifting his head to look at my eyes, while my mother shot me a pity glance. She said without words….they already told them my secret- they didn't even give me the right to tell my own parents.

We sat on the couch, subconsciously staying as far away from each other as we could- we didn't want to dig a bigger hole. I looked towards my left, and saw Reno's mother rubbing her head, mumbling some nonsense about "satan" and "bad influences. She was playing the martyr card…Reno always bitched about his mother being a drama queen. The head of the execution- I mean family, Mr. Sinclair, stood in front of us, his arms crossed over chest, with the evil glare still plastered on his face.

"Shall we begin," he said, looking at my mother, "Since Mrs. Strife has a big mouth, how about you start."

"I'd love to," she snapped, arising from her seated position. She stomped over to Mr. Sinclair, getting right in his face, "I don't appreciate you outing my son like that," she hissed, "You could have at least given him a chance to tell his parents."

"He destroyed any right to tell you when he decided to fuck my son in my house!"

"They're sixteen year olds with raging hormones, what do you expect!"

"I expect them to at least have the decency to do it elsewhere!"

"Oh don't act as if this is the issue you have with our children- admit it, you wouldn't have cared if your son was fucking some chick he didn't know, you hate that fact he was getting fucked by a boy!"

"Uh…" My dad, who was silent until now, finally decided to get some balls. He cautiously walked up to my mother, gently putting his hands on his shoulders, "Honey, let's not loose our temper here…we have to see it from their point of view."

"Oh shut up," she hissed, slapping his hands away, "They are heartless people! Now the entire neighborhood knows our son is gay, and he didn't even get a chance to tell us." She swung around, her brown hair slapping Mr. Sinclair in the face (yes!), and faced my father, "Derek, doesn't this infuriate you!"

My dad looked at me for a second…well not really…he didn't get a good look at the expression plastered on my face- the expression of ambulate helplessness and betrayal. Did he know his son wanted him to same something…speak up! Defend me who couldn't defend himself! Was he going to let his wife take this upon her fragile shoulders and turn his back on the whole issue. He was going to run back to the office and hide himself in the piles and piles of imaginary work.

He took his eyes off of me, and placed them back on his currently furious wife, "Honey, Eva, this may not be the best place to discuss this. I mean…this is a private matter- for both the Strife's and the Sinclair's- I think it would be best if we go back home-"

"You fuckin coward!" She screamed.

"Derek, please control your wife…" Mrs. Sinclair wept, clutching her ears.

"Oh honey, don't expect him to control his wife, he can't even control his dog of a son!"

"Don't call my son a dog you asshole!"

"Oh a I am sorry, he isn't a dog…he's a fag!"

It didn't hurt me when he called me that…I was too preoccupied with what was going on next to me…a little boy was just shattered into a million little pieces- his whole perfect world was tumbling out of control…the last bit of sanity he had, after all the blood, the torture, and the mind games, just flew out of the window faster than the pages of a book. I could still hear everyone arguing…insulting each other, and it was only fueling my boyfriend's untamed rage. He looked at me…he was warning me…

He arose from the couch…and with a smirk, screamed bloody murder, "Shut the flying fuck up!"

Everyone stopped, all eyes on him. "What's wrong with all of you!" He continued, "You are all insane! Who the fuck cares if I sleep with boys; its nothing to ruin someone's life over! But you did dad! You ruin everyone's fuckin life!"

"Reno, calm down," his dad growled, "calm down or I will make you calm down."

"Go ahead, threaten me, I don't really care anymore."

"Reno…this doesn't concern you."

Reno started laughing, insanely (it was kind of scary actually), pointing at his father accusingly, "But doesn't it! But doesn't it concern me. This whole charade- everything- was in some vain attempt to make me magically straight. From threatening my boyfriend, to now…to this. I know it kills you inside to know what I do…and you'd rather die than accept me…"

He stopped laughing…suddenly. He looked at his father drunkly, a smirk plastered on his face. Reno went positively insane… "Yes, I would love to see you die!" He bolted for the kitchen where the backyard sliding doors laid untouched for the winter. Everyone followed him, watching in disbelief as he through open the doors and rush outside into the freezing February weather. And in some pit of my stomach, I knew exactly what he was going to do…

"Attention Staten Island, New York," he shouted on the top of his lungs, "I, Reno Sinclair, am a flaming homosexual! I like boys, I like fucking boys, hell I even like being FUCKED by boys. And if you don't like it….well you can fuckin shove it. HA! HA! HA!"

Yup, he went insane, that was the only way I could explained what had happened. No sane person would have had the balls to do what he did…and even though there was a possibility no one heard his confession, it was still amazing to see him to do admit to the world he was gay. If it wasn't for the fact soon after his mother ushered me and my parents out of the house, I would have done the same thing…as long as he was there to help me.

My parents and I walked down the lonely street, on our way home to our own messed up household. I knew what to expect when I walked through those doors- my father bombarding me with questions about my sexuality…I could see it in his eyes. I couldn't tell, though, if he was going to pull a Mr.Sinclair and proceed to insult me…he would have no right too…

What has he been around to be a fuckin father?

My mother, who surprisingly was the only one to defend me throughout this entire ordeal, clutched my hand, "It's okay honey," she said, "you are going to be okay."

She said I was going to be okay…and maybe that much was true…

But what about the boy with the cherry colored hair, who was trapped in hell? What was his fate…


	22. Don't Run Too Fast

-1_Chapter 22_

_Don't Run Too Fast, You May Trip and Snap_

They wanted to "talk." At least, that's what they said when we walked in the house. The irony was, no one talked…we sat at the kitchen table, making friends with the scratches in the wooden surface- avoiding each others eyes as if it would have been the death of us to look. I didn't really mind it, personally…my mind was too focused on Reno, and what he was dealing with at home; judging from his parents, there must be a war going on in that house. Reno, despite his wonderful performance, wouldn't win against his parents…he was broken.

I decided to make the first move- the silence was starting to wear on my fragile sanity, and I needed to get this conversation over with so I could make sure my Reno was still alive. I looked at my dad who sat across from me, sneering at the disgusted look he had plastered on his face.

"Say it dad," I snapped, grabbing his attention, "Say you think I am disgusting."

"Cloud," my mother interjected, "Please don't. He needs a second to digress this. So many things…happened today…it's a lot to swallow."

"Well you wanted to talk, so I am talking."

I stared at my father, waiting for him to answer the nasty questions (so I could punch him and run out of the house.) Heh, who am I kidding? He won't answer, he will run. That's the only thing he does best my dad, run away. And yes, I was not an easy child, I may have forced him out of the house by closing up the way that I did, but at the only moment when I needed my dad the most…he fails. He is setting up a nice trend this man.

"Look," he said sternly, "I am not disgusted at you, but you have to understand how I feel-"

"How YOU feel?" I hissed, "How do you feel?"

He avoided my eyes…this answer wouldn't be good- no, how could it be? It was going to be…what any father would say to his only son…

"My only child…no…my only son is gay…and having sex," he arose from his chair and began pacing around the kitchen, "you have to understand how this is hard for me as a father."

"I'm surprised you even care."

"Cloud of course I care-"

"You have a fuckin funny way of showing it."

He…was trying to be the father he gave up on being…and it was pissing me off. He can't just disappear, practically, from my life for four years, and just walk in expecting a grand father son relationship! I gave up on him coming home a long time ago…and I don't need this kind of psuedo abuse at this moment; not when so much shit is swirling in my mind it hurts.

But…

What is he supposed to say?

It would be a useless dream for him to be so accepting of something like this- no one ever expects their son is going to be gay. And the way he and my mom found out…was pretty chocking. Perhaps I am being unreasonable…

"I'm leaving!"

Then again, I am a masochistic sixteen year old gay boy…

Don't I have the right to act like a god damn drama queen? Yes, Yes I believe I do.

So I stomped out of the house, into the frigid outside world, ignoring my fathers cries for me. I couldn't take it right now, I could talk to them. No, I wasn't prepared for this moment- I needed more time.

I wanted to go to the church with the dreamlike flowers, and get lost in the fantasy of that place- but there was someplace I had to go first, some kind of hell. It wasn't long since I left his sight, but it only takes a second for something horrible to happen- and I'd commit mass murder before I let anyone take my reason for waking up in the morning.

I stomped to his house, taking in the joy of the sound of cracking snow against my shoes- it was like I was chasing away the lie of this neighborhood. If the snow was all gone, they can't hide in their ignorance anymore! It was like I was destroying everyone that ever looked at me the wrong way, or yelled at me, or insulted me, because I was different, or because I didn't follow their faith. I could feel the binds of this fuckin neighborhood weaken…there was something beautiful in it's destruction…

Then I came to his house…and I realized I wasn't destroying anything. They were all laughing at me again- laughing at the gay boy who thought he could win. Did my little mind actually think, that just because they knew an "infidel" was in their precious sanctuary, they would shatter and crumble to their knees? Ha, am I really that stupid? No…they will just get more angry…

They would be the first to kick you when you are down.

And he was down…

Reno, was on his knees…hand hanging, with keys clutched in his red hand. I walked closer to him, and heard strangled sobs echo from his mouth.

"Reno?" I ran to him, getting down to his level, "Reno what happened?"

"I was wrong, I was all wrong Cloud."

"No…" Something vile glisten on his cheek. I cupped him chin and pulled his head up, and too my horror saw a purple bruise surrounding his eye- which was only made more noticeable thanks to the tears. They hit him…"I'll kill them!"

"Leave them," he shouted, "just don't go in there." He grabbed my shirt and yanked me, "Just don't go in there, it's wrong, it's all wrong."

"Okay, okay." I wrapped my arms around his frail body, which was shaking violently, and tried to hush the tears away. We sat in the snow, the chilling air slapping against our bare faces, as if trying to offer us some kind of wake up call. To run…maybe at this point in the game, running was the only thing we could do to escape the heartache that now plagued our lives. Run away from our families, our peers, our ridiculous responsibilities, and just…feel free for a little bit. Free..

He untangled himself from my arms, and looked me dead in the eye, "Run away with me," he seemed to have read my mind.

-

He drove, I just watched him closely. I saw him, before my eyes, break even more. I don't know what kind of thread was holding his sanity together, but no matter how far he falls, he never lets go of his thread of sanity. But how long could he go, before it just shattered? Not much from the way he was mumbling incoherent nonsense as he swerved in and out of lanes on the Staten Island expressway. I wanted to ask him were we were going, but I think deep in my heart I already new. The sun was already setting in this lovely city of Staten Island, and we were heading towards a dark place: New Jersey.

If you lived in a city like New York all your life, you become used to the bright lights and loud noises that surround your every night. Somehow the soft hum of a sixteen wheeler soothes you to a restful night sleep, as the streetlights act as nightlights to chase away your demons. New Jersey, was the same…but different at the same time. Depending were you are in this great big state, determines if you have the protection of light…or the haunting nightmares of darkness- but light is so rare in that place at night…you will most likely be endure a restless night sleep if you aren't used to the bone chilling darkness.

Reno pulled over to the side, putting his hazards on. He stared at the metal bridge, the Gothels, with such interest, it was like the bridge was speaking to him…

"Reno," I called out, "what are you-"

"Darkness…" he whispered, "They say…darkness hides lies, and light shows truth- in literature I mean. I think the opposite though…I think the dark is scary, because it forces you to face your greatest fears. Isn't everyone afraid of the dark at some point? You become so vulnerable…anyone can attack you! In the light, the shadows are chased away, and you feel some sense of comfort, even though you know the evil is still around you.

"I want to brave the absolute darkness, I want to see if it what I have to see is really that crippling…and the bright lights of this city won't allow me to do so- it's just a mask."

I saw the wound on his face burn…throbbing and festering like it wanted to just explode. That's how he felt, sitting in this car, staring down a demon…this boy was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, he couldn't fight any demons! Especially his own.

But I couldn't tell him that…

"You will come with me right?"

"Of course…"

He stomped on the gas, and we headed across the bridge- its bars and metal laughing at us as we zoomed through it. My fate was now in his hands…I had no control of where we would stop…of if we would even stop! Or if we would just drive until the gas tank emptied, and allowed ourselves to be stranded in the middle of no where. Maybe that's just what he wants, for us to be alone, away from all judgment. I could live with that, but it would only be for a moment. It was a dream…and it was pointless to dream that little dream. We wouldn't be together like that, not for a while anyway.

We didn't talk throughout the entire ride- he was too busy talking to himself- so I decided to preoccupy myself with taking in the scenery of this little state. For a while we were around city lights, not as bright of Manhattan's light, but it was still safe. Their were many cars on the road, and people where still running to their local Cold Stone for some after dinner ice-cream. But we didn't stay in this pleasant scene for long, no. As we traveled deeper into the state of New Jersey, the lights became dimmer, the people became fewer, and the cars disappeared. We were on a road engulfed in darkness, with nothing but the reflectors on the street offering fake light.

Three hours…and still no words echoed through the car- not even music was allowed to enter this place. He needed absolute silence for whatever he was plotting in his little head; but the silence was now wearing on my own sanity. I needed to know what happened after I left…exactly what happened. No…no I needed to know everything, now that I think about it- every moment we spent together while he was still under Shinra's orders, I needed to know what he felt, truly…

The darkness was getting to me…I could feel those little demons laugh and cackle at my poor pathetic displays of the truth. Why need I need it so bad all of a sudden? Because Reno was going to break….or because I was?

"Reno…" I looked at his lost face…he honestly didn't know where he was going.

Or did he?

"Reno, honey, pull over," I pleaded, almost pathetically, "I need to talk to you."

"Talk to me…" I repeated with a snicker, "Talk to me…motel."

"Motel…?" I looked outside my passenger window, with enough time to watch him pull into a sleazy New Jersey motel. It was absolute darkness here- the street lights that surrounded the lot were just for show…all were beautifully dead. And the motel…all but the lobby was dark- no one was here, not a soul, but me and this boy…a boy who was having a-

"You know what's fucked up Strife?" He laughed as tears cascaded down his face, "I never loved him! I never fuckin loved him! Isn't that funny? I spent…I spent like two years with this boy…he helped me…he helped me…"

I flicked on the lights in the car…causing him to flinch in disgust of the light. "Ah," he groaned, "not the light. I hate it."

"Why? Why do you hate it Reno?" I grabbed his shoulders in frustration and gently shook him…tried to shake some sense into him, "Reno, what happened, what's wrong."

"It was like all the other boys…" he sobbed, "He wasn't special…but he acted as if I meant something! Me! When we were together I fucked every fuckin guy I could get my grimy teenage hands on. I wanted to grow up so fast, because…because…

"Because they made me! They! Those people I call parents! They made me…they left me home alone, with nothing by a dumbass for a nanny! They never fuckin cared…

"But why! Why! Why!" He shoved my hands off his shoulders, slapping them away from him, as if my touch was painful.

I don't….I don't even think he knew it was me.

I don't even think he knew were he was.

"Tseng!" He shouted suddenly, "You are such a god damn idiot! Why didn't you yell at me to stop! I would have stopped…I would have fuckin stopped…why didn't you stop them…" He sunk into his seat, defeated, staring out the front window deadly… "I know why you didn't stop him. You wanted me to learn a lesson…

"A fine lesson, Tseng, a fine lesson. What happens when you take meth at one of those San Francisco gay clubs without a friend to drag you out. You either wake up in a hospital, with an IV in your arm, and a nurse at your bedside shaking her head…or you wake next to someone you don't even know. He tells you, 'get the fuck out of my house,' and tosses you your pants. You don't even remember what happened…

"That's what happened to me…and I could deal with that. It wasn't rape, because I had ask for it right? When I took that drug, I opened ass up for any homo who wanted it. I could deal with that, yes I could Tseng. But what I couldn't deal with…what just drove me over the fuckin edge…was when I walked out of that son of a bitches apartment, there you fuckin where, in your Shinra attire…looking as if nothing had happened. I knew you knew, you knew I knew…and yet all you said was…

'We have a meeting…'

"And you got in the car…"

There was a long painful silence…this was more than I could even hope to bare. I sunk into my own seat, trying desperately to swallow everything Reno had just said- it was so random, so illogical, yet it fit with everything that happened in a way…it was like…

"And that's what started the little dominos Cloud," I felt his brush against my cheek, pulling me to look into his green eyes, "because the man that fucked me that night, was Rufus Shinra's cousin. That's how they found out I was gay…that's why they wanted to recruit me for the 'Cloud Mission.' But Tseng, didn't want them to…that's why Hojo came to California…

And the rest, is history."

I wanted to look away from his eyes…they were dragging me deeper into his dark history, and as much as I wanted to feel his pain…as much as I wanted to help him escape this pain, it was almost too much to bare. The purple bruise around his eye was getting darker, worse, it seemed; all the pain in his heart was starting to show it's ugly face. I was going to throw up…everything…everything he went through…

Then he went even paler…he flinched…and ran out of the car, puking all over the parking lot as he did so. I rushed out, running over to my sobbing boyfriend (who was now leaning against his car, his hand covering his mouth ), and held him against me.

"Reno," I whispered, "Don't cry anymore."

"Cl-Cl-oud…" he shuddered, gripping to my shirt for dear life, "It was all my-"

"No! Don't fuckin say that anymore, it wasn't your fault…it was never your fault." I couldn't keep my tough composure, not even for him; I buried my face in the crook of his neck and sobbed with him- it was a relief…as much as it hurt like a thousand bloody hells.

"I always loved you…" he said suddenly, through the water fall of tears, "From the moment I kissed you…I loved you. I love you, you fuckin' jerk!"

Why I loved this boy so much- God I can't count the ways- but his humor in this situation, made me love him even more than I could have imagined. He in moment, brought me out of my sudden depression…gave me the strength to move. I pushed myself off him, and stared deeply into his beautiful, magical, green orbs- a soft smile danced across my face. "I know," I said smoothly, "I love you too."

It was too late to drive home-and I don't think either of us had the mental stability to drive back to that hell hole called Staten Island- so we decided to stay at the motel for the night…we needed some sleep before we go completely insane. The guy at the front desk didn't ask much questions, just "show me the money," and gave us the key- lucky for us he was too engrossed in his porn magazine to worry about two runaway teenagers.

The motel stunk of a dead rat, and I am sure a bundle of prostitutes have seen this same exact scenery- bed, tacky wallpaper, dead plant- but it was better than sleeping in the car. While Reno was in the bathroom, I decided to tell my mother I was okay…she is probably worried.

"Cloud, you ass, where are you?" See, told you she was worried.

"New Jersey, with Reno."

"Get your asses home now," she screamed into the phone, adding more damage to my poor ear drums.

"We can't…I don't think we can…"

There was a long pause at the other end, but I think she got the hint- ever since she stopped drinking, she seems to understand me…it was an alien feeling to have a mother that understood you, but a welcomed one.

"Come home, early, tomorrow…okay?"

"Yes…we will."

To be honest, I didn't want to go home…I wanted, to just run to Canada and stay with Reno in some small ass apartment for the rest of our lives. All I need his him…or I think…I'm young and stupid remember. Heh…

We laid ourselves in the dirty bed, shutting off the life, and engulf the room in an unnatural darkness. Reno quickly found his slide closer to me, laying his head in the crook of my neck, and flaying an arm across my chest. In turn I wrapped my arms around his thin waist, and placed my lips against his forehead…where the belong. And despite all the horrible imperfections with this moment, I was in heaven.


	23. A Perfect Denial

_Authors Note: YES I AM UPDATING! Anyway, I have to thank all my reviewers, because of you guys...god I can't even think of the words. I love you guys so much, even though I have never talked to you. Just by your support for me and my story, gives me so much drive to keep one going. I am glad this stories means as much to you as it does to me. Thank you._

_Chapter 23_

_A Perfect Denial_

I knew I told my mom I would be on my way home early…but I guess I lied. To be honest I was all ready to get and leave by eight, but Reno wouldn't wake the fuck up! I sat on him, I shook him, I told him I was naked…nothing, he wouldn't wake up…not even a peep. If it wasn't for the gently rising and falling of his chest, I would have said he died in his sleep. (I know, horrible thing to think about, but whatever.) I watched him sleep, his hair carelessly covering his eyes, the sun gently adding a glow to his pale skin- he seemed to content in his dream world, I didn't have the heart to wake him up…and drag him back to the hell hole he called a home.

I smiled at his sleeping form…the dream of waking up next to this boy every morning flashed in my head repeatedly, relentlessly, as if trying to give me a glimpse into a bright future. I was trying hard to keep myself from foolishly falling so quickly in love with him, as I did before- I didn't want to be destroyed again if this didn't work out- but it's kind of hard when every time I see him, my stomach does flips and spins, and every time he touches me, that hole in my heart is filled. Yes I know, this is all sappy as hell, but I guess this is what love does to you…

Makes you a big idiot…

I laid on top of him, my final attempt to wake him (now that my precious watch said ten in the morning), and though his eyes fluttered open, mentally he wasn't as wide awake as I hoped he would be.

"Get off me you fat ass," he snapped, closing his green eyes again. Did I ever mention Reno Sinclair wasn't exactly happy go lucky in the morning?

"I'm not fat, and you know it," I kissed his forehead, then laying my head on his chest, despite his groans to get off him. He gave up, complaining, and wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me closer to his body. I reminded myself of the promise I made to my mother, about being home early, but I suddenly didn't have the strength to urge him home…I just wanted to fall asleep in his arms again. I closed my blue eyes, as Reno ran his thin fingers through my hair, a song elegantly echoing from him mouth…

"I feel like there's nothing left to do, but prove myself to you, and keep it running. But this time, I mean it, I'll let you know just how much you mean."

"Our song…" I whispered.

"Our song…" he repeated, and continued his singing. Heh, Reno was never quite blessed with a singing voice…some would say his singing sounded like a dieing cat, but to me…it was perfect- so I am either tone deaf or stupid! Whatever, it was still nice, comforting, and slowly I drifted off to sleep…but sadly, the sudden shriek of my boyfriends cell phone brought us both out of our momentary haven. The soft singing, was replaced with vile curses, that rained down carelessly from his mouth, as he looked desperately for his cell phone.

Once he found the contraption, he removed myself from his body, and laid on my back, staring at yellow ceiling, as Reno answered the phone.

"Rude, this better be fuckin good," he hissed, walking to the other side of the room so I wouldn't hear his conversation. I guess you could say I was hurt that he wouldn't stay on the bed with me, even with the risk of finding out why his cousin called…I think part of me still saw him as that Shinra dog who was on call 24/7; it made it harder to trust him…

"Reno," I whispered to myself, hoping he wouldn't hear…but unlucky for me, my boyfriend has super sonic hearing, and cautiously laid his eyes on me. I mouthed a "what's up," but he shook his head and returned his eyes to the floor. This made me fidget slightly in the bed, but I didn't argue with him further…

"Rude, calm down you are talking to damn fast- fuckin New Yorkers," he cursed, "yeah…I left. My parents were being bitches again….Cloud? Yeah he is here? Wh-…"He ran his fingers through his hair, a frustrated look plastered on his face, "So everyone knows? The whole damn fuckin neighborhood knows!" He looked at me sadly, "Yeah…I'll tell him what's going down…and that I am going down with him…"

Now I could hear the muffled voice of Rude screaming at his cousin. Reno merely laughed and hung up the phone, shoving the contraption back into his jean pocket. "Well Strify my boy," he walked towards me, "The whole damn world knows you are gay!"

"Lovely," I said sarcastically, "Why do you look so god damn happy about it?"

He crawled onto the bed with me, a sneaky smile gracing his face, "Because…in a couple of hours, the whole damn world will know I'm gay."

"Oh really," I challenged, leaning over and gently touching his lips with mine- not exactly kissing him…but enough to make him go crazy.

"Yes really." He pressed his lips hard against mine, practically shoving his tongue in my mouth before I had a chance to complain. In the confusion, he found his way on top of me, momentarily breaking away from the kiss.

"What about your parents?" I asked with a smile, as he proceeded to take off his shirt.

"Forget my parents."

"And Shinra?"

He discarded his shirt, "Forget Shinra!"

My smile curled into a suggestive smirk, "And what about the rest of the world?"

"Fuck the world!"

"Ha, I'd rather fuck you!" Suddenly the tables turned, and I had him pinned against the bed, staring deeply into his lust filled eyes, "Tell me you love me."

I don't know why I suddenly had a doubt in my mind…but I think I just needed those three little words to leave his mouth…just since they sounded so beautiful when he said them.

"I don't love you," he smiled coyly.

"You're about to get romantic on me aren't you?" I snickered; romantic and Reno normally didn't mix…at all…

"Yeah…I was," he grabbed the collar of my shirt, and pulled me into a messy kiss…

And well…I think you can guess what happened next.

--

I watched him intently from the side walk; he was leaning against the hood of his black BMW, a cigarette taking home between his soft pink lips, as he listened to the messages on his cell phone. From the way his body began shifting uncomfortably, something was up. I walked over to him, leaning close to his ear so I could hear the message that made my boyfriend tense…

However, I was only greeted with the robotic voice of the voice mail. He flipped his phone, and shoved the thing back in his pocket…sighing helplessly as he did so.

"It was my parents.." he finally said, laying his head on my shoulder in a defeated matter, "apparently all my shit is on the front porch…they told me to drop off the car and then leave. They don't want me in their house anymore; as long as I continue to act like a 'delinquent'…I'm homeless."

Should I expect any less from these people who claim to hold the title of "parents"? They didn't deserve to breath the same air as this brilliant boy standing before me. I think he knew that- his parents weren't worth the tears and the blood this boy has shed for this- but despite that knowledge, he still clung to me, and cried silently into my chest.

"Reno?" I whispered, running my fingers through his mess of short red locks.

"I am not crying!"

Heh, I wouldn't admit it either…but I didn't blame him for shedding the tears. I bet he thought he was abandoned, I hoped he knew he wasn't, not even close. So what if those sorry excuses for "people of God," didn't want him. Their fucking lost!

I wrapped my arms around his small body, "You can live with me…no…you are going to live with me."

Yeah, so I didn't ask my parents if my boyfriend-who I am sexually active with, mind you- if he could live with us…but they kind of owe me right! Okay that's selfish, but you know what I mean. And given the circumstances…I doubt they would say no.

Reno pushed himself off my chest, and stared deeply into my eyes, as if trying to see if I was serious. I was. He smiled approvingly, and for the first time, in a long time, my boyfriend looked genuinely happy. In this messed up world, with the problems of a thousand people surrounding us, we seemed to find some kind of happiness. I don't know what it was…was it because I finally showed him I truly forgave him for everything, or because this imperfect state of New Jersey gave us the freedom we had been looking for..

Whatever it was…it took the stress right off our bodies, leaving only us-him and I- tangled together in imperfect perfection.

I suddenly felt sick at the thought of letting him go…

…When the hell did I get so sappy?

"We better go babe." I kissed his lips gently, sealing our little deal.

A deal my parents didn't exactly agree to yet.

"Thank you, Cloud," he whispered against my lips, "I love you."

"I love you too."

I always thought those three little words, were nothing more than justifications for underage sex- teenagers throwing those words around carelessly, not knowing the true meaning or power behind them. But when I say those words to him, they are real…not a mask…not something I am just saying for the sake of saying.

I meant them…

I still do.

Those three words may have saved our lives…

-

The car ride home was drench in a thick, uncomfortable, but understandable, silence. Reno had a lot to think about before we got back to that land of ignorance called Staten Island- that's obvious enough. I should be following his example- I had a lot to think about…everyone in the God forsaken state new I was gay- but I think I was too engrossed with looking at my boyfriend to care.

I think I stopped caring what people thought of me at that point…

I'm gay, I have probably been gay my entire life. If people didn't like me, it wasn't because I was gay, it was because-honestly- I am not a very likeable person. Hell, sometimes I don't even like me. All that matters is, the people who do care about me, have no problem with my sexuality…everyone else can kiss my ass.

But there was always the fact that everyone who couldn't stand me was going to make my life a living hell for the next year and a half. I guess I did have to think about if I was strong enough to handle the torture my fellow gay teenagers had to face…

I looked back at Reno, his green eyes was focused on the road ahead…

The road ahead…

I followed his eye sight, and saw nothing but clear roads, trees, and the blaring afternoon sun lighting the way.

I felt free…the road ahead was cleared for us. The Goethals Bridge that connected Staten Island to New York was illuminated by the sun, giving the illusion of purity. It was a perfect hunk of metal for a second…the whole word was perfect.

If only I had seen the snow that fell over the horizon.

-

His stuff was carelessly thrown out on the front lawn for all to see- most destroyed, some barely hanging to life, and few still unmarred by his parent's misguided hatred. The paintings, though, his beautiful creations…were all destroyed, and left to bleed helplessly on the floor. Posters were ripped, game systems were gutted, and even some pictures of him and I-from when first went out…they must have found them- where laid unmarred, but were discarded among the rubble, as living proof of our so-called sin. This is how he parents handled this situation…

They just wanted it to be gone with the wind.

Reno, in turn, threw the car keys at one of the windows…it didn't break the glass, not even cracked it a bit, but it satisfied him in some way I couldn't understand. He took a few more exhausted breaths, and walked over to his stuff…taking a seat among his memories- and the first things he began to pick up, were the pictures of us.

The most important thing…

"These pictures, almost forgot I had them. After we broke up, I hid them in a shoe box, under my gay porn mags. I really wanted to forget I think, but every so often I would look at these pictures, and just remind myself of how happy I was with you."

"You never gave them to me…" I said, "Why?"

His face grew grim suddenly, as his eyes started teary up again, "Because…I needed them. I thought I was never going to see you again…I wanted something to remind me of your face…I wanted all those memories for myself. I think, I just wanted to forget about what I had to do to you, and pretend that it was all real…that there were no strings attached in the relationship. These pictures…it looks so real…"

"It was real," I assured him, walking over to where he sat, "if it wasn't, I wouldn't be standing here, with you."

"Thanks honey," he smiled sadly, and returned to the task of sorting through his things. "Everything is destroyed; except for my clothes…they even took my DVDs out and smashed them. They really went all out didn't they?"

I guess the obvious answer to that question would be…yes, yes they did. But he already knew that, there was no use reminding me- or saying anything for that matter. What should I say? There was nothing that needed to be said in this moment- I just wanted to get away from this place as soon as we could, even if we were just going to my house.

Which would be another hell to face…

We gathered the survivors of Hurricane ignorant asshole, and began the short walk back to my place. I still had yet to call my parents to inform them of our new house guest, so I can only expect the surprise look on their already contorted faces when I show up with Reno and all his crap. As we got closer to the house, I began to worry though…what if they didn't welcome him?

Where would he go if I didn't take him in anyway? Rude is part of his family, so his parents wouldn't let Reno in with open arms, and as for friends, I doubt Rufus or Hojo would welcome him in with open arms and a six pack of beer.

I guess Vincent was right; I was all Reno had…more so now than ever.

I had to stand my ground with my parents, even if it meant getting my own ass kicked out- I mean, I could always live with Cid, that would be fun! But something in the pit of my stomach told me everything was going to be okay…

I walked into the house, dropping some of Reno's crap on the floor, and walking towards the kitchen. I peeked in and saw my parents silently talking over a cup of coffee- I don't think they heard us come in…

I turned back and saw Reno leaning against the wall, staring apathetically at his stuff as if they suddenly held no meaning to him. I jogged back over to him, "Stay here, and let me talk to my parents about the situation."

"Whatever," he shrugged, never taking his eyes off the small pile.

I didn't have time to interrogate Reno on why he was depressed now…my parents seemed to have noticed my presence in the house, and tentatively called me over to the kitchen. I sighed, from their hesitant voices, something told me this wasn't going to be a pretty conversation, and with my temper…

I just hope no one gets killed…okay maybe that isn't very funny.

I walked back to the kitchen, leaving Reno to brood over his depression some more. My parents were pacing around the in some kind of zombie state; looking at the floor as if searching for the answers to their questions, or maybe a solution to their on going problem- me. I know it sounds so cliché- my parents don't understand me, cry, let me right a song about it can cut myself (not the sarcasm)- but that was the vibe I got from them when I took a seat at the kitchen table…they really didn't understand, and I don't know how to make them understand.

"Cloud," my father decided to start, taking a seat across from me…hmm seems slightly familiar. "We need to discuss this…calmly."

"Before…we discuss anything," I took a final breath… "Reno…will be staying with us for an indefinite period of time."

"Excuse me?" His voice grew gravely deep…it was an alien tone, so sue me if part of me started to get scared. I don't know, though, if he was mad at me, or made that I made these plans behind his back.

"His parents threw him out- he had no where else to go, what did you want me to do, dad?"

"Not invite him over like it was okay," he shrieked.

Now I knew Reno could hear what was going on… "Dad, please, he is in the living room!"

"Dammit Cloud!" He got up and walked to the other side of the kitchen. Well, that was quick…not even two seconds and already he gave up. Kudos dad. I looked at my mother, who had resorted to grabbing her head in frustration, asking her without words if she understood anything.

She answered me by turning her back…

"What's going on guys?" I mumbled, "I know you don't understand this, but I feel like there's so much more to this than…common misunderstanding…"

I suddenly remembered the conversation Reno and Rude had over the phone…

"What happened when I was gone?"

My parents looked at each other for a long time…once again silently discussing something I couldn't hear. I felt like a little kid again, being ushered out of the room when my parents were having a fight, and not understanding why I couldn't be apart of the conversation…

"I am not a little kid anymore guys!" I shouted, arising from my chair, "Tell me what's going on!"

I think they agreed my mom would speak this time…she turned and faced me, her dull eyes for once seemed torn…between protecting me, and being honest. "Cloud…something did happen…"

"Yeah mom?"

"After you guys ran off, the Reno's parents called a neighborhood meeting, to discuss the issue about you two. Their were fights…your father and I fought to protect you two from their plans. We were fighting against the entire neighborhood. I swear if I hear the phrase, 'think about the children,' I am going to kill someone…

"It was just a messed up honey…Mr. Sinclair made sure everyone knew…it's just going to be a hard few weeks dear."

She wasn't telling me the whole story, but I guess she didn't want to add insult to injury. I think she knew I was more depressed than I was letting on…not to mention I had to worry about Reno now..

"He has to stay mom…" I said, "you can't throw him out too…"

"We won't," she assured me, throwing a nasty glare at my father, "but…he has to sleep in the guest room…"

I wanted so badly to object to that little catch. I couldn't bare to have him so close yet so far from me…don't they trust me? I mean, just tell me not to have sex with him, and I would comply…I just want to hold him in my arms when I slept- I didn't want some stupid wall to separate us. Now that I have him…

But I couldn't argue with them. I was already skating on thin ice as it is, and if I pushed them too hard they would change their minds all together. I guess only a wall is better than miles.

Once again, I was tired of talking about this issue- even if in the past two days we haven't exactly talked about it. Heh, what was there to talk about…I was gay, lets just move on please. But I didn't feel like starting anymore problems with them, so I kept my mouth shut this time. A dark a silence dropped on the kitchen again…my parents where looking at each other again, a lost look still evident in their dark eyes…and I once again I felt I didn't belong.

I arose from my seat, when my dads head snapped towards me, "Sit down, we aren't finished with you yet."

I rolled my eyes and retaliated, "Then fuckin talk, and don't go silent on me! If you have something to say, then fuckin say it!"

"Don't you use that tone with me, young man," he stalked over to me, getting right into my face, "no matter what, I am still your father and you are still my son."

"Then why don't you start acting like a father."

He was using all his strength to refrain from smacking me, and I guess I couldn't blame him- I wasn't exactly being the most understand person in the room, but I was bitter and angry, and for once I just wanted to unleash the anger I had hid in a pit of my stomach.

"Listen to me, Cloud," he started calmly, "I don't know what I did to get you so angry at me…maybe it was because I wasn't here for you, and I am sorry for that. But I don't think I deserv-"

"Shut up dad." I walked out of the kitchen, leaving hi to make the next move. Was he trying to make me feel guilty or something? Why, because I was angry at him for never bothering to be their for me. I didn't want to deal…call me immature but I just wanted all of this to go away.

Once I walked out, I was met with another obstacle- the tired, sad eyes of my boyfriend. Reno and I stood in a frozen state, just staring at each other, much like my parents did not to long ago. Despite the lack of spoken words, I understood what he was telling me- "maybe I should go?" "I don't want to me any trouble.." "It's okay Cloud…"- but I ignored his silent pleas to let him go, and stalked over to him, grabbing his hand…

"Ignore them," I whispered, "they don't understand."

He laughed gently, "You're an idiot honey…"

I was taken a back by the seriousness that was laced within those words, "Idiot?"

"They do understand," he whispered, "They are just trying to protect you…you just won't let them."

"I can't right now," I mumbled, "I don't care about myself-"

"Well maybe you fuckin should," he snapped, looking fiercely into my eyes. "The whole school knows now. Rufus just texted me with the photo the used and what they said. They put it up on myspace, sent it through emails. They have a club now 'who wants to kick Cloud's gay ass.' Come Monday, you are going to need all the protection you can fuckin get, because come Monday twenty eight hundred students are going to want to hurt you!"

But honestly, I didn't care about the students who wanted to hurt me because of their ignorance…

I was only worried about one…

The one who started this all into motion.

"It'd be okay baby…I promise."

_That was the last time I ever broke a promise._


	24. Three Letter Word

**Chapter 24 **

**Three Letter Word**

5 am…

That was the earliest I had ever woken up. Maybe it was the anticipation of facing my classmates as an open homosexual, or the growing fear for my life…or maybe it was as simple as teenage lust. There was my boyfriend, only a wall separating us…and I couldn't see him. My parents had continued to make it very clear, that he and I were not to sleep in the same room. I don't know what the were trying to protect- I mean, two guys can get each other pregnant, so their would be no worry of that…and I knew Reno wouldn't have put me at risk for an STD, even if he was on a mission. I guess they just didn't want to hear their son having sex with another boy…hell, I don't think I would want to hear that. Still…it was very irritating.

So, after my dad was safely out of the house, I walked to Reno's room, and lingered outside his door. As I soon out there, staring into the harsh eyes of the wooden door, everything hit me. I hadn't noticed, but for the past few days…I had been holding everything in…and though I now knew the extent of the danger I was in, and understand the hurt my boyfriend was going to, I didn't snap. I just exhaled…and the troubles leveled out.

This too shall past…what doesn't kill me will only make me stronger.

I know those are clichés…and when I was younger, I scoffed at those phrases adults would throw at me when I was frustrated. I guess now I know the truth behind them. Maybe I am finally growing up.

Amazing isn't it.

I took another deep breath, and softly knocked on the wooden door.

"Reno," I whispered, "can I come in."

A deep grunt was my signal to enter. I cursed myself with a laugh, for waking up my boyfriend. He probably has the devil crawling on his back now; he won't be pleasant to see. Ah, but I can't go on without seeing him, not when he is so close, I could touch him.

I walked into his room, taking in the beautiful sight of my half awake boyfriends limp body covered in pure white sheets; a dim darkness still casting a soft shadow along his smooth face. I shut the door behind me, just in case my mother happened to walk by, and joined Reno in his bed.

Before I could even lay my body into the bed, he clung to me, as if I was his life support.

"You okay babe?" I asked, running my fingers through his thin hair.

"Fucker," he mumbled into my chest, "Let's call in sick today, and just lay here…"

I laughed sadly, "Yeah, wouldn't that be nice."

Yeah, it would have been nice to hide in this room, under the pure white sheets, and let everyone all our problems linger outside the door. Of course, we could never do that…it would be to easy, and we would once again be running away- and the faster you run, the quicker your problems catch up with you. I am not saying the next few days are going to be easy…or even the next few years, but it was better to endure the pain, than letting it fester within ourselves.

I looked at the clock again…its evil bright red numbers told me 5:05 am. We still had an hour before we had to get ready for school. I wrapped my arms around Reno tightly, and eased our worn bodies into the bed, allowing sleep to once against claim us…

"When you get up," he whispered, "brush your fuckin teeth, your breath smells of a dead fuckin rat."

Oh how romantic he is in the morning…

-

When I was younger, about six or seven, I used to have nightmares…bad nightmares, of a woman, with long raven like hair, grabbing a hold of my wrist and squeezing it until it snapped. It felt so real, I would wake up screaming, a stinging pain eating away at my wrist. I sometimes would ask my parents what it meant…

They would smile and say it wasn't real…that I had been watching too much TV..

Yeah because watching Barney really screws with your head, right?

But eventually the nightmares stopped, and I forgot all about that scary lady who tried to hurt me. I don't know what made me think of that woman during that early morning nap…maybe she is a symbol for all the problems I had been facing…

But there was something so familiar about the raven haired woman with the glowing blue eyes…she looked a lot like…

-

"Cloud, honey, it's time to get up." My mothers soothing voice snapped me away from that obnoxious dream, before I had time to really analyze it.

I opened a single blue eye, "What time is it?"

She smiled at me from across the room, "it's six thirty…I let you guys sleep. I will take you to school."

"We have to pick up Vincent," I mumbled.

"No problem." She sounded way to freaking cheerful. It was starting to weird me out.

"You sound happy…you get laid or something."

She didn't answer…so I sat up and stared at her- she had a wicked smile plastered on her face, and her normally cold gray eyes were sparkling against the now risen sun. "Oh no you didn't," I twitched, "you and dad…"

"Well, I am only thirty-eight; I'm not dead yet." And with a smile and skip, she pranced out of the room…leaving me with the horrible image…oh I can't even say it.

"Wow," Reno sat up, fully awake, "she's pretty young…"

I eyed his suspiciously, "Why?"

"I mean…that means she had you at twenty-one…when did your parents get married?"

"Uhh, fourteen years," I said nonchalantly, untangling myself from the sheets.

"That means you were three when they got married…"

I quirked a brow, and looked at my boyfriend; a confused look plastered on his face. Three…I remember my parents wedding video- I was no were in site. My parents never talked about how they met, or their wedding, or how old they were when all this occurred. Hell they never talked about their current age, or even have birthdays. Why would they be so secretive…

"Oh," I shrugged, "perhaps I was…"

There could be a logical explanation for all of that…maybe I was sick or something…yeah.

"Oh…well…at least you have young parents," Reno laughed, "My parents are old and don't understand me."

"Yeah…" Why wouldn't I be in their wedding…

-

As we neared my car, I started to have doubts about this…walking into school as an open gay man. There was no reason to hide from it, sure, but I didn't want to deal with the immature, and ignorant comments that were going to come out of my peers mouths. I was so wound up, I was going to punch the first schmuck that called me a fag. Not to mention, I didn't know if anyone was going to back me up- I mean sure, Barret, Vincent, and Cid said they had no problem with my sexuality- and they haven't treated me any different- but now that it's public knowledge their friend is gay…they could suddenly change to keep their own reputation clean. This school was all about reputation…perhaps they were that low, they would abandon me…

Maybe I wasn't giving them enough credit. They had always backed me up no matter what; why would this be any different?

"Nervous?" Reno asked from the back.

I watched the frosted trees zoom past my window, jealous of their still position- never did they have to face an army of hatred. "I'm fine…" I lied, but Reno saw through that.

"Sure...everyone's just fine when they are about to take that first step out of the closest."

"Mocking me Reno?" I turned and glared at him, "Are you going to run away, like always?"

Before he could make a snappy response, my mother interjected. "Come on, you two. You need to stop fighting! You have to be there for one another now…that's what a couple does."

She was right, for once…if my friends did abandon me, Reno would be the only person I had to back me up.

I had to back him up…he had no one already.

"Sorry, babe," I groaned, sinking into the seat, and staring out the windshield- trying to loose myself again in the beauty of the frozen trees.

"Yeah, I'm sorry too…"

We pulled up in front of Vincent's apartment complex, and to my surprise, I saw my vampire friend standing in the cold, with a spicy blonde clinging to his arm.

"No way, Elena?" Reno twitched, "What she doing here."

"Well they are going out," I said, "I guess they go to school together now…"

The door back door flung open, "Reno! What are you doing here!"

My eye twitched at Elena's…beautiful…voice, as Reno narrowed his eyes into an evil glare.

"Well he is my BOYFRIEND," Reno scoffed, "What are YOU doing here?"

"Vincent's MY boyfriend," she jumped into the car, Vincent silently on her tail, and she continued her verbal assault on…MY…boyfriend, "Aren't you supposed to be hiding in your room like a cowardly…coward."

"For your information, my stupid friend, I was kicked out of my house-"

"Oh how nice, thanks for calling and keeping me up to date with your life!"

"I would call, if you weren't such a crazy bitch!"

"I'm a bitch!"

"Yes I believe I just said that!"

You know, suicide was beginning to look rather nice- I mean, yeah, I said I grew out that…but when you are stuck in a moving car with a permanently menstruating chick, and a pissy gay man, then you will understand this sudden urge to jump out of the said moving vehicle. I think Vincent was having the same idea as I…from the groan that echoed from his mouth.

"Vincent," I called out, over the rabid children's screams, "How are you?"

"You know," he sighed, "You and I should be having almost the same conversation…"

I looked at him through rear view mirror, "Oh?"

"Why haven't you called?"

If Cid was my surrogate father, Vincent would probably be my mother. He was constantly making sure I was okay, especially after my small brushed with death at his apartment. And yes, he was completely in the right to be worried…but I was wasting my phone minutes calling him ever two seconds to tell him that I was, in fact, alive.

"Haven't had the time…" It wasn't a lie, though Vincent would say I should have made the effort anyway.

"Should have made the time." See, I'm a fuckin psychic! "Everyone knows you know…"

I sighed and sunk into the chair…this was probably the second time I was hearing this fact. It only made me want to run away from my problems more. "Everyone knows." And not because I wanted them to know…but because some asshole thought it fit to use this against me…

"I know, everyone knows…" I snapped, "I'm not going to deny it anymore…"

I closed my eyes and try to drown myself in the smooth sounds of the outside world- the cars, the wind, the children playing their games outside the elementary schools. I envied those children, and the freedom they possessed. They didn't have the wake up every morning, to a world filled with ignorance…because in a sense, they were ignorant to the world's problems. They didn't have to worry about being gay, or straight, and the only deep dark secret they had to worry about was that they ate a worm last week. I wish I was like them…I wish I just didn't have to care at all…

Maybe then I could be happy. But that is just a childish dream…a selfish dream.

We pulled up in front of the school, and already I could feel the eyes of judgment baring down on me. The few students that were outside of the school started whispering to each other, their eyes focused on my form in the car. Oh they knew…I could tell from their disgusted looks.

"It's going to be okay," my mom said, "if you need me though, call me, and I'll pick you up."

At least I had a ride home in case anything happened, but I knew I couldn't be a coward about this; I had to face everyone, despite my reservations towards it. I jumped out of the car, and took one last look at my mom…she smiled at me, a real smile… "You'll be okay, you are my son."

I was praying she was right…

-

The four of us walked down the second floor hall- now that the schedules changed, I had English first with Reno and Vincent…Elena was just tagging along for the hell of it- no one really said anything to my face…but everyone had the same thing on their minds. I could almost hear their thoughts echo through the halls as I past them…

"I saw a picture of him kissing another guy!"

"Yeah, I kind of figured he was gay…I mean look at how he dresses!"

"I bet Johnny is pissed off that a faggot kicked his ass last week!"

"Isn't that Reno from Shinra? What's he doing with that faggot!'

Maybe it was all in my head, and I was just being paranoid...but I was afraid…nevertheless.

We came upon my locker…and there was the beautiful beginning to my demise. There on my locker, in bright red letters…was "faggot," and a picture of me swapping spit with a nameless man.

"Photoshop," Vincent mumbled.

"Hojo did it," Elena groaned, "he was bragging about it to Rufus."

So they won't stop their torture on me? Haven't the caused enough damage! Oh who am I kidding, this is "Shinra" they don't stop when they are ahead, they don't ever fuckin stop. It's like this is their drug…ruining people- making high school even more unbearable.

Reno's thin hand ripped the picture from it's place on the locker, and destroyed it. "I am more than just a fuckin nameless man." He whipped out one of the pictures of us…the one where he was licking my cheek…and tapped it to my locker…

"What the fuck are you doing," I shouted, only earning an annoying laugh from Reno's side.

"It's done Cloud…we might as well play along right?"

Elena slapped his back, "And then when you turn up in a ditch, beaten to death, then it will be all fun and games.

"No, cause I would be dead…"

"You are such an idiot!"

Perhaps Reno was an idiot, but I saw his point- what's done is done, and pretending it doesn't exist won't do anything except make everything worse. This little set back wouldn't last long- news in high school travels fast- I would be yesterdays news in a couple of days…and they will all move on to the next poor schmo…

"Spiky!" I looked down the hall to see Cid and Tifa walking over to me…well actually Tifa was running. She threw her thin arms around my neck, and clung to me like a fuckin magnet.

"Oh Cloud!" She cried, "This is so horrible! Those stupid Shinra assholes! I will kick all their asses when I see them, those sons of bitches!"

"Uhh Tifa," I chuckled, "Turn around."

She eyed me suspiciously, and turned around slowly…only to be met with the amused face of Reno, and the angry face of Elena.

"Sons of bitches?" Elena hissed.

"Oh sorry," Tifa mocked, "I mean daughters of bitches."

"That makes no sense," Elena rolled her blue orbs and clung to Vincent.

"It makes as much sense as that hideous outfit you are wearing."

"At least I wear clothes! Did you forget yours on the way here?"

Though watching Tifa and Elena exchange fighting words was mildly entertaining, I feared a cat fight would only draw more attention to me than I needed. So, I grabbed my boyfriend's hand, and escorted ourselves down the hall to our classroom, and away from the growing fight. What? Expect me to break that up? I do enjoy life, thank you.

We were half way down the hall when Cid stopped me, "we have to talk."

I never liked those words, especially coming from him. I leaned against the wall, "Well?"

"You are acting careless," he said, eying Reno and mine conjoined hands, "You want to get jumped by some of those assholes?"

"What do you want me to do? Act like it isn't true? Cause everyone already knows, there's nothing I can do about it."

"Well you don't have to suddenly change; why can't you act like you've always acted."

"Aren't I doing that? I haven't changed; I am the same Cloud I was before this whole thing happened."

"I just don't want you to rush things…"

I figured Cid would be the one I would have problems with… "Does this have to do with your own homophobia?"

"No, I don't fuckin care what goes on in your bedroom; I just don't want to fuckin pull you out of a ditch!"

Though his concern for my wellbeing was sincere- and though, in a sense, he had the right to worry about me- he was still like the parent I didn't want to listen to. I was going to do what I thought was right, not what everyone deemed acceptable. Call me stupid, but I am stubborn as a mule.

"Thanks for you're concern-"

"But you are going to do what you want to do right?" He sighed, shrugging his shoulders, "Just be careful okay."

I nodded, and Reno and I walked into our classroom now that the late bell had started to screech. Upon walking in, my eyes laid themselves on the form of Rufus Shinra…his head buried in his hands, mumbling illogical phrases that seemed to only make sense to him. I looked at my boyfriend, who just shrugged his shoulders…

"Can we sit by him?"

My eyes went wide at his request, "Him? But…look what he did to us-"

"I know but…he has been going through some stuff- I think you would understand."

He didn't wait for any further objection by me; he literally dragged me over to the back where Rufus sat. I could faintly here the words that were coming out of his mouth- "this is getting out of hand…why can't I stop it!" We stood in front of him in silence, waiting for him to either notice us, or for the teacher to yell at us to take our seats.

"Rufus?" Reno finally said, "You okay buddy."

Rufus looked up at us, "What do you assholes want?"

Oh wow, isn't he a pleasant son of a bitch- it only made me want to knock his teeth out even more. But Reno was being all "nice" and restrained me from splitting Rufus' head open.

"What's your damage?" Reno scoffed, "I was trying to be nice."

"I have a lot on my mind…"

"Well I guess there is a first time for everything," I chuckled, earning a glare for Rufus and a slap from Reno. Well, at least I thought it was funny.

"It's Shinra business," Rufus sighed, "It isn't going as plan, Sinclair- I think I have you to blame for that."

Reno smirked at his boss, "My job was to seduce my lovely boyfriend over here…once I completed that job I was free to do as I please-those were the terms we agreed on."

"Don't act as if you don't know the damage you just caused," Rufus snapped, "Our client…will not be pleased…"

"What could he possibly do? We rule this school, you know that."

Rufus merely shook his head, "You are ignorant."

"And excuse me, if I wasn't going to stand idly by and watch someone die-or get hurt- again."

I stayed in the shadows long enough- now I needed to know what was going on. I knew someone wanted me dead, and Aeris has already spelled it out it was my old rival…but I wanted to know why. And I wanted to know what Reno did that made the blonde hair leader so frantic- what was this ass so afraid of? With these questions screaming in my head, I shook Reno's shoulder to get his, and Rufus' attention.

"Tell me…what's going on?"

They both stared at me as if I was joking- but I was dead serious. Reno, as I expected, was the first to break.

"I did some hacking last night while you were asleep," he began, "Hojo had created some fake accounts on Myspace, yahoo, AOL, and sent the pictures through there. So, I hacked into both Rufus' and Hojo's accounts and sent threatening messages to people. Since I felt like denying everything would be pretty lame- and people will believe that they want to- I sent out bulletins and messages stating that 'anyone who gives Cloud Strife any shit about his sexuality, will have to deal with the entirety of Shinra.'"

"Yes," Rufus continued, with a slight growl, "I didn't find out about this until I logged in this morning. By then the damage was done. The people, who know, are now too afraid to do anything, and the people who don't know…well…I doubt they were of any importance anyway."

"I am not saying this will keep you safe, but it will keep those few homophobic assholes off your back for the time being…"

"Until our client finds out, and then we are all dead!"

The grunt of someone clearing their throat got our attention- we turned around to see our teacher, hands on his hips, with a very irritated expression on his face.

"You guys done? I would hate to interrupt your conversation," he growled, his words drenched with venomous sarcasm.

We all laughed nervously and took our seats next to Rufus Shrina- who seemed to become more annoyed that we were near him. As I relaxed into the seat, I caught the vile conversation going on in front of me. There in the seats before me, where two football players- Tim and Shawn- cracking jokes about me. I heard the word fag being thrown around, along with other names I dare not repeat- "I can't believe Greg got jumped by a fag like that," they hissed, looking back at me, "maybe we should teach him a fuckin lesson."

Tim, the shorter of the boys, decided to finish up Shinra's job, "I think Cloud Strife should be tested for AIDs! He might infect the entire class!"

The class erupted in a nervous laughter- eyeing Rufus Shinra to see if he would hold up to Reno's threats.

"Yeah," Shawn continued, "and I don't want this guy anyone near my ass! Move your seat strife."

"Funny," Reno shouted, "you let Tim go up your ass every night, I thought you'd be used to it."

Shawn jumped out of his seat, despite my teachers loud yells to stop the fighting, and stalked over to Reno, eyeing him dangerously.

"You think you could fight me fag!"

It was very strange…no matter how much I told myself it was going to be okay, deep down I guess I thought it wasn't going to go as I had plan. But here I was, being called a fag, having jokes made about me, and having my boyfriend go down with me- but it wasn't as bad as I thought. It was just ignorance…it was stupid…they were stupid. It was just a word, a silly three letter word that was taken from its once innocent meaning, and bastardized. This was simple high school homophobia- childish immaturity- fear of people trending on their stone cold beliefs. They will grow out of it, they will forget about this- eventually I will to. So why hold on to this bad vibes, and let them fester inside of us- giving those words, and those negative more power than they deserve.

It was pointless. They can hit me as much as the want, and they call me whatever names they want…they don't matter, they have no power. As long as I remember not to give these words any such power, I will be okay. I am stronger than I give myself credit for…

The slamming of the door snapped everyone's attention to the front of the class, where our teacher stood, fuming at the ears.

"You are sixteen and seventeen years old, and yet you are acting like pre schoolers!" He roared, "Shawn Ross, and Timothy Grant, deans office now! Reno Sinclair, Mr. Franklin wants to talk to you down the hall!" He swung the door opened, pointing his thick index finger at the hallway- were some teachers and students began to accumulate.

Tim and Shawn shot us one last threatening look, and stormed out.

"Something tells me this isn't about the fight," Reno whispered to me, "I will see you in history."

He walked out of the classroom, in a slightly defeated matter…I was worried about him, I wanted to follow him…

Maybe I should've…

Because that was the last time I saw him that day…


	25. Everything Is Going to Be Okay

I dont know what happened, but people said they couldn't seen Chapter 24 . But while I am here...I want everyone to check out this story

It's called Four Reasons Why Love Doesn't Work and it's a joint fic between me and my best friend Nikki. READ IT! You will find it in my favs 3

_Chapter 25_

_Everything Is Going to Be Okay_

I went through the rest of the school day in a haze of worriment. I had constantly made stops by Mr. Franklin's office, only to find the door was bolted shut, and the lights off. I called Reno's cell constantly, even though the first attempt proved his phone was off. I was two seconds away from panicking…and no one could comfort my fears. My mind kept thinking my boyfriend was taken away from me…by who I don't know…his parents? Hojo? Shinra? I didn't even want to think of the possibility, of finding his in a gutter somewhere in New York. It was sickening.

At lunch, my mind was racing on overdrive, and even Rude's small attempt at making me feel better, was in vain. His, "trust me, he is fine, he is probably at your house." Why the fuck would he be at my house! I mean yeah he lives there now, but why wouldn't he call me and tell me he was fine! I just couldn't trust Rude…I couldn't trust anyone until I saw my Reno face to fuckin face. I called my house, and my mom even said he wasn't home! Where was he? I was about to go insane and beat the answer out of Rufus Shinra, as if he held the answer. I didn't care, I just wanted my boyfriend back.

By one I couldn't take it anymore, and I stalked out of class. Luckily, I had a sub, so he really didn't any question- I am sure he expected me to leave eventually. I stomped down the hall way like a manic, trying to get my thoughts together, and ignoring the stares and whispers from my classmates. Being called a fuckin flaming fag was the least of my god damn worries! I walked past my locker on the second floor…when someone with an unnatural amount of strength pushed me again the metal locker.

My head hit the locker hard, causing my mind to swirl…and my vision to go blurry. I thought for sure I was going to pass out…but my vision returned…and I was met with the vile yellow eyes of the one man I could certainly fear. He smirked at me, his arm was pressed against my neck, holding me up against the locker. He seemed to enjoy cutting off my air supply…

"Hello Cloud," he hissed, the smirk never leaving, "I will make this quick…you better tell your little boyfriend to keep his head out of issues that don't concern him. He did his job, and if it were up to me I would have disposed of him a long time ago. But never-the-less, this little detour won't hinder my ultimate plan…don't you worry."

"And what…plan is that!" I spat out angrily.

He cackled loudly, "To destroy everything you cherish."

He released me, allowing me to collapse on the floor, out of breath. I coughed and groaned in pain, but it didn't stop me from trying to get up and attack him; but by the time I managed to regain my composer, he was half way down the hall…and the phrase "you better find Reno before I do…" following him.

It was right there, in front of me, the whole time. Sephiroth…he was indeed behind all of the turmoil I have been going through for, what seemed like, forever. Him. I knew the who now, and I knew for sure…all I needed to know now was the stupid why! Why was he doing this to me!

I continued my journey down the hall…unable to think straight- who was I looking for again? Reno…or the answer to my multitude of questions.

-

After I busted out of the doors to my school, the whole world seemed to turn into a dream. I was walking, around Staten Island, my thoughts scattered everywhere. There was some kind of guiding light though, that I started to follow. I don't know where it was leading me to, but trusted it. It would give me the answers I needed.

I think the first question on my mind was why? Why was I chosen to endure Sephiroth's wrath? What did I do that was so horrible, that he felt the need to threaten my life, and the life of the people I cared for. I must have done something right?

Maybe I was born…ha. Just me being alive angers him so…angers him enough to destroy everything.

Heh, why should I care? What could Sephiroth do? Kill me? Would he dirty his hands himself? No…he would run away scared when the time came up. If this was Hojo, maybe I would be afraid, but Sephiroth? He is too conceded…

Right?

Perhaps I shouldn't underestimate his power and his power over me. I guess I would be more worried if I knew exactly why he wanted to hurt me, and the people around me. All of this just didn't make any sense. I feel like, this is a movie…non of this is real, it can't possibly be real!

This is real, this is too real.

Somehow, I made it to the broken, vacant, church…the door slightly ajar. I saw her nimble hands playing with the flowers she loved so much. I saw now where the guiding light wanted me to go…somehow this girl had the answers to my questions- or at least she could put be at ease. I pushed the door fully open, and walked towards her- she didn't look at me, but I think she knew it was me. I took a seat next to her, and waited to find the courage to say something…

The light was hitting her in a way, that she looked pure and innocent. She was unmarred, she was perfection…she was an angel.

"Aeris," I began, but she quickly cut me off.

"You're scared?" she giggled, "Why?"

I shook my head smiling, "I don't think I am scared…I think I am just confused."

"Confused? About what?"

She finally decided to look at me; her green eyes pushing me to answer as honestly as my mind would allow.

"Why Sephiroth wants to harm me…I guess I thought you would know."

She laughed gently, "Me? Sorry to disappoint you, but I don't know. I thought he was always jealous of you- why I don't know."

"Why not," I joked.

I would expect her to scold me for laughing during a serious moment, but instead she laughed right along with me. Soft, gentle, laughter that came so naturally that it chased away the last bit of worry I had.

"He doesn't hit me anymore," she sighed, "He apologized for it the first time…"

"He doesn't mean it," I whispered.

"We broke up a week ago…" she smiled brightly, "he hasn't talked to me since…all he said was he was sorry for everything."

"So you aren't worried about him?"

"He is a confused little boy Cloud, much like you. He is all talk, no action. He didn't even have the guts to hurt you himself, he was banking on you and your suicidal tendencies to do the job."

I groaned, "Then why did he attack me on my way out of school today."

She shrugged and picked a flower, "maybe he is just mad his plan failed. You shouldn't worry so much sweetie…this nightmare is almost over…"

"Almost?" I stared at her, but she still held that smile. She handed me the white flower she just picked…and I started to wonder…how were flowers growing in the middle of February? "Aerith…" I choked…but she was gone. The light was gone. I looked down at the flower in my hand, and it was wilting before my eyes.

It died in my hands.

-

I was confused again, walking down my block…however now I was worried about my Reno…my baby. I felt sick to my stomach. I had been searching for the rest of the day for him, and nothing, he was gone. I wanted to give up and just fall on my knees and cry. Give up.

"Cloud…"

Then I heard his voice. I looked up and saw him, standing in front of my house…not a scratch on him. He was fine…he was more than fine. He was perfect. I ran to him, throwing my arms around him, and pulling him as close to my body as physically possibly. I found my baby, I found him and he is okay.

His arms snaked around my waist, his hands gripping on to my shirt for dear life.

"Are you okay?" I sobbed, "are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he whispered into my chest, "it had to do with my family, it's okay."

I think I started crying…I was so happy he was okay. I buried my face in his hair, taking in the scent of his Axe cologne and fruity shampoo…hah. He was real. I held him tighter, whispering how much I loved him, over and over again.

The wind blew violently, snapping me out of my thoughts. I opened my eyes and saw Aeris walking out of her house to get the paper…she wrapped her arms around herself, protecting her body from the brutal cold…

"We will be okay right Cloud?" Reno whispered.

Her eyes came in contact with mine…for a second I thought she was looking at me with hatred, but I was wrong. She smiled at me…she looked happy. She was finally free of the evil that once trapped her in a cage. It was a refreshing sight to behold- if she could make it, I thought…I could…I could.

"You will be okay…see," she mouthed, and returned to the comfort of her house.

All the weight came off my shoulders, and I finally felt relieved of all the stress that started me that day. I looked down at my boyfriend, who in turn looked at me. We got lost in each others eyes…

"We are okay," I said, "Heh, we are."

The snow began to fall around us…like the lies. We all should have known, but I think we were too scarred to face the reality, of things to come.


	26. The Angels Weep for the Lost of the Snow

_Chapter 26: The Angels Weep for the Lost of the Snow_

Ever sit by a window, and see the world move in fast foreword? As you sit there, standing still. Ever wake up and realize, your entire life has flown by you, and you missed your one chance to catch it? I know it sounds cliché, but that's exactly how I felt the night my life truly took a turn for the worst.

For the week leading up to the events, I was having mind numbing nightmares…that left me bathe in a cold sweat upon awaking. Even with Reno's soothing voice, hushing me back to sleep, I couldn't move on from the darkness that seemed to have become a part of my mind. I was selfish, I assumed, because I was supposed to be happy…not scared. I had a wonderful boyfriend, two support parents, and a school population that couldn't careless if I was gay, straight, or bisexual…not to mention I seemed to have conquered Shinra without even knowing it. My life was in a happy place- a place not normally traveled by myself- and yet, darkness seemed to loam over it, like a single dark cloud on a sunny day.

It was one of those nights where the nightmares plagued my every thought…vile nightmares of fire, brimstone…ravens, and a river of blood surging down my neighborhood. They seemed so out there, but a part of my gut told me this was a message…some kind of foreshadowing of events to come. I woke up with a jolt, once I felt the fire hit my skin, and painfully rolled over where my boyfriend was supposed to be laying.

"Reno," I called out to the empty spot next to me.

I sat yup straight, and scanned the dark room, looking for any sign of that fiery red head. Nothing in the room seemed disturbed, but my gut started churning when I didn't see him.

I hopped out of bed, and left the room wearing nothing but my boxers, and began to roam the second floor of the house for my boyfriend. After looking in my actual bedroom in vain, an orange glow leaking from the cracks in the bathroom door caught my attention. I glided towards the door, catching the echoes of a broken conversation. I pressed my ear against to door…yes I was snooping, but your boyfriend doesn't hide in the bathroom at four in the morning for his health…only to have the door swing open.

Reno looked at me with blood shot eyes, and an expression that screamed "drama." I came to understand that expression meant his parents were continuing their relentless assault on their oldest son, and it was wearing down on his fragile sanity.

"Parents?" I grabbed his hand and guided him out of the bathroom and back to our room so we could talk about it.

We sat on the bed, "Parents…" he hissed between his teeth.

"What did they do?"

"What didn't they do?"

His eyes made friends with the bare white wall, as if the cracks of age seemed more important that what his mind dared to think. He didn't want to talk about it, that much was evident, and here I was stuck in a tough place, unable to free him of those words of judgment, and disappointed gazes his mind can see.

"Forget about it," was the only thing I could offer, "You're living with me now, you don't have to think about it anymore-"

He cut me off by pressing his finger against my lips, moving his green eyes from the wall, to me… "Shut up," he growled, "I'm going to bed."

With that, he crawled under the covers, and turned his back to me. I know I said Reno Sinclair is not a morning person, but this was different…

And curse me for not being able to see what haunted him so.

I lay next to him, and despite his cold demeanor, I wrapped my arms around his thin waist. My eyes glance out the frozen window. There was a black kind of darkness hanging in the sky, but the sweet moonlight that bounced off the white snow, gave the illusion of a perfect moment- a fairy tale evening. Perfection. A lie.

But I threw down the dark veil I wore, and looked at the light with innocent eyes.

"Reno?"

"Yeah," he said softly.

What did I want to say? He knew I loved him, he knew I needed him…so what else could I possible say for the broken child I held in my arms, who tried so desperately to hide the tears that fell from his eyes.

"Don't die," I blurted out.

He chuckled, and I swear I could feel him smirk, "I'll try, Romeo."

-

The day was one of those lazy days, were you sit by a frosted window and watch life past you by. It was too cold to roam around the neighborhood aimlessly, and the ice from the blizzard that past through during that night left the roads a slippery mess. I laid in my most of the day- playing video games, and acting like a sloth- while Reno paced around nervously, as if waiting for something to happen. I briefly recalled the small conversation we had earlier this morning…

"Reno," I called out, "Stop pacing and tell me what's wrong."

He looked at me for a second, his green eyes begging me not to delve into the issue, and returned to his mindless pacing. I huffed and returned to the Mario kart, mumbling something about how he needs to stop being so cold towards me…

"I'm not being cold," he snapped, this time glaring at me, "I just have stuff on my mind, and I would appreciate it if you would just get off my fucking back!"

He stomped towards the door, about to storm out in a fit of rage, when the loud screech of his cell phone stopped him. He looked at me, sadly almost- all anger that was once surging through his green eyes evaporated- and then at his phone, which vibrated and sang in his jean pocket. There was a heavy, dead, silence between us…and it was making me frustrated. I knew who was calling- oh I knew very well- and it stabbed at my heart that he, who was so hurt by them, would still…be their lap dog.

"Answer it," I growled, and returned to my game.

How could even trust those fuckers again? Let alone go back there, willingly, to carry out their pathetic missions. They….they betrayed him. Called him a friend, and allowed him to walk into the room of fire by himself. He forever has a festering scar on his back because of their cowardly ignorance. They almost broke us apart…and yet…

"Yeah Rude?"

He goes back to them, like they're a bad habit…

"Okay, I'll be right out…"

Then again…am I just the same…?

He crawled onto the bed, using his nimble fingers to release my grasp on the controller. He stared into my blue eyes, long…with a frustrated smirk plastered on his beautiful face.

"You're only pretending to be mad at me," he chuckled, though I could sense a kind of seriousness laced within his words. He leaned in and placed a soft but powerful kiss on my lips- a kiss I refused to return because of my own horrible pride.

When he pulled away, I could see how my lack of emotion hurt him in his glassy green eyes. "Is that how it's gonna be Cloud?"

I found in painful to look into those eyes, and quickly diverted my blue orbs to the wall- doing nothing more adding more scars to his soul.

"When I come back," he choked, "we'll put this behind us…"

"Yeah," I whispered.

Perhaps that satisfied him enough- that I would be still here when he got back- and he left without another word.

Thinking back on it…what would have happened if I had stopped him?

Reno's Point of View

Should I have been mad at him for being so distant and cold? Nah. I knew without hearing it come from his mouth, what he really thought about the whole situation- and he was right. I shouldn't have continued that love-hate relationship I had with Shinra. But what could I honestly do what they called me? Tell them to go fuck themselves, and end up risking both mine and Cloud's lives? No thank you.

I still felt like the biggest asshole though…and that was enough to make me wanna run back into the arms of my boyfriend, and hide from the doom I knew I was going to get myself in. Running away, however, as beautiful as it sounded, was something I couldn't do…not for this mission at least…

It was the final chapter in the "Out Cloud Mission." My mission. I had to end it.

One part that I never told Cloud, was that we would get an extra ten thousand if he ended his life. Well…that never happened, but Rufus wasn't going to let that small inconvenience ruin his chance to make a buck. He tried to say Sephiroth owed him for "service,"- a.k.a me getting Cloud in bed. Sephiroth of course argued that Rufus didn't hold up his end of the bargain, thus wouldn't get a dime. Rufus spent two months trying to sway Sephiroth…and apparently he did….

Thus, why the three of us- Rude, Elena, and I- sat in Rude's car, in front of Rufus Shinra's house (which was sadly next to my old house…) waiting for two of Sephiroth's lackis, Loz and Yazoo. The whole thing seemed out of it…Sephiroth wouldn't fold so easily against Rufus, especially for a large sum of money.

I growled to myself as their beat up car pulled out in front of us, and the two Sephiroth wanna-bes walked out of the car, and to the truck.

"Doesn't seem right," I hissed to Rude, "Too easy."

"I agree," Elena trembled, "it took Sephiroth a while to agree to the extra money…he wouldn't give it up for nothing…"

Nothing was right…and though I could see him attempting to harm us, he wouldn't be so crafty. He seemed like the type of guy who would have no problem just slaughtering us with his masamune. He didn't have the brains to trick us into something…or do something elaborate. Or so I thought.

"Elena," I turned to the blonde hair girl, who seemed to be seconds away from pissing her pants, "Pull yourself together!"

"I'm sorry," she shrieked, "I'm just afraid."

"I know…that's why I need you to get help."

Rude's head literally snapped when he heard what came out of my mouth- and too be honest even I was surprised. Help…was something Reno Sinclair just didn't ask for.

"Get Vincent, get anyone," I told her sternly, "Just get help…something isn't right and you know it."

She nods, and without another word, ran out of the car and out of my view. I didn't know if she could come through for us, but at least she would try her hardest.  
Rude and I focused on the two men leaning against their car- they were waiting…waiting for us to fall into a trap maybe. What else could we go? We couldn't run off, we couldn't hide. We had to get out, and pray to God that they don't have an AK47 in their pants. I'm not ready to die I think.

"You really want to go out there?" Rude said, adjusting his sunglasses.

I nodded, "no choice buddy."

"We have a choice, everyone has a choice…"

"Yeah, but it just so happens both choices lead down the same path."

He smiled despite the tradgity of the situation. "Let's do it then…I'm satisfied with my life…how about you?"

"Same here bud." Lies…I wanted to say "I love you," one last time.

We got out of the car, with nothing but our pride and our stupidity, and walked towards the two men. The good news, they didn't pull out any weapons and killed us on the spot, bad news was…they had that smirk on their faces that screamed trouble.

"What are you laughing at pretty boy," I taunted with a smile.

"You guys were taking a long time in there…doing anything sexual!" Clearly Loz was the idiot of the two.

"Heh, maybe in your wet dreams," Rude snickered.

"Though this mindless chit chat is so entertaining," I said, "We came here for the money."

Yazoo nodded, "Right here in the truck…ten thousand with interest…"

"Well hand it over then!"

His obnoxious finger waved back and forth in my face- I wanted to just take the damn finger, break it, and force him to eat it- "Not yet…"

"Well fuckin' when"  
They both began to chuckle maniacally, "When the light show begins."

Cloud's Point of View

As soon as he left, I began to regret not going after him and forcing him to stay. Maybe if I did, instead of me lying in my bed regretting everything, I could be snuggling with my boyfriend- happy. I ran my fingers through my short blonde hair, cursing at myself for being such an asshole to him. It seriously wasn't his fault he was trapped in this gang…and fighting about it wasn't going to help the situation.

My phone rang loudly, breaking me away from the million thoughts that ran through my mind. I growled and grabbed the blasted cell phone- whoever invented the phone needs to die a slow death- and answered it with a loud, "What?"

There was a dead silence on the other side, and I would have hung up if I didn't hear that song in the background. "Who is this," I hissed.

"You know, Cloud, this could have all been avoided."

My eyes went wide when I heard the vile, deadly, voice answer me. "Sephiroth…."

He cackled into the phone, "You sound scared, Strife."

I attempted to compose myself to the best of my ability. I knew that the call wasn't one of peace…not Sephiroth, not after what he said to me…and all I could think about was Reno, out there, with Shinra. He would attack Reno- he would because he knows that would destroy me…

That would kill me.

"What do you want," I hissed into the phone, trying to come across as tough as possible.

"You afraid," He saw right through my ploy- things haven't changed, "You shouldn't be, Cloud, I am not going after your precious boyfriend."

"You leave Reno-"

"But little Aeris, well…it's such a shame this had to happen to her."

I almost broke phone in my grasp when he mentioned her name in such a…demonic way. "What…what are you going to do her? You better not hurt her, you son of a bitch."

"Now now," he laughed, "everything will make sense in soon Cloud."

"No, now," I screamed, "what do you want from me! You want me to die? Fine, I'll die! Just don't hurt anyone!"

"Your death would be nice," he whispered, "but now I want so much more- so much more satisfaction. Your death will only give me part of what I desire."

"What do you want!"

"…Destruction…"

My whole body trembled at the word, shivers bouncing up and down my spine as if I was smacked by a bone chilling, cold, wind. "Leave Aeris out of this," I snarled.

"To late for that Cloud….you could have prevented this."

Before I could call him every name in the book, the line went dead. I stared at my phone in disbelief…it just didn't seem real all of a sudden. I had to have been dreaming again, that was the only excuse I could think of. It wasn't real, right, because no one, no one could be that insane with anger.

But I didn't have much time to dwell on the phone call…

A loud explosion rocked my ears, and I swore I could feel my lunch come up to my throat. I didn't even have to look out the window- the sound of shattering glass, inhuman screams, and the orangey-red light coming off the corner of my window told the whole story. The boy, that silver haired boy, finally snapped. I dashed out of my house- I can't even remember running down the stares…or telling my mom to call 911…it was just all surreal.

Only several feet away from my house, was the scene of such dismay. Smoke reached the sky, blanketing the clean twilight sky in an ominous black shadow, as flames of yellow, orange and red, growled from a car wedged around a power pole. The pole was tipping…and only seconds away from crashing onto my neighbors house. Loose power lines seethed on the street, sending sparks in random directions. I walked closer to the scene, despite my father screaming at me to come back. I couldn't…I just couldn't walk away.

Some neighbors ran out of their houses, gasping, crying…screaming- "someone call the police!" I think someone said. Or maybe that was me again. I was in a daze, almost high from the whole experience. I stopped in front of the car- my dad screaming at me again…- I couldn't believe it was happening. It was Sephiroths car…or…what was left of it.

"The door is opening!" Someone shouted.

I looked at the passenger side…were the door was slowly creaking open. A bloody hand reached out for support, but I could only stand there and watch the figure pull itself from the car…

Drench in her scarlet blood, there she was…head to toe in death…

"Aeris!"

-

Reno's POV

Smoke arose suddenly from Clouds block- the sounds of people screaming echoed through the smoke and reached my ears. All reality shattered…and all I could think of was Cloud…

I forgot about the two dangerous figures standing before me, until someone's fist collided with my face, sending me to the ground with a loud "thud." Warm liquid cascaded from a large gash on my head, dripping onto the cold street. I attempted to get up and fight back…but someone grabbed my collar and dragged a couple of yards from my car…

The figure forced me on my feet, swinging me around so I could see his menacing eyes.

"It's too bad," he punched my in gut, causing more blood to rain from my mouth; "Cloud will be loosing two people he cares about."

Before I could respond, he punched me again, in the face, harder and with more force…sending me backwards into a glass sliding door.

I was lying in a pool of my own blood, with glass and snow decorating my still body; I tried to keep my eyes opened…

If I close them, it's all over…

--

Cloud's PoV

You ever see a baby being born? It's probably the most beautiful thing one human being could see. There's a new life, covered in blood, crying for your love. And you, as the parent, could do is hold out your hands and hold the trembling figure in your arms, hushing her weeps.

I guess I could compare the tragedy I was to witness, with the beauty of child birth- there was a girl, covering in blood…crying for my love. Aeris…she couldn't even stand up once she got out of the car. I rushed to her, only to catch her in my arms as she tumbled to the fall. I was kneeling on the floor, cradling Aeris' dying body in my arms, as the blood oozed from the millions of cuts that tore her body into the shreds. The fire next to us roared with anger, sending more power lines to their own death.

"Clou-"blood erupted from her mouth as she attempted to say my name.

"Don't talk," I pushed away some bloody strands of brown hair from her face, "Don't talk, you…you need to save your strength…."

"You're such a dreamer…" her voice trailed off, and her eyes lite up as if she was coming back to me. She looked straight into my eyes, as if looking for an answer to a question she didn't ask…and smiled as if finding exactly what she needed.

"Don't cry Cloud…" she weakly laughed, "don't cry…"

I shook my head as if trying to deny even that- but the tears streaming down my face were hard to cover up, and my mind, so full of pretty words, couldn't mask up the terror and disastrous situation Aeris and I were in...no…I just….I just couldn't understand why I could feel her soul slipping again from me, and no matter how hard I tried- I tried-I couldn't save her…all I could do was sit there on that blood soaked floor and cry for her. All she did was smile and laugh, as if…as if it was all a joke to her.

"Why are you crying," she choked, "are you crying for me?"

I opened my mouth to answer, but words refused to come together for me, and all I could muster out were more weeps.

"It's my fault…"

No it wasn't, it was mine. I wanted to tell her that. I put her life in danger; I allowed this monster called Sephiroth to come after her, wrap his grimy hands around her slim form, and choke the life out of her. I was so blinded…I was so stupid…

"I'm sorry," I finally managed to spit out, "I am so sorry Aeris…"

"I…grew up too fast…so…" her smile faded away… "so I had to…die so young."

She went to sleep…an eternal sleep. I felt her last breath of life exit her body and she became absolutely still. I never knew….people could be this still or this silent. She didn't even look real anymore…she looked like a beautiful statue. The color drained from her cheeks, and the blood finally stopped running…her eyes were closed so softly…but the light, it hit her just right that…she looked like an angel.

"Aeris," I blurted out, "Wake up…?"

But she didn't answer me…

"Come on, this isn't funny anymore." I shook the body. "You have to wake up…you're too young to leave…"

I laid her body in her pool of blood, "You aren't dead, that's impossible." Did it not hit me?

I crawled away from the body, and leaned against my neighbor's house, my eyes never leaving the still form of my friend- my friend who was dead. Dead. "Aeris…"

I heard voices swarm around me; broken cries. I heard a mother pleas for help, I heard a father inhuman scream, I heard neighbors weeping…and I think I head my mother screaming for me. But…no one came near us…it wasn't real. No one could admit that it was. No one could allow themselves to acknowledge what had just happened. A little girl, whose life was just beginning, died in the arms of the "innocent" little boy. These kind of scenes do not happen in these kind of neighborhoods. These kind of scenes, happen below us, in the slums…

So this couldn't have been real.

But it was…

Someone grabbed my shoulder and shook me out of the trance I was in. Half surprised, and half blinded from tears, I jumped up and looked around like a manic for the culprit. The hand, the cold hand grabbed my shoulder again, and swung me around to face him. His scarlet eyes burned into me with pity and anger swirling within them.

"Cloud," he hissed, "Why are you here?"

I shook my head, "what?"

He shook me again, "Reno's in trouble! Do you want to loose someone else you love!"

"Loose?"

I didn't wait for him to answer; my legs knew what to do. I took off, like a bat out of hell…with the risk of running into the arms of my dead boyfriend.

-

Reno's POV

My eyes sprung open, and I was met with the image of someone's ceiling staring down at me. I tried to recall the events that got me into this awkward position, of being in a strangers house, glass shrouded around me, and warm liquid cascading down my head. However, an inhuman scream jolted me from my thoughts, and a sprung up as if I was being attacked. Dizziness overwhelmed me, and I almost hit the floor again…

"Dammit," I grabbed my bloody head, "What's doing on-"

I looked up…too my own despair, and saw I had woken up in the bowels of hell- power lines where cut and swimming on the street, sending sparks to erupt into the sky, and cars were set ablaze by angry arsons. I cautiously walked out the house, stepping on glass covered in my own blood, and looked around my block in disbelief. People were running out of their house, screaming in pain…as windows burst from the flames within the houses. I turned to the right and saw a mother clutch her injured child, while a father- held back by his friends- attempted to run back in the house for his daughter.

"What…" Rude laid on the floor, beaten to a pulp, and breathing harshly, as his car burned near him.

More shattering glass caught my attention, and my eyes laid themselves on Rufus second floor bay window. "Rufus?" Gun shots erupted…and Rufus stumbled back into the window…

He fell for so long….

Glass fell along with him…

It was all in slow motion…he reached for help…he reached for God's help. But he fell…

The crack could be heard from miles away…and drowned out the terrifying scream of the people who witnessed it. The whole word had gone absolutely, fucking, insane.

"Reno!"

And yet, amidst the confusion and fear…his voice seemed so perfect…

I turned to the left…and past the destruction, was my blue eyed boyfriend covered in blood. "Run," I whispered to myself… "Run you fucking idiot just run!"

I ran as fast as I could, despite my legs crying for collapse. I didn't expect to make it into his arms…I was going to fall and never wake up- the world was just so insane, it could have happened…

But the next thing I knew, his arms engulfed me, and I was pressed against his strong chest- sobbing like a child.

And for a second there, I forgot about the hell behind me…


	27. It Was the First Day of My Life

**Authors Note: Sorry for the delay . I had a battle with writers block, not to mention a shit load of essays for my English class (my teacher said I should be an English major because I am a very good writer ) Anyway, I also fell madly in love with a new story I am writing called Nanashi- since it is a My Chemical Romance fanfiction I can't post it on here, but if you want to read it, I will be happy to send you the story via email, or via PM. It's horror story . **

**Oh and I have MSN: Add me and you can harass me for updates XD**

**Anyway, I added a chapter to the story, since I felt like this update was getting to be to long, and I'd rather leave you on the edge of your seat :P Cause I am eval like that. **

**Anyway, Enough with the chitter chatter, on to the update- I hope you guys like it .**

**Chapter 27: This Was the First Day of my Life.**

I don't like hospitals, but I walked through the sliding double doors despite it; don't let anyone tell you I never did anything for him then. The blinding white light hit me like a ton of bricks, and I almost fell back outside. People where hustling and bustling in white suits, checking clipboards as if they had nothing better to do, and running back and forth and up and down stairs. No, it didn't seem normal. It seemed to be the waiting room for death. The thought itself caused me to swallow hard- he was in that maze, somewhere, waiting for me to rescue him.

My father placed a hand on my shoulder, as if to reassure me. "Come on," he said, "Let's ask the lady at the front desk where Reno is."

I nodded my head, and followed him to the woman with un-ceremonial bright red lipstick staining her lips. She didn't seem too happy to see us- probably waiting to get off duty- and rolled her dull gray eyes upon noticing our worried faces.

"Can I help you," she mumbled.

"Can you tell us where Reno Sinclair is?" My dad said sternly, throwing her a vicious look.

She shrugged her shoulders, and began typing- that's when I noticed her tacky long nails that looked like claws. "Reno Sinclair is in room 230, second floor. Are you his father?"

"Let's just say I am his guardian."

She shrugged again, "Whatever."

My father grabbed my shoulder and guided me to the elevator. He had been unnaturally silent since he was forced to retrieve me from the police car. I…I don't remember how I got there, I think I punched someone because they were trying to take Reno away from me- they had to take him to the hospital, but I didn't…I didn't want to let him go. They didn't arrest me for punching….whoever I punched out- too many other issues on their hands- but I don't think my dad was pleased with it anyway. He took me home first, despite my screams to follow Reno, and forced me to change…

I was covered in the blood of two different people…

I sat in front of the mirror for an hour and sobbed…

I didn't want to wash Aeris' blood off me...it was her…I didn't want to let her go.

I did eventually…and mistook the blood going down the drain for my own a couple of times. Though I could tell I was bleeding from my heart.

After I was dressed, I walked downstairs only to fine two cops sitting on my couch, waiting for me to be cleaned up. They had to… "ask" me questions, but it seemed like they were just interrogating me.

"Why were you there?"

"What did you know about the accident?"

"Sephiroth called you, what was your conversation about?"

"What was your relationship with the decease?"

…Decease…like all of a sudden she didn't have a name. She did.

"Her name was Aeris Gainsborough," I growled.

I don't remember what else I said to those cops; all I know is my father eventually ran them out of my house- and told them to stop harassing a poor boy grieving. Was I grieving? I don't remember feeling sad…just knowing I had to be sad.

The elevator door open, revealing a scene much like that of the lobby. More doctors, more nurses, dressed in white and running around like chickens without heads. The other people there were dressed in black, and crying, and with questions no on had the guts to answer. "Why…"

We walked down the hall, my eyes introducing themselves to the pitiful sites of people in pain. I wondered if I looked just like them. So lost…hopeless. I wanted to know what made them so sad, and if it compared to my pain. Ha, how selfish- comparing death now.

Room 230 glared at me…I peered in and didn't see anyone, and looked back at my father.

"Why are you so afraid?" He questioned.

I looked back into the hospital room- at the bed…the monitor, the whiteness. Whiteness.

It seemed so familiar.

"I was here before," I answered, "I was here because of blood."

"Blood?"

"Bloody, everywhere, and people screaming at me…"

That hand came onto my shoulder again, "Cloud, you are just remembering what happened last night."

I shook my head and looked at my father sternly, "That happened last night? It's been a whole twenty-four hours."

He nodded grimly, "Yes Cloud…don't you remember today at all?"

I didn't bother to answer him- he already knew. I blocked out everything that happened after the cops left. Did I even want to remember? Was it that bad? Or was it so pointless I didn't even bother to remember it. Still…how could I forget what happened only hours ago?

Another hand hit my shoulder, only on the other side of my body. I turned and saw the most beautiful green eyes shine against the bright hospital lights. Despite all that had happened, he still managed to look as gorgeous as usual- even with the obnoxious white bandaged wrapped around his head. We stayed in this locked position of awe for an eternity- no one, not even my father, daring to break this stance. Was it that long since I had seen him?

"Hey baby," he laughed painfully, "You have to wake up…"

--

I opened my confused blue eyes once I felt Reno's chapped lips brush against the back of my neck. The morning light attacked my bloodshot eyes causing me to groan at the unwelcome glow. I tried to focus on where I was exactly- what day it was- but my mind refused to indulge me with answers…

"Wake up," Reno sang, "You have places to go, and me to do."

I forced a small smile, and rolled onto my back. I was blessed with the site of his half naked form hovering over my body. We stared at each other for a couple of minutes, as if trying to grasp the fact that we were in fact. I touched his bruised cheek just to make sure he wouldn't disappear suddenly. He winced at the sudden sting of pain, but instantly leaned against my touch, as if silently assuring me he wasn't a dream.

"Hey sleepy head," he murmured, "About time you woke up."

I groaned in protest, "Where am I?"

He laughed sweetly at my confusion, "You're in my room, which is in your house, which is in Staten Island, which is in-"

"Okay okay I get it!" I allowed the hand that was touching his cheek fall back on my bed, signaling my aggravation. "What happened? I can't seem to remember what day it is…"

"You say that everyday…" he pouted, running his fingers through my messy blonde hair, "It's been three days since the accident Cloud…"

I should have been surprised…but some how, I kind of knew. I guess I could just feel that sadness in my heart weigh heavier. I think it was the whole reason why I lost three days of my life…why I couldn't, no matter how hard I tried, remember the events of those days. I couldn't even remember when Reno got back from the hospital. Because I had been waiting for this day, this horrible, horrible day, where I would dress in my finest attire, and surround myself with people who barely knew her. I would stand in line, in front of her so-called best friend, and wait to touch the closed casket.

"It's her funeral today…" I mumbled, turning my head to stare at the door, as if waiting for someone to burst in and tell me it was all a silly joke. But no one would…

"Yeah babe," he kissed my forehead, "It's in an hour, you better get up so we can go."

I didn't want to go. But I knew Reno was going to be stubborn and force me into that funeral home- because it's my "obligation" as her friend. I didn't want to face her family. I didn't want to face her friends. I knew what they said about me behind my back, and too my parent's faces. They blamed me- not Sephiroth. No, the blamed me because I was a "faggot." Because, if I wasn't for my "impure" behavior, she wouldn't have been "tainted" by me, thus never had fallen into the clutches of her real murderer. I don't see the logic, I never saw the logic. It just looked like they were searching for any excuse to blame my homosexuality for all the problems in the neighborhood. I knew they wanted me out…they wanted my family to pack up and move away. They even went so far as stood in front of my house with candles, chanting Christian hymns in an effort to run us out. I never got the logic. I never got why…why I was being blamed by strangers for a death I didn't have anything to do with…

I was already blaming myself enough.

Reno and I laid in the bed for a couple of minutes, before we finally got the strength to drag our asses out of bed and get in the shower. We stood in the shower, the steamy hot water pounding onto our bodies, soothing the aching wounds that covered Reno's frail body. I wrapped my arms around my love, and in turn he buried his face in the crook of my neck.

Despite how comfortable I was, something still boiled in my stomach. Answers, I needed them, as soon as possible. I knew Sephiroth had been silent since the accident, but that didn't mean he was finished with him mission- he was like an active volcano, just waiting for the right moment to destroy every ones lives. I needed to know why, the real reason why, he harbored all this anger towards me and the people in this neighborhood.

And there was only one person who knew…and only one person who could find out….

"Reno…" I hated asking him to do this for me, "I need you to do me a favor…"

"Mmmhmm?" He sang, snaking his arm around my neck.

"I need you to talk to Rufus…about Sephiroth."

"About…why he is doing this to you?" His green eyes glanced at me for a moment- I guess the answer was written across my face, "Okay. I will after the funeral."

I bit my bottom lip, "I don't want you to go…I have to do this alone."

Reno pulled away from me, narrowing his eyes, "What the fuck?"

"Don't take it personally…just…I want to go by myself. While I am at the funeral, you can go to the hospital to visit Rufus."

"I don't-"

"Please...just do this for me."

I could see a smile trying to force it's way past his frown, but he kept up his "I am pissed of at you demeanor" with his arms crossed over his masculine chest, and green eyes narrowed. I smiled weakly at my boyfriend, extending my hand to touch his bruised cheek once again.

"I love you Reno Sin-"

"No…" a sneaky smiled danced along his cheek, "You probably don't remember mister memory lapse, but call me by my real name…"

My mind raced back to the first time I ever laid eyes on him, all the butterflies that had played in my stomach. They had returned, and it was like I was looking at him for the first time.

"I love you Reno Strife…"

He placed a quick peck on my wet lips; his smile growing wider… "I love you too Cloud Strife…"

_And if it wasn't for that…I wouldn't have survived…_

-

I once had a dream that I lived in a world where everyone looked and dressed the same. It was really weird, probably came about from watching too many episodes of the Twilight Zone. Anyway, as I sat my new car, I watched as everyone…dressed in the same black suit, and the same black dress, shuffled into the funeral home. No one spoke, just marched single file, with their hands on their lap and their heads hanging in sadness. A few stood outside and puffed nervously on cigarettes, while exchanging the same tired phrase, "It was the fags fault."

Reno sat in the drivers side (didn't trust myself behind the wheel) wearing his two-hundred dollar channel sunglasses for some ungodly reason. A thousand dark black clouds covered the sky, keeping the bright rays of sunlight hidden- there was no reason to wear sunglasses. I guess he was just afraid of anyone seeing the black eye Yazoo gave him.

"You gonna go," he said, "You better get going- they are probably going to move to the church. You sure you have a ride?"

"Yeah, Cid and Tifa," he mumbled, still watching the zombies walk into the gray funeral home. "Why, why did we have to come all the way to south beach? For this funeral home?"

"Duh," Reno gently punched my shoulder, "The church is right down the street from here."

"Don't see why we had to use Holy Rosary church…"

"Because Aeris' family are bible totting Roman Catholics, and like to make everything difficult. Now are you going to go? Or do I have to drag you out by your hair?"

I threw him a dirty look, which he only countered with a loud cackle. "Sometimes Reno," I smiled, "You can be so-"

"So sexy right?"

I couldn't even find the words to respond to him- he was being his normal psychotic self, and for a second I forgot I was at a funeral. But it was only for a second, and I realized what I had to endure alone- the dead eyes of my friend. I sighed and gave Reno a small kiss goodbye.

"Meet me at her house," I said as I opened the car door, "I love you."

"I love you too, Cloud."

-

I stood in the purple wallpapered lobby of the funeral home, feeling completely out of place suddenly. Yes, I had grown up surrounded by these people, and yet, I felt as if I didn't know any of them, and that they didn't know me. All they knew about me was, I was that "faggot" who ruined the sanity of their beautiful neighborhood. I brought about a disease that would eat their morality, and destroy everything they tried to build. They were no longer secretive about it either- not anymore. They didn't cross the street when they saw me walking on the same side of the sidewalk- no- now they just spat at me, or tripped me.

It was amazing how a school filled with so called "ignorant" people could be more accepting than high class adults.

I scanned the room with my nervous blue eyes, taking note of my neighbor's contorted faces of disgust. I even heard someone say, "What is that fag doing here?" As if me being here was so out of the ordinary…I was her friend, her ex boyfriend…did they all ready forget that? Apparently so.

A man whom I only recognized from Christmas parties approached me, with a scowl plastered on his face. He examined me head to toe- I would have made a snide remark like "are you checking me out?" but I still had some class- and proceeded to narrow his dull brown orbs at me.

"You have a lot of balls," he hissed.

"Actually no, I only have two balls," I retorted- so much for class.

"Don't get smart with me kiddo," he growled, "Do you have any respect for the family? You think they want to see you of all people at their daughter's funeral?"

"And what's wrong with me? What did I do?"

He rolled his eyes, and spoke as if the answer was obvious, "You're a homo. You and that new kid."

"What does my sexuality have to do with paying my respects? Aeris was my friend."

"Her parents are devout Catholics, this is a Catholic funeral home, and this is a Catholic funeral. You are committing a sin against God and this establishment. You are insulting this institution, and her parents. Please, leave."

I noticed a few other cliché Italian guedos decided to surround me.

"Yo, Anthony, this little runt givin' ya problems?" One of the cackled in that annoying Staten Island accent, "Ey you, fag, get the hell outta 'ear."

"Or what? You'll have me sleep with the fishes?"

"No," Anthony said, though I am sure he considered it, "We will throw you out."

I could feel the anger rise like bile. I was tired of the hatred towards me and my family because of what I did in the privacy of my own home. I was tired of people spitting at me, cursing at me, and even physically attacking me. I suffered this, even before she died- but it was pointless to even talk about because it didn't matter. It didn't fucking matter because I wouldn't have to deal with the shit much longer. But they were stopping me from saying goodbye, goodbye to the only woman I could ever say with honesty that I loved. They were treating me…they were treating me worse than the son of a bitch that murdered her in cold blood.

"I still don't understand!" I was shouting now, "What is wrong with you people? All you people? Can't you put you hatred aside for one fucking day? What I do in my fucking bedroom with my husband-"

A hand connected with my face, hard, sending me into a wall with a loud thud. Guess I said something that offended them.

"Husband?" Anthony shouted, "Now you dare laugh at our most sacred institution?"

"No, I don't laugh," I smiled, "I am not here to laugh, I am not even here to start a fight with you, I am here to say goodbye to my best friend."

"We won't allow you," he spat, "you're a sinner, and sinners aren't welcomed here."

My smile grew wider, more insane like, "Really? Then you better leave Anthony- I mean, because sinners aren't allowed right?"

"What are you getting at?"

"Does, 'thou shall not sleep thy neighbors wife mean anything to you?"

The fake tan literally drained from his face, leaving him white as a ghost. I took so much satisfaction in his sudden fear- especially when his neighbor joined in on the fun.

"Susan? Anthony you slept with Susan?" He shouted, grabbing the man in questions collar.

Everyone was suddenly too preoccupied with the new drama going on, to notice I managed to make my escape. Rubbing my bruised cheek I made my way into the room were Aeris' body laid in a brown coffin. I walked into the room that was swarming with people who didn't truly know her, and people who only thought they knew her. The smile I once had quickly disappeared upon witnessing the sad site I saw. People stood corners, looking at their watches as to say, "is this almost over?" Others just sat in the fold out chairs and conversed among themselves. Aeris' father didn't show up- apparently he was back at the house getting ready for the guest. His wife was there, drunk as usual, hanging on to her sister and sobbing uncontrollably. The coffin where Aeris' body laid was closed…

"Closed coffin," I heard a familiar voice announced, "Because her face was pretty messed up."

"It wasn't that bad," I whispered, looking at the person that stood next to me.

I never remembered a moment were Cid was dressed in a suit- but he was for this occasion. He even decided to shave, and leave his hair free of that smelly gel. I silently thanked him for cleaning himself up for this occasion…at least someone besides me respected her…

"Where's Tifa," I asked.

His features softened up a bit…his eyes screaming from some sort of solution to a problem. Then he dropped the bombshell, "She is taking a home pregnancy test…she might be pregnant."

My jaw nearly dropped, "What the- Did you use a-"

"Yes! Of course we did…but she missed her period, and she's been acting weird. So I left her home to take care of Barret's kid, and to take the test."

"Shouldn't you be there to support her?" I winced at the sudden death glare my friend threw at me.

"I support her plenty. And if I knocked 'er up, then I will marry her. The end."

I was about to retort with the fact that his mother and father would never let him marry her, but the priest called us all to make our final goodbyes before we headed to the church, and then the cemetery. I stood still…waiting for someone to go to the casket to say goodbye…for someone to even look at it. There was a little girl in there...but no one moved from their position, not even her sobbing mother.

Cid nudged me, "Ey, you gonna go? Say goodbye to her and crap?"

I stared at the casket for a long time, looking for the words to say to her. Then I remembered the night she died, when I held her in my arms as the pages to her soul began to fly away. I walked her take her last breath…I watched the blood pour out of her.

"I already said goodbye…."

-

I noticed how the number of people began to dwindle as we went to the church and cemetery. Not many stayed for the whole service- most just packed up and left after the Funeral home. I guess they thought showing up for five minutes was enough…they had to get back to their busy lives of sitting in front of the TV watching a football game and cursing at their children.

By the time we bad it to Aeris' house for food and awkward conversation, there was only about twenty people- most being her family. I could feel Cid's eyes on me, as if waiting for me to make some smart ass commentary about how people in our neighborhood are a bunch of fat selfish assholes. I didn't give Cid what he wanted, and after a while he gave up and followed Barret to the buffet.

"Vincent," I turned to my raven haired friend, who was staring at a picture of Aeris, "Why do they serve food at funerals?"

"I guess as a thank you," Vincent shrugged, "Go a head, make a comment about how fat your neighbors are."

I rolled my eyes- I guess I had become predictable, "I am going upstairs…to her room."

"Do what you must Cloud."

I walked up the stairs, making sure no one was watching me…it may have been disrespectful, but I suddenly missed her girly pink room. The hall way was filled with family portraits; fake smiles, and fakes happiness…I noted how fake her family was…

But as fake as they was, she was real.

I walked into the room, and gagged at the amount of pink she owned. It was the girliest room in the history of rooms, and I remember every time I walked in I would say…

"Eck, I am getting a vagina just by being here…"

To which she responded, "Good, maybe then I will have someone to go shopping with."

And somehow we would laugh at out stupidity and proceed to lie on her obnoxiously pink bed…and allow the whole world to pass us by. Her parents would be so drunk sometimes; I would just sleep over…and hold her as her parents fought in the room next to us. She would cry in my arms and begged me to take her away…

I never rescued her. I didn't have the drive I did when Reno laid in my arms and asked me the same thing…I don't know why…I was just never there for her.

And yet she sacrificed her body, our love, to save me from Sephiroth….

And she died for it.

I stood in front of her white vanity…her grandmother gave it to her, she loved it. I would walk into her room sometimes and she would be there doing her makeup...I could still see her doing it. She would smile when I came in, as she applied the last bit of blush. The makeup was now scattered everywhere…opened and dried and crack- much like her now I guess.

A rough knock at the door startled me, snapping me away from my thoughts. I swung around, only to see Reno standing in the doorway, a manila folder clutched in his hand.

"Hey," He said sadly, "Vincent said I would find you here…we have to talk Cloud." He walked towards me, a troubled look plastered on his face.

"You talked to Rufus?" I snaked my arm around his waist, "Everything okay?"

"Cloud, he can't walk…" He murmured sadly, "He is paralyzed from the waist down."

"…Sorry…" What else could I say?

"The only good news is…he was very forthcoming with information…he-he even gave me the proof."

"Would proof be needed," I raised an eyebrow, "What's going on?"

He refused to look into my eyes…he wiggled himself out of my embraced, and walked to the other side of the room. "You aren't going to like this Cloud, honey, you are going to go crazy-"

"What? Just tell me…"

I could sense he didn't really didn't want to tell me- he wanted me to live in ignorance for the rest of my life. He was so conflicted, it was written all over his face- and I began to wonder if what I did was humane…forcing him to uncover my past.

"Cloud," he swallowed his doubt once and for all, and finally told me the horrible news… "Cloud, Sephiroth is your brother."

I suddenly wished, I was dreaming. I closed my eyes and tried to force myself awake, but when I opened them…everything was the same- and what Reno said…what he said…it hung in the room like a dead body. My mind raced with so many broken memories, trying to find the truth to what he said- I suddenly couldn't remember my name….

"Your father," Reno continued, "He had an affair with Sephiroth's mother…she got pregnant…thus you were born."

I shook my head, "No. No that isn't true." But I just knew it was for some reason. Why would anyone lie about that? That of all things? That he was my brother…and he wanted to kill me…

"I need answers…I need I need to see him," I headed for the door, only to have Reno grab my hair.

"Wait, what the fuck?" He shouted, "He killed Aeris and now you want to see him? He could just pull out a gun and shoot you!"

"I know," I mumbled, "I know but I need to know what's going on. I need to know who I am-"

"You're Cloud Strife," He shouted, forcing me to look at him, "You are Cloud Strife! This doesn't change you!"

I stared into his pleading green eyes, really trying to contemplate what to do now…in this situation I was suddenly thrown into. There was only one thing I could do…and I knew it would be putting me in danger. But some things you just have to find out, regardless of the risks involved- and I needed to find out who I was…so I could figure out how I became who I am.

I kissed Reno hard on the lips, "I love you so much baby," I said breathlessly, "I do."

"Just come back okay?" He handed me the manila folder, quickly. He wouldn't let go of my arm though, not for a while. I pleaded with him silently to let me go…to let me do this. He tried to fight back the tears, because he knew if I saw him cry I would stay…and I just couldn't stay- I had to find closure. I gently took his small wrist and pried him off me, and walked out of the room without another word, and without throwing him another glance.

_This was the beginning of the end. For the both of us._


	28. Cloud

Authors Note: Jesus...I honestly can't believe this is almost over. Almost two years I have been writing this story, and now I am down to the last three chapters. I always thought it would never end, but here it as, at the last few parts. I want to just stop and not update so I can hold on to it forever, but I know it has to end. Thank you all for being there...for beginning me to update. Thank you my fans. there's my MSN address add me if you want to keep in touch and get access to my other stories. XxNyCBaByxX is my AIM.

_Chapter 28 _

_Cloud_

It looked like a nightmare. The door to Sephiroth's house was once a stain glass window that stood proudly, shining against the little sun that crept passed the huge trees. Now the door was cracked, dead, no light from within or outside bounced off its broken shards. No one ever noticed this house- this house on the edge of the neighborhood- it was a tall, dark, house, covered by the trees. When Sephiroth moved in, no one noticed- not until he walked outside one day without any shoes on. That's when we discovered the house was owned by a very big Manhattan lawyer and his new wife and step child. That's all we knew about his family- that's all we ever knew. We saw the lawyer once, once, and never again. They never attended parties, they never had people over, hell if it wasn't for the fact that Sephiroth hung out with the us, we would have assumed the whole family was dead. I guess in some ways they were.

I took a breath, and gently knocked on the door…only to have it open on contact. They were probably the only New Yorkers who left their doors unlocked- they weren't afraid of the dangers on the outside…I guess because the danger was on the inside. I knew every fiber of my being was telling me that going in was a bad idea…it was like a bad horror movie when the stupid character goes into the strange house and ends up getting his head busted opened by an axe…but I knew I couldn't get any answers without going to killer himself.

The house on the inside was as dark as it was on the outside. There was not a single light on- only cloudy light seeped into the room through the little windows. There was almost no furniture, just a lot of rugs and pictures that added to the creepiness of the entire place. I stumbled over a small end table that was randomly placed in the hall way. It rattled, shaking a picture frame that had one of those "model family" pictures in it. My eyebrows knitted together as I cautiously took the picture frame and brought it closer- it was a fake family…hell you can even see the Macy's logo on the edge of the picture. That's when I took notice to the other pictures- all different families, all fake families…no pictures of the people who actually lived in this house (if anyone lived there).

I placed the frame back on the end table, and continued down the coffin like hallway I found myself in. I followed some faint rock music that seemed to draw me towards a wooden staircase that was barely standing. I looked up the stair case, trying to see and hear anything out of the ordinary…then a strange melody caught my ear…

I swung around, and saw a sparkling black curtain separating a room that looked like a kitchen…there a saw what looked like a woman. She was sitting in a rocking chair, her back towards me, rocking back and forth with a tune escaping her lips…

"Hush little baby, don't you cry," she whispered hoarsely, "mammas gonna buy you a mocking bird…."

She repeated the line…over and over and over again…as if she was broken record, turning on and on because of some hidden drive to keep going- to keep singing. That song; that song mothers sang to their babies to put them to sleep. That song that meant protection and love…

"Hush little baby, don't you cry, mammas gonna buy you a mocking bird…"

It seemed so dark…

"Excuse me," I foolishly called out, "Is…Sephiroth home?"

The rocking and singing suddenly came to a dramatic halt. A heavy silence overtook the house…and a knot started to form in my stomach. I wanted to run, but I couldn't move if I wanted to- I don't even remember breathing. She turned a little, so I could see her profile through the curtain. The black hair covered her eyes…black hair like the woman in my dream…but I could see…I could see her bright light blue eye stare at me with interest. She was looking right into my soul…

A creaking from upstairs caught my attention, dragging me away from the sight of the woman, and up the stairs. The door that was closes to the stairs was wide open, and I could see the shadow of Sephiroth…

The singing began once again…

I walked up the stairs, keeping a close watch on Sephiroth. We stared into each other's eyes, yellow fury mixed with blue confusion, and he silently assured me he wouldn't attack. I finally made it to the top of the stairs…where we stood only a few feet apart…

I could have killed him…

"Cloud," he said coldly.

"Sephiroth," I responded with an equally cold chill to my voice.

"Come in…" he walked into his room, taking a seat on his bed. I swallowed back the fear that was building in my throat, and without a second thought walked into his room. There I was, face to face with Aeris' murderer, and the man who tried to destroy my entire life.

"Why?" I asked with venom laced in my voice, "Why all of this? Why? Because I'm your brother!"

He sprung up from the bed, and with lighting face speed, was in my face- his yellow eyes burned into my very soul…so filled with rage and hatred. "You…are not my brother," he sneered, "You are just the product of two human's stupidity and sin. You are nothing more than scum."

I could see the resemblance now- we shared the same features, from the way our eyes narrowed, to how our fists clenched ready to fight. We had the same attitude, his was just deadlier. I could see it now; I could see how it was true.

"Regardless…" I hissed, "How did…how did everything end up the way it did?"

He didn't move from his position- but I could see his anger begin to flow violently within him. He was an active volcano, and anything was going to cause him to erupt. But he didn't this time; he calmed down enough to tell me…to tell me my true story. He suppressed his anger, and stomped over to the outside of the room…

He looked outside the window, at the now covered trees that hid his house from the rest of the world. "Once upon a time," he began slowly, "my mother fucked your father a month after she gave birth to me…."

--

Sephiroth's Point of View

My mother and father weren't rich people- they lived in the projects below this neighborhood. My mother told me is was like they were constantly being mocked by the big houses with the big back yards, while they had to sleep in a one bedroom apartment. My father tried his hardest to put food on the table apparently, but without a college education the only job he could get was cleaning up after hours at a deli. My mother decided to help out, and became a cleaning lady for the rich folk- back when her hair was blonde…much like yours. She worked all day and night for anyone who would pay her- they all treated her like a piece of trash, and acted as if they were better than her…

They were the scum, not her- not back then at least.

Even when she was pregnant with me, she tried to work. Well, they forced her to work- called her up and demanded she come in or else they would black list her. Pregnant or not, they didn't care. Except on family…

Derek and Eva Strife, newly weds…they had to be about twenty-two at the time. They were young and naïve…but they were the only people in that place with hearts not yet turned to stone. They took my mother in- made her their exclusive maid. However once they found out she was pregnant, they forced her not to work, and instead go on paid leave. They paid my mother big just to sit at home and take care of the growing child. I guess they sympathized, because Eva couldn't have children due to a car accident a couple of years back. Oh, how kind they were to my mother, especially Mr. Strife. Especially…Mr. Strife. My mother…my mother spent too much time in that neighborhood…and soon her own heart turned into stone. She no longer cared about who she hurt, as long as she got what she wanted. Well she wanted Mr. Strife.

Ha…she gave birth to me on January 13, 1988, and by January 15 she had him in her bed…giving her the best orgasm of her life. I don't know why he was so easily seduced by her- I guess he wanted to know what I real woman felt like. Well, sex always come with consequences, and you where their punishment.

She became pregnant a month after I was born. My father found out- he knew it wasn't his…since you have to have sex to spawn children. She begged him not to leave, and for a while he didn't. She abruptly stopped working at the Strife's residence, and even avoided upper class neighborhoods for the duration of her pregnancy. She neglected me…she ignored my cries for attention. She just swayed back and forth singing that obnoxious song over and over again. Oh she cared about the bastard child that was growing in her more than the little boy that begged and pleaded for love. I was the one bore out of love, not you!

One day, out of no where, my loving, hard working father got fed up with her…and shoved her down the stairs. You didn't die…sadly…instead she went into labor- six months into her pregnancy. A neighbor rushed her to the hospital where she gave birth to a baby boy, two pounds three ounces, on August 13th 1988. Thanks to modern technology and some fucked up miracle, you survived with the help of machines. Of course this costs money…so my mother contacted your father, and demanded he come to the hospital…

Once he saw you…your little barely living body and forked over any money he could to make sure your heart kept beating, and your brain worked fine. He cared about you so much…and you were nothing more than just a curse upon his household.

My father left, resentful, hateful. I never met the man. But he had to be some kind of selfish fuck to abandon his only son.

Your father continued to pay up to ensure his wife never heard of you…or of the affair. Deep down, he was more concerned with preserving his reputation in the neighborhood, than ensuring his son had a good life. He put us up in a better looking apartment, he paid for everything, even groceries, and even occasionally he would visit and bring us toys. But he always paid more attention to you- the sick one. You were so fucking weak Cloud! Couldn't even breathe sometimes…

Once I was able to move, I brought it upon myself to make sure you toughened up. I would hit you, smack you, bit you. And you would whine and scream and cry like a child. Mother would sometimes run in and smack us both, sometimes just me, sometimes just you. Mostly me- she gave you the love, she left me to rot. She had issues this woman…her heart was stone. She loved you because of what you could do for her…

I remember it like it was yesterday, what finally changed everything…

We were three, and mother took us to the part. You were running around trying to play with this little red headed boy, but he kept kissing you and running away. No wonder you a fucking fag.

I knew that behavior was wrong, so I walked up to you, and pushed you on the floor. You scraped your knee and started to cry like a baby again. The stupid wound wasn't even bleeding and yet you cried as if blood was gushing out. That's when some woman with long brown hair came rushing over, bending down to make sure you were okay…

She blew on your wound, soothing it with her motherly instincts. You started to giggle like a little girl, he reached up for her to hold you. You didn't even fucking know her and already you wanted her affection! Didn't you get enough from our mother!

Apparently not…

And she obliged. She scooped you up, while whispering sweet words into your ears. That's when she noticed your big blue eyes and how they resembled her husbands so much. She was only twenty five, but she wasn't an idiot. She put all the pieces to the puzzles together- the missing money, her husband's long "walks", and now the child who looked like him. The next thing she noticed was the bruises mother and I gave you…

Before she could react, mother snatched your frail body out of her hands, screaming random curses at her…

"Jenova," Eva Strife shouted, "What are you doing to him!"

Eva tried to grab you, but my mother used all her strength to push her back against a tree.  
"My son," she yelled, "my boy!"

"No," Eva shook her head, "You won't keep him! Over my dead fucking body!"

It didn't take long, thanks to money and your mothers constant nagging apparently, before lawyers and cops flooded our apartment. Her father ran in like a maniac, searching for you, and only you. Once you saw him, you ran to him, your arms opened wide…begging him to rescue. He did, and walked out with you despite my mother's constant clawing and begging and cursing….

-  
Cloud's POV

"I blocked those memories for years…or I tried too. My mother made sure I knew how hideous and evil the rich were; though within two years we were living in the same neighborhood where she met your father. She told me they were sinful, they were greedy, and they deserved the fire of hell. She beat me with the bible every chance she got, and she forced me to take Karate and kickboxing. She kept telling me about this boy I was supposed to destroy…"

I wanted to puke- so much information being tossed at me, too quickly. And worse of all, oh worse of all, he was right. I was the product of two human's stupid mistake. I was a bastard at the lowest form. I was used for money, to get whatever Jenova, my mother, wanted. I was in the middle of a fierce legal battle between two mothers who desperately wanted me…wanted me for no other reason than what I could give them. I grabbed the wall for support, trying not to faltered, but it was so hard to even stand up.

It explained everything….

"Cloud," Sephiroth snapped, drawing me away from my thoughts, "I have to destroy you…"

"Why," I managed to spit out, "Why me? Why me!"

"Because…" he smiled, "You are everything I hate. You are everything they hate. You are a flipping faggot who tore up a family thanks to his fucking birth, and who lives among people who he hates because THEY, my friend, are everything you hate about yourself! You are the embodiment of my hatred, and you have to be destroyed!"

I clenched my fist, attempting to keep my cool but it was getting harder, "Why Aeris then? What did she do…"

He laughed evilly, "She was just a pawn in the plan. This was all my idea Cloud. Reno, Shinra, Aeris, and even you, were all my little pawns. I control you! I am your fucking God!"

Sephiroth started a wave of cackles, grabbing his stomach and smacking his knee. His eyes glimmered with excitement, happiness…he even tripped over his excitement and fell to the floor, still laughing…still laughing at me. My foolishness…my mistake…my curse…I was too be punished for what society did to me, to him, to us.

"When?" Still clutching the wall, I headed for the door, "When do you want to destroy me?"

"Tomorrow," he cackled, "Six at night…that was the hour you were born…it will be the hour you die."

I glared at him once last time, and though I didn't believe it myself, I hissed, "Don't count on it…"

--

I ran out of the house like a maniac, suddenly feeling like I actually belonged in that dark, horrible, prison. I stumbled along the side walk like a drunk, my mind swirling with a million and one thoughts, and memories that I didn't even know I had. I couldn't make sense of it all- did my parents really love me because I gave them something they couldn't have, or did they love me because it was convenient for them. Most of all, who was I? Was I their son, was I a mistake, was I even real anymore. I suddenly felt this sense of emptiness overwhelm me, along with the sick to my stomach sensation. I wanted to throw up…I wanted to start over….

Fuck I didn't know what the hell a wanted.

I almost just collapsed on the floor, with I felt someone's body collide with mine. Arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me close to the strange body that begged for the same kind of love I needed. I looked down, and saw a forest of red graze against my neck. I almost forgot who the owner of this affection was- then I noticed the ring on my finger…things began to make some sense…

"Reno," I coughed, "Reno I can't breathe."

He quickly pulled away, holding his hands up as if my coldness injured him. He smiled cautiously, looking at me with warm green eyes…attempting to melt my sudden frozen heart. I couldn't do much; I just shook my head and collapsed to my knees…

The weight of the world finally began to suffocate me…and tears sprung from my eyes carelessly, and without any hope of stopping. I felt so weak and powerless against this villain…this villain that shared my blood- my brother…

I could feel his hatred surge through my own body, attacking me relentlessly already, as if to break me down before the actual fight. I couldn't do it, I could feel it. I was a weak little boy who spilled his own blood over break ups, who refused to admit his own flaws for fear of how others would react. I was the hypocrite, I was the people I hated- he was right, he was fucking right about everything…

He knew me…he knew me better than I could ever hope to know myself.

Then a voice called for me through the darkness… "Get the fuck up…" he yelled.

I looked up, puzzled, at my boyfriend…whose eyes were an angry green color. I shook my head, and begged him to just give up…leave me to die. I was nothing, "I am nothing," I couldn't even pick myself up off the floor, "how can I be expected to fight?" I was weak, "I am weak."

His rough hands grabbed my shoulders, and he shook me hard, "Get up you son of a bitch, get the fuck up." I could feel his own soul begin to waver, begin to give up on him. He continued to shake me, to wake me from the darkness that had suddenly taken me over, but all I could do was cry harder.

He finally stopped, and collapsed to his knees with me…he hands cupped my face, and forced my reluctant eyes to look at him. The tears began to swell in his gorgeous green orbs, as his body slowly gave up on him.

"You're my rock," he suddenly said, "I need you to keep me strong. If you fall I will fall. Cloud Strife if you die on me, I will. You can't do this, not yet, not when it's almost over babe." He buried his head in the crook of my neck, grabbing my hand and squeezing it to transfer his strength into me. I could sense the people staring at us all of a sudden, and my eyes danced from our conjoined hands, to the where I thought the people where…but…

All I saw were two little boys playing tag- one with unruly blonde hair, and the other with short red hair, that covered his green eyes.

The bile went away…and replaced with memories that I choose long ago to forget amount…

There was a little boy in this neighborhood…who became my only friend when I had no one else. This little boy called me a cry baby, made fun of me, and when I was really down, he kissed me on the cheek. Of course he didn't know what he was doing- he was just a little three year old, and I was just a silly little boy who needed all the love and support he could get.

Then he left…without a word. I forgot about him because I was three and couldn't hold a memory. That boy…I was holding in my shaking arms as he begged me to be strong…be strong for the both of us.

The little boys playing tag disappeared into the cold wind, blowing away from my sight as quickly as it came. Through my tears and desperation, and smiled against Reno's head, allowing his soft red hair caress my wet face. My fingers played with the little silver ring that decorated his ring finger, twirling it around his finger playfully. I don't know what I was getting at- I think I was having a nervous breakdown or something…but it felt good. It felt like something. I wasn't dead, my body was surging with so many conflicting feelings, but despite that, my smiled remained plastered on my face…

"I'll try," was all I could muster up, "I will try for you, Reno…"

His tears finally stopped flowing, and his body lay calmly in my embrace. The cold wind slapped against our wet faces, and woke us up from the hell we allowed ourselves to be drowned in. I would not dare to say we were okay- hell no- you have to be some kind of insane to do what we did next, but we were strong enough to pick ourselves up from the dirty floor.

We looked into each others bloodshot eyes, suddenly laughing at how pathetic were had become. But it was justifiable. We needed to let it out…I needed to remember…

I needed to remember what I was fighting for: My right to live in this world.


	29. Broken Promises

Two Chapters Left guys , I have to say it's been a nice run.

I dedicate this chapter to my boyfriend Leo, who killed himself on Monday...

Leo: I don't know what happened than made you think taking your life would make everything better, and I wish you would have thought about me, and Drake, and everyone else who cared about you before you ended your life. You were the reason I woke up in the morning...now you're gone. I won't ever see you, speak to you, and hear you say those beautiful words again. I love you so much Leo, and I wished, I hope, you knew that much. I wish I would have seen the signs, as little as they were, and I blame myself for being so wrapped up in college to not give you the attention you deserved. You were too young to go...I give you this chapter because I know how much you loved this story...Words can't express how much I fucking miss you. --I love you still, love Jenni.--

**Chapter 29**

**Broken Promises**

My right to live…would depend on if I had the guts to kill Sephiroth. You would think it would be so easy for me to kill the man that tried to kill me…expose me. You would think I could kill him just for killing my best friend. You would think…but I couldn't even wrap my mind around what I had agreed to do. Could I take a life? Even if that so called life was nothing but a farce? He was dead a long time, Sephiroth. Just a zombie now, driven his mothers own insane thoughts. His mother…my mother. I tried to push that behind me…but it always found a way back in my mind.

I stared out the window, waiting for the time where I would have to meet Sephiroth. Reno was pacing around my room, buttoning up his shirt and putting the finishing touches on his Shinra uniform. He too had a mission- he had to fight Sephiroth's little minions- and hopefully he wouldn't be put in the situation I was in. He could just render them immobile;, I had to make someone cease breathing. But I wouldn't dare say my boyfriend was having an easy time with this. We fought about it last night when I told him- he wanted to help, I said he couldn't. I wasn't going to drag him into this, it would put more strain on me and could result in his own…no I can't even say it. I had to make this sacrifice. I had to leave behind my boyfriend…

I could feel his eyes on me, his breath tangling with my unruly blonde locks, and still I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I had to wipe away any emotion in my heart, to be able to do the deed I was destined to do. You have to be…some kind of monster to willingly kill you brother.

"Look at me," he said coldly, "Look at me."

"You know I can't," I muttered, laying my head on the frosted window.

"I have to go," his breathing became harsh; "I want you to fucking look at me!"

It felt as if someone was squeezing my heart all of a sudden- my emotions wouldn't dry up. I could feel my boyfriend's pain, I could feel it leak into my body and break me down. I wanted to grant him this one wish, but I feared that…if I looked into his eyes I would never walk to my death.

Despite that…I looked at him. The pain became even more real, and like I feared I wanted to stay, or run away…either would be good at that point. I just didn't want to leave him.

"Better," he sighed, "I have to go."

"Okay," I muttered once again, earning a rough look from Reno's side.

"This won't be the last time I see you…"

"We can't be-"

"No, fucking tell me…tell me we will meet back here, in this exact spot when it is all over."

How could I possibly make a promise like that? I swallowed the lump that was growing in my throat, and tried to muster up a cold gaze…only to fail miserably. My eyes wilted to the floor, in fear that if I looked into his depressed face, my touch composer would collapse.

"Promise me Cloud," he said, "Promise me we will see each other."

"I promise, Reno," I sighed, "I promise."

It wasn't like…it would be the first time I ever broke a promise.

He was mildly satisfied, and I forced myself to watch him walk out the door, to face his own demons. Wondering briefly…if that would be my last memory of him, and remembering…I forgot to tell him how much I loved him.

--

I stood in the middle of the cold street waiting for my so called brother to finally show himself. It was a cloudy night tonight, with a cold breeze that sent shivers down my spin. I scanned my block for any sign of life. I was hoping that people would have gone out with their children, but sadly every light on my street was on, save for my house. More casualties for Sephiroth to feast on…more lives I would have to protect save for my own. I nearly threw up at the thought of protecting these vile people, who cursed my name and spat at me. They probably deserved to die…but what kind of human would I be if I allowed that. I would be Sephiroth…and like hell I would ever be like him, I am not a soulless monster.

Footsteps echoed through the quiet street, signing the arrival of my opponent. I turned around and saw Sephiroth a few yards away from me with a sinister smile tattooed to his face.

"Well I'm here," I yelled, "Now what?"

A devious twinkle glimmered in his bright yellow eyes as he advance towards me, slowly. "I am surprised- you would defend people who wish you were dead."

"I'm not just here for them, I am here to make sure you don't hurt anyone anymore."

"Oh? And it's that simple," he stopped, "just appearing here?"

"I have more strength that you think I have," I growled.

"Oh?" He dug into his pocket, revealing a small red lighter.

"Is that supposed to scare me," I laughed.

An evil laughter escaped his lips, "There are gasoline containers hidden in garbage cans and in bushes, with a trail of the said liquid linking each point. Unless you can stop me, I am going burn this place to the grown…"

I began to tremble- all the cockiness I had before quickly drained along with my complexion- and I stood, my face pale as snow, staring at him in disbelief.

"Cloud, I am going to take away everything you've grown to accustom to. I will take away everyone you cherish…and then…I will take away your life. The ending of this story, Cloud, is up to you."

I clenched my hands into a tight first, willing my legs to stay exactly were they stood- I couldn't run…I wanted to run. I wanted to just let this place burn and save myself and Reno. But I couldn't, and I had to realize that…the lives of the people in this neighborhood were in my trembling hands.

A fist suddenly came in contact with my face, and I stumbled…shocked…the floor. Sephiroth's laughter got louder and louder. I quickly jumped to my feet, wiping away the blood that dripped from the corner of my lip. I got my mind together quickly, and rushed the bastard. I swung at him, only to have my bolted fist caught in his hand. He swung me around, almost dislocating my arm, and threw me to the floor again. I attempted to get to my feet, with his feet connected to my ribs, sending me to my back.

His foot came down, attempting to hit my ribs again- a coward's move- but I quickly rolled away before he could connect. With a flash I was on my feet again, and managed to land a punch in his stomach, only have another one of his bellowing fist come in contact with my face.

With fist of fury we fought through the cold night wind. Our blood splattered the floor carelessly, as screams of pain and anguish echoed through the neighborhood. I dully noted how no one dared come out of their warm houses to see what the ruckus was about- it didn't concern them. I pushed foul thoughts my neighbors down in to the darkness of my heart, and used it as fuel to kick the shit out of Sephiroth. For all he has done…for all the pain he caused…he had to pay for it.

Fueled with new anger I charged him once again, tackling him to the ground, and began a relentless assault on his pretty boy face. Blood oozed from his nose and lip, and with every punch I landed the blood splattered on the cold street. I only had him pinned down for a couple of minutes, before he managed to land one of his own punches square in my throat. I rolled off him, gagging for air. As I was stunned Sephiroth the opportunity to grab my shirt and throw me against a random house, holding me in place as he attempted to punch me. I ducked in time, and his fist connected with the cold brick wall. Freed from his grasp, I punched him…hard…in the stomach, and once again in the face. He stumbled backwards…blood erupting from his mouth.

I ran towards him to get another punch, but I noticed the smirk that danced along his bloody face. I attempted to stop, only to slip on a patch of ice conveniently placed in front of me…as I skidded towards him, he punched me again in the face…and again, and again, and again, until I could feel my brain actually rock from the pressure of being hit so many times.

I could feel the black and blue form around my eyes, as blood cascaded from my nose and lip. I stumbled around, dazed and confused suddenly, trying to focus on a blur that I assumed was Sephiroth- turned out to be a "Do Not Park" sign. In my confusion I walked straight in the sign, earning a cackle from Sephiroth's side.

My eyes focused, and I spun around looking for where he had gotten to. That's why my blue eyes landed on him. He revealed the lighter once again, lighting it- and despite the cold wind, the hot flame danced against his finger.

"I should have known, the world can't rely on you."

He threw the light lighter into a bush. In a matter of seconds the bush was engulfed in flames, and sprinkling sparks randomly. The sparks hit the trails of gasoline Sephiroth poured on the sidewalks, sending a wall of fire around the neighborhood. The fire hit cars, and sporadic gasoline containers. The dark night…was now illuminated by the flames of hell that reached the sky.

Once the smoke rose, people began to run of their houses, grabbing their children, and running down the street as the fire chased after them. Screams of terror echoed past the fire, as everyone quickly made their escape…leaving me to burn in hell.

"Don't you see Cloud?" Sephiroth approached me, "They don't care about you, even if you are trying to save their pathetic existence. All they care about is themselves. Not you. They could care less about you. So why are you still fighting for a right they don't deserve."

I watched as the neighbors who tortured me at Aeris' funeral grabbed their children and ran down the block, the fire on their heels. Fear plagued their normally stone cold faces as their eyes seemed to be only focused on getting their children, and themselves, to safety. I saw they were human, they were afraid, like any human would be of death…but something else hit me. I watched as a man ran into a strangers house to rescue her child from the burning the flames that engulfed her house. He emerged with burns along his and bare body- he used his shirt to shield the child from the flames...

Despite all my neighbor's faults, and the faults of humanity, I realized something's were worth protecting. Life.

"You're right they don't care," I announced, "They don't care about me. And who knows, maybe after this they still won't care. They can hate me their entire life. They can resent me for being gay, despite how hard I tried fighting for them, and they can curse me in the street and try to get me to leave. But they can't take away my right to live in this world- no one has that right. Not even you Sephiroth, you don't hold that right in that sniveling, sour, soul of yours. You can't take away my right to live. Every human on this earth is born with the right to make sometimes of themselves. Even though I am treated like a fucking second hand second hand citizen in this place, I will not go quietly into the night and let you or anyone else win this battle that was determined for me when I came out of the closet. I will not die. I will not fall. I will live. I will fucking fight."

I felt hot tears cascade down my face, washing away the dried up blood, "And as long as there is breath in this body of mine, you will not take away my will to fucking walk this world like every body else!"

"Well what are you going to do mister hero!"

"I am not a hero, I am boy-" I laughed despite the tears, and held my head high, "I am man…I am a fucking man…made to fight this battle for myself, and for everyone else who feels like me. I will defeat you…I will show you…"

I charged him, despite the fact he had drawn a small pocket knife. I was ready to kill him…I had to…

--

Reno's POV

I liked how Yazoo and Loz thought they were going to get one over us again. Unluckily for them we were prepared this time, and this time allowed the crazy blonde known as Elena join us. No sooner did the Sephiroth clones get out of their beat up car, did we have the surrounded with guns pointed at their heads. Funny thing was, they weren't exactly guns…more like water guns we spray painted black. But they did the job and the chicken shits where on their knees begging for the lives. We tied them up with chains and threw them back in their car.

The three of us exchanged a laugh, though my mind was plagued with worry over Cloud's wellbeing. He made me promise yesterday, that no matter I heard or saw, I was not to come to his rescue. I felt like an asshole for sitting on the hood of Rude's car, knowing full well my boyfriend…my boyfriend could be in some serious trouble. I felt helpless and weak, and I hated feeling like that. I felt like this was Tseng all over again, and I was going to fall into another nightmare.

I was reliving my Californian tragedy all over again.

All I could do was pray to any God that would listen, that Cloud's life would be spare…I just needed him to be okay.

The click from a gun dragged me from my daunting thoughts, and I sprung to my feet. I was met with the cold blank eyes of Hojo…and the barrel of a gun. He smirked evilly at me, with nothing but sinister thoughts running through that man scientist head of his.

"I knew I should have killed you when I had the chance, you stupid faggot."

I could hear Elena and Rude yelling at me to run…but I couldn't. I was frozen in fear and frustration. All the sanity I had left drained from my body and the only thing I could do…was put on a happy smirk.

"Go a head," I mocked, "Fucking shoot me."

-

Cloud's POV

Sephiroth swung at me with the knife, but I managed to dodge the attack and capture his wrist with my hand. We struggled for control of the knife. I don't remember how I managed to do it, but I grabbed the knife from his grasp, and in a second stabbed him in his cut…

Blood oozed from the wound…and on to my hand. Bright crimson blood that seemed to weird…like I had never seen it before. Instinctively I pulled the knife out of his gut…and he fell to the floor, clutching his stomach in pain. I watched him gag and tremble, as his life quickly left his body. I stumbled back, dropping the blood soaked knife, and just stared as my brother stopped moving…and closed his tortured yellow eyes.

Reno's POV

I heard the gunshot echo through the dense night air…

The small brass bullet hit me…somewhere…my stomach, arm? I couldn't quiet pinpoint it…all I knew was it hurt like a fucking bitch. I collapsed to the floor, blood cascading from where the wound was. The pain was so unbearable, and I grabbed my stomach, feeling the warm liquid dye my hand a horrible shade of red. I squirmed and screamed out in pain.

Another gun shot raced through the air, and I braced myself for my death…

In stead all I head was a gurgle and someone collapsing on the floor. Words swarmed around me- Rude I think was screaming my name, Elena rushed over to me, taking off her jacket to placing it on the wound in my stomach to stop the bleeding. A strangers cold voice said something about getting help…all I could focused on with the blood suffocating me…

I opened my tightly shut eyes and saw him…saw Tseng…looking at me from a distance. My angel of death had finally come to retrieve me…

"No," I coughed, blood leaking onto my face, "No I am not ready to die. I can't die."

"Reno you are going to be alright!" Elena shouted.

"I made a promise I can't die…I can't die…"

I wasn't ready to die…

Cloud's POV

How strange…it started to rain. Not a cold rain…it was warm and comforting in a way. The rain chased away the boiling fire from the houses that still stood. It cleansed me. I felt renewed somehow, cleared of all the sins I had ever committed in my life. I could be born again, live again, a better person despite what I had just done. I could feel Aeris and Zack surround me, their comforting arms wrapped around my bruised body, healing me.

Everything was silent…

BANG!

A bullet hit me…through my shoulder, sending blood and human tissue on to the wet floor. I clutched the wound, the blood oozing way to fast…I was starting to get light headed. I turned slightly and saw Sephiroth, holding a gun, and smirking. His last breath was wasted on trying to kill me…he was truly a determined boy…

I only managed to take one step, before the lost of blood finally took its toll on my worn out body. I collapsed to my knees…I looked up to the raining sky, as it now cried for me…my life…

And all I could say was, "I'm sorry Reno…" before darkness and cold street enveloped me.


	30. With The Blood on Your Hands, Romeo

Authors Note: Yes this story will be finished by tonight. I am writing the last chapter as I type this. It was a good run, I really loved this story with all my heart. But all good things must come to an end right? I am sure this won't be the last you see of me- but I have decided to move on from fanfictions. The last fanfiction I am writing is Four Reasons Why Love Doesn't Work, and Nanashi. I have decided to go on to become an original fiction writer...I will set up links in my profile for the stories that are coming up from me so if you still want to see my work you can. Uh Four Reasons Why Love doesn't work is on I urge you guys to read it- it's FF7. It isn't yaoi, it's straight fiction. Just me and my loser friend leaving out our dream to bang Cloud and Reno hahaha I kid I kid it's a good story. Once again my MSN is So add me!!! And my aim is XxNyCBaByxX. And Email is So keep in touch, harass me, get links to stories, all that sexiful stuff. I also have a account as CherrySodaGirl...I will be trying to post more of my stories on that one.

And I'd like that than you all for your kind words- it made me feel a lot better than I was feeling for the last two days. So thanks.

Here is the second to last chapter. Enjoy!

**Chapter 30**

**With the Blood on Your Hands, Romeo**

I was laying in a pool of water it seemed…but I wasn't wet, I was completely comfortable- as if I was sleeping in my bed. I could hear the swoosh of water as people moved about me. Footsteps- they echoed in my ear- seemed distant and at the same time, I could feel people walking next to me. I tried to open my eyes, by bright lights blinded me, and I quickly snapped them shut. The light was painful, hot, unlike the water that eased me back to a comfortable state. I tried to figure out if I was dead…and if this was some kind of level of hell.

Voices swirled around me, giving me a painful headache all of a sudden. This had to be hell, I could feel pain. Someone, or something, ran their thin fingers through my hair. I jerked away from the touch out of instinct, only to earn a laugh from the culprit. Another presence made itself known…it bent down next to me and placed it's hand on my chest- right over my heart.

"Oh," it said with a chuckle, "I can feel his heartbeat."

The other one laughed, "Oh no, seems like he isn't ready."

"Cloud Strife, always in a rush."

"Better get back home- some people are waiting for you to wake up."

The water disappeared, the footsteps stopped their echoing, and I felt like I was actually in a bed- an uncomfortable bed. I tried to open my eyes again, only to find the painful light still shining brightly in my face. I groaned and closed them tightly again, to keep the light from leaking in and poisoning my eyes. I didn't know if I wanted to go to sleep or force myself to call for help. I didn't even know where I was anymore- if I was still on the street waiting for all my blood to leave my body, or in some hospital on life support. After I collapsed, everything was just…dark…

"Argh fucker I have to pee like you don't even know," a familiar voice shouted. My brain juggled the voice, trying to look for the person who owned the harshly sweet tone.

"Then why don't you go?" a much cooler voice responded to the other.

"I kind of can't…he won't let go of my hand. He is holding it for dear life, like I'm going away or something. Come on blondie, wake the fuck up, Reno has to do a number one before I pee on top of ya!"

Oh…right…he owns that voice. That voice I used to hate, but somehow grown to love as much as him. My mind started to process what was going on around me. I must be in a hospital- yes I can hear the footsteps and the dead voices of nurses and doctors who work too long. The bright, painful light, from the hospitals white walls and white sheets and white, blank, atmosphere. And those voices…Reno and Vincent…

"He isn't waking up," Reno sighed, "He's gonna wake up right? I mean, he wasn't shot nearly as bad as me- just in his shoulder."

"You're both lucky to be alive," Vincent scolded.

"Yeah I guess we are…"

A tense silence killed the room suddenly- as if something was going unspoken. I could finally feel Reno's hand in mine, his thumb rubbing against my index finger slowly. I just had to will myself to wake up so I could see that pretty face of his…

But all my body did was release his hand from my grasp, and allowed him the freedom he needed.

"Ha! I knew he could here me!"

"Well now are you going to use the restroom finally?"

"…Nah…I don't have to go anymore."

I heard someone arise from a chair and walking further and further away from me. "Well, I have to get going, Elena needs me."

"I'll call you if this fucker wakes up."

More rustling, coming from the red head, he was moving away from me. That's when my body finally reacted to what my brain was screaming. I forced myself awake, my body jolted to a sitting position- as if I had awoken from a bad dream. Instantly a jolt of pain came from my arm, and I fell back on to the bed- clutching the burning arm with my hand.

"Hey hey hey," Reno cooed, caressing my face with his hand, surprisingly easing away the pain coming from my arm, "Bought time you woke up. It's been a fucking week."

"I've been out for a week," I groaned, "What happened?"

"A lot of shit happened. Most of the houses burned down thanks to Sephiroth. Hojo is dead. Vincent cut his hair-"

"No no," I shook my head, "What happened with Sephiroth?"

His eyebrows knitted together, and he quickly pulled his eyes away from my confused blue orbs. "Well, that's…that's a little iffy."

No, I had to have killed him- it wasn't possible that he was still alive. I mean, I stabbed him in the gut…I watched him take his last breath….

"Iffy," I snapped, "what do you mean?"

He closed his green orbs, trying to search his mind for the proper words to tell me the news, "Cloud, they never found his body- all they found was a trail of blood leading to an empty parking space. We think he had someone help him leave. Everyone is on high alert right now…"

I had failed…I tried with all my soul to rid the world of that sociopath, and all I got in return was a busted shoulder and the guilt of failure. If he was alive, he could come back at any time, finish the job…throw this whole horrible place in hell. He was that powerful…he wasn't a boy, or a man, or even human- humans you can kill. I couldn't kill him. You can't kill the devil can you? All I could do was hope that Sephiroth was either dead in a ditch, or became some born-again Christian and leave me alone. But where has hope ever gotten me?

I guess it has gotten me this far right? I'm alive at least. Reno's alive. Everything was going to be okay I guess.

"Cloud, I love you," Reno smiled- still not looking in my eyes. Something in my stomach told me something was seriously…seriously wrong. He wasn't looking at me. He was hiding something.

"Reno…" I called to him, "Reno Strife, look at me."

"I am," he laughed sadly, "I am."

"No you are looking at my stomach, look at me right now."

Reno didn't listen; he instead closed his eyes and laughed painfully. He gripped the white sheets, as if the news he was too tell me was too painful for is own body to bare. He shoot his head and kept mumbling over and over again how much he loved me, and how much being with me changed his life…

"You saved my life, babe," he whispered hoarsely, "and if we were just a couple of years older, nothing would matter. No one could touch us. Everything would have been okay."

"Reno," I whimpered, "Just tell me honey…"

"I have to go away for a little while-"

Someone…it felt like…someone took a knife and stabbed me in the heart. I thought a breaking heart was just a metaphor, I think it could actually happen. I felt my heart die that day.

"My parents want to send me someplace," I laughed painfully, "To try to curve my inappropriate behavior I guess. You mom and dad tried to fight to get legal guardianship over me, but…your dad only has so much influence in this place, and the courts basically laughed in his face- said he was promoting bad behavior."

"When do you leave," I managed to choke out (someone had to have been strangling me).

Once again he stopped talking…and my heart broke faster. I don't even think he needed to tell me, it was written across his face. Life just wasn't fair in the end. Life is built with the suffering of others. I had fought so hard, no…we had fought so hard to stay together in this world, and just like that he had to go. A little while he said? What bullshit. A little while means nothing. A Little while is just a lie, a white lie he built in his little head to shield me from the pain of the truth. I wanted to truth, and at the same time, I just wanted to live in ignorance. Ignorance is bliss right? Turns out that too was a lie.

He finally got the courage to look into my contorted blue eyes, mixed with fear, sadness and anger. As he stared, trying to make sense of my own confused mind, I tried to think of ways I could keep him with me. But the legal system, it was always going to be against us. He was a minor; he was still under his parent's rule. Our so called "marriage" didn't mean anything- just a drunken night where we flashed our fake IDs to some Justice of the peace and told him to give us one of those Civil Unions. I can't remember that night, but I knew if I had, if I could, it would have been the happiest moment of my life. Sadly that's beside the point. There was nothing I could to keep him with me. He had to do what his parents said…even if his parents were attempting to strip him of his personality.

It should be considered child abuse what his parent's were asking.

"I have to go now," he whispered against my lips- the pain in his voice traveling to my heart and added to my own pain. I wanted to cry, sob, and beg him to stop…to stay.

"No," I shook my head, "No, you can't go…you can't go that isn't fair. That isn't how things are supposed to work. You have to stay- I fought too hard for you."

"I'll come back," he smiled through the pain, "I'll come back and everything will be alright. I promise."

He placed a light kiss against my lips- painful, sad kiss…the worse kiss I've ever received in my life. It was something so final…so definite. A farewell kiss instead of a see you later kiss. A tortured, painful, kiss. But it was from him, so it meant something. It was still drenched in love...like always.

He reluctantly pulled away, and pushed himself off the bed- I could see the pain in his eyes twinkle from the horrible gunshot in his stomach. He looked at me one last time, with tears threatening to fall from his beautiful green orbs. Reno started for the door…

"Reno wait!" I called out. He quickly turned around. "Reno, I don't want the memory of you walking out that door…"

Reno stared at me for a good ten seconds, contemplating something I couldn't read on his face. He swallowed back the pain…and said his final words to me: "Then close your eyes…"

And that was the ending of our tragedy…Reno walking out of my life.


	31. The End

**Chapter 31: The End**

"It's a sad ending," my mother whispered as she read the last line to my story…our story…

"Well, it was a sad life. A sad year," I countered.

"Cloud, he is coming back," she tried to assure me, "You just can't give up…"

"It has been three months mother, I doubt it."

She rose from my bed, "That's the problem with you- you think just because it seems impossible it is. I thought Reno taught you better than that." She took her leave from my room, leaving me to dwell alone in the darkness of my mind, wishing to god I could get rid of the pain that continually torments me these sleepless six months.

I had pretty much given up on the fact that Reno was going to come back- I knew back then in the hospital bed that he was never going to return. Why continue assuming that somehow, someway, he would be back in my arms? Six months, six long tearful months waiting for him to walk through that door, with that smirk on his face, and that glint in his eyes. He wasn't coming back, and the sooner everyone got over that simple fact, the sooner I would be able to move on.

Question was…did I even want to move on?

Could I ever possibly love again? After I had been with perfection?

I suddenly felt physically ill. Thinking about this tragedy was suffocating me, trapping me in a state of denial and depression. I had to get out of my house…I had to get some air before I died.

-

A lot had changed in the six months I locked myself away from people- not so much physically, but mentally. Most of the houses were able to be rebuilt, but a lot of the old neighbors left, leaving room for more people to enter this vile place. Too my surprise, people from all walks of life decided to try their hand at upper class Staten Island life. We had a multiracial couple move in, an Indian family and even…haha…a homosexual couple. Two guys, Jared and Gerard. They had a little boy named Frankie who liked to run out on the front lawn in his diaper. Even though I was happy for them, that they were able to find acceptance in this place, to see them together made my heart break…

That could have been Reno and I…

Things have changed for my friends as well. Luckily for Cid, Tifa wasn't pregnant. However, that didn't stop him from getting on his knees and asking her to marry him. I told him he was making a mistake- but I knew I only said that because I was jealous. The ring on my left finger meant nothing anymore. Barret has already been getting offers from colleges- and senior year hasn't even started yet. Despite his responsibilities at him, his mother is urging him to go to college and make something for himself. He is thinking of staying some what local; Maybe Rutgers in New Jersey. Vincent Valentine chopped off that mess of hair to short, spiked up, black hair- he said he grew his hair out to mourn Lucretia, but now it was time to move on. He and Elena still go out, but I don't see a future between those two- Elena is fucking insufferable.

Speaking of Shinra, they finally disbanded. Rufus Shinra said he owes a large debt to society, and now donates most of his time speaking to junior high kids about the dangers of gangs and hatred towards others. He changed most of all I think. Rude still wears his sunglasses like they are attached to his head, and he still refuses to speak to anyone…but he has silently become Rufus' personal body guard. Perfect job for him I think.

I walked past the empty lot the once held the church Aeris and I used to hang out it, where Zack and I had our first kiss. The tore it down and plan on building more ugly semi-attached houses that Staten Island is sadly infamous for. The lot was cleared- the pond and flowers were destroyed. And all that was left was brown grass and broken dreams. It was the final realization that Aeris and Zack were truly dead…and that the hope in the flowers were truly gone. My sanctuary…gone.

I walked amongst the brown, dead, grass, and tried to get back that feel of happiness. I almost felt as dead as the grass. I didn't want to feel this dead…but it's hard when a part of you has died.

I sat in the middle of the lot, cringing at the sound of cracking grass. I closed my blue orbs, and allowed the warm August breeze caress my face. The wind enveloped me once again in that feeling of comfort I had long for. I could almost feel the multicolored flowers surround me. A false sense of hope? Or maybe the most real thing I have felt in a long time. My heart started to repair itself…

Now I guess it was the perfect time…

"Cloud Strife…" my named traveled through the air, carried by that voice I had begged God to send me…that voice that brought me to tears the moment I it reached my ears. I didn't want to turn around, in fear that I was only dreaming again- I couldn't disappoint myself.

But I had to know…I had to.

I turned…the light glimmered off him perfectly, almost giving him the wings of an angel. He had that smirk, that annoying know-it-all smirk plastered on his face…as if he fucking knew he was right all along.

"Sorry," he said, "I kind of got lost. You know me; I have no sense of direction."

I was practically heaving to keep myself from sobbing like a child, "Reno, is that you?"

I rolled his beautiful green eyes at me- oh god how I have missed that. "No, it's God. I have come to tell you that there is no hell. Duh! Of course it's me…"

I kept screaming at myself to get up…to get up and fucking move- run to him before he disappears. With a mental push, and ran with all my might, and engulfed him in a tight hug- making sure he had not room to leave. I buried my face in his unruly red hair, taking in that musty scent of Axe cologne that he seemed to be drenched in. His arms snaked around my waist; his hands clung to my shirt for deal life…

"I missed you," I sobbed uncontrollably, "You fucking jerk!"

"I know," he laughed, "I missed you too…"

He was real, not a figment of my over active imagination. Reno had come back, just like everyone said. Just like he said…even if it took six fucking months of loneliness, I got him back. Back in my arms where he belongs…I never felt happier than I did…and all I could do was cry like a child whose toy was stolen. And that snob Reno, all he could do in response was laugh in my chest to hide his own will to cry. Everything that had been weighing me down was finally lifted…and I was free.

A brush of brown hair caught my eye…and my head jolted up…scanning the street for the owner of that soft brown hair…the only person it could be…

On the sidewalk, standing as if nothing was Aeris…looking at me with a smile on her face…

"See," she said, "I told you…everything would be all right…" She slowly turned away from me- her message clear- and walked into a blinding white light that engulfed her.

"You're right," I mumbled, a smile growing on my face, "Everything will be alright…

"I'm finally free…"

The End.


End file.
